Haters or Freedom of speach?
AnnaPixie
Posts: 7,439 Member
Said by Carl to me, in Amazona's thread:
I understand what you're saying Carl,however, I think groups were created so that we could air our views in a more relaxed and informal setting. Groups were created so people could get away from the generic mod rules and be in a like minded environment where most members wouldnt take offence. In the public forums threads get locked for a lot less than what has gone on in here......
Also, the 'safe haven' that people liked in here isnt due to heated debate in the main forums - that isn't allowed anyhow. Its due to somebody, somewhere always jumping down your throat even if you said you drank a pint of water over your limit!! Or you ate 2 calories less than your 1200 :noway: That's not 'debate', that's just people hating on people for no apparent reason. That does not happen here (well, it may have happened once) and that's why I continue to post here and enjoy the company of the peeps.
What's happened recently in here is serious heated debate about very touchy and highly sensitive/passionate subjects - sexism & religion! We haven't even touched on politics yet!!! lol Yes, people have been personally attacked, but that's how debating subjects like this will inevitably evolve. As long as the person with the alternative/minority view keeps on debating (they do have the choice to stop!!), then I think you should let the opinions carry on. If someone feels threatened or abused, then I'm sure they will report the post and that is when the mod in you should take over? (for example, in the other thread JJ nor Zach had a problem and that subject was a good one to debate. I was just about to add my view on sex and religion and the debate was stopped....why?) Threads ALWAYS go off on tangents, and so what?? That's what has led to some great discussions in here.
I'm not condoning name calling or offensive abuse (a PM to the offender telling them to tone down the personal insults would be good?), but what I am saying is that I feel more like leaving this group because I'm not allowed to VOICE my opinion much more so than for being attacked for HAVING an opinion! Like I said before, we all have the choice to either respond or to move on.
So anyway, I've started a new thread as Lorro suggested and so if ok with you, you get consensus on this?
It would be good to hear from regulars and 'lurkers' alike, to tell us all if they feel that heated debate is preventing them from posting etc.
We also have to remember that over time the majority of folks here have stated they enjoyed this group being a safe haven from the endless bickering and fighting on the main forums.
What you say has up until lately always been the case,we would disagree and some level of debate would have out with folks eventually coming to some mutual conclusion or mutual difference but it was almost always without name calling or carry over into another thread.
I understand what you're saying Carl,however, I think groups were created so that we could air our views in a more relaxed and informal setting. Groups were created so people could get away from the generic mod rules and be in a like minded environment where most members wouldnt take offence. In the public forums threads get locked for a lot less than what has gone on in here......
Also, the 'safe haven' that people liked in here isnt due to heated debate in the main forums - that isn't allowed anyhow. Its due to somebody, somewhere always jumping down your throat even if you said you drank a pint of water over your limit!! Or you ate 2 calories less than your 1200 :noway: That's not 'debate', that's just people hating on people for no apparent reason. That does not happen here (well, it may have happened once) and that's why I continue to post here and enjoy the company of the peeps.
What's happened recently in here is serious heated debate about very touchy and highly sensitive/passionate subjects - sexism & religion! We haven't even touched on politics yet!!! lol Yes, people have been personally attacked, but that's how debating subjects like this will inevitably evolve. As long as the person with the alternative/minority view keeps on debating (they do have the choice to stop!!), then I think you should let the opinions carry on. If someone feels threatened or abused, then I'm sure they will report the post and that is when the mod in you should take over? (for example, in the other thread JJ nor Zach had a problem and that subject was a good one to debate. I was just about to add my view on sex and religion and the debate was stopped....why?) Threads ALWAYS go off on tangents, and so what?? That's what has led to some great discussions in here.
I'm not condoning name calling or offensive abuse (a PM to the offender telling them to tone down the personal insults would be good?), but what I am saying is that I feel more like leaving this group because I'm not allowed to VOICE my opinion much more so than for being attacked for HAVING an opinion! Like I said before, we all have the choice to either respond or to move on.
