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ok.
so, yeah, i have zero clue how to make it not sound like any of that stuff. :-)
i have my act together, which is why i don't need a guy........ so, what do i do then??0 -
i deleted all of the pics....
stop. this. now.
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Just like I am sure that Kits had had some guys mentioning they would like to motorboat her.
Yeah, it's kinda funny. I'm just too lazy to change it and now it's kind of an ongoing gag... but if those responses bothered me? I'd change my picture.
Oh I know you could handle them. I just said that because they are very motorboat worth boobs so if you weren't getting the messages it is really a shame.
Oh youuuuu!!
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One of the things that got me more responses was when I put what I wanted in a man. Not a laundry list of prince charming but a few characteristics that I need in order to have a good fit. Online dating is like window shopping, I am shopping too, so I can put what I want out there as well so guys know what to expect.
Don't down yourself. Nobody is perfect, but most people are attracted to confidence.0 -
ok.
so, yeah, i have zero clue how to make it not sound like any of that stuff. :-)
i have my act together, which is why i don't need a guy........ so, what do i do then??
Make a list of all the things you like about yourself. All of them. Circle the ones that are the most interesting/unique/fun/attractive.
Write it out. Just word vomit all onto a word document.
Go back the next day and reread it. Take out anything that comes across as needy or negative. Add more to the things that seem the most awesome.
Make sure it's clear about what you want. SAY WHAT YOU WANT. You lamented about how one guy asked your friend on a date, but only saw you as a sex object - but the first thing you say on your dating profile is that you don't want to date!
Say what you want in a man, and what kind of relationship you find ideal.
Don't just do lists, a lot of people don't read lists. They'll skim a list of positive traits. Make it something you would want to read on someone elses profile and go "That seems like a cool person".0 -
he didn't message me on match. it was an LDS dating site. which is why i surprised that he took the convo that way, but asked her out on a date.......
well, i have had ONE relationship in my life, my marriage. and it was bad. from the beginning. i don't know what i want. i only know what i DON"T want.....
my ideal guy would be LDS too, and wanted to wait to have sex, and was ok with me having 5 kids and being divorced, etc. but, there aren't many men like that out there..... and the ONE that did contact me took the convo in the other direction.
the ONLY profile that ever made me go WOW!! that guy, i want to meet was written in a really creative way. he wrote it like, ' make me laugh. smile at me as if no one else is around. wrestle with me. read with me. kiss me just because. let me snuggle with you. " etc. the whole thing was like that. and it was so insanely sweet. i don't recall the exact things he said, i'm just using those as examples. :-)
i guess i have some thinking to do......
Make sure it's clear about what you want. SAY WHAT YOU WANT. You lamented about how one guy asked your friend on a date, but only saw you as a sex object - but the first thing you say on your dating profile is that you don't want to date!
Say what you want in a man, and what kind of relationship you find ideal.0 -
My opinion: I don't think you emit confidence in your forum posts (here), and I felt it in your profile too (smallerbride picked up on this too).ok.
so, yeah, i have zero clue how to make it not sound like any of that stuff. :-)
i have my act together, which is why i don't need a guy........ so, what do i do then??
Of course, I can see it, you keep repeating it, "I'm confident", "I'm independent", "I don't need a guy" and what not, as if to convince others that you indeed are (and maybe yourself?).
Now... I might be wrong, but my experience has shown me that confident people don't need to tell everyone around them they are confident... They just are. You just know they are.
You're falling in the same trap as the man who has to remind you constantly he is a big earner, who "inadvertently" drops his wallet full of notes, checks the time constantly on his gold watch in front of you... It just doesn't ring true, as opposed to a guy who is a big earner and would just "be".
This basically comes across as suspicious. This is the vibe I often get from your posts.
