Sexual Chemistry...
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Can a guy be completely into you sexually and not in any other way?? Is it just the fact that we are so far away and all we can is chat that it's so hot?
Yes.
Cosigned
The jumpoff stays the jumpoff but don't fret plenty of fish in the sea0 -
Well, arguably I'd assume someone takes pleasure to talk to someone and get to know them emotionally... Or are you waiting Winter for that too?
It's Autumn. Sure it's getting a bit nippy outside, but why gather food for the Winter when that's so much work, and takes time? Why wait to have fun, like that boring old Ant? Relax, Mr Grasshopper, enjoy! Find you a Ms. Grasshopper asap and go get busy! Carpe diem!So... Why wait? Why limit your pleasure in life basically... I'm sure people who wait do this for a reason, just don't know why.
Also, you can have sex and build an emotional relationship at the same time. That's actually what I normally do these days.
Anyway, sorry to OP: I threadjacked again! No need to reply to my question really, I guess it would require more than a few posts... I think I'll have a look around for answers to my question, because I'm still keen to know! Thanks
To OP: yes.0 -
BUT, I do believe you can work out a lack of sexual compatibility when two people WANT TO.
Maybe some of the time... depending on what the incompatibility might be. My ex was into some really kinky stuff that I didn't know about before I married him and I would not engage in these activities. He was just wired to love certain things and I did not want anything to do with it. So... did I want to be sexually compatible? Yes! But was it fair for him to give up his desires or me to give in to his desires? No! I stood my ground... he eventually had 10 affairs over 7 years. He said I drove him to it... that they were just fun sexual affairs and he never cheated on me emotionally. Just needed that outlet.
Whatever - -marriage over.
Yeah, its the kinky stuff that you gotta watch. 'Normal' sex is doable if you just want to make it better, but if you derive no pleasure from X, Y and Z, then you're doomed! I had this kind of relationship too. I didn't last long :flowerforyou:0 -
Just had to throw my two cents in.. lol..
When SL and I first had sex it was on our third or fourth date. It was good, but it wasn't mind blowing.
Ever since we made it "official" it has gotten better and better each time. I think this has to do with the fact that he has quit closing himself emotionally to me and is opening up. We even have little "bets" involving the NBA finals, and most of the time they have to do with sex. We've already had a sex talk about what we both like! So far, the emotional and sexual connection is growing at about the same rate.
To OP: I think he is really more interested in keeping you as a hookup option just in case you go back into town. I'm sure his contact will fade from every day to once a week, once a month, etc. until you have plans to go visit your sister again.0 -
Eh, if I'm not sexually compatible with someone I'd rather find out before we develop a deep meaningful relationship. Been there, wasn't fun. Delaying it can be just as bad a rushing it. Just do it when it feels right. When you're having sex with someone you're still getting to know part of them, and it's a very big part. As long as you do it safely neither person will have many regrets.
I respectfully disagree. I believe that you *should* hold out for awhile, especially if you're seeing someone that you're genuinely interested in and would like to develop a meaningful relationship with. What is wrong with determining if you're compatible as people as well as emotionally before taking that next step? Why should there be so much importance on determining sexual compatibility first? And how much does that rushed sexual compatibility count towards determining ultimate compatibility when you're strangers - both acting on sexual impulses and nothing else?The mentality of not giving it up on the first date because then he won't "respect" you is created by people with an abstinence only education personality and for some reason a bunch of people have given in to it.
And no, I'm not of the abstinence only mindset, just a slightly more conservative one than what seems to be the norm now.
There are benefits to "relationships" where sex takes the front seat. The last one I was in hit at a time where I severely needed the stress relief and other physical and chemical benefits of being sexually satisfied. The sex was ah-maz-ing, the rest of the relationship wasn't. I also learned a LOT about myself, my tastes I couldn't be friends with him afterwards, but knowing his personality, I wouldn't have had a real relationship with him to begin with. It may have taken me a little bit to get over not having weekly sexcapades, but I'm not the slightest bit regretful that it happened.
