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Which is exactly my point - as a man you are valued for your intellect, your achievements, your personality - the intrinsic parts of who you are. Most women would like to be valued for those same things. Instead, we are told, repeatedly, that our only value lies in how we look - something that is not as 'controllable' as this chap would have us believe, unless one is willing and able to get into the extremes of plastic surgery and/or has endless financial resources and spare time.
I'm sorry you feel that way, but the blogger is an accurate representation of myself, my friends, and most men I've met throughout my life. All the blogger does is give sound advice and some constructive criticism. If you feel so wronged by it, maybe you should start a blog and list everything that men are doing wrong when it comes to dating.
What rubs a lot of men the wrong way are women who say we *should* be attracted to their intellect, achievements, personality, etc. Who are you to say what men should find attractive and go for? Since when do you have experience being a man?
I'm sure there are some guys out there that will put higher value on those things over looks. But, you can't influence or assume all men should be attracted to those qualities.
No, but I can be active in trying to change a social perspective that defines a woman's worth primarily by her looks. I don't believe, as I have said before, in submissively accepting a status quo I believe to be flawed.
It is intensely dispiriting to me, and I'm sure to others, to hear you say that so many men of my generation - intelligent, capable men who have grown up alongside (I presume) intelligent, capable, interesting women, with capable, in -dependent (ie. non dependent) mothers as models of what a woman can be - are still so focused primarily on visual appeal, in their search for a mate. I would have expected better than that from my own generation, at least. It saddens me that so many of my male peers' opinions of women and their value would sound more at home in the 1950s or earlier than in the 21st century, after decades of women's equality (at least in theory).
What rubs a lot of women up the wrong way is just the same, though in reverse - men who tell us what we 'should' be and do and look like in order for them to find us attractive. Mutuality seems to have been forgotten, and the power of choice is still(!!!) assumed to lie with the male.0 -
What rubs a lot of women up the wrong way is just the same, though in reverse - men who tell us what we 'should' be and do and look like in order for them to find us attractive. Mutuality seems to have been forgotten, and the power of choice is still(!!!) assumed to lie with the male.
Stop right there.
Never once, have I said on here said women should be attractive to men who are X,Y, and Z. I'm not entitled enough to think I should be able to influence what all women find attractive. If I had that power, then I'd say all women should be attracted to men named Mike, who are 30, and approx 5'10" tall.
Bottom line is that you aren't going to change a darn thing. You're just going to rub people the wrong way pushing your ideals on what men should go for in a partner.0 -
Which is exactly my point - as a man you are valued for your intellect, your achievements, your personality - the intrinsic parts of who you are. Most women would like to be valued for those same things. Instead, we are told, repeatedly, that our only value lies in how we look - something that is not as 'controllable' as this chap would have us believe, unless one is willing and able to get into the extremes of plastic surgery and/or has endless financial resources and spare time.
I'm sorry you feel that way, but the blogger is an accurate representation of myself, my friends, and most men I've met throughout my life. All the blogger does is give sound advice and some constructive criticism. If you feel so wronged by it, maybe you should start a blog and list everything that men are doing wrong when it comes to dating.
What rubs a lot of men the wrong way are women who say we *should* be attracted to their intellect, achievements, personality, etc. Who are you to say what men should find attractive and go for? Since when do you have experience being a man?
I'm sure there are some guys out there that will put higher value on those things over looks. But, you can't influence or assume all men should be attracted to those qualities.
No, but I can be active in trying to change a social perspective that defines a woman's worth primarily by her looks. I don't believe, as I have said before, in submissively accepting a status quo I believe to be flawed.
It is intensely dispiriting to me, and I'm sure to others, to hear you say that so many men of my generation - intelligent, capable men who have grown up alongside (I presume) intelligent, capable, interesting women, with capable, in -dependent (ie. non dependent) mothers as models of what a woman can be - are still so focused primarily on visual appeal, in their search for a mate. I would have expected better than that from my own generation, at least. It saddens me that so many of my male peers' opinions of women and their value would sound more at home in the 1950s or earlier than in the 21st century, after decades of women's equality (at least in theory).
What rubs a lot of women up the wrong way is just the same, though in reverse - men who tell us what we 'should' be and do and look like in order for them to find us attractive. Mutuality seems to have been forgotten, and the power of choice is still(!!!) assumed to lie with the male.
