the BEST message i have ever gotten :-)
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Buffalo Wild Wings is a horrible place for a first date. There isn't anything romantic about that setting whatsoever. I'm not sure why a guy would pick to watch football at BWW for their first date.
I think after-work drinks at a nice pub or lounge is the ideal first date. Somewhere that doesn't have so much visual stimuli (TV screens everywhere, scantly dressed waitress, etc) so you can focus on the conversation and build that romantic vibe.
I don't know that the setting matters all that much. I wouldn't choose a McDonald's for a first date but if you're into someone you're into them and vice versa. I had a great first date that involved meeting at the grocery store to do some shopping and then ice cream in the parking lot.
Agreed. The idea of a romantic date with someone I haven't even met creeps me out - especially since I don't even know if I'm attracted to them or not.
Though what's with the third degree in here? I had to loosen a few buttons geez.
As far as "You should tell someone in person blah blah" WHY? It's not my job to fix their ish, I don't give a damn if they figure their *kitten* out or not. I'm just trying to get away as fast and far as possible.0 -
I think after-work drinks at a nice pub or lounge is the ideal first date. Somewhere that doesn't have so much visual stimuli (TV screens everywhere, scantly dressed waitress, etc) so you can focus on the conversation and build that romantic vibe.
That's a good default option.
I prefer something active. I'm always a fan of an outdoorsy late afternoon walk somewhere with good scenery. There's a limited window weather wise for that sort of date in most places. A place like Los Angeles or San Diego could allow you to do that year round. Ice skating can be a good one too. Ice skating sets up the hand hold well, which can set up the first kiss.
What's most important is pre-selection. A lot of the time, people go on first dates that they have no business going on, which just creates a bad experience.0 -
some of my best first dates have been at places i consider "fun" ;-)
i've had dates at BWW. but, i don't really look at first dates as romantic or as anything more than a meet and greet, quick size each other up.....
my FAVORITE first date was at a driving range/ batting cage. we were there for an hour and we both had a TON of fun!!!! my worst first date was at starbucks. :-)0 -
I'm a fan of the active date as well, or the default coffee date. My favorite first date ever was a round of putt putt, followed by coffee in their little diner. It was just a fun way to get to know him. I have had successful first dates that started with coffee, followed by a trip to the sports bar to watch either a basketball or football game. The difference was that we were invested in getting to know each other while drinking coffee...once we got to the sports bar, we continued the conversation, but also had some competitive spirit thrown in.
I really don't like "romantic" first dates, because it's a first date. You don't know how you're going to feel about that person and I don't like to be forced into that kind of situation.0 -
i don't really look at first dates as romantic or as anything more than a meet and greet, quick size each other up.....I really don't like "romantic" first dates, because it's a first date. You don't know how you're going to feel about that person and I don't like to be forced into that kind of situation.
Both of these quotes speak to mindset issues.
I prefer my “meet & greets” to be done in person. I’d rather my “meet and greets” be done through the course of my regular day to day activities. I don’t want to be one on one with someone, and having them think it is a meet and greet and me think it is a date. Unaligned expectations lead to poor outcomes, and if I’m shelling out my hard earned money, even in small amounts (my first dates are usually inexpensive), I want a quality outcome. That is why I see having the “meet and greet” phase as best to be done through a friend of friend network intro, an exercise class or some other mutual activity that we both enjoy.
As for “romantic” first dates, if the “meet and greet” phase was done in person first, the first date is really the 2nd time you are seeing each other, but it is truly the first extended one on one time. A screen out can easily be done in an in person meet and greet. The first date should be about looking to have some good times together, and there’s excitement behind romance.0 -
i always make sure we are on the same page for the first time we meet. i'm ok with it being called a date or not being called a date. it can last 30 min or an hour or longer.
i've had first dates that have not stopped at an hour or two. i've had ones that go for HOURS because we had so much fun. but, it all started with a "meet and greet" kind of dealio.
my time is limited. i screen out via phone conversations and first and second dates. but, i am flexible. i will offer to pay. i don't have to be treated to a romantic meal on the first or second date to figure out if i want to date someone :-)0 -
i don't really look at first dates as romantic or as anything more than a meet and greet, quick size each other up.....I really don't like "romantic" first dates, because it's a first date. You don't know how you're going to feel about that person and I don't like to be forced into that kind of situation.
