Sexual Chemistry...
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All I want to know is who is making me a sammich?
Ham or Turkey??0 -
Eh, if I'm not sexually compatible with someone I'd rather find out before we develop a deep meaningful relationship. Been there, wasn't fun. Delaying it can be just as bad a rushing it. Just do it when it feels right. When you're having sex with someone you're still getting to know part of them, and it's a very big part. As long as you do it safely neither person will have many regrets.
I agree with this. I was NOT sexually compatible with my ex husband. I stuck it out for 10-1/2 years and the incompatibility ended up ruining our marriage. I used to think any two people that loved each other could work out the sex. Not true as far as my past experience as shown me. People have to be on the same page as to what they find erotic and satisfying... if you're not, it's just a recipe for disaster.0 -
It's not more, not less important than mental or emotional compatibility. Or equally important if you prefer.I personally don't believe in the sexual compatibility argument (at very least, I don't understand why this is more important than mental and emotional compatibility).
So why not have sex early on then? Why favour emotional compatibility?
By the way you should have a rough idea of your emotional compatibility if you end up in bed with someone, since I would assume you have at least spent a few hours talking if you reach this stage. Whereas after talking for, say for argument's sake, 20 hours, you have still no idea of your sexual compatibility yet.
So anyway, why not have sex early on...
Is it because you don't like sex?
Is it because you pride yourself in having as few partners as possible?
Is it because you fear you're going to be emotionally involved as soon as you have sex with someone, despite your own desires?
Do you think men, at the end of the "deed", will laugh at you and run away?
I genuinely don't understand.
If I take a dump on you during sex because I'm scatophiliac (I'm not... as far as I'm aware :laugh: ), I hardly doubt you will ever find sex mind blowing (assuming you are not yourself), even given sufficient time.It's the instant gratification, "we must have mind-blowing sex right now or you're not worth my time" mindset that is the problem
Mind you, you might learn to enjoy it.
So... What's wrong (again) with pleasure (and pleasant sex, I would assume if you're still seeing him in a month)? Are you trying to live the most displeasing life you can?As perfectly said above, great sex on the first date certainly does not guarantee that you're going to want to be in the same room with that person a month from now for any reason other than having sex. So why put so much stock in that?0 -
As perfectly said above, great sex on the first date certainly does not guarantee that you're going to want to be in the same room with that person a month from now for any reason other than having sex. So why put so much stock in that?
Exactly right. In fact, from my experience, the sex is rarely bad the first time. Or the second and third time. It's usually around the three month mark that things stagnate a bit. And then if your relationship is only built on sexual chemistry, good luck.
It really depends on the people here. I can't speak for the women. Or any particular guy. But in general (yes, this is a total generalization), men will not typically look at you as a serious wife or long term gf possibility when you hook up over the internet and sleep together the first night. Of course, perhaps that's not what you're after, anyway.
On the other hand, they probably would look at you as someone they will enjoy seeing over the next few weekends, until it gets old, or someone else comes along. After all, the next adventure is only a click away.
--Prahasaurus0 -
If I take a dump on you during sex because I'm scatophiliac (I'm not... as far as I'm aware :laugh: ), I hardly doubt you will ever find sex mind blowing (assuming you are not yourself), even given sufficient time.
Mind you, you might learn to enjoy it.
Finally explains your profile pic.0 -
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: No need to post in the other topic about profile pics then! :drinker:
Finally explains your profile pic.If I take a dump on you during sex because I'm scatophiliac (I'm not... as far as I'm aware :laugh: ), I hardly doubt you will ever find sex mind blowing (assuming you are not yourself), even given sufficient time.
Mind you, you might learn to enjoy it.0 -
Are you trying to live the most displeasing life you can?
There have been a lot of posts from both opinions (sex right away/wait for sex) and so far it has gone civilly. Please continue to keep it that way.0 -
All I want to know is who is making me a sammich?
No sammiches unless there's an emotional connection!!!! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
All I want to know is who is making me a sammich?