If the chemistry is right, everything will click. If it's not, there's nothing you could have done to make it or break it.0 -
Can a guy be completely into you sexually and not in any other way?? Is it just the fact that we are so far away and all we can is chat that it's so hot?
Yes.
^^^^ YUP!0 -
Sexual Chemistry .. hmmm .. at some point personality will get in the way. So .. if you have great sex with someone just for having sex with them, then he will fade away pretty quickly probably. BUT .. if you have great sex with someone AND like their personality.. the sex will get better each time you have it and it will grow.
Time will tell what you guys end up being. In the meantime .. I say have fun! Send some sexy texts and flirt till your face falls off. It's summer!! woot woot!0 -
Sexual Chemistry .. hmmm .. at some point personality will get in the way. So .. if you have great sex with someone just for having sex with them, then he will fade away pretty quickly probably. BUT .. if you have great sex with someone AND like their personality.. the sex will get better each time you have it and it will grow.
Time will tell what you guys end up being. In the meantime .. I say have fun! Send some sexy texts and flirt till your face falls off. It's summer!! woot woot!
I
the way you think lol......:bigsmile: 0 -
Honestly, I've never met a single guy worth his weight in salt that has honestly believed that if you meet someone, talk, really hit it off and then have sex that she's obviously not relationship material.
Actually a couple of the guys in this forum, whose opinions I highly respect, echoed this sentiment on another thread. I was surprised (and impressed!) by their honesty.
Keeping in mind that most of us commenting in this forum are either single or short-term relationships (i.e. not together for decades)...I offer the opinion that it's only natural to discover areas of incompatibility as we grow together, whether it's because either partner changed or because you discovered something new about each other. Sex, like other important emotional needs, are things that can be resolved with a commitment to the relationship and a mutual respect for the care of ones partner.What if you do wait and you find that your compatible in alot of ways. then you have sex and its bad I mean really really bad , what then do you stay with the person or do you end up out the door. Opinions please?I agree with this. I was NOT sexually compatible with my ex husband. I stuck it out for 10-1/2 years and the incompatibility ended up ruining our marriage. I used to think any two people that loved each other could work out the sex. Not true as far as my past experience as shown me. People have to be on the same page as to what they find erotic and satisfying... if you're not, it's just a recipe for disaster.
To this scenario (and I'm speaking from my experience as well as those I worked with as a pastor's wife) I say that if two people truly love AND respect each other, they will take the steps needed to work it out. It's not always natural. There are books like Woman's Orgasm that can walk a couple through the obstacles to sexual fulfillment (since, more often, it's the guy who easily gets his but the woman's plumbing isn't always as easy). And plenty of books teach women tricks with men. Lack of experience, poor muscle tone, traumatic events, living with a partner who doesn't care about you, all kinds of things contribute to a lack of fulfillment.
There are ways to overcome almost every sexual obstacle (some requireing an open mind), but what it usually boils down to is one partner just doesn't CARE enough to figure out how to make their partner happy. Though sometimes the partner him/herself doesn't want to do do their part, either, but still wants to wallow in self pity.
If a man was totally awesome in every way, I would not kick him to the curb for incompatibility. Why? Because part of deciding he's "totally awesome" includes making sure that he has the personality to actively resolve any sexual issues we discovered after marriage.0 -
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There are ways to overcome almost every sexual obstacle (some requireing an open mind), but what it usually boils down to is one partner just doesn't CARE enough to figure out how to make their partner happy. Though sometimes the partner him/herself doesn't want to do do their part, either, but still wants to wallow in self pity.
You know what? You're right... I didn't CARE enough to have a second man come into our bedroom so my ex-husband could watch. I definitely did not want to do "my part"... as you say. Would you have done that to save your marriage?