Both of these quotes speak to mindset issues.
"mindset issues" You call it. That's rich. Anyone that disagrees with you must have mindset issues because people can't possibly just have different perfectly acceptable outlooks - right?0 -
Both of these quotes speak to mindset issues.
I prefer my “meet & greets” to be done in person. I’d rather my “meet and greets” be done through the course of my regular day to day activities. I don’t want to be one on one with someone, and having them think it is a meet and greet and me think it is a date. Unaligned expectations lead to poor outcomes, and if I’m shelling out my hard earned money, even in small amounts (my first dates are usually inexpensive), I want a quality outcome. That is why I see having the “meet and greet” phase as best to be done through a friend of friend network intro, an exercise class or some other mutual activity that we both enjoy.
As for “romantic” first dates, if the “meet and greet” phase was done in person first, the first date is really the 2nd time you are seeing each other, but it is truly the first extended one on one time. A screen out can easily be done in an in person meet and greet. The first date should be about looking to have some good times together, and there’s excitement behind romance.
Ok, I can agree to the romantic date as a 2nd time you see someone. Ideally a meet and greet would happen in real life before the first date, but not all of us are having that luck, and not all of us have friends that can set us up. I just moved to this area 3 years ago. I have no family in the area and I have slowly made great friends. You can't just jump in and say "hook me up!". I've had a couple offer for me to meet mutual friends and in the end these didn't work out (one was 18 yrs older, the other was long distance).
In regards to meeting men in real life, it's happened a few times as well but no overwhelming success. I think part of that has to do with men not wanting to approach when my kids are present. I've taken that into account, and have done more things on my own (running errands, going to the bookstore, Starbucks, local pubs, etc). But, again, I'm just having no luck. It seems that when I start a conversation, his girlfriend/wife is quick to walk up (yes, I look for a ring first). I do appreciate the info you men provide on here, so at least I'm polishing up on my conversation skills by talking to them.
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i don't meet men in public. it just never happens. for one, ALL of my friends are married with kids. ALL of them!
two, 99% of the time i'm out with my kids.
three, i don't really send any kind of " i'm available" vibe ;-) i've been told by men that even without my kids, i don't LOOK available. to most men i look like i should be taken.......
so, my first dates have come to be on the relaxed side. maybe it's wrong. but, it is what it is :-) and i'm ok with things the way they are right now.........0 -
My preference for first dates is at a sports bar, with a game on the TV. I feel it takes a lot of the pressure off to have something to look up at and discuss (if for some reason there are uncomfortable silences, or any awkwardness). I also like sports and drinking beer, so all around it works for me. Ordering food is optional.
I don't like anything remotely romantic for a first date, especially a fancy, candle lit restaurant. At first date start time, the guy is usually a stranger to me. Anything that invites hand holding or touching or "coupleness" at the outset kind of creeps me out. This includes things like ice skating. (The romantic dates in the movies always seem to include ice skating.) Of course, hopefully by the end of the first date I have changed my mind!
For me, I can't imagine anything more depressing than meeting a first date for coffee. Blech. But then again, I'm not a big fan of sitting around Starbucks for any reason. I like to get my coffee and move on.0 -
I think part of that has to do with men not wanting to approach when my kids are present. I've taken that into account, and have done more things on my own (running errands, going to the bookstore, Starbucks, local pubs, etc).two, 99% of the time i'm out with my kids.
Nothing says "I'm not available" faster to most men than being out with kids. Even if the kids aren't your own (nephews, nieces and kids of your friends), their presence would also say this. Because most men would assume the kids are yours.
Single men who don't have kids are usually really bad matches for single women who have kids.0 -
see!! i scream, "not available." LOL!!!! oh except for the that whole " just sex" part. guys seem totally ok with pursuing me for " just sex." :-/ SMH
Nothing says "I'm not available" faster to most men than being out with kids. Even if the kids aren't your own (nephews, nieces and kids of your friends), their presence would also say this. Because most men would assume the kids are yours.
