May/June BED Conversation Thread
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The scale is not my friend either. We don't have a good relationship. Regardless of the number, the experience is emotional. And for me, negative emotions as well as positive ones can send me spiraling downward. When the scale tells me something I want to hear, I get excited/proud/happy/encouraged, and my brain doesn't want to allow me to feel those emotions, so I eat. When the scale tells me something I don't like, I get upset/angry/hopeless/annoyed/frustrated, and my brain doesn't want to have to bear those emotions, so I eat.
So if I developed an ED as a defense mechanism against feeling negative emotions, why is it that I also experience the behavior when I have positive emotions? I have my theories but I'd love to hear what you think. I know I'm not alone with this.0 -
Why can't I just be normal? Why can't I eat just one cookie? Why in the world do I think I need to eat all of them? I'm far from starving... I get so tired of battling this.0
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good question, why..............wish I knew. I have heard that it is a spot in the brain that has a malfunctioning turn off switch......I just have to find a way around it or trick it somehow0
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Why can't I just be normal? Why can't I eat just one cookie? Why in the world do I think I need to eat all of them? I'm far from starving... I get so tired of battling this.
We all feel this way at times. Once you accept that this is something you will always have to be mindful of you will not feel this way, hopefully anyways.0 -
Hopped on a scale today. Not the one I usually weigh on, but it would seem I've gained 15 lbs - which would put me within 5lbs of my starting weight a year and a half ago. Why this surprises me, I'm not sure. It depresses me, makes me feel like giving up and just eating what I want anyway, since I feel happier that way. I will admit that the happiness is only temporary. But I need to get out of this rut, it's not a healthy place to be. But hey, at least my boobs are back - lost a bunch of weight from them last time.0
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Why can't I just be normal? Why can't I eat just one cookie? Why in the world do I think I need to eat all of them? I'm far from starving... I get so tired of battling this.
Exactly this! It absoutly baffles me how people can have only one cookie, or only one donut and be satisfied because I have *never* felt that - to me, having just one seems so abnormal! It is a true struggle! It is a feeling I want to understand but I doubt I ever will.
I had been doing good for the last couple of weeks. Overeating, yes, but not true binging. I had been craving my usual things but I refused to buy them because I knew that there is never "just one." Finally I caved in yesterday and bought the ingredients to make cookies. I never make cookies, just the dough. Ate it all in about an hour.
I find the next few days always to be the hardest. I see that I failed then have the overwhelming "why even try, I'll never succeed" feeling and spend the next couple days on a binge streak... anybody else feel that way too?0 -
Right! Binges always seem to show up and hang out for more than one day. It's so hard to get back on track after something like that.0
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Hi guys, my name is Kaila and I just joined the group. I'm excited to find a "live" group of people to share this with. I've been living with this since high school, but I can actually trace my first real big binge to a few months after my husband died. I was miserable and went to Walmart for 2 boxes of cookies. I mindlessly stuffed them into my mouth. As many as could fit. It's been about 2 years of severe binging. I just checked my calorie stats for the past 90 days and it seems I have binge about 1-2 times a week. I'm sitting here, thirsty, but too full to drink anything. Wondering how this started, and how to fix it.0
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Oh my goodness.... I never thought I would find another person who felt this way. It's like my brain doesn't know how to handle emotions of any sort. When I get good news, or feel great, I eat. When I feel bad or lonely, I EAT!!!0
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Kalla , Welcome. We are here, many of us have been fighting this "thing" for years. For me it is like any other addiction I have to get myself away from the cookie isle. One store that I often stop at when I am dog tired from a stressful day is Walgrens. It is sick I know I can't control myself if I buy the cookies but I say 'screw it " and get them. This doesn't happen so much anymore. I really try hard to keep in mind my goal and acknowledge that one binge does make a difference. I wish you success in this voyage and hope you will come to this thread when in need of BED conversation. Richie0
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Hi Everyone. Welcome new people! :flowerforyou:
Checking in ~ I'm doing pretty good overall. Been logging my food even binges. Diary is open if anyone wants to know what my recent damage was. Had a rough few days but feeling much more control since yesterday.0 -
good for you. I need to blow my own horn. Went to a taco buffet. all you can eat......I only ate one:happy: So happy, and proud that I just conversed , ate slow.........wow I thought , look at me I am in control. :blushing: baby steps always. Richie0
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Glad you are feeling more in control be mod.