See. I told you that you were hungry.0 -
Most guys are a "wham bam thank you ma'am" mentality anyways, not sure why they act like sexual chemistry is important.0
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Eh, if I'm not sexually compatible with someone I'd rather find out before we develop a deep meaningful relationship. Been there, wasn't fun. Delaying it can be just as bad a rushing it. Just do it when it feels right. When you're having sex with someone you're still getting to know part of them, and it's a very big part. As long as you do it safely neither person will have many regrets.
I agree with this. I was NOT sexually compatible with my ex husband. I stuck it out for 10-1/2 years and the incompatibility ended up ruining our marriage. I used to think any two people that loved each other could work out the sex. Not true as far as my past experience as shown me. People have to be on the same page as to what they find erotic and satisfying... if you're not, it's just a recipe for disaster.
Yep this my ex and I .... 16 years still didn't make it any better0 -
Most guys are a "wham bam thank you ma'am" mentality anyways, not sure why they act like sexual chemistry is important.
See I am one that is not that way (maybe because I so rarely get any :ohwell: ) but prefer to make sure the lady gets all her wants first.0 -
Actually that was a genuine question, following the reasoning:
There have been a lot of posts from both opinions (sex right away/wait for sex) and so far it has gone civilly. Please continue to keep it that way.Are you trying to live the most displeasing life you can?
sex => pleasure (well most of the time, I hope at least)
So... Why wait? Why limit your pleasure in life basically... I'm sure people who wait do this for a reason, just don't know why.0 -
Not according to my ex gf
I respectfully disagree. I believe that you *should* hold out for awhile, especially if you're seeing someone that you're genuinely interested in and would like to develop a meaningful relationship with. What is wrong with determining if you're compatible as people as well as emotionally before taking that next step? Why should there be so much importance on determining sexual compatibility first? And how much does that rushed sexual compatibility count towards determining ultimate compatibility when you're strangers - both acting on sexual impulses and nothing else?The mentality of not giving it up on the first date because then he won't "respect" you is created by people with an abstinence only education personality and for some reason a bunch of people have given in to it.
And no, I'm not of the abstinence only mindset, just a slightly more conservative one than what seems to be the norm now.
Completely agree with this. I personally don't believe in the sexual compatibility argument (at very least, I don't understand why this is more important than mental and emotional compatibility). If you love someone and are sexually functional, you will figure it out. It may not happen immediately. It may take some time to learn each other's bodies, what works and what doesn't, etc., but you'll get there if you care enough to make the effort. It's the instant gratification, "we must have mind-blowing sex right now or you're not worth my time" mindset that is the problem
As perfectly said above, great sex on the first date certainly does not guarantee that you're going to want to be in the same room with that person a month from now for any reason other than having sex. So why put so much stock in that?
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I respectfully disagree. I believe that you *should* hold out for awhile, especially if you're seeing someone that you're genuinely interested in and would like to develop a meaningful relationship with. What is wrong with determining if you're compatible as people as well as emotionally before taking that next step? Why should there be so much importance on determining sexual compatibility first? And how much does that rushed sexual compatibility count towards determining ultimate compatibility when you're strangers - both acting on sexual impulses and nothing else?The mentality of not giving it up on the first date because then he won't "respect" you is created by people with an abstinence only education personality and for some reason a bunch of people have given in to it.
And no, I'm not of the abstinence only mindset, just a slightly more conservative one than what seems to be the norm now.
You can respectfully disagree, but you took one thing I said and took it completely out of context, which is totally unfair. The rest of that paragraph is as follows:I'm not saying it bad to not have sex - but it's pure and utter fantasy that a guy "respects" a woman that holds out for the sake of holding out. In fact, I would question the mentality of a guy who did believe that.
If you want to hold out because you want to develop a real relationship first then that's awesome, kudo's to you. What I was commenting on was the fantasy created that causes women to say "I want to sleep with him because we really hit it off, but then he'll think I'm a slut and he won't respect me". Holding out, for the sake of holding out.