Single men who don't have kids are usually really bad matches for single women who have kids.0 -
Nothing says "I'm not available" faster to most men than being out with kids. Even if the kids aren't your own (nephews, nieces and kids of your friends), their presence would also say this. Because most men would assume the kids are yours.
Single men who don't have kids are usually really bad matches for single women who have kids.
I think this is true for younger men. Sometime between 30-40 this becomes less of an issue. I know in my 20s I joked that kids are just a socially acceptable form of STD. A negative outcome from having too much fun one night. You never completely get rid of them, they take a lot of money, you're constantly seeing doctors about them and you're always nervous how new partners will respond when they know you have them.
As I get older, I don't see kids as a "problem" any more. It does make it more difficult to get to know someone as her time is more focused on issues that concern her kids but the kids provide a lot of entertainment and social activities themselves.
I will say though that if the kids are with a woman, it makes it harder to approach as you have no privacy and the woman is likely to be more focused on seeing where the kids are/what they are doing than on making small talk. Having children with you also increases the chances that the woman is married or will be perceived as being married.0 -
It does make it more difficult to get to know someone as her time is more focused on issues that concern her kids but the kids provide a lot of entertainment and social activities themselves.
Right away, when a man is dealing with a woman with kids, he's not the #1 priority of the woman. There's no childless couple time, and I think childless couple time is some of the best time in a relationship if you take the really long view.0 -
It does make it more difficult to get to know someone as her time is more focused on issues that concern her kids but the kids provide a lot of entertainment and social activities themselves.
Right away, when a man is dealing with a woman with kids, he's not the #1 priority of the woman. There's no childless couple time, and I think childless couple time is some of the best time in a relationship if you take the really long view.
That is a completely false statement and very narrow viewpoint. When I start a new relationship, the man will not meet my children. We could go several weeks to months before he does and still have plenty of time to see each other. The mindset that you are showing is very common amongst younger single childless men, though. I have met many single men that have absolutely no problem with me being a single mother and realize that while we may not be able to be spontaneous, we can still have a great time together (without the children present and eventually with the children).
I think that the problem with meeting men in real life is mostly what dbrightwell explained. Men assume that women with children are married, or there is a lack of privacy and they do not want to approach her with children in tow. That is completely understandable, because I feel the same way when I see a man with children. It's very hard to flirt with a man when his children are present. You just feel dirty.0 -
It does make it more difficult to get to know someone as her time is more focused on issues that concern her kids but the kids provide a lot of entertainment and social activities themselves.
Right away, when a man is dealing with a woman with kids, he's not the #1 priority of the woman. There's no childless couple time, and I think childless couple time is some of the best time in a relationship if you take the really long view.
Not only do I disagree with this, I think it is a rather selfish point of view. I have dated several women with children. You are not going to be able to go out on a whim but that doesn't mean you aren't going to be able to go out and spend time doing things as a couple. If anything, the woman with kids is going to be much more appreciative of this time because it is much more rare.
I think it is selfish because it assumes the goal of getting to know someone and building a relationship is to be the immediate #1 priority. I'd prefer not to be the #1 priority as that comes across as desperate and clingy. That doesn't mean that it can work out with every single parent. If a woman never has time for a date or always has to cancel because of the kids then that is a problem. However, if you are on a fourth or fifth date and she is hiring a sitter or calling in favors from friends or family to spend time with you, that is a far better indicator of interest than if she is single and agrees to meet you out for a romantic dinner at your expense.0 -
It does make it more difficult to get to know someone as her time is more focused on issues that concern her kids but the kids provide a lot of entertainment and social activities themselves.
Right away, when a man is dealing with a woman with kids, he's not the #1 priority of the woman. There's no childless couple time, and I think childless couple time is some of the best time in a relationship if you take the really long view.