I still stand my ground... there are some things that you should not HAVE to do to regarding making your sex lives compatible.0 -
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There are ways to overcome almost every sexual obstacle (some requireing an open mind), but what it usually boils down to is one partner just doesn't CARE enough to figure out how to make their partner happy. Though sometimes the partner him/herself doesn't want to do do their part, either, but still wants to wallow in self pity.
You know what? You're right... I didn't CARE enough to have a second man come into our bedroom so my ex-husband could watch. I definitely did not want to do "my part"... as you say. Would you have done that to save your marriage?
I still stand my ground... there are some things that you should not HAVE to do to regarding making your sex lives compatible.
Hey now... don't put words in my mouth. Someone who wants to introduce a third party into the relationship without your willingness (a behavior hurtful to you) most definitely does not CARE for you. I stand by what I said. If your husband TRULY cared for you, he would find away to work around this desire in a way that satisfied you both. If he used your unwillingness to accommodate this particular kink as an example of your lack of commitment, then he is by far too selfish and manipulative to be concerned with building a satisfying relationship.0 -
I respectfully disagree. I believe that you *should* hold out for awhile, especially if you're seeing someone that you're genuinely interested in and would like to develop a meaningful relationship with. What is wrong with determining if you're compatible as people as well as emotionally before taking that next step? Why should there be so much importance on determining sexual compatibility first? And how much does that rushed sexual compatibility count towards determining ultimate compatibility when you're strangers - both acting on sexual impulses and nothing else?The mentality of not giving it up on the first date because then he won't "respect" you is created by people with an abstinence only education personality and for some reason a bunch of people have given in to it.
And no, I'm not of the abstinence only mindset, just a slightly more conservative one than what seems to be the norm now.
To play devils advocate here... What if you do wait and you find that your compatible in alot of ways. then you have sex and its bad I mean really really bad , what then do you stay with the person or do you end up out the door. Opinions please?
(BTW this happened to someone I know)
people can be taught to be better lovers.. i wouldnt expect every person to know exactly what their partner likes the first time they have sex ..
i know other people who have had this problem and i never quite understood it because it doesnt need to be a problem. you should be able to communicate your sexual needs to your partner, if you cant then maybe you're not mature enough to be having sex in the first place0 -
know other people who have had this problem and i never quite understood it because it doesnt need to be a problem. you should be able to communicate your sexual needs to your partner, if you cant then maybe you're not mature enough to be having sex in the first place
You dont understand sexual incompatibility then. Or you're happy to do 'anything'? One or the other?
Sexual compatibility isnt a case of good or bad sex. it's about 2 people wanting different things that are NOT compatible. For example a man who doesn't like/want/enjoy pain with a women who enjoys shoving a *kitten* up his *kitten* and whipping him and making him clean the toilet with a tooth brush! Or a man that gets off on calling his wife a slut/ *kitten* and to suck on this while he shoves her throat down on his ****!!! While she would rather be called beautiful and be treated like a lady?
Or like Shellee said, a guy that's into 3some's and you dont want to share your sex life. In fact I dated a guy that was married to a woman who would ONLY have sex with him if he was part of a 3 some. This not only broke down his marraige but rendered him impotent!
You girls that think this kind of sexual deviant can be 'overcome' in a 'loving' relatinship, are wrong! It can't! Sexual deviants dont get off on 'normal' sex! :flowerforyou:
Sorry to be graphic, but I'm getting the impression that some of you in here think that sex is restricted to one on one love making. No offence but there's a LOT of people that want/desire/need much more than this from their partner. It's not even a disrespect thing, it's just what turns them on!0 -
Probably TMI here but might as well be real about things.
I like giving a lady oral,it is my favorite thing and want her to enjoy it and climax from it.
99% of all ladies tend to feel the same way from experience and observation.
Guess what,I am a guy and like to receive too.
50% or less ladies seem to be agreeable to it.
Where does that leave us?0 -
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Carl, this girl is one of the 50% LOL LOVE IT... yeah, TMI, but hell, I don't care anymore.
