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this. putting yourself down = a good invitation to predatory guys. it seems like you are saying you dont value yourself and some guys are going to see that as meaning you'd be willing to do anything for a little bit of attention.The first thing you say is that you're not looking to date or go on dates. You talk down on your own value before you get to your good points. Fix those first - especially since those are the two biggest complaints you have.0 -
FYI: Your current MFP profile picture pose will be seen as submissive and does not project confidence. Anyone who is looking up at the camera like that will be subconsiously seen in the same way.
Yet there might be men out there who go for submissive, beta females (I'm one of them). I'd like to consider myself an alpha male and I only get along with beta females.
If you come off as too strong and independent, there might be some men that completely turned off by this.
I agree that if you visually come off strong and independent and then are also that in terms of personality, it can be a slight overload on that quality. HOWEVER, in this case, confidence is lacking.. so a photo or two in there where she is happy and confident I think would be a nice addition.
See La_Amazona's (my current girl crush apparently!) MFP profile. Hello confidence!
Even my profile picture, taken just slightly from above will be seen as submissive. Don't I look sweet?
And sometimes I play as that too.. though people who know me will regularly speak of my strength and confidence. Not to mention filthy mind. LOL
Sending mixed signals keeps it interesting! Or at least confusing.
I kind of pity my boyfriend right now. He has no idea what he is in for. Mwah ha ha ha
tangent much? I just had a LOT of coffee.0 -
ok.
so, yeah, i have zero clue how to make it not sound like any of that stuff. :-)
i have my act together, which is why i don't need a guy........ so, what do i do then??
so then why bother looking if you dont want to be in a relationship? if it's not something you want then why bother trying to make your profile stand out?
i agree with the others who are saying you be sending mixed messages :flowerforyou:
maybe first sit down and think about what you actually want from a dating experience? don;t bother thinking about whether or not it's possible or how it's going to happen, etc. just start off by thinking about what YOU would want and why.0 -
to whomever came to back me up, thank you. i appreciate you looking out for me, but it's ok. i'm a big girl. believe me, there is NOTHING anyone can say to me that will hurt me. you can call me names, put me down, be as ugly and nasty as you want. it won't affect me. and i won't be angry or hold a grudge or be judgemental or unkind towards you. it's not my job to judge others or how they treat me. so, i don't. i will walk away and avoid you before i would say something unkind in return :-)0
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See La_Amazona's (my current girl crush apparently!) MFP profile. Hello confidence!
:blushing: :flowerforyou:0 -
4themoney, it takes someone with big balls to come on here and volunteer to get told what you can do better. I applaud you for it!!0
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4themoney, it takes someone with big balls to come on here and volunteer to get told what you can do better. I applaud you for it!!
^^^ Absolutely agree with this.0 -
4themoney, it takes someone with big balls to come on here and volunteer to get told what you can do better. I applaud you for it!!
^^^ Absolutely agree with this.
Agreed!
I think you've been given some great advice here! You should rewrote your profile using some of the suggestions and repost it for us to read!0 -
For the record, there are definitely guys that read profiles. The ones that don't are the ones you want to avoid anyway. Write for the ones that will read it.0
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4themoney, it takes someone with big balls to come on here and volunteer to get told what you can do better. I applaud you for it!!
^^^ Absolutely agree with this.
Yup, very brave of you!0 -
you know what, i'll take whatever anyone wants to give me in terms of advice, thoughts, suggestions. the good, the bad, and the ugly!!!!
i was with my ex from 19 until i was 33. he was my ONE and ONLY real relationship. and he was abusive from about 6 months in and on. only i didn't know it was considered abuse for a long time. 2 months after my 5th child was born he decided he didn't love me, didn't want to be married anymore. after i gave up everything to support him and be the dutiful wife. i stopped working and i moved ever two years. i didn't make friends with my neighbors because my ex didn't like them. he thought they were all red necks. i wasn't allowed to talk to guys!!! i wasn't allowed to do much, even work from home.