I never said one should or should not be more important than the other. That's entirely up to the individual to determine. You are making a very broad statement when you say that it's rushing sexual compatibility, or that it's acting on nothing but sexual impulse. But if you got on a date, you spend hours talking, you find out you really really like the person and then you spend the night that's not JUST sexual impulse. Sure in a few months you may end it and move on - but as long as you aren't the type to go back and hate yourself for having sex "too soon" what's the problem?0 -
I don't believe that just because there is an emotional connection that there will be a sexual one. BUT, I do believe you can work out a lack of sexual compatibility when two people WANT TO. It's not really about the sex part in my mind, it's about the wanting to learn and please another person. If you don't have that desire or drive in your life in general, it's not going to get any better in bed.
I've had a complete emotional connection with someone and great chemistry but blah in bed but at some point, we just couldn't get it right. I've ALSO had great sex with someone I can't stand (now) and had not enough emotional connection to...
I think it all just has to click!! while I don't believe in exactly the ONE , I do believe there are a few you are best suited to, so good luck
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BUT, I do believe you can work out a lack of sexual compatibility when two people WANT TO.
Maybe some of the time... depending on what the incompatibility might be. My ex was into some really kinky stuff that I didn't know about before I married him and I would not engage in these activities. He was just wired to love certain things and I did not want anything to do with it. So... did I want to be sexually compatible? Yes! But was it fair for him to give up his desires or me to give in to his desires? No! I stood my ground... he eventually had 10 affairs over 7 years. He said I drove him to it... that they were just fun sexual affairs and he never cheated on me emotionally. Just needed that outlet.
Whatever - -marriage over.0 -
So... Why wait? Why limit your pleasure in life basically... I'm sure people who wait do this for a reason, just don't know why.
It's Autumn. Sure it's getting a bit nippy outside, but why gather food for the Winter when that's so much work, and takes time? Why wait to have fun, like that boring old Ant? Relax, Mr Grasshopper, enjoy! Find you a Ms. Grasshopper asap and go get busy! Carpe diem!0 -
This past weekend I did something I have never done in my life..... I was going to my sister's Stagette in a town that's about 2 hours from where I live. My sister is quite a bit younger than me and so are her friends so I had a crazy i dea to open a dating profile on POF stating I was going to be in town on saturday night and was looking to hang out.
I posted this ad on wednesday last week by thursday night I had an overwhelming amount of emails ranging from coffee dates to full on let's get naked offers. I started talking to this one guy and we had some serious online chemistry. We chatted all day Thursday and Friday until I left for my sisters. We had arranged to go for coffee on friday night and see if this online chemistry translated into Physical chemistry before he decided to come out on saturday night with me to the Jack & Jill stag at a local club.
From the second I got in the car I knew we had the chemistry and so did he. We chatted for a bit and one thing led to another.. I don't do this sort of thing ever!!! Anyway, He's a paramedic and got called into work on saturday and couldn't get anyone to cover for him. He thought he could sneak away after midnight but it was a crazy night and he was out on calls all night. I know what you're thinking, but I did hear of a number of accidents and such. We were texting all evening and he was saying he was so mad he couldn't get away.
It's now Thursday and I have chatted to him everyday almost constantly all day since. Most of our conversations revolve around sex. Not that I mind AT ALL. but I am wondering if this is to continue did I completely ruin any chance of it getting to a serious level by giving it up too early??? Can a guy be completely into you sexually and not in any other way?? Is it just the fact that we are so far away and all we can is chat that it's so hot?
Advice anyone??
It seems that this thread has taken a generalized turn toward the whole sleeping with someone too soon topic. However, going back to your specific situation, I'd say this is a booty call, or a FWB at the very most. You wrote an ad saying you were in town for a few days. You both knew the chances of it being more than a fun time and a sexual escapade were very slim from the start. Why try to make it more than it was after the fact? Then again, if it naturally turns into more, enjoy that too, just don't automatically expect it.0 -
So... Why wait? Why limit your pleasure in life basically... I'm sure people who wait do this for a reason, just don't know why.
It's Autumn. Sure it's getting a bit nippy outside, but why gather food for the Winter when that's so much work, and takes time? Why wait to have fun, like that boring old Ant? Relax, Mr Grasshopper, enjoy! Find you a Ms. Grasshopper asap and go get busy! Carpe diem!
lol. So do you normally spend your time getting to know someone by working to stockpile food for the winter?0