Anna -- Thank you for that great post. You're spot on!:flowerforyou:0 -
Probably TMI here but might as well be real about things.
I like giving a lady oral,it is my favorite thing and want her to enjoy it and climax from it.
99% of all ladies tend to feel the same way from experience and observation.
Guess what,I am a guy and like to receive too.
50% or less ladies seem to be agreeable to it.
Where does that leave us?
Jeez, if a woman can't even do that then that leaves you INCOMPATIBLE!! Leave her and go find a woman that loves it. Hopefully before you've invested too much emotion in the relationship!! :flowerforyou:0 -
Probably TMI here but might as well be real about things.
I like giving a lady oral,it is my favorite thing and want her to enjoy it and climax from it.
99% of all ladies tend to feel the same way from experience and observation.
Guess what,I am a guy and like to receive too.
50% or less ladies seem to be agreeable to it.
Where does that leave us?
I'll second that :drinker:0 -
know other people who have had this problem and i never quite understood it because it doesnt need to be a problem. you should be able to communicate your sexual needs to your partner, if you cant then maybe you're not mature enough to be having sex in the first place
You dont understand sexual incompatibility then. Or you're happy to do 'anything'? One or the other?
Sexual compatibility isnt a case of good or bad sex. it's about 2 people wanting different things that are NOT compatible. For example a man who doesn't like/want/enjoy pain with a women who enjoys shoving a *kitten* up his *kitten* and whipping him and making him clean the toilet with a tooth brush! Or a man that gets off on calling his wife a slut/ *kitten* and to suck on this while he shoves her throat down on his ****!!! While she would rather be called beautiful and be treated like a lady?
Or like Shellee said, a guy that's into 3some's and you dont want to share your sex life. In fact I dated a guy that was married to a woman who would ONLY have sex with him if he was part of a 3 some. This not only broke down his marraige but rendered him impotent!
You girls that think this kind of sexual deviant can be 'overcome' in a 'loving' relatinship, are wrong! It can't! Sexual deviants dont get off on 'normal' sex! :flowerforyou:
Sorry to be graphic, but I'm getting the impression that some of you in here think that sex is restricted to one on one love making. No offence but there's a LOT of people that want/desire/need much more than this from their partner. It's not even a disrespect thing, it's just what turns them on!
no need to be condescending... and as far as the "you girls" comment goes, umm you dont even know me, so please dont try and pretend you do, mmmkay?
and isnt that type of lifestyle stuff that you know about before you have sex with someone? maybe i dont understand sexual incompatibility because i TALK about sexual expectations before i have sex with someone. i've always believed that communication was queen, but i generally accept that many women can't talk about sexual issues with their partners after they've been having sex much less before.0 -
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Carl, this girl is one of the 50% LOL LOVE IT... yeah, TMI, but hell, I don't care anymore.
Anna -- Thank you for that great post. You're spot on!:flowerforyou:
No problem Shellee, I think you really have to experience it to understand it!! Before I ended up with a deviant I think I would have said you can work it out withing a loving partnership too! Unfortunately, I now know that the expectation of some men goes way beyond my comfort zone!! Lets put it that way!! :laugh:0 -
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Carl, this girl is one of the 50% LOL LOVE IT... yeah, TMI, but hell, I don't care anymore.
Anna -- Thank you for that great post. You're spot on!:flowerforyou:
Well hey now!
I have to say I wasn`t trying to be titillating either,just a very natural and real situation.
There are things that are extreme,S&M stuff, but also lots in between so people need to be honest and open about their desires and what they are willing to do.
I also have to say that I have complete respect for anyone that wishes to not engage in sexual activity soon or at all before marriage be it from personal or religious convictions.
They are entitled to that right and would never try to argue them out of it.
As with all things everyone needs to be very aware of and understand the ramifications of their actions on either side of the issue and accept then happily.0