So anyway, I've started a new thread as Lorro suggested and so if ok with you, you get consensus on this?
It would be good to hear from regulars and 'lurkers' alike, to tell us all if they feel that heated debate is preventing them from posting etc.
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And yes, I know my speeling of speeeeech was wrong!!! Don't hate on me!!! :laugh:0
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Dang. I just came in here to make fun of your title. :ohwell:0
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Dang. I just came in here to make fun of your title. :ohwell:
The British are supposed to speak and write in the most pure and highest form of the English language. What's up with that misspelling? :laugh: Maybe I am being a hater here.0 -
Anna, I 100% agree with you.
I know I am guilty of having crossed the line. There were several times where I was accused of crossing the line and I was 98% sure I hadn't (of course).
That being said, I don't believe telling someone their view is sexist and oppressive is a personal attack if it's true.
I remember I got a strike on the main forums because I told this one guy that his opinions were fascist. They were, but apparently that's name calling or something.0 -
The British are supposed to speak and write in the most pure and highest form of the English language. What's up with that misspelling? Maybe I am being a hater here.
You need to look to Castadiva and Lorro for proper English - I never went to school.......:laugh:
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The British are supposed to speak and write in the most pure and highest form of the English language. What's up with that misspelling? Maybe I am being a hater here.
You need to look to Castadiva and Lorro for proper English - I never went to school.......:laugh:
I like all the Brits on this board. I wish I could have won at the All England Club.0 -
Said by Carl to me, in Amazona's thread:We also have to remember that over time the majority of folks here have stated they enjoyed this group being a safe haven from the endless bickering and fighting on the main forums.
What you say has up until lately always been the case,we would disagree and some level of debate would have out with folks eventually coming to some mutual conclusion or mutual difference but it was almost always without name calling or carry over into another thread.
It would be good to hear from regulars and 'lurkers' alike, to tell us all if they feel that heated debate is preventing them from posting etc.
i'm more of a lurker. i'll be honest i dont post that much because it seems that if you arent one of the regulars then you get ignored.
but to answer the question, i've seen a few heated debates on here as well and it is a bit off putting. most of the debate is unnecessary because you're never really debating facts which is silly because it comes across as "your opinions and experiences are wrong because they are different than mine therefore you must be sexist/chauvanist/ ageist/ etc". some people take things way too personally.0 -
It sounds so simple to say PM people who are offending others and that will stop it, but based on what I've seen so far, that hasn't stopped anything. I say that having spoken separately to a few people who needed the wrist slap offline as well as having gotten plenty of PMs from people complaining about others!. I really hope that it will work going forward if that's what the group wants. Instead the name calling has continued and gotten worse, culminating in the locked thread where a member of the group repeatedly called another a c*ckknob and MANY other members started supporting that person. So much for not wanting name-calling...
I loved coming to Single Peeps in the past because I wanted to learn from others, hear their opinions, and share my experiences hoping to help someone. I never came to debate anyone, though of course others are free to do so. What seems to be happening lately is the passing of debate into argurments where one or both parties seem to believe they will convince the other of their correctness. It has just degenerated from there, and then people jump on a bandwagon.
If that's what everyone wants, that's what's great about this place. It's a public forum and each of us can choose to participate or not, right? As for me, it's not what I want.... I'm not having fun here any more and I'm not getting anything positive out of it. Filling my time with debates was never the point. I simply enjoyed reading others experiences and thinking through how I could learn from it. That hasn't happened a lot for me lately...
So I'm officially stepping down as a mod today and will step away from Single Peeps. Based on the comments on here today, it's clear that's the best thing for all of me and the spirit of a public forum. So if debating and arguing is what everyone wants, have fun with it and good luck!0 -
People are just WAY too sensitive, and take the stuff on these forums wayyyy too seriously. And honestly, I think that some of the people in this group just like to stir the pot and see how much they can rile everyone else up.0
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Said by Carl to me, in Amazona's thread:We also have to remember that over time the majority of folks here have stated they enjoyed this group being a safe haven from the endless bickering and fighting on the main forums.