It is really strong of you to log binges.
Rich, so impressed! Great job!
Buffets are my weakness too (...what isn't a weakness, lol). Buffets are my weakness... a combo of food love and there is a strong "frugal" (to be nice) mentality in my family so I've always had the "I must stuff myself to get my moneys worth" feeling.
Anybody else have that too?0 -
My gosh! Yes! If I go to a buffet, I'm always thinking "Would I really pay that much money for just an egg roll, some green beans and a little rice?" NO. So, guess I'd better go get another plate. Ridiculous.Glad you are feeling more in control be mod. It is really strong of you to log binges.
Rich, so impressed! Great job!
Buffets are my weakness too (...what isn't a weakness, lol). Buffets are my weakness... a combo of food love and there is a strong "frugal" (to be nice) mentality in my family so I've always had the "I must stuff myself to get my moneys worth" feeling.
Anybody else have that too?
I would also like to congratulate Richie on his successful trip to the buffet. Way to go 0 -
Control at a buffet? WOW!!! :flowerforyou: WTG Richie :drinker:
My downfall at a buffet is because of the combination of *getting money's worth (and then some)* and *not wanting to feel deprived* - Unfortunately this leads me to ignoring my natural hunger, ignoring what I know to be healthy, ignoring the fact that I can get the same type of food any other day if I really want to...oh I just ignore everything and focus on stuffing myself with mounds of delicious food. Also, if my dinner companion(s) are indulging, it would be really hard for me to ignore that temptation too.
I avoid buffets.
Last time I was at a buffet it was pretty disastrous. It was Thanksgiving last year (I think this is a new tradition unfortunately), and about 10 of my family members met at a buffet for a meal. My wise mind was no where to be found that day.0 -
Thanks for your support and for cheering me on you guys. :smooched:
I had another good food day yesterday. What a freaking trigger at 9:30 though! :noway: And now I have to confront her about it, which is embarrasing but I know I have to in order to avoid it in the future and to make her aware of how it affected me. My sister calls to say hello. I'm in bed, all tucked in and relaxed, playing w/ my puzzle magazine, nearly asleep...I shouldn't have even answered the phone. But I did. My sister is well aware of my issues with ED, and she's also well aware that after 9pm is my worst time. I know I can't possibly expect other people to remember this, but for someone so close to me, I feel the need to remind her. I don't blame her. This is my issue. However I need those that are close to me to be more sensitive to my ED issues when they talk to me about treat food they are having and I'm not getting any of after 9pm. She called to say hi on her way home from getting a big old to-go container of Gelato with several flavors in it. Really? You had to tell me that? I know she didn't think anything of it, and until I bring it to her attention she is not even going to realize how it made me felt. And then I feel so stupid for even having to admit that I can't hear about someone else having a treat without it triggering me. I felt so weak. Thank goodness I don't have any treat food around the house right now, because it would have been gone! I tried so hard to just go to sleep, and was able to after a handful of dried cranberries.
(I do have cinnamon hard candies in the cupboard, but I don't really like them that much, so won't eat more than a couple. I bought them on purpose so that I have a little something sweet and not want another). Do y'all have any foods like that? Something you like to keep on hand to curb a craving instead of escalating it? I tried hard mint candy too, but apparently I like those too much.
