Sexual Chemistry...

jbella99

This past weekend I did something I have never done in my life..... I was going to my sister's Stagette in a town that's about 2 hours from where I live. My sister is quite a bit younger than me and so are her friends so I had a crazy i dea to open a dating profile on POF stating I was going to be in town on saturday night and was looking to hang out.

I posted this ad on wednesday last week by thursday night I had an overwhelming amount of emails ranging from coffee dates to full on let's get naked offers. I started talking to this one guy and we had some serious online chemistry. We chatted all day Thursday and Friday until I left for my sisters. We had arranged to go for coffee on friday night and see if this online chemistry translated into Physical chemistry before he decided to come out on saturday night with me to the Jack & Jill stag at a local club.

From the second I got in the car I knew we had the chemistry and so did he. We chatted for a bit and one thing led to another.. I don't do this sort of thing ever!!! Anyway, He's a paramedic and got called into work on saturday and couldn't get anyone to cover for him. He thought he could sneak away after midnight but it was a crazy night and he was out on calls all night. I know what you're thinking, but I did hear of a number of accidents and such. We were texting all evening and he was saying he was so mad he couldn't get away.

It's now Thursday and I have chatted to him everyday almost constantly all day since. Most of our conversations revolve around sex. Not that I mind AT ALL. but I am wondering if this is to continue did I completely ruin any chance of it getting to a serious level by giving it up too early??? Can a guy be completely into you sexually and not in any other way?? Is it just the fact that we are so far away and all we can is chat that it's so hot?

Advice anyone??

JThomas61

Sounds like a hookup, a booty call, don't be sad when it doesn't develop into something more.

AnnaPixie

Are you in America?? If so, from a previous thread I've read on here, the guys over there are pretty judgmental about that type of thing?

If it was here, I'd say he's a horny beast that will keep you around to savour each other OR that it could end in marraige!! Who knows!!! Just dont pin your hat on it !! :flowerforyou:

NNAhuja

Is it possible for a guy to want you solely for "wham bam thank you ma'am" and nothing more? Yes. Did giving it up on the first date hurt your chances for something more? I'd say yes. You want to make a guy work for it. The more you work for something the more you value it. Is it possible you guys could end up happily ever after? Rarely, but it does happen. One of my good friends in SC nailed a guy she met on myspeace (yes no joke like 6-7 years ago). They are now happily married.

scapez

There's probably a 1% chance it could develop into something serious...but it sounds like you're straight up booty call material for him.

UsedToBeHusky

It could develop into more, but I wouldn't hold out the hope for it. I say if he is still talking to you in a month, maybe casually bring up the possibility of a long-distance relationship. If he balks at that, then fvck him!

TheKitsune6

If all he does it use you as a booty call from here on out then that's all he was looking for in the first place - odds are you didn't ruin chances of anything. Honestly, I've never met a single guy worth his weight in salt that has honestly believed that if you meet someone, talk, really hit it off and then have sex that she's obviously not relationship material. I've heard that said about girls met in bars and hit on for ten minutes before going to the bathroom for sex.

It's also not uncommon for guys to use the dating scene to get a booty call. But like I said - if that's what he was looking for to begin with that was nothing to ruin.

The mentality of not giving it up on the first date because then he won't "respect" you is created by people with an abstinence only education personality and for some reason a bunch of people have given in to it. I'm not saying it bad to not have sex - but it's pure and utter fantasy that a guy "respects" a woman that holds out for the sake of holding out. In fact, I would question the mentality of a guy who did believe that.

kerrymh

Enjoy the chemistry but keep it at that..don't let your emotions get involved because all he wants is likely a FWB...and if you are ok with that then go for it have a blast but don't get attached. You'll regret it if you do. But seriously have fun. I kind of wish I was in your place lol

Carl01

Can a guy be completely into you sexually and not in any other way?? Is it just the fact that we are so far away and all we can is chat that it's so hot?

Yes.

jbella99

I am not getting attached or thinking it's even what I want. I am just wondering what your opinions are? I had no intention of starting a FWB thing with someone so far away. I figured it would fizzle now that I gave it up (so to speak) but he is the one messaging me all day long. He even called me from work on his break tuesday and this morning I got a nice long email saying how sorry he was that we didn't talk yesterday cuz he was so busy at work. I can't say that I mind cuz like I said the chemistry is phenomenal it's like we've known each other forever not just a week.

scapez

The mentality of not giving it up on the first date because then he won't "respect" you is created by people with an abstinence only education personality and for some reason a bunch of people have given in to it.