What you say has up until lately always been the case,we would disagree and some level of debate would have out with folks eventually coming to some mutual conclusion or mutual difference but it was almost always without name calling or carry over into another thread.
It would be good to hear from regulars and 'lurkers' alike, to tell us all if they feel that heated debate is preventing them from posting etc.
i'm more of a lurker. i'll be honest i dont post that much because it seems that if you arent one of the regulars then you get ignored.
but to answer the question, i've seen a few heated debates on here as well and it is a bit off putting. most of the debate is unnecessary because you're never really debating facts which is silly because it comes across as "your opinions and experiences are wrong because they are different than mine therefore you must be sexist/chauvanist/ ageist/ etc". some people take things way too personally.
Fair comments Meesha - thanks :flowerforyou:0 -
NC, I am truly sorry to hear that. I felt that as a mod, and even before that, you handled your posts with decorum even if I didn't necessarily agree with you (nor you with me).
I apologize for whatever size role I may have played that helped lead you to this decision, however I still stand by what I argued for.0 -
I think as long as all the debating is done in a somewhat civil matter, it's healthy.
Once in a while, there's a solid back and forth where someone makes a bold statement and says debate me. Then a few people go back and forth and make their respective cases. I think everyone has to realize that they aren't going to change anyones mind about anything, so stop being so aggressive and intense about every single point someone makes. Just gather your words, make your case in the most convincing way possible, and hit the post reply button.
Unfortunately about 80% of the time, this forum resembles a grade school food fight.0 -
So I'm officially stepping down as a mod today and will step away from Single Peeps. Based on the comments on here today, it's clear that's the best thing for all of me and the spirit of a public forum. So if debating and arguing is what everyone wants, have fun with it and good luck!
NC - nobody said that heated debates is what people come here for. Only that, since they have occurred, that they shouldnt be censored.
I'm not really sure what to say regarding both you and Carl suggesting stepping down. That's obviously your choice, but the reason I posted this was to get an overall opinion from everyone as to how these debates had affected them, thereby giving you mods a consensus to form your rulings on?
Sorry, I certainly didnt mean for this to be a criticism, rather, a group discussion of how we could move forward based on everyone's view :flowerforyou:0 -
i'm more of a lurker. i'll be honest i dont post that much because it seems that if you arent one of the regulars then you get ignored.
but to answer the question, i've seen a few heated debates on here as well and it is a bit off putting. most of the debate is unnecessary because you're never really debating facts which is silly because it comes across as "your opinions and experiences are wrong because they are different than mine therefore you must be sexist/chauvanist/ ageist/ etc". some people take things way too personally.
I won't ignore you Mesha. You hit the nail on the head with this last paragraph. When people argue opinions, that's when the food fight starts.0 -
Said by Carl to me, in Amazona's thread:We also have to remember that over time the majority of folks here have stated they enjoyed this group being a safe haven from the endless bickering and fighting on the main forums.
What you say has up until lately always been the case,we would disagree and some level of debate would have out with folks eventually coming to some mutual conclusion or mutual difference but it was almost always without name calling or carry over into another thread.
It would be good to hear from regulars and 'lurkers' alike, to tell us all if they feel that heated debate is preventing them from posting etc.
i'm more of a lurker. i'll be honest i dont post that much because it seems that if you arent one of the regulars then you get ignored.
but to answer the question, i've seen a few heated debates on here as well and it is a bit off putting. most of the debate is unnecessary because you're never really debating facts which is silly because it comes across as "your opinions and experiences are wrong because they are different than mine therefore you must be sexist/chauvanist/ ageist/ etc". some people take things way too personally.
I'm ignored a lot, too. It's more fun to watch anyways
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And honestly, I think that some of the people in this group just like to stir the pot and see how much they can rile everyone else up.