Last January I had to have a similar conversation with my mother, it was about her giving me large quantities of chocolate in gift form for Xmas. Her intentions were innocent. She knows I would enjoy the stuff. But I didn't want to admit that I'm not strong enough to have an entire 1lb box of super yummy mint meltaways, and thin mints, and some other chocolatey cookie things that were in a coffee basket, in my possession. Not even for one day. I thought, oh I'll just take them to work. Nope, they didn't even make it through the weekend. So to avoid this in the future, I asked my Mom not to buy me sweets as gifts anymore. It was so embarrassing and uncomfortable. But then again, recovery isn't easy.0 -
On a day you wake up insatiable, it sure is hard to tell if you're really hungry or if a binge feeling is coming on, isn't it? I used to get so mad at myself on days that I just felt so hungry from the moment I wake up until after lunch time. Like, what the heck is wrong with me? I ate breakfast. I ate a snack. It's not even close to lunch time...why am I so hungry? I can't be hungry, nobody is this hungry for real, it's gotta be emotions...so what to do, what to do....restrict? eat? restrict? eat? - I am soooo done with restriction. I have spent over 2 yrs trying to figure out my hunger signals. And you know what? Sometimes I'm just really hungry. And I need to be okay with allowing myself to eat - nothing worrying if I'm gonna have "enough" calories left for the rest of the day. If I go over 2000 (ish - I really don't think there is a 'magic' number of calories I should consume each and every day, some days are higher, some lower), oh well. I was hungry and that's that.
For example it is 10:30am today, I've already consumed 800 calories and I really am still hungry looking for the next thing. I've got a tall glass of water next to me that I've refilled several times, I know I'm a wee dehydrated from last night's workout. I have noticed this pattern for the last 3 weeks that I've worked with the trainer. Seems like the next day I'm very hungry in the early hours. I used to get mad because I thought it was my lack of will power, but really it just makes sense that my body wants more fuel.
For those who are curious, I do not integrate the calories I burn from exercise into my daily calorie allotment. I do much better listening to my body's signals and eating according to them. I found that when I used to do 'diets' where I'd eat back burned calories, I'd eat them just to eat them because my brain thought that was the right thing to do, but my body is what should be making those decisions.
2 years ago I had no clue what hunger felt like. I would almost never allow myself to get to that point to see what it felt like. So how was my body supposed to use its cues to determine fuel needs? It couldn't. It was something I've had to re-learn. And I still have times where I can't tell the difference - but wow what a difference!0 -
Good job Diane on listening to your body and re-learning real hunger. I have to do this too. You are right when you workout hard your body wants and needs re-fueling. I know on days I do Leslie Sansone Dvd's I do OK with a normal breakfast and snack but on days I go to gym and get in weights and do a lot of cardio. I can easily eat a lot before noon and still be really hungry. What I have done to help with not eating as much is to pack in my protien early in the day and eat lighter as the day goes on. I used to feel guilty but not anymore because as long as I eat OK the rest of the day I am good. I just have to get in the protien with a good mix of carbs. I also found eating a light snack before working out helps also.On a day you wake up insatiable, it sure is hard to tell if you're really hungry or if a binge feeling is coming on, isn't it? I used to get so mad at myself on days that I just felt so hungry from the moment I wake up until after lunch time. Like, what the heck is wrong with me? I ate breakfast. I ate a snack. It's not even close to lunch time...why am I so hungry? I can't be hungry, nobody is this hungry for real, it's gotta be emotions...so what to do, what to do....restrict? eat? restrict? eat? - I am soooo done with restriction. I have spent over 2 yrs trying to figure out my hunger signals. And you know what? Sometimes I'm just really hungry. And I need to be okay with allowing myself to eat - nothing worrying if I'm gonna have "enough" calories left for the rest of the day. If I go over 2000 (ish - I really don't think there is a 'magic' number of calories I should consume each and every day, some days are higher, some lower), oh well. I was hungry and that's that.
For example it is 10:30am today, I've already consumed 800 calories and I really am still hungry looking for the next thing. I've got a tall glass of water next to me that I've refilled several times, I know I'm a wee dehydrated from last night's workout. I have noticed this pattern for the last 3 weeks that I've worked with the trainer. Seems like the next day I'm very hungry in the early hours. I used to get mad because I thought it was my lack of will power, but really it just makes sense that my body wants more fuel.