I respectfully disagree. I believe that you *should* hold out for awhile, especially if you're seeing someone that you're genuinely interested in and would like to develop a meaningful relationship with. What is wrong with determining if you're compatible as people as well as emotionally before taking that next step? Why should there be so much importance on determining sexual compatibility first? And how much does that rushed sexual compatibility count towards determining ultimate compatibility when you're strangers - both acting on sexual impulses and nothing else?

And no, I'm not of the abstinence only mindset, just a slightly more conservative one than what seems to be the norm now.

jenbit

The mentality of not giving it up on the first date because then he won't "respect" you is created by people with an abstinence only education personality and for some reason a bunch of people have given in to it.

I respectfully disagree. I believe that you *should* hold out for awhile, especially if you're seeing someone that you're genuinely interested in and would like to develop a meaningful relationship with. What is wrong with determining if you're compatible as people as well as emotionally before taking that next step? Why should there be so much importance on determining sexual compatibility first? And how much does that rushed sexual compatibility count towards determining ultimate compatibility when you're strangers - both acting on sexual impulses and nothing else?

And no, I'm not of the abstinence only mindset, just a slightly more conservative one than what seems to be the norm now.

To play devils advocate here... What if you do wait and you find that your compatible in alot of ways. then you have sex and its bad I mean really really bad , what then do you stay with the person or do you end up out the door. Opinions please?

(BTW this happened to someone I know)

UsedToBeHusky

The mentality of not giving it up on the first date because then he won't "respect" you is created by people with an abstinence only education personality and for some reason a bunch of people have given in to it.

I respectfully disagree. I believe that you *should* hold out for awhile, especially if you're seeing someone that you're genuinely interested in and would like to develop a meaningful relationship with. What is wrong with determining if you're compatible as people as well as emotionally before taking that next step? Why should there be so much importance on determining sexual compatibility first? And how much does that rushed sexual compatibility count towards determining ultimate compatibility when you're strangers - both acting on sexual impulses and nothing else?

And no, I'm not of the abstinence only mindset, just a slightly more conservative one than what seems to be the norm now.

To play devils advocate here... What if you do wait and you find that your compatible in alot of ways. then you have sex and its bad I mean really really bad , what then do you stay with the person or do you end up out the door. Opinions please?

(BTW this happened to someone I know)

My problem with this is what page is the other person on. I have known men that literally have a "3 date" rule, meaning that if they haven't gotten sex by the third date, then they lose interest. Other men might not be seriously interested if the woman doesn't hold out on sex. Very rarely will people discuss these types of issues early on during the dating process so how does anyone know what the other person is looking for.

jbella99

The mentality of not giving it up on the first date because then he won't "respect" you is created by people with an abstinence only education personality and for some reason a bunch of people have given in to it.

I respectfully disagree. I believe that you *should* hold out for awhile, especially if you're seeing someone that you're genuinely interested in and would like to develop a meaningful relationship with. What is wrong with determining if you're compatible as people as well as emotionally before taking that next step? Why should there be so much importance on determining sexual compatibility first? And how much does that rushed sexual compatibility count towards determining ultimate compatibility when you're strangers - both acting on sexual impulses and nothing else?

And no, I'm not of the abstinence only mindset, just a slightly more conservative one than what seems to be the norm now.

To play devils advocate here... What if you do wait and you find that your compatible in alot of ways. then you have sex and its bad I mean really really bad , what then do you stay with the person or do you end up out the door. Opinions please?

(BTW this happened to someone I know)

I don't think I could stay long term with a guy I didn't have an amazing sexual chemistry with so it's extremely important to me...

slay0r

The mentality of not giving it up on the first date because then he won't "respect" you is created by people with an abstinence only education personality and for some reason a bunch of people have given in to it.

I respectfully disagree. I believe that you *should* hold out for awhile, especially if you're seeing someone that you're genuinely interested in and would like to develop a meaningful relationship with. What is wrong with determining if you're compatible as people as well as emotionally before taking that next step? Why should there be so much importance on determining sexual compatibility first? And how much does that rushed sexual compatibility count towards determining ultimate compatibility when you're strangers - both acting on sexual impulses and nothing else?

And no, I'm not of the abstinence only mindset, just a slightly more conservative one than what seems to be the norm now.

To play devils advocate here... What if you do wait and you find that your compatible in alot of ways. then you have sex and its bad I mean really really bad , what then do you stay with the person or do you end up out the door. Opinions please?

(BTW this happened to someone I know)

Dealbreaker. I'd be out the door in a second.

scapez

To play devils advocate here... What if you do wait and you find that your compatible in alot of ways. then you have sex and its bad I mean really really bad , what then do you stay with the person or do you end up out the door. Opinions please?

