Pof good deed of the day



  • TheKitsune6
    TheKitsune6 Posts: 5,798 Member
    I am getting healthy for entirely selfish reasons.

    1) To look damn good, which of course in some way was shaped by the societies I have lived in and the environments I have been exposed to.
    2) To feel damn good, because when you do awesome you feel awesome all the way down to your subatomic levels.
    3) To attract the type of guy I want to spend time with - which isn't to say I'm doing this for some arbitrary man. It means I am attracted to a certain sort of lifestyle that I am not a part of yet, and some pretty awesome dudes that would appreciate how awesome I am live there too.

    The first two are the most important to me. I'm perfectly content being single, I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. It's at the point where even when I like a guy I get stressed out about how it's going to affect my routine. On that note, if I do find a guy that folds in nicely, he's only going to be there for as long as it makes me happy that he's there - and I should hope it's the same for him. So yes, in a very dumbed down, limited view of things I could say "I'm doing this for a guy" but that's like reading a paragraph of what the Harry Potter books are about and professing to have read all seven novels. Really I am doing it for my own selfish happiness.

    That being said, I don't necessarily agree with "It's not me it's them" because really, it's BOTH of you. (S)He's not into some aspect of you... it doesn't mean that you aren't a catch, or a failure, and it doesn't make her/him a bad person. It just means there's not compatibility. Shake it off and move on, smile and keep doing what makes YOU happy.
  • TheKitsune6
    TheKitsune6 Posts: 5,798 Member
    As far as physical preferences, I will say its their preference... Nothing to do with me. I can't and won't be going blonde because the guy I crush prefers blondes.
    With that said, if I'm receiving feedback from men that I date, that I'm too "needy", then maybe the problem is (gasp) me. I won't necessarily change for a guy but I'm not so proud (anymore) that I can't reflect and look into myself deeper.

    Brilliant. 83
  • castadiva
    castadiva Posts: 2,016 Member
    This increased my confidence because I finally learned it wasn't "me" as much as it was "them,"

    I'm sure others will disagree, but I really like this sentiment. It's a really easy trap to fall into - blaming oneself for being 'undesirable', or 'unattractive', or 'too intimidating' - when the reality is that one is only those things in the eyes of the people who see you that way, because of their own issues and preferences. I'm sure we've all thought at times "what's so wrong with me?" (I certainly have anyway), and while I'm all for making the best of oneself, I am absolutely not for changing one's fundamental self in order to appeal to someone, or a group of someones' else.

    Well, so much for self-reflection and introspection. It's definitely easier to say it's "them" and not "me" and go on your merry way. But is this really true? In my experience, a lot of people (both men and women), who always think it's someone else's issue, often don't examine themselves and their own shortcomings first. I've calling many people out on this before. The more defensive they got, the bigger issues they had.

    Can you clarify your statement "I'm all for making the best of oneself, I am absolutely not for changing one's fundamentals"?

    I take this as you want to better yourself mentally and physically, but you don't want to change what you truly enjoy doing (whether it's opera, football, etc). If this is the case, I haven't met too many people that would discriminate against you or anyone because of what you enjoy doing. The only example that comes to mind are people at my university who genuinely hated conservatives solely based on their beliefs.

    Sure - I perhaps wasn't especially clear. Still full of bugs :grumble: What I mean is that I absolutely believe in making the most of oneself, whether that's intellectually, physically or in any other sphere, for the purpose of being at peace with yourself - becoming a 'you' that you like and respect. It's a lofty aim, and one that often takes a great deal of introspection and self-reflection to arrive at, or at least to formulate the goal. What I don't believe in is pretending to be someone or something that you are not, in order to appease the needs of those around you for conformity and the comfort of the familiar. It's not really to do with what you do, as much as who you are - not about activities, but characteristics. Essentially, it's daring to take Frost's less-travelled road and live honestly with yourself, and the world around you, rather than taking the smooth road paved with artifice.

    From a purely pragmatic perspective, no matter how much one tries, there will always be people who do not like you/find you attractive, for reasons that really are more about them than they are about you. You're "too tall, too short, too fat, too thin, too clever, too slow, too conservative, too liberal, too wild, too outrageous"...for them. It's unavoidable. In trying to win their acceptance by pretending to be some 'other', you may miss the opportunity to connect with the one who would accept, desire and complement you as your true self - your best self.

    In a way, it's the delayed v. instant gratification concept. Would you rather have one, wonderful relationship that might take more time to find, but is based on mutual honesty and respect for each others' true selves, or many relationships, in various shades of adequate, in relatively quick succession, based on two people each trying to be what they think the other person wants, and most likely getting it wrong most of the time, unless they happen to be psychic?
  • NeedANewFocus
    NeedANewFocus Posts: 898 Member
    It's so weird how height is such a deal breaker for women. I'm 5'11" but still.. it's interesting.


    I was thinking that height is as big a factor for women as breast size is for men. Why don't they have that data on the basic info?

    I nearly clicked on 'report post' then!!! :noway:

    Anyway David, I'm reporting you for being breastest!!! :smokin:

    Actually, perhaps there should be penis size data too!!!! :laugh: :tongue: :wink:

    if that data is added......i'd never get a date. lol :bigsmile: