Since people have offered
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4themoney
Posts: 797 Member
I am going to take them up on it.
Several people have offered to critique me. I am game. Apparently I communicate strangely, I would like to fix
That so please point out my oddity!!
As for the online profile, I deleted all. Match I can't figure out how to delete it. I changed it after a couple guys asked for my phone number just to tell me they were only interested in casual hooking up. So, you can see
It as it stands, but it's pretty clear I am only looking for friends.
I would love critiquing in general. Please don't hold back. I want brutal honesty. And regarding the whole sex thing, all I said to the one guy was that I don't move that fast. After he explained why he was canceling I tried explaining that since I have 5 kids I need to be cautious and I can't afford to move too fast.
I will answer any question and post pics if you'd like. I will copy an paste the match stuff too if you want.
Thank you :-)
Several people have offered to critique me. I am game. Apparently I communicate strangely, I would like to fix
That so please point out my oddity!!
As for the online profile, I deleted all. Match I can't figure out how to delete it. I changed it after a couple guys asked for my phone number just to tell me they were only interested in casual hooking up. So, you can see
It as it stands, but it's pretty clear I am only looking for friends.
I would love critiquing in general. Please don't hold back. I want brutal honesty. And regarding the whole sex thing, all I said to the one guy was that I don't move that fast. After he explained why he was canceling I tried explaining that since I have 5 kids I need to be cautious and I can't afford to move too fast.
I will answer any question and post pics if you'd like. I will copy an paste the match stuff too if you want.
Thank you :-)
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Replies
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A few questions: are all the guys you are referring to from online dating? or anyone you met and then they got a sexual tone immediately? If it's the online thing, then yes, please do show your profile, otherwise, we really won't know.0
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I don't meet men in person. Ever. Haven't since I was 19. It took me a year post separation to just LOOK a guy in the eyes. And another year to respond w words. It's been 3 yrs and today I confidently looked a guy in the eyes after he
Spoke to me :-)0 -
I haven't followed all your posts but I did read the boob post.
I can imagine your frustration.
In my exerience, I'll say that I do a pretty good job of weeding guys like this out. Granted, I do have flings here and there but those are MY choice. But when I was using online dating, I'd look at their profiles, pics, lots of questions, etc. Even then, you can't be 100% sure the man you're talking to isn't looking just for a hook up but I think that's where experience and your gut can help you.
I think 1 guy I was dating asked me for a pic of me in the shower or something when I mentioned I needed to shower. I just made a joke about it (haha, I don't think so...) and kept observing.
Like someone said, maybe you're sending a vibe to men that you are unaware of.
For examle, I have been told I come off as I have too many rules about physical stuff (not sex but more like when is it okay to touch my boobs for example lol). Though I don't want to come across as a rules gal, I must be sending out a vibe with my body language, things I say, etc.
You said someone on MFP was writing you about your boobs. You have a pic of your breasts with no bra showing off your nipples. And this might come off wrong but usually people that posts pics like that don't mind the sexual innuendos and flirtations that come with it. If you're going to post a pic like that, don't be surprised when you get sexual type of conversations. I'm just being honest. I'd never post a pic like that because I don't like that kind of message. (I'm not judging anybody that does) And to this day I have NEVER received a message of that sort besides the "you're hot" "you're pics are great!" etc...0 -
I am happy to help/critique..but don't have anything to go on really...as I don't think what you post here would be a clear indicator of an online profile or what you would put out there to a man. Perhaps if you feel comfortable with someone (not necessarily me, mind you), perhaps copy your match profile and send it to them. That would help.
La_Amazona - I'd like to use her as an example - she projects ample confidence, a high level of self worth and value, an understanding and appreciation of her sexuality and how to use it (or not), and is clear about what she wants and what she offers. Though she has written about moments of uncertainty and nerves, for the most part the confidence always comes through and I can imagine that men know what they have to do (or not do) to get her attention and/or a date. That's pretty sexy to me.. (platonically!)0 -
this is what i have up at match.com right now. my profile is hidden since i can't figure out how to delete it.
At this point I think I'm best off looking for a friend. Maybe a chance for more, but not initially starting out as dating or going on dates. I know I'm not the most gorgeous woman on the block, but I am very kind, and outgoing, sweet and thoughtful. I am polite and appreciative. I am charismatic and smart, and goofy, and daring, and spontaneous......
I belong to Lifetime Fitness in sterling, va and I have joined Gold's Gym ( planning on attending Charles Town, WV). I would love to find someone to work out with!!
I love hiking, and think it would be great to have a hiking partner, or someone to spend a weekend camping with. I own a mountain bike ( Gary Fisher/ Trek Mamba) but i don't spend nearly enough time out riding. I'd love to find a riding partner! I also have strong interests in getting into running, nothing too crazy long, just some 5Ks. Maybe you're a runner who could help me? :-)
I own two huge Great Pyrenees dogs and I think it would be fun to have someone come with me on walks along the C and O canal or Bears Den. Together they are 200 lbs and while I can do it on my own, it would be more fun with someone else helping me out!
ME= idealistic, altruistic, detached, independent, original, surprising, gifted, contradictory, innovative, humanistic, likeable, friendly, self-confident, impassive, quiet, intuitive, creative, charitable, elusive, disconcerting, generous, tolerant, paradoxical, and cannot stand any kind of constraint.
Relationship: Divorced
Have kids: Yes, they live at home (3+)
Want kids: I'll tell you later
Ethnicity: White / Caucasian
Body type: I'll tell you later
Height: 5'3" (160cms)
Faith: Christian / LDS
Smoke: No Way
Drink: Never
keep in mind, i changed all of what i wrote some time last week. i never really know what to say on these things anyway :-)0 -
When you post on online dating sites what do you say you are looking for? Per what you wrote you say you are looking for a friend. If you put that you are looking for something casual or not a relationship most guys are going to take that as you are looking for a FWB.
As for the comments about your boob picture I have to agree with Amazona. When you post a picture braless with the nipples on full alert you are going to get comments from guys wanting to suck them or worse. Just like I am sure that Kits had had some guys mentioning they would like to motorboat her.0 -
La_Amazona - I'd like to use her as an example - she projects ample confidence, a high level of self worth and value, an understanding and appreciation of her sexuality and how to use it (or not), and is clear about what she wants and what she offers. Though she has written about moments of uncertainty and nerves, for the most part the confidence always comes through and I can imagine that men know what they have to do (or not do) to get her attention and/or a date. That's pretty sexy to me.. (platonically!)
Thank you!!! This made me smile. I have grown up soooo much this year alone. Thank you for being open and complimenting me. I truly, truly appreciate it because it wasn't easy (still have more to learn!).0 -
The first thing you say is that you're not looking to date or go on dates. You talk down on your own value before you get to your good points. Fix those first - especially since those are the two biggest complaints you have.0
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At this point I think I'm best off looking for a friend. Maybe a chance for more, but not initially starting out as dating or going on dates. I know I'm not the most gorgeous woman on the block, but I am very kind, and outgoing, sweet and thoughtful. I am polite and appreciative. I am charismatic and smart, and goofy, and daring, and spontaneous......
Right off the bat it would seem to be a mixed message.
By that I mean on a dating website but asking for a friend not dates and then the maybe chance for more could be interpreted as simply wanting a hook up.
It is a bit difficult to guess as I am not reading it without the knowledge of what you have shared here so that will color what I may be looking for or trying to interpret.
At the least Dana it sounds kind of defeatest...who says you could not be considered the most gorgeous woman on the block?
It is almost telling guys that you aren`t worth much and that is not true.
Make sense? :flowerforyou:0 -
Just like I am sure that Kits had had some guys mentioning they would like to motorboat her.
Yeah, it's kinda funny. I'm just too lazy to change it and now it's kind of an ongoing gag... but if those responses bothered me? I'd change my picture.0 -
As complicated as it sounds, MM is right. When you say "friend" most guys might take that as you're not looking for a relationship and since it's a dating site, you must be looking for a special friend aka: FWB or FB.
I used to have no committment/ casual dating or something on mine and I was told the same thing as we are telling you. I then changed it to looking for a relationship. Once I went out with someone, the question always came up "so, what are you looking for?" and that's when I'd explain myself...0 -
this is what i have up at match.com right now. my profile is hidden since i can't figure out how to delete it.
At this point I think I'm best off looking for a friend. Maybe a chance for more, but not initially starting out as dating or going on dates. I know I'm not the most gorgeous woman on the block, but I am very kind, and outgoing, sweet and thoughtful. I am polite and appreciative. I am charismatic and smart, and goofy, and daring, and spontaneous......
I belong to Lifetime Fitness in sterling, va and I have joined Gold's Gym ( planning on attending Charles Town, WV). I would love to find someone to work out with!!