I know it got lost in the page turn and not trying to say your point is invalid or can be rendered such but over and over we as guys are told what is expected of us as far as dating behavior...being the one to ask,paying,planning the event etc.
God forbid he doesn`t say something wrong,wear something wrong,be adequately engaging and humerus,attentive but not clingy and so on,with most of these requirements a mystery to him if he is doing it right for the given individual
Oh well
Not going to change,the bottom line is all of us have things we find attractive and insist the our partner meet them.
That is he way it works,where it gets sad to me is when a person,male or female gets so hung up on them that they refuse to consider a person who is not their perfect ideal in imagination.0 -
What rubs a lot of women up the wrong way is just the same, though in reverse - men who tell us what we 'should' be and do and look like in order for them to find us attractive. Mutuality seems to have been forgotten, and the power of choice is still(!!!) assumed to lie with the male.
Stop right there.
Never once, have I said on here said women should be attractive to men who are X,Y, and Z. I'm not entitled enough to think I should be able to influence what all women find attractive. If I had that power, then I'd say all women should be attracted to men named Mike, who are 30, and approx 5'10" tall.
Bottom line is that you aren't going to change a darn thing. You're just going to rub people the wrong way pushing your ideals on what men should go for in a partner.
If you achieve this power you think I can borrow it for about 10 or 20 minutes?0 -
Which is exactly my point - as a man you are valued for your intellect, your achievements, your personality - the intrinsic parts of who you are. Most women would like to be valued for those same things. Instead, we are told, repeatedly, that our only value lies in how we look - something that is not as 'controllable' as this chap would have us believe, unless one is willing and able to get into the extremes of plastic surgery and/or has endless financial resources and spare time.
I'm sorry you feel that way, but the blogger is an accurate representation of myself, my friends, and most men I've met throughout my life. All the blogger does is give sound advice and some constructive criticism. If you feel so wronged by it, maybe you should start a blog and list everything that men are doing wrong when it comes to dating.
What rubs a lot of men the wrong way are women who say we *should* be attracted to their intellect, achievements, personality, etc. Who are you to say what men should find attractive and go for? Since when do you have experience being a man?
I'm sure there are some guys out there that will put higher value on those things over looks. But, you can't influence or assume all men should be attracted to those qualities.
*slow clap*
Everyone is entitled to what THEY think is attractive. You cannot tell someone what they must think is attractive
No, and I wouldn't try, but I can suggest that it might be worth their while looking at the opposite gender as people, rather than barbie dolls or their equivalent. Or that they might consider that they want to be liked for their whole person, and strangely enough, so do most members of the opposite gender. I've really, really got to go now, but you know I'll be back tomorrow!0 -
No, and I wouldn't try, but I can suggest that it might be worth their while looking at the opposite gender as people, rather than barbie dolls or their equivalent. Or that they might consider that they want to be liked for their whole person, and strangely enough, so do most members of the opposite gender. I've really, really got to go now, but you know I'll be back tomorrow!
I'll bring the boxing gloves tomorrow. Have a goodnight! :flowerforyou:0 -
If you achieve this power you think I can borrow it for about 10 or 20 minutes?
Just got my magic wand in the other day.. I'll add 28 year olds from Wilmington, NC to the list of most desirable as well :drinker:0 -
Exactly. It's just the way it is.Bottom line is that you aren't going to change a darn thing. You're just going to rub people the wrong way pushing your ideals on what men should go for in a partner.
No individual gets to decide who is attracted to what. Not me, not Mike, not you. Society as a whole does.
You will not fundamentally change society, you can put a few seeds here and there (which you are doing, great), but you won't probably live to see the change you would like to see.
It takes several generation and for society as a whole to accept and integrate this change.
So I just think you could try to play along in the meantime to make it easier for you in certain domains. That won't make you a lesser woman, being so uncompromising isn't good for you. One has to live in their society.
As far as interpreting the blog, I see it exactly as Jenbit does.
"He is just saying maximizing your potential will help you in the dating world. Well no ****! Well all Know men value apperance. Getting angry wont change that."
I'd be curious to see where the blogger says anything else.