2 years ago I had no clue what hunger felt like. I would almost never allow myself to get to that point to see what it felt like. So how was my body supposed to use its cues to determine fuel needs? It couldn't. It was something I've had to re-learn. And I still have times where I can't tell the difference - but wow what a difference!
Thanks again for sharing!:flowerforyou:0 -
I found I was doing this on WW and just this week I stopped caculating the points for my exercise because I found I was eating them back when I was not hungry at all. I was eating them back just because I had them to eat back. So Saturday I decided no more even caculationg activity points for me.For those who are curious, I do not integrate the calories I burn from exercise into my daily calorie allotment. I do much better listening to my body's signals and eating according to them. I found that when I used to do 'diets' where I'd eat back burned calories, I'd eat them just to eat them because my brain thought that was the right thing to do, but my body is what should be making those decisions.0 -
I have been doing well since I last posted. I have not binged at all and I haven't been eating crap either. Last week, I actually ate very little, but I wasn't restricting. My very close friend's father passed away unexpectedly and between being very sad and being there and helping out the family, I didn't eat much. This week has been good though. The husband & I have been cooking our meals so I've had fish and grilled chicken and salads and I've been having cucumbers and yogurts as snacks.
And I just feel better. I've really been trying to drink more water everyday and I think between that and the not eating crap, my body appreciates it. I'm actually able to wake up in the morning when my alarm goes off instead of snoozing 50 times.
And, I haven't weighed myself this week, but I think I lost some weight. My pants seem a bit bigger around the waist and my gut doesn't seem to stick out as far. Like, my boobs actually may stick out farther than my gut for the first time in years!
My husband's mom is coming in this weekend so I know we will be going out to dinner a lot. But that's ok. I can get something not so healthy as long as I don't bing too.0 -
Lovely to read your success Unicorn, congrats on having such a great couple of weeks! You're right, your body is loving the good healthy foods! Boobs sticking out farther than belly - oh do I know that measurement! LOL I'm finally there too where my boobs stick out farther. My best friend and I joke about this all the time because she is the same way too. :-)0
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Congrats on the successes!
I believe I'm actually getting better... just now I was at the grocery store and even though I went with intention to buy a box of magnum ice bars... I came back with a bar of 75% dark chocolate, and ate just one square! I've been working so hard for flat stomach, I'm not going to ruin it every time I get a magnum craving (double caramel is my doom!) Aaand yesterday I knew we were making pizza for dinner, so I ate very lightly the whole day and actually was very little over my cal goal which made me very happy
Keep going, lovelies, we can do it!!0 -
Lilith, that is a fantastic success. Very cool! 0
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All pre-logged for the day! I have just gotten back into working out. I don't want to ruin my hard work by eating crap just because it's there. I have been reminding myself all week that FOOD IS FUEL. I also joined eMeals, which I highly highly HIGHLY recommend. Basically, you choose a plan based on store and any special dietary considerations (portion control, low fat, low carb, or just regular) and it will create a shopping list and recipes to make for dinner all week. I did the low carb one just because I eat a lot of carbs during the day and for dessert, so I figured I'd save a few at dinner :ohwell: I was so sick of buying all this healthy food and having it go to waste just because I don't have the time/energy to plan anything. I made the most amazing spinach and cheese chicken bake last night, and my fiance could not stop raving about it! It's $5 a month to get a menu for the week. Seems odd to pay to have someone else plan your meals for you, but I am telling you that this is a God-send for me!
Let me tell you, it is VERY empowering to have a plan in place to make sure that all of your healthy food is used up and consumed. I went to bed with a feeling of well-being. I used to stray away from "meal plans" because restrictions and "rules" freak me out and bring out my inner rebel that causes me to binge. But with this plan I was able to cross things off the list that I didn't like. I am making turkey burgers tonight and I can't wait. The recipes are so simple and it's great to have well-balanced meals. Aaaah I just can't say enough about how awesome it is!!!