so, 3.5 years ago i find myself on my own and in counseling and working on fixing ME!!! come to find out he's got surveillance equipment all over the house. he's bugged my phone, GPS in the car, remote view on my laptop and more. add in the PI for a year too ( which i found out about after the fact). i was spied on and followed for over a year. i tried moving on, but there was no way i could all i could do was focus on me and my kids.
so, a year ago i was legally divorced and wasn't going to feel badly for dating, but there is no way to meet single men where i live so i started the online thing and as you can all see, i'm not good at that. my ex was still stalking me this past spring ( 2012) and for all i know he's still doing it. but, i stopped caring. i stopped worrying about it. i decided once and for all to move on with my life!!!
i do NOT need a man. i don't. but, i do get lonely. i do want to hear "i love you" some day. so, i guess it's better to say i WANT a man :-)
i worked hard to "graduate" from domestic violence counseling :-) i wont' let anyone here take that away from me. just like no one here can hurt me. *I* get to choose how i feel, end of story!!! BUT, i get that i need to fix some things and work on others. i don't have family in my corner backing me up and saying nice things about me. so, it's hard to do when you weren't raised hearing that you actually have any value to anyone.
thanks!0 -
Do you attend a LDS church? Maybe there are some people there who have single or divorced brothers?0
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i do.
where i am, it's pretty much a family town. there are a HANDFUL of people that are divorced ( like myself) but not many. i have one friend who has a brother, but in texas. then, there are two other girls my age that are divorcing but i would never get involved with either of their ex's. then i found out about another guy that's divorced in a neighboring town, but he's the guy that my friend was dating until right before thanksgiving. she's still in love with him, but he broke it off with her ( i think its temporary)
i'd have to move to an area with more LDS in the mid- singles age ( like 31-45 age bracket). they just aren't HERE where i am :-)0 -
I understand you on more levels than I'm willing to write on here....but, just know I understand.
I think the hardest part of dating is to not hold him accountable for what your ex did. That is going to be very difficult, I know. But, it is possible and just takes time. Online dating is harder for some people in these regards because you have to have a certain amount of trust going into the situation. I've gone back and forth with it, and tried different sites. I've taken breaks because sometimes it just seems overwhelming and I have other things going on in my life that I need to focus on. During some of those breaks I've met men in the "real world" and sometimes I haven't. But, either way, it's more enjoyable when you're relaxed and in the mindset that he's only there to supplement your life and not complete it. 0 -
i do.
where i am, it's pretty much a family town. there are a HANDFUL of people that are divorced ( like myself) but not many. i have one friend who has a brother, but in texas. then, there are two other girls my age that are divorcing but i would never get involved with either of their ex's. then i found out about another guy that's divorced in a neighboring town, but he's the guy that my friend was dating until right before thanksgiving. she's still in love with him, but he broke it off with her ( i think its temporary)
i'd have to move to an area with more LDS in the mid- singles age ( like 31-45 age bracket). they just aren't HERE where i am :-)
Where does the church typically stand on the issue of divorce and how does that possibly influence guys within it.
I ask because the church I once went to viewed divorce as an unthinkable thing virtually and if a person was it would have ramifications for them.
Just curious if that is a possible thing affecting you.0 -
ok, so i mushed some stuff together
let me know what you all think :-)
Hi!
I am a single mom. I've been divorced for about three years. I have a full and exciting life that I would like to share with a special gentleman. I am old fashioned. I believe in taking the time to develop a serious relationship. Some qualities that I believe I offer are that I am spontaneous, very kind, and outgoing, sweet and thoughtful. I am polite and appreciative. I am non-judgemental, charismatic, smart, and goofy.
I love to hike and mountain bike, but am missing that partner to make it more enjoyable. I also enjoy working out frequently. While I am a single mother, I do have the time to put into a relationship for the right man.