Well this is crazy then. Unless you only are basing your potential for a LTR with the guy approaching you on physical criteria, if the guy can't even speak two words intelligibly then how much of a potential LTR is this? Hold your horses! :laugh:Many women look at each new 'approach' as the potential beginning of a LTR
So no. Technically a new approach is only this: a new approach.
Before the person approaching you has even opened in mouth, there is no way you will say he has the potential for a LTR unless... unless you judge the person on their physical appearance.
And because you're a woman in competition with other woman, if I see a binder with pictures of 100 women inside ( :laugh: ) who I've never met before, and with nothing but their picture, and then I'm asked which 10 women I would like to meet, I don't need to tell you how the selection will go...
Now in real life, in the street, in a pub/club/party with 100 women, guess what will happen?
Remember: nobody has the ability to scan your brain, so you need to be attractive "physically" first (and that includes body language, etc.). All the blogger does is clarify what "attractive/approachable" means.
Note: this topic is craaaaazy! :laugh: :drinker: :flowerforyou: Flowers for everyone.0 -
Which is exactly my point - as a man you are valued for your intellect, your achievements, your personality - the intrinsic parts of who you are. Most women would like to be valued for those same things. Instead, we are told, repeatedly, that our only value lies in how we look - something that is not as 'controllable' as this chap would have us believe, unless one is willing and able to get into the extremes of plastic surgery and/or has endless financial resources and spare time.
I'm sorry you feel that way, but the blogger is an accurate representation of myself, my friends, and most men I've met throughout my life. All the blogger does is give sound advice and some constructive criticism. If you feel so wronged by it, maybe you should start a blog and list everything that men are doing wrong when it comes to dating.
What rubs a lot of men the wrong way are women who say we *should* be attracted to their intellect, achievements, personality, etc. Who are you to say what men should find attractive and go for? Since when do you have experience being a man?
I'm sure there are some guys out there that will put higher value on those things over looks. But, you can't influence or assume all men should be attracted to those qualities.
*slow clap*
Everyone is entitled to what THEY think is attractive. You cannot tell someone what they must think is attractive
No, and I wouldn't try, but I can suggest that it might be worth their while looking at the opposite gender as people, rather than barbie dolls or their equivalent. Or that they might consider that they want to be liked for their whole person, and strangely enough, so do most members of the opposite gender. I've really, really got to go now, but you know I'll be back tomorrow!
Castadiva I agree once again!
I think looking your best does help, but I feel like some men don't give a *kitten* as to the woman's personality, and then when the girl turns out to be whiney, *****y, selfish, they wonder what went wrong. Men, you can care about looks, it's your nature, but also consider personality.
In college, I knew these two really pretty girls, but they had not so good personalities. One of the girls dated the nicest guy ever, and all of my friends would have loved to date him, but instead he dated this girl who didnt have the best personality. Meanwhile, my friends and I mostly remained single. Explain that to me...0 -
In college, I knew these two really pretty girls, but they had not so good personalities. One of the girls dated the nicest guy ever, and all of my friends would have loved to date him, but instead he dated this girl who didnt have the best personality. Meanwhile, my friends and I mostly remained single. Explain that to me...
Here is your explanation.
Learn it. Know it. Live it.
http://www.therulesrevisited.com/0 -
Most women would like to be valued for those same things. Instead, we are told, repeatedly, that our only value lies in how we look - something that is not as 'controllable' as this chap would have us believe, unless one is willing and able to get into the extremes of plastic surgery and/or has endless financial resources and spare time.
I could not disagree more. Controlling looks is more easily done than controlling your income stream. Job security is a thing of the past. It is possible a person could be performing to the best of their abilities and still get laid off due to a variety of issues. Controlling looks is easier than being subjected to individual corporate and macroeconomic machinations.0 -
In college, I knew these two really pretty girls, but they had not so good personalities. One of the girls dated the nicest guy ever, and all of my friends would have loved to date him, but instead he dated this girl who didnt have the best personality. Meanwhile, my friends and I mostly remained single. Explain that to me...
Here is your explanation.
Learn it. Know it. Live it.
http://www.therulesrevisited.com/
The thing is Mike, is that I have: gotten contacts, learned to dress well (I stated a page back that I always dress nice, don't wear sweats in public, have makeup on 99% of the time), lost nearly 50 pounds, etc.
I basically followed those rules.