I love hiking, and think it would be great to have a hiking partner, or someone to spend a weekend camping with. I own a mountain bike ( Gary Fisher/ Trek Mamba) but i don't spend nearly enough time out riding. I'd love to find a riding partner! I also have strong interests in getting into running, nothing too crazy long, just some 5Ks. Maybe you're a runner who could help me? :-)
I own two huge Great Pyrenees dogs and I think it would be fun to have someone come with me on walks along the C and O canal or Bears Den. Together they are 200 lbs and while I can do it on my own, it would be more fun with someone else helping me out!
ME= idealistic, altruistic, detached, independent, original, surprising, gifted, contradictory, innovative, humanistic, likeable, friendly, self-confident, impassive, quiet, intuitive, creative, charitable, elusive, disconcerting, generous, tolerant, paradoxical, and cannot stand any kind of constraint.
Relationship: Divorced
Have kids: Yes, they live at home (3+)
Want kids: I'll tell you later
Ethnicity: White / Caucasian
Body type: I'll tell you later
Height: 5'3" (160cms)
Faith: Christian / LDS
Smoke: No Way
Drink: Never
keep in mind, i changed all of what i wrote some time last week. i never really know what to say on these things anyway :-)
Okay.. I know exactly why you are getting what you get now. The guys would do a better job...but this is my interpretation of how your profile would be received. What I think men might think in ( ).
At this point I think I'm best off looking for a friend. (Sweet.. I don't have to spend money on taking her out. Friend or probably a FWB if she's online dating)
Maybe a chance for more, but not initially starting out as dating or going on dates. (Hello FWB! Wonder if she'll send me naked pictures then?)
I know I'm not the most gorgeous woman on the block, but I am very kind, and outgoing, sweet and thoughtful. (Hmm... not confident - she doesn't think she's hot, so why should I / perfect.. she'll be grateful for any attention I give her and thank me for it ...maybe with sex?)
I am polite and appreciative. I am charismatic and smart, and goofy, and daring, and spontaneous...... (she's grateful, and maybe spontaneous enough to have FWB sex with me?)
I belong to Lifetime Fitness in sterling, va and I have joined Gold's Gym ( planning on attending Charles Town, WV). I would love to find someone to work out with!! (why does she go to two gyms?)
I love hiking, and think it would be great to have a hiking partner, or someone to spend a weekend camping with. (not independent)
I own a mountain bike ( Gary Fisher/ Trek Mamba) but i don't spend nearly enough time out riding. I'd love to find a riding partner! (not independent)
I also have strong interests in getting into running, nothing too crazy long, just some 5Ks. Maybe you're a runner who could help me? :-) (not confident or independent)
I own two huge Great Pyrenees dogs and I think it would be fun to have someone come with me on walks along the C and O canal or Bears Den. Together they are 200 lbs and while I can do it on my own, it would be more fun with someone else helping me out! (Has interests..but isn't independent. Has twice now basically asked for someone to motivate / help her - doesn't project confidence).
Okay..I have a meeting but would LOVE to re-write the crap out of this for you. It's all about confidence and selling yourself (truthfully, but in the most positive of lights).0 -
well, here i do it as part of the fun of MFP boobie fridays, LOL! i don't mind as much the comments, but when i couple those with what i get via online dating it gets discouraging. i did stop for awhile because it was too much.
You said someone on MFP was writing you about your boobs. You have a pic of your breasts with no bra showing off your nipples. And this might come off wrong but usually people that posts pics like that don't mind the sexual innuendos and flirtations that come with it. If you're going to post a pic like that, don't be surprised when you get sexual type of conversations. I'm just being honest. I'd never post a pic like that because I don't like that kind of message. (I'm not judging anybody that does) And to this day I have NEVER received a message of that sort besides the "you're hot" "you're pics are great!" etc...0 -
At this point I think I'm best off looking for a friend. Maybe a chance for more, but not initially starting out as dating or going on dates.
This sounds as though you DO NOT want to date. I'm assuming that's why guys think you're online for other reasons. I also think this is why you got the message from a woman last week.
Your profile comes across as both negative and uncertain about who you are as a person. Time for some self-confidence! Hopefully we Peeps can help with that. :flowerforyou:
Finally, everything is about what the guy can do for you... working out with you, running with you, walking your dogs with you... what can you do or be for him? Or what qualities are you looking for in a man? Those are important too. Although I will add that I like when someone poses an interest and asks for a partner like this quote "Maybe you're a runner who could help me?", just maybe not on every single topic.