That is a completely false statement and very narrow viewpoint. When I start a new relationship, the man will not meet my children. We could go several weeks to months before he does and still have plenty of time to see each other. The mindset that you are showing is very common amongst younger single childless men, though. I have met many single men that have absolutely no problem with me being a single mother and realize that while we may not be able to be spontaneous, we can still have a great time together (without the children present and eventually with the children).
I think that the problem with meeting men in real life is mostly what dbrightwell explained. Men assume that women with children are married, or there is a lack of privacy and they do not want to approach her with children in tow. That is completely understandable, because I feel the same way when I see a man with children. It's very hard to flirt with a man when his children are present. You just feel dirty.
Agree completely with you Run. The last woman I dated, I didn't meet her child for several months, and was actually on accident. We had no issues finding time to do everything together without her child around. After that, we still had alone time but started also doing things that involved her child. It was nice.0 -
i don't really look at first dates as romantic or as anything more than a meet and greet, quick size each other up.....I really don't like "romantic" first dates, because it's a first date. You don't know how you're going to feel about that person and I don't like to be forced into that kind of situation.
Both of these quotes speak to mindset issues.
I prefer my “meet & greets” to be done in person. I’d rather my “meet and greets” be done through the course of my regular day to day activities. I don’t want to be one on one with someone, and having them think it is a meet and greet and me think it is a date.
DM- Several women here are telling you that they don't like romantic first dates and yet you think it's a mindset issue? Perhaps it's a gender issue and you are being so headstrong that your way is right that you could be alienating your own dates. Just some food for thought.
Oh and we all know you prefer off-line meeting and dates. In theory I think we all would, but that isn't always realistic in modern times...so please don't be the grandpa on the stoop yelling at us kids that things were different 'back in the olden days". Embrace technology or be it's roadkill.
And as far as the dating with kids thing, I think we can all agree that we are all allowed to have a preference. But don't forget that everyone on this board has a different lifestyle and you sometimes come across (I assume unintentionally) as insulting by saying that they are no longer relevant because they have kids, etc., etc.
The direction this thread took disturbs me a bit, I'm not trying to start a fight. Plus, I know DM can handle the heat 0 -
DM- Several women here are telling you that they don't like romantic first dates and yet you think it's a mindset issue? Perhaps it's a gender issue and you are being so headstrong that your way is right that you could be alienating your own dates. Just some food for thought.
Oh and we all know you prefer off-line meeting and dates. In theory I think we all would, but that isn't always realistic in modern times...so please don't be the grandpa on the stoop yelling at us kids that things were different 'back in the olden days". Embrace technology or be it's roadkill.
And as far as the dating with kids thing, I think we can all agree that we are all allowed to have a preference. But don't forget that everyone on this board has a different lifestyle and you sometimes come across (I assume unintentionally) as insulting by saying that they are no longer relevant because they have kids, etc., etc.
The direction this thread took disturbs me a bit, I'm not trying to start a fight. Plus, I know DM can handle the heat
It depends on the definition of romantic. I'm not talking about an expensive restaurant dinner with soft candlelight. But there are ways to enhance the ambiance. I think the physical attraction component should be explored. I need to know if someone finds me attractive.
Technology should be embraced when its impact is materially beneficial. I think there's a lot of dissatisfaction with the online dating sites. I think something you said sums it up. "In theory I think we all would (prefer an offline meeting)". If there's a preference for an offline meeting, doesn't an offline meeting put someone in the best position to succeed based on that logic? Wouldn't someone want to best position themselves to succeed? We've explored some of the mechanical issues on here. I would rather fewer, higher quality dates than more lower quality dates. I feel that online dating sites provide an avenue for two people to get together that really have no business getting together. It's much easier to meet, greet and screen someone out sooner if you meet in person first going through the day to day activities. Extended one on one time (and by extended, I mean more than 10-15 mins) is best once you've past the screen out phase.
I readily admitted that I am a terrible fit for someone with kids due to my perspective and expectations. Pre-selection is the most important aspect of having a good date. Some dates can't be salvaged. The last date I went on was a failure in pre-selection, despite the fact that there was the right ambiance set. I've had times where I've had the same exact first date venue with different people and the dates were radically different.0