I'm not saying sexual compatibility isn't important, only that I like to base that on a emotional connection that's already in development. IMO emotional compatibility is more important than (simply) sexual compatibility. I'm sure that you can have the emotions and feelings and yet the physical side of things might not be all that great, but I have a tough time imagining that as for me, the sexual side of a relationship is the physical manifestation of the emotions/feelings I have for that person. I've never been in that kind of situation, so it's hard to imagine what I would do if faced with it.

jbella99

To play devils advocate here... What if you do wait and you find that your compatible in alot of ways. then you have sex and its bad I mean really really bad , what then do you stay with the person or do you end up out the door. Opinions please?

I'm not saying sexual compatibility isn't important, only that I like to base that on a emotional connection that's already in development. IMO emotional compatibility is more important than (simply) sexual compatibility. I'm sure that you can have the emotions and feelings and yet the physical side of things might not be all that great, but I have a tough time imagining that as for me, the sexual side of a relationship is the physical manifestation of the emotions/feelings I have for that person. I've never been in that kind of situation, so it's hard to imagine what I would do if faced with it.

Oh it happens and it happens the other way around too.

ItsCasey

The mentality of not giving it up on the first date because then he won't "respect" you is created by people with an abstinence only education personality and for some reason a bunch of people have given in to it.

I respectfully disagree. I believe that you *should* hold out for awhile, especially if you're seeing someone that you're genuinely interested in and would like to develop a meaningful relationship with. What is wrong with determining if you're compatible as people as well as emotionally before taking that next step? Why should there be so much importance on determining sexual compatibility first? And how much does that rushed sexual compatibility count towards determining ultimate compatibility when you're strangers - both acting on sexual impulses and nothing else?

And no, I'm not of the abstinence only mindset, just a slightly more conservative one than what seems to be the norm now.

Completely agree with this. I personally don't believe in the sexual compatibility argument (at very least, I don't understand why this is more important than mental and emotional compatibility). If you love someone and are sexually functional, you will figure it out. It may not happen immediately. It may take some time to learn each other's bodies, what works and what doesn't, etc., but you'll get there if you care enough to make the effort. It's the instant gratification, "we must have mind-blowing sex right now or you're not worth my time" mindset that is the problem

As perfectly said above, great sex on the first date certainly does not guarantee that you're going to want to be in the same room with that person a month from now for any reason other than having sex. So why put so much stock in that?

_SpeshK_

The mentality of not giving it up on the first date because then he won't "respect" you is created by people with an abstinence only education personality and for some reason a bunch of people have given in to it.

I respectfully disagree. I believe that you *should* hold out for awhile, especially if you're seeing someone that you're genuinely interested in and would like to develop a meaningful relationship with. What is wrong with determining if you're compatible as people as well as emotionally before taking that next step? Why should there be so much importance on determining sexual compatibility first? And how much does that rushed sexual compatibility count towards determining ultimate compatibility when you're strangers - both acting on sexual impulses and nothing else?

And no, I'm not of the abstinence only mindset, just a slightly more conservative one than what seems to be the norm now.

Completely agree with this. I personally don't believe in the sexual compatibility argument (at very least, I don't understand why this is more important than mental and emotional compatibility). If you love someone and are sexually functional, you will figure it out. It may not happen immediately. It may take some time to learn each other's bodies, what works and what doesn't, etc., but you'll get there if you care enough to make the effort. It's the instant gratification, "we must have mind-blowing sex right now or you're not worth my time" mindset that is the problem

As perfectly said above, great sex on the first date certainly does not guarantee that you're going to want to be in the same room with that person a month from now for any reason other than having sex. So why put so much stock in that?

I totally agree with all this. And I don't think it needs any additions. Perfectly said. Just want to reiterate

Roadie2000

The mentality of not giving it up on the first date because then he won't "respect" you is created by people with an abstinence only education personality and for some reason a bunch of people have given in to it.

I respectfully disagree. I believe that you *should* hold out for awhile, especially if you're seeing someone that you're genuinely interested in and would like to develop a meaningful relationship with. What is wrong with determining if you're compatible as people as well as emotionally before taking that next step? Why should there be so much importance on determining sexual compatibility first? And how much does that rushed sexual compatibility count towards determining ultimate compatibility when you're strangers - both acting on sexual impulses and nothing else?

And no, I'm not of the abstinence only mindset, just a slightly more conservative one than what seems to be the norm now.