Also, avoid the negative crap in your profile, unless there is a good reason for it.0 -
ok, so how would you describe a woman that lives alone, has friends and hobbies and activities. does her own thing most of the time. who goes 2.5 years without a date or physical intimacy just fine. who is able to care for her home by herself, but accept and ask for help when she needs it. who doesn't need a man for money, or to verify who she is. i hike alone, bike alone, go to dinner and movies alone. i ice skate alone. take road trips alone, take care of 5 kids by myself, ( except every other weekend) etc. i learned to be this way being married to my ex......
if i'm not confident or independent what am i?0 -
ok, so how would you describe a woman that lives alone, has friends and hobbies and activities. does her own thing most of the time. who goes 2.5 years without a date or physical intimacy just fine. who is able to care for her home by herself, but accept and ask for help when she needs it. who doesn't need a man for money, or to verify who she is. i hike alone, bike alone, go to dinner and movies alone. i ice skate alone. take road trips alone, take care of 5 kids by myself, ( except every other weekend) etc. i learned to be this way being married to my ex......
if i'm not confident or independent what am i?
Quite honestly you come across as a wreck. Despite what you've described here as your independence and confidence. You've also stated that you have problems looking guys in the eyes. You seem completely lost and have an angry defeatist attitude about being seen as nothing more than a warm place to put an erection. Nothing you've said screams I am confident and independent. It screams Oh yeah. You don't want me? Well, I don't want you either! nya nya nya!0 -
If LDS is a deal breaker, then that will be limiting your options (you obviously know that already), but it also seems like that website might be the best place for you - even if you found a creep there one time!
If you're willing to look outside of that then you should definitely edit your profile and get it online again. I think the group has given you some great ideas about changing the opener, pointing out your own negativities, and adding what you are looking for. Oh and we've had this discussion here before but most of us haven't found the pay sites (i.e. Match & Eharmony) to be any better than the free ones (PoF & OkC), so that should give you even less reason NOT to try online again. I think with a re-write you'll fare much better this time!0 -
wow. ok. thanks.
i am actually really proud of myself in how far i've come since leaving my ex. :-) i was called a *kitten* and slut and more by him. i was told, by him, that i should go get a job at The Bunny Ranch, since that was all i was good at. I was accused of having affairs because I emailed guys from high school and college after we separated. he had me followed for an entire year and had the PI take pics of me having dinner w a friend of some friends of mine. it took me that long because i was scared and i didn't think much of myself. i mean, for 14 years i was told i wasn't worth much more than a warm place for his erection. he would tell me over and over again that a monkey could do what i do......
perhaps people think i'm a wreck. i guess that's up to them. i was a wreck, three years ago. but, i'm not that girl anymore :-)0 -
no, it's not a deal breaker, it's just an ideal. the issue with those sites is that there are so few members in my area. like maybe 10. otherwise we're talking 100+ miles. i joined on sunday night because my girlfriend told me to. she's the one that got asked out by the guy that messaged me first. :-)If LDS is a deal breaker, then that will be limiting your options (you obviously know that already), but it also seems like that website might be the best place for you - even if you found a creep there one time!
If you're willing to look outside of that then you should definitely edit your profile and get it online again. I think the group has given you some great ideas about changing the opener, pointing out your own negativities, and adding what you are looking for. Oh and we've had this discussion here before but most of us haven't found the pay sites (i.e. Match & Eharmony) to be any better than the free ones (PoF & OkC), so that should give you even less reason NOT to try online again. I think with a re-write you'll fare much better this time!0 -
Wait.. there are guys out there that read profiles?
You can give it a shot and re-write your profile, but I don't think it's going to make a big difference. When a man views your profile, he going to look at two big things, your physical appearance and your kids (how many, ages, etc). They will make a mental judgement call based on those two things alone.
Sure, you're going to have a bunch of perverts that are looking for a quick hook-up, but these people can be weeded out after an email or two. Realistically, a possible suitor will likely be older than you and have children of his own. Raising 5 children (or assisting in doing so) is a very important responsibility, I don't know too many young, unattached guys who would be up for that task.