And it hasn't made a damn difference. Those girls still won. I know I'm just average, but those improvements did not help at all. I still believe in putting your best foot forward but for me, it's made no difference.0 -
In college, I knew these two really pretty girls, but they had not so good personalities. One of the girls dated the nicest guy ever, and all of my friends would have loved to date him, but instead he dated this girl who didnt have the best personality. Meanwhile, my friends and I mostly remained single. Explain that to me...
Here is your explanation.
Learn it. Know it. Live it.
http://www.therulesrevisited.com/
The thing is Mike, is that I have: gotten contacts, learned to dress well (I stated a page back that I always dress nice, don't wear sweats in public, have makeup on 99% of the time), lost nearly 50 pounds, etc.
I basically followed those rules.
And it hasn't made a damn difference. Those girls still won. I know I'm just average, but those improvements did not help at all. I still believe in putting your best foot forward but for me, it's made no difference.
Well, then forget the guy (or guys).
You can go to bed knowing you did everything within your power to try to win him over. You had your cheat sheet, did your research, and followed all the rules.. but the ball just didn't bounce your way.
Sometimes, even with all the loaded dice and extra cards up your sleeve, you still can't win the game.
But knowing you gave this a very strong effort, you won my respect. :flowerforyou:0 -
In college, I knew these two really pretty girls, but they had not so good personalities. One of the girls dated the nicest guy ever, and all of my friends would have loved to date him, but instead he dated this girl who didnt have the best personality. Meanwhile, my friends and I mostly remained single. Explain that to me...
Here is your explanation.
Learn it. Know it. Live it.
http://www.therulesrevisited.com/
The thing is Mike, is that I have: gotten contacts, learned to dress well (I stated a page back that I always dress nice, don't wear sweats in public, have makeup on 99% of the time), lost nearly 50 pounds, etc.
I basically followed those rules.
And it hasn't made a damn difference. Those girls still won. I know I'm just average, but those improvements did not help at all. I still believe in putting your best foot forward but for me, it's made no difference.
It is what is known as the difference between theory and applied reality.
I can`t tell you how many ladies have told me "what a catch" I am.
However they are always unavailable for a variety of reasons.
In reality for things I spoke of in the other thread as to why I am single and no doubt dozens more that I am not even aware of it has not been the case.
Frustrating at times?
You bet.
End of my world or without hope.
Not any more but have to deal with those circumstances (which I am in the process of).
Keep living,learning and applying those things to life.0 -
oh i'm not angry at this blogger, not in the least. that's why i said i'm glad i am ok being alone. if i don't fit someone else's idea of "ok, " then oh well :-)
i'm casual. that's just who i am. i don't wear dresses unless i absolutely have to. i don't like skirts either. i own heels, but rarely wear them. as a nurse, you wear scrubs and tennis shoes or clogs. as a mom, i live in my work out attire most of the time. yoga pants, under armour tshirt and running shoes. i don't and won't apologize for how i dress. do i expect to pick up guys that way? no, of course not. but, i'm usually out with all of my kids so i don't expect to be approached anyway. the gym is the only place i go where there are guys anyway.
my point is that this guy and other guys can say whatever they want, about whatever they like or dislike in a woman. it doesn't bother me or phase me. i am who i am. i like who i am. i'm not changing for someone else. if *I* want to change then i will change.Am I really the only lady on here not upset with the blogger?:noway:
Its his opinion and he said more than once that each of his guy friends finds different things about woemen attractive. He is not saying we all have to be "blond barbie's" He is just saying maximizing your potential will help you in the dating world. Well no ****!
Well all Know men value apperance. Getting angry wont change that.0 -
OK so I'm still reading through this guys blogs and found this one interesting
http://www.therulesrevisited.com/2012/11/what-it-is-like-to-be-rejected.html
For all the ladies that really want to see what a guy goes through read it.. It was an interesting perspective0 -
I keep reading.. and I can't stop. I WANT to hate it..but..but... it is too good. Feels like all the secrets are being unlocked... lol0
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OK so I'm still reading through this guys blogs and found this one interesting
http://www.therulesrevisited.com/2012/11/what-it-is-like-to-be-rejected.html
For all the ladies that really want to see what a guy goes through read it.. It was an interesting perspective
Flat out, rejection sucks!
Guys are naturally competitive. We want to win. We don't feel good when we don't win.0 -
i still prefer evan marc katz. :-)0