Eh, if I'm not sexually compatible with someone I'd rather find out before we develop a deep meaningful relationship. Been there, wasn't fun. Delaying it can be just as bad a rushing it. Just do it when it feels right. When you're having sex with someone you're still getting to know part of them, and it's a very big part. As long as you do it safely neither person will have many regrets.

JThomas61

All I want to know is who is making me a sammich?

jbella99

All I want to know is who is making me a sammich?

Ham or Turkey??

Daisy_Cutter

Eh, if I'm not sexually compatible with someone I'd rather find out before we develop a deep meaningful relationship. Been there, wasn't fun. Delaying it can be just as bad a rushing it. Just do it when it feels right. When you're having sex with someone you're still getting to know part of them, and it's a very big part. As long as you do it safely neither person will have many regrets.

I agree with this. I was NOT sexually compatible with my ex husband. I stuck it out for 10-1/2 years and the incompatibility ended up ruining our marriage. I used to think any two people that loved each other could work out the sex. Not true as far as my past experience as shown me. People have to be on the same page as to what they find erotic and satisfying... if you're not, it's just a recipe for disaster.

flimflamfloz

I personally don't believe in the sexual compatibility argument (at very least, I don't understand why this is more important than mental and emotional compatibility).

It's not more, not less important than mental or emotional compatibility. Or equally important if you prefer.
So why not have sex early on then? Why favour emotional compatibility?

By the way you should have a rough idea of your emotional compatibility if you end up in bed with someone, since I would assume you have at least spent a few hours talking if you reach this stage. Whereas after talking for, say for argument's sake, 20 hours, you have still no idea of your sexual compatibility yet.

So anyway, why not have sex early on...
Is it because you don't like sex?
Is it because you pride yourself in having as few partners as possible?
Is it because you fear you're going to be emotionally involved as soon as you have sex with someone, despite your own desires?
Do you think men, at the end of the "deed", will laugh at you and run away?
I genuinely don't understand.

It's the instant gratification, "we must have mind-blowing sex right now or you're not worth my time" mindset that is the problem

If I take a dump on you during sex because I'm scatophiliac (I'm not... as far as I'm aware :laugh: ), I hardly doubt you will ever find sex mind blowing (assuming you are not yourself), even given sufficient time.
Mind you, you might learn to enjoy it.

As perfectly said above, great sex on the first date certainly does not guarantee that you're going to want to be in the same room with that person a month from now for any reason other than having sex. So why put so much stock in that?

So... What's wrong (again) with pleasure (and pleasant sex, I would assume if you're still seeing him in a month)? Are you trying to live the most displeasing life you can?

Prahasaurus

As perfectly said above, great sex on the first date certainly does not guarantee that you're going to want to be in the same room with that person a month from now for any reason other than having sex. So why put so much stock in that?

Exactly right. In fact, from my experience, the sex is rarely bad the first time. Or the second and third time. It's usually around the three month mark that things stagnate a bit. And then if your relationship is only built on sexual chemistry, good luck.

It really depends on the people here. I can't speak for the women. Or any particular guy. But in general (yes, this is a total generalization), men will not typically look at you as a serious wife or long term gf possibility when you hook up over the internet and sleep together the first night. Of course, perhaps that's not what you're after, anyway.

On the other hand, they probably would look at you as someone they will enjoy seeing over the next few weekends, until it gets old, or someone else comes along. After all, the next adventure is only a click away.

--Prahasaurus

Prahasaurus

If I take a dump on you during sex because I'm scatophiliac (I'm not... as far as I'm aware :laugh: ), I hardly doubt you will ever find sex mind blowing (assuming you are not yourself), even given sufficient time.
Mind you, you might learn to enjoy it.

Finally explains your profile pic.

flimflamfloz

If I take a dump on you during sex because I'm scatophiliac (I'm not... as far as I'm aware :laugh: ), I hardly doubt you will ever find sex mind blowing (assuming you are not yourself), even given sufficient time.
Mind you, you might learn to enjoy it.

Finally explains your profile pic.

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: No need to post in the other topic about profile pics then! :drinker:

scapez

Are you trying to live the most displeasing life you can?

There have been a lot of posts from both opinions (sex right away/wait for sex) and so far it has gone civilly. Please continue to keep it that way.

scapez

All I want to know is who is making me a sammich?

No sammiches unless there's an emotional connection!!!! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

UsedToBeHusky

All I want to know is who is making me a sammich?

See. I told you that you were hungry.

mrmanmeat

Most guys are a "wham bam thank you ma'am" mentality anyways, not sure why they act like sexual chemistry is important.