In my experience, I wouldn't bother initiating any e-mails. I never once got an e-mail from a girl I was ever interested in. But of course, it never hurts to give it a shot if someone catches you eye.
If you are dead set on dating someone who is LDS, you greatly limit your dating pool.
YMMV, but this is my $0.020 -
Relationship: Divorced
Have kids: Yes, they live at home (3+)
Want kids: I'll tell you later
Ethnicity: White / Caucasian
Body type: I'll tell you later <
list your body type. This screams fat and ashamed about it.
Height: 5'3" (160cms)
Faith: Christian / LDS
Smoke: No Way
Drink: Never
keep in mind, i changed all of what i wrote some time last week. i never really know what to say on these things anyway :-)
Here is a draft you can work off of. I am sure others who are more articulate can make better suggestions.At this point I think I'm best off looking for a friend. Maybe a chance for more, but not initially starting out as dating or going on dates. I know I'm not the most gorgeous woman on the block, but I am very kind, and outgoing, sweet and thoughtful. I am polite and appreciative. I am charismatic and smart, and goofy, and daring, and spontaneous......
I am a single mom. I've been divorced for about three years. I have a full and exciting life that I would like to share with a special gentleman. I am old fashioned. I believe in taking the time to develop a serious relationship. Some qualities that I believe I offer are that I am spontaneous, very kind, and outgoing, sweet and thoughtful. I am polite and appreciative. I am charismatic and smart, and goofy.
I'd delete this entirelyI belong to Lifetime Fitness in sterling, va and I have joined Gold's Gym ( planning on attending Charles Town, WV). I would love to find someone to work out with!!I love hiking, and think it would be great to have a hiking partner, or someone to spend a weekend camping with. I own a mountain bike ( Gary Fisher/ Trek Mamba) but i don't spend nearly enough time out riding. I'd love to find a riding partner! I also have strong interests in getting into running, nothing too crazy long, just some 5Ks. Maybe you're a runner who could help me? :-)
I own two huge Great Pyrenees dogs and I think it would be fun to have someone come with me on walks along the C and O canal or Bears Den. Together they are 200 lbs and while I can do it on my own, it would be more fun with someone else helping me out!
I enjoy the outdoors. I love hiking. I go by myself often. I find it enjoyable because .... [what do you find enjoyable about it?]
I also own a mountain bike and like camping. More regular outdoor activities include taking my two (very large) dogs for walks around the C&O canal or Bears Den.
My ideal partner would also enjoy outdoor activities like I described and he would be family oriented [I assume this important to you if not, disregard it]. He will be a [fill in desireable characteristics such as honest, loyal, spontaneous, responsible, whatever it is you hope to find.]ME= idealistic, altruistic, detached, independent, original, surprising, gifted, contradictory, innovative, humanistic, likeable, friendly, self-confident, impassive, quiet, intuitive, creative, charitable, elusive, disconcerting, generous, tolerant, paradoxical, and cannot stand any kind of constraint. You've already described yourself and talked about interests. I'd leave this off.0 -
My .02 :flowerforyou:
Outdoorsy woman looking for someone to share my adventures with. Looking to date and see what may develop from there.
I love to hike and mountain bike, but am missing that partner to make it more enjoyable. I also enjoy working out frequently. My friends often tell me that I am kind, outgoing, thoughtful and sweet. I’m also polite, charismatic, intelligent, daring and spontaneous. While I am a single mother, I do have the time to put into a relationship for the right man. (add in a little more about what is important...maybe your faith? But, not so much)
I would like to find a man that loves the outdoors, staying in shape, and is good with kids. I am financially and emotionally stable, and request that you be as well. (add in something that may be a dealbreaker...but again, not too much that he's overwhelmed)
I own two Great Pyrenees dogs that I often take on long walks. Perhaps you could join us sometime? (make the last line flirty)
- DO NOT discount yourself.