Hope that helped a little.0 -
Sorry, I keep coming in here.. lol
I just reread your post and wth is up with you saying "I know I'm not the most gorgeous woman"??????
No no no!
I can kind of understand what you're saying. I know I'm NOT the most gorgeous woman in the world but I'd like to think I'm beautiful, pretty, sexy, cute, whatever. And that one day, I WILL be the most gorgeous woman to 1 man, the one that really matters.
If you ever do get back online, take that out! Asap! My ex bf said the other online date he had went on the chick said something similar to him while on the date. He said all he could think about was "wow, you're already telling me you're not worth it and telling me NOT to find you attractive".0 -
thanks!
i haven't received a single message or wink since i put that up. so i assumed it was sending the message of " not gonna happen" instead of " i'd like to be your FWB." LOL!!!
ugh. i am TOO independent. i do stuff ALL BY MYSELF ALL THE TIME. i thought i pissed off guys because i don't wait for them and i don't want their help.
this is why i need to be alone. i won't get this right! LOL0 -
Just like I am sure that Kits had had some guys mentioning they would like to motorboat her.
Yeah, it's kinda funny. I'm just too lazy to change it and now it's kind of an ongoing gag... but if those responses bothered me? I'd change my picture.
Oh I know you could handle them. I just said that because they are very motorboat worth boobs so if you weren't getting the messages it is really a shame.0 -
well, i had like 5 days left on my membership when i put that up. and no, i don't want to date anymore. i'm tired of weeding through. so, i put it up as, a hail mary. MAYBE someone is looking for a friend. but nothing more. ya know?
i have always figured i had self confidence. but maybe i don't.
my reality is that i don't need a man. i mean, i'd like to have someone on the weekends i don't have kids, but there can't be over nights and weekly dates, etc. so, in that regard i would be ok with dating, but i mean i've had guys in my house telling me i'm not organized in the "right way." THAT i have no patience for. it's my house, i live here and it makes sense to me :-)
so, how do i come across as confident and independent?At this point I think I'm best off looking for a friend. Maybe a chance for more, but not initially starting out as dating or going on dates.
This sounds as though you DO NOT want to date. I'm assuming that's why guys think you're online for other reasons. I also think this is why you got the message from a woman last week.
Your profile comes across as both negative and uncertain about who you are as a person. Time for some self-confidence! Hopefully we Peeps can help with that. :flowerforyou:
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this is what i have up at match.com right now. my profile is hidden since i can't figure out how to delete it.
At this point I think I'm best off looking for a friend. Maybe a chance for more, but not initially starting out as dating or going on dates. I know I'm not the most gorgeous woman on the block, but I am very kind, and outgoing, sweet and thoughtful. I am polite and appreciative. I am charismatic and smart, and goofy, and daring, and spontaneous......
I belong to Lifetime Fitness in sterling, va and I have joined Gold's Gym ( planning on attending Charles Town, WV). I would love to find someone to work out with!!
I love hiking, and think it would be great to have a hiking partner, or someone to spend a weekend camping with. I own a mountain bike ( Gary Fisher/ Trek Mamba) but i don't spend nearly enough time out riding. I'd love to find a riding partner! I also have strong interests in getting into running, nothing too crazy long, just some 5Ks. Maybe you're a runner who could help me? :-)
I own two huge Great Pyrenees dogs and I think it would be fun to have someone come with me on walks along the C and O canal or Bears Den. Together they are 200 lbs and while I can do it on my own, it would be more fun with someone else helping me out!
ME= idealistic, altruistic, detached, independent, original, surprising, gifted, contradictory, innovative, humanistic, likeable, friendly, self-confident, impassive, quiet, intuitive, creative, charitable, elusive, disconcerting, generous, tolerant, paradoxical, and cannot stand any kind of constraint.
Relationship: Divorced
Have kids: Yes, they live at home (3+)
Want kids: I'll tell you later
Ethnicity: White / Caucasian
Body type: I'll tell you later
Height: 5'3" (160cms)
Faith: Christian / LDS
Smoke: No Way
Drink: Never
keep in mind, i changed all of what i wrote some time last week. i never really know what to say on these things anyway :-)
Okay.. I know exactly why you are getting what you get now. The guys would do a better job...but this is my interpretation of how your profile would be received. What I think men might think in ( ).