* whistles casually, kicks a rock or two, glances left and right *
Oh, hey guys. What were we talking about? Did you hear about Obama legalizing rape? Yeah, true story.0 -
Wait a minute.. Seriously!? "Name Calling" Is somehow oppressive? Are we in Kindergarten still? LOL. . OMG. Look. .I'm not a name-caller as a rule. . I've been CALLED names many many times. . .That's life! LOL. . If you express any opinion, someone with a different opinion will be "offended" and call you some name. I find this hilarious b/c It's clear that that person simply doesn't have the tools to support their opnion, either in writing or verbally. . .Why on earth would I spend even one second of my time and energy allowing a person like that into my head. . I have childhood memories to protect! I'm not having them replaced by that kind of nonsense. .0
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And honestly, I think that some of the people in this group just like to stir the pot and see how much they can rile everyone else up.
* whistles casually, kicks a rock or two, glances left and right *
Oh, hey guys. What were we talking about? Did you hear about Obama legalizing rape? Yeah, true story.
Oh good! There's the political debate that we've been missing! Someone mentioned that a minute ago, it's wonderful you were paying attention! HAhahaa!0 -
And honestly, I think that some of the people in this group just like to stir the pot and see how much they can rile everyone else up.
* whistles casually, kicks a rock or two, glances left and right *
Oh, hey guys. What were we talking about? Did you hear about Obama legalizing rape? Yeah, true story.
:laugh: Oh, nooooooooo, pleeeeeeeeeeeeeze, no politics...............yet! :bigsmile:0 -
For the people that feel ignored!
No one is specifically ignoring you, please don't believe that we are! Usually there's a couple reasons this might happen.
1) a bunch of people have already posted a similar message and it may have already gotten responded to. This is why I avoid posting if I see that someone else has already said what I want to say and will wait until there's something new to respond to. I notice a lot that it's not uncommon for 5+ people to post almost identical comments.
2) The conversation may have moved on already. If you are posting on page 5 a response to the OP, the conversation may have gone from "Do you swear" to "where did you go to school".
3) Your response simply may not illicit a response from someone else. I myself am a minimalist and unless I have something to add to, I don't just quote and say "yeah, this". It doesn't mean I don't agree, value your opinion or am ignoring. It just means I have nothing better to offer to the conversation.
I'm sorry if anyone feels ignored, I know there was a period of time I did as well, until... well I guess I started making a scene, haha! Don't do what I did though D80 -
Said by Carl to me, in Amazona's thread:We also have to remember that over time the majority of folks here have stated they enjoyed this group being a safe haven from the endless bickering and fighting on the main forums.
What you say has up until lately always been the case,we would disagree and some level of debate would have out with folks eventually coming to some mutual conclusion or mutual difference but it was almost always without name calling or carry over into another thread.
It would be good to hear from regulars and 'lurkers' alike, to tell us all if they feel that heated debate is preventing them from posting etc.
i'm more of a lurker. i'll be honest i dont post that much because it seems that if you arent one of the regulars then you get ignored.
but to answer the question, i've seen a few heated debates on here as well and it is a bit off putting. most of the debate is unnecessary because you're never really debating facts which is silly because it comes across as "your opinions and experiences are wrong because they are different than mine therefore you must be sexist/chauvanist/ ageist/ etc". some people take things way too personally.
I'm ignored a lot, too. It's more fun to watch anyways
I feel ignored sometimes too!! Just putting that out there!! I think there are times when a whole thread just gets focused on two people. I dont have an issue with that.
Personally, I know you both Meesha and Shammox and have seen your posts numerous times. So you definitely are 'noticed' if not directly replied to :flowerforyou:0 -
So I'm officially stepping down as a mod today and will step away from Single Peeps. Based on the comments on here today, it's clear that's the best thing for all of me and the spirit of a public forum.