My ideal partner would be a man that loves the outdoors, staying in shape, is good with kids, and he is family oriented. He takes care of himself when it comes to appearance and grooming habits, and he doesn't drink or smoke. He is charming, respectful, polite, witty, smart, playful, engaging, supportive, confident, funny, can carry a conversation, and loves what he does for a living. He likes animals, can love with both words and actions, he doesn't get jealous easily, and he is honest about his feelings. I am financially and emotionally stable, and request that you be as well.
I own two huge Great Pyrenees dogs that I often take on long walks. Perhaps you could join us sometime?0 -
it's not like other christian churches where you are ostracized for being divorced. i mean, adultery is different. but, divorce without cheating is not the end of things for you. i have known at least one women that was married and divorced like 3 times or something like that, LOL. but, she moved back west. which is where i'd have to go more than likely. LOL
if i lived in utah or idaho to be successful in the church i think :-) we'll see though. maybe, some day i'll meet a nice LDS man......
Where does the church typically stand on the issue of divorce and how does that possibly influence guys within it.
I ask because the church I once went to viewed divorce as an unthinkable thing virtually and if a person was it would have ramifications for them.
Just curious if that is a possible thing affecting you.0 -
ok, so i mushed some stuff together
let me know what you all think :-)
Hi!
I am a single mom. I've been divorced for about three years. I have a full and exciting life that I would like to share with a special gentleman. I am old fashioned. I believe in taking the time to develop a serious relationship. Some qualities that I believe I offer are that I am spontaneous, very kind, and outgoing, sweet and thoughtful. I am polite and appreciative. I am non-judgemental, charismatic, smart, and goofy.
I love to hike and mountain bike, but am missing that partner to make it more enjoyable. I also enjoy working out frequently. While I am a single mother, I do have the time to put into a relationship for the right man.
My ideal partner would be a man that loves the outdoors, staying in shape, is good with kids, and he is family oriented. He takes care of himself when it comes to appearance and grooming habits, and he doesn't drink or smoke. He is charming, respectful, polite, witty, smart, playful, engaging, supportive, confident, funny, can carry a conversation, and loves what he does for a living. He likes animals, can love with both words and actions, he doesn't get jealous easily, and he is honest about his feelings. I am financially and emotionally stable, and request that you be as well.
I own two huge Great Pyrenees dogs that I often take on long walks. Perhaps you could join us sometime?
oooh i like this :-)0 -
yeah??
this profile pic is the one i have up on match.com........0 -
ok, so i mushed some stuff together
let me know what you all think :-)
Hi!
I am a single mom. I've been divorced for about three years. I have a full and exciting life that I would like to share with a special gentleman. I am old fashioned. I believe in taking the time to develop a serious relationship. Some qualities that I believe I offer are that I am spontaneous, very kind, and outgoing, sweet and thoughtful. I am polite and appreciative. I am non-judgemental, charismatic, smart, and goofy.
I love to hike and mountain bike, but am missing that partner to make it more enjoyable. I also enjoy working out frequently. While I am a single mother, I do have the time to put into a relationship for the right man.
My ideal partner would be a man that loves the outdoors, staying in shape, is good with kids, and he is family oriented. [strike]He takes care of himself when it comes to appearance and grooming habits, and[/strike] ((Repetitive, long and unnecessary)) he doesn't drink or smoke. He [strike]is charming, respectful, polite, witty, smart, playful, engaging, supportive, confident, funny, can carry a conversation, and [/strike] ((Most people think of themselves as these things. The meanings are arbitrary to the individual)) loves what he does for a living. He likes animals ((mention your dogs here, something playful)), loves with both words and actions ((is that really something you won't compromise on?)), he doesn't get jealous easily, and he is honest about his feelings ((At this point it's across as negative, and a bit overbearing)). I am financially and emotionally stable, and request that you be as well. ((There might be a better way to word this... anyone got suggestions?))
I own two huge Great Pyrenees dogs that I often take on long walks. Perhaps you could join us sometime? ((Put this up by the animal lover line))
Added notes/suggestions.0