At this point I think I'm best off looking for a friend. (Sweet.. I don't have to spend money on taking her out. Friend or probably a FWB if she's online dating)
Maybe a chance for more, but not initially starting out as dating or going on dates. (Hello FWB! Wonder if she'll send me naked pictures then?)
I know I'm not the most gorgeous woman on the block, but I am very kind, and outgoing, sweet and thoughtful. (Hmm... not confident - she doesn't think she's hot, so why should I / perfect.. she'll be grateful for any attention I give her and thank me for it ...maybe with sex?)
I am polite and appreciative. I am charismatic and smart, and goofy, and daring, and spontaneous...... (she's grateful, and maybe spontaneous enough to have FWB sex with me?)
I belong to Lifetime Fitness in sterling, va and I have joined Gold's Gym ( planning on attending Charles Town, WV). I would love to find someone to work out with!! (why does she go to two gyms?)
I love hiking, and think it would be great to have a hiking partner, or someone to spend a weekend camping with. (not independent)
I own a mountain bike ( Gary Fisher/ Trek Mamba) but i don't spend nearly enough time out riding. I'd love to find a riding partner! (not independent)
I also have strong interests in getting into running, nothing too crazy long, just some 5Ks. Maybe you're a runner who could help me? :-) (not confident or independent)
I own two huge Great Pyrenees dogs and I think it would be fun to have someone come with me on walks along the C and O canal or Bears Den. Together they are 200 lbs and while I can do it on my own, it would be more fun with someone else helping me out! (Has interests..but isn't independent. Has twice now basically asked for someone to motivate / help her - doesn't project confidence).
Okay..I have a meeting but would LOVE to re-write the crap out of this for you. It's all about confidence and selling yourself (truthfully, but in the most positive of lights).
I COMPLETELY agree with everything said here. That's exactly how I read it...0 -
well, here i do it as part of the fun of MFP boobie fridays, LOL! i don't mind as much the comments, but when i couple those with what i get via online dating it gets discouraging. i did stop for awhile because it was too much.You said someone on MFP was writing you about your boobs. You have a pic of your breasts with no bra showing off your nipples. And this might come off wrong but usually people that posts pics like that don't mind the sexual innuendos and flirtations that come with it. If you're going to post a pic like that, don't be surprised when you get sexual type of conversations. I'm just being honest. I'd never post a pic like that because I don't like that kind of message. (I'm not judging anybody that does) And to this day I have NEVER received a message of that sort besides the "you're hot" "you're pics are great!" etc...
stop. this. now.Okay.. I know exactly why you are getting what you get now. The guys would do a better job...but this is my interpretation of how your profile would be received. What I think men might think in ( ).
At this point I think I'm best off looking for a friend. (Sweet.. I don't have to spend money on taking her out. Friend or probably a FWB if she's online dating)
Maybe a chance for more, but not initially starting out as dating or going on dates. (Hello FWB! Wonder if she'll send me naked pictures then?)
I know I'm not the most gorgeous woman on the block, but I am very kind, and outgoing, sweet and thoughtful. (Hmm... not confident - she doesn't think she's hot, so why should I / perfect.. she'll be grateful for any attention I give her and thank me for it ...maybe with sex?)
I am polite and appreciative. I am charismatic and smart, and goofy, and daring, and spontaneous...... (she's grateful, and maybe spontaneous enough to have FWB sex with me?)
I belong to Lifetime Fitness in sterling, va and I have joined Gold's Gym ( planning on attending Charles Town, WV). I would love to find someone to work out with!! (why does she go to two gyms?)
I love hiking, and think it would be great to have a hiking partner, or someone to spend a weekend camping with. (not independent)
I own a mountain bike ( Gary Fisher/ Trek Mamba) but i don't spend nearly enough time out riding. I'd love to find a riding partner! (not independent)
I also have strong interests in getting into running, nothing too crazy long, just some 5Ks. Maybe you're a runner who could help me? :-) (not confident or independent)
I own two huge Great Pyrenees dogs and I think it would be fun to have someone come with me on walks along the C and O canal or Bears Den. Together they are 200 lbs and while I can do it on my own, it would be more fun with someone else helping me out! (Has interests..but isn't independent. Has twice now basically asked for someone to motivate / help her - doesn't project confidence).
EXACTLY!!!
when you project "no confidence" guys immediately thing fwb or pushover. and guys with their act together dont wanna spend their life motivating and pushing you. they want you to have your act together.0