Noooo! Slowly... everyone I love to read is drifting away... won't be much left for me much longer... please stay around... at least lurk and PM me what you think about my posts ;-)0 -
3) Your response simply may not illicit a response from someone else. I myself am a minimalist and unless I have something to add to, I don't just quote and say "yeah, this". It doesn't mean I don't agree, value your opinion or am ignoring. It just means I have nothing better to offer to the conversation.
Yes, this^^^ :bigsmile:0 -
I'm not really sure what to say regarding both you and Carl suggesting stepping down.
What??? Carl too? What on earth happened while I was working....? Nooooooooo0 -
It sounds so simple to say PM people who are offending others and that will stop it, but based on what I've seen so far, that hasn't stopped anything.
I still like Mike's idea of calling the offender out publicly if the "be nice" reminder doesn't work.
I don't mind respectful debate. I know my views are different from the majority. I have no problem with people who think differently, as I feel their opinions challenge and often strengthen my own.
I just wish we could keep everything respectful. Too many opinions are expressed with things like "that's stupid, that never happens, you're dumb, that's absurd, you're wrong" when we'd all get along better if we used such phrases as "I don't agree, in my experience, or this is what I've seen" while still respecting that the other person's life and experiences might actually be different from yours.0 -
Hmmm. I just scrolled through the thread and actually read a bit of it. Trouble in Single Peeps Land, it seems. I've heard that not getting laid can cause a lot of frustration. Throw a bunch of single mofos into a semi-anonymous Internet forum and everyone will either be f*cking or fighting.
When can we go back to trying to hook up with each other?
I'll go first.
Edit: Just to clarify, I didn't read enough to actually figure out why everyone is mad. That would be a lot of work, and I prefer to just read my own posts over and over.0 -
Hmmm. I just scrolled through the thread and actually read a bit of it. Trouble in Single Peeps Land, it seems. I've heard that not getting laid can cause a lot of frustration. Throw a bunch of single mofos into a semi-anonymous Internet forum and everyone will either be f*cking or fighting.
When can we go back to trying to hook up with each other?
I'll go first.
I think you've cracked it!!
Ahem! I think Kits is free!! :bigsmile:
PS is that you as a boy in the ski pass pic?? Awww!0 -
Hmmm. I just scrolled through the thread and actually read a bit of it. Trouble in Single Peeps Land, it seems. I've heard that not getting laid can cause a lot of frustration. Throw a bunch of single mofos into a semi-anonymous Internet forum and everyone will either be f*cking or fighting.
When can we go back to trying to hook up with each other?
I'll go first.
I think you've cracked it!!
Ahem! I think Kits is free!! :bigsmile:
PS is that you as a boy in the ski pass pic?? Awww!
Why yes, yes I am
To be fair, I refer to sex as my "off button". I am suuuuuper chill after a good session. Of course, it doesn't exactly take me long to recharge again, hahahaa!0 -
Hmmm. I just scrolled through the thread and actually read a bit of it. Trouble in Single Peeps Land, it seems. I've heard that not getting laid can cause a lot of frustration. Throw a bunch of single mofos into a semi-anonymous Internet forum and everyone will either be f*cking or fighting.
When can we go back to trying to hook up with each other?
I'll go first.
Edit: Just to clarify, I didn't read enough to actually figure out why everyone is mad. That would be a lot of work, and I prefer to just read my own posts over and over.
Wanna make out?0 -
Hmmm. I just scrolled through the thread and actually read a bit of it. Trouble in Single Peeps Land, it seems. I've heard that not getting laid can cause a lot of frustration. Throw a bunch of single mofos into a semi-anonymous Internet forum and everyone will either be f*cking or fighting.
When can we go back to trying to hook up with each other?
I'll go first.
Edit: Just to clarify, I didn't read enough to actually figure out why everyone is mad. That would be a lot of work, and I prefer to just read my own posts over and over.
Wanna make out?
I'll make out with you if he doesn't want to!
*kitten* this, let's get all bonobo up in here!0
This discussion has been closed.