On Saturday I will be doing the Warrior Dash so I am planning on having an "intuitive eating" day. We will see how that goes! School starts again on May 21. Sorry I haven't been checking in...this past semester was rough, but I managed to get As in both classes. (For those who don't know me, I work full time and am going part-time for a master's in Public Administration). I am proud to say I did NOT gain any weight this past semester, but I know I could lose more. My plan is to eat for 1/2 pound of loss a week and try my best, but no negative self-talk if I have a bad day. I graduate in December and I am giving myself until then to lose 7 pounds. Yes, I am going slow on purpose!!! Habits aren't built in a day, and I am planning on keeping it off for life. I am giving my body a chance to adjust to a "new normal" and it is absolutely wonderful. I mean, I was 200 pounds this time last year!! I am now 157 pounds!! Good grief, I need to give my body time to adjust!
Be well everyone!!! :flowerforyou:0 -
Congrats on the successes!
I believe I'm actually getting better... just now I was at the grocery store and even though I went with intention to buy a box of magnum ice bars... I came back with a bar of 75% dark chocolate, and ate just one square! I've been working so hard for flat stomach, I'm not going to ruin it every time I get a magnum craving (double caramel is my doom!) Aaand yesterday I knew we were making pizza for dinner, so I ate very lightly the whole day and actually was very little over my cal goal which made me very happy
Keep going, lovelies, we can do it!!
I gotta stay away from those Magnum double caramels!!! Great job on the dark chocolate, I love that stuff!0 -
Well, I've gone to the EDI in Fargo, and I'm doing outpatient therapy right now. It's going well. I apologize for being gone so long. It's been a rough few months. anyway, that's my update.0
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Well, I've gone to the EDI in Fargo, and I'm doing outpatient therapy right now. It's going well. I apologize for being gone so long. It's been a rough few months. anyway, that's my update.
How exciting! Can't wait to hear about what they're teaching you!0 -
Well, I've gone to the EDI in Fargo, and I'm doing outpatient therapy right now. It's going well. I apologize for being gone so long. It's been a rough few months. anyway, that's my update.
Good for you! EDI can be very intense indeed.0 -
Do you guys ever find that a binge can just keep going for a few days? I seem to do that very frequently
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Do you guys ever find that a binge can just keep going for a few days? I seem to do that very frequently
Unfortunately yes, and for me the worse the behavior is, the harder it is to find my way back to healthy. I will binge on any type of food, I don't have specific ones, but it is my preference that they contain a lot of sugar. The feeling of sugar high + fullness = don't have to feel emotions. The higher sugar content binges and my pancreas do not see eye to eye. My body will burn all that refined sugar and just want more and more. So now in addition to binge feelings, my body is working against me because it is lacking satiety. My worst binge time is the evening, specifically after 9pm. I often find that the next morning I'm still craving sugar pretty badly. If I can't find a way to get past that, I will generally continue to eat unhealthily. I have learned lots of strategies to accomplish this over the past 2 yrs, but sometimes no matter what I do I can't shake it off. Practice, practice, practice. If it is a weekend and I don't have to go anywhere I will honestly just go back to bed. I don't binge or crave sugar when I'm asleep, right? But that isn't very healthy either, my body doesn't like to oversleep as much as my brain. I have to work real hard at forcing myself to eat protein, veggies and grains, and NOT sugary stuff (even fruit sometimes can be a trigger for me) to bring my blood sugar back down and to stave off the sugar cravings. Then I can start thinking clearly again and start listening to my body's natural hunger again. This is so hard to do on the weekends. I'm a very structure oriented person (I'm willing to bet we all are), and when it's back to work on Monday the bingeing stops-nearly always. Hate to have to wait until Monday to gain control again, but it makes getting back to work for the week that much better.0
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