- You are not looking for a buddy or a friend. It might not be a serious relationship, but it's stil a date. If you say you're not looking for a date, men will automatically think you want to screw.
- You are BEAUTIFUL. Have any doubts? Look into your children's eyes...look at their noses, their hair, their chin, their ears. Guess where they got their beautiful features? YOU. Yep, you made them the gorgeous beings they are. Never doubt it.
- Take out overly personal info (gym info, trails you walk on)….you don’t need a stalker
- Don’t mention overnight trips…. Let that come out later in the relationship
- Not so much about what he can do for you right away….you don’t want him to feel like you “need” him to help with the dogs or to get you into running.0 -
what does YMMV mean?
my mom says the same thing you do. "what guy in his right mind is going to get involved with a women who has 5 kids?"
i don't message guys. i messaged you, asking a question, but you wont' even read it so. oh well, LOL!
yeah, i was told by a couple guys that i ended up becoming friends with that they never read profiles.
i can't change my kids situation :-) they are the most amazing little people!! is there anything i could do to improve my appearance and maybe counter the kids???0 -
ok, so how would you describe a woman that lives alone, has friends and hobbies and activities. does her own thing most of the time. who goes 2.5 years without a date or physical intimacy just fine. who is able to care for her home by herself, but accept and ask for help when she needs it. who doesn't need a man for money, or to verify who she is. i hike alone, bike alone, go to dinner and movies alone. i ice skate alone. take road trips alone, take care of 5 kids by myself, ( except every other weekend) etc. i learned to be this way being married to my ex......
if i'm not confident or independent what am i?
FYI: Your current MFP profile picture pose will be seen as submissive and does not project confidence. Anyone who is looking up at the camera like that will be subconsiously seen in the same way.
There is strength in showing vulnerability... and there is also a way to show your true strength. You have highlighted more than once how you are fine being alone, and not needing a man. The emphasis on this actually indicates the opposite.
And honestly, that is okay. It is okay to admit you'd like someone to share things with, to go through life with.
I like Kitsune's idea of writing down all your qualities, identifying yourself, who you are, what you do, what you want.. etc.
I think that would be an excellent exercise for you.. for all of us. Learning to identify the positive in how we express ourselves can be very difficult if you have been in an abusive relationship. Hopefully you have been able to take advantage of some counselling post-divorce. The question really is.. who are you and what do you want to convey?
How about something like (not my best work and generally I like a little more interesting, humorous and flirty - but I don't know you yet!)
I love to enjoy life and am fun, spontaneous and outgoing! I really enjoy my career in _____ and have worked hard to provide a great home and life for myself and my children. I am now looking to meet someone special to share some interests and quality time with.
I enjoy being active and go hiking with my dogs, mountain biking and to the gym on a regular basis.
Oh... and RunInTheMud's answer is fantastic (better than mine..but I have no time today!!)0 -
what does YMMV mean?
my mom says the same thing you do. "what guy in his right mind is going to get involved with a women who has 5 kids?"
i don't message guys. i messaged you, asking a question, but you wont' even read it so. oh well, LOL!
yeah, i was told by a couple guys that i ended up becoming friends with that they never read profiles.
i can't change my kids situation :-) they are the most amazing little people!! is there anything i could do to improve my appearance and maybe counter the kids???
YMMV = Your Mileage May Vary
No one is asking you to change your kid situation. It just takes a man who wants to take on that responsibility. There are guys that will do it, but it might be tough to find.
The advice given on here is to change and improve your inner self. Work on becoming a very positive person, this will attract men like crazy.0 -
FYI: Your current MFP profile picture pose will be seen as submissive and does not project confidence. Anyone who is looking up at the camera like that will be subconsiously seen in the same way.
Yet there might be men out there who go for submissive, beta females (I'm one of them). I'd like to consider myself an alpha male and I only get along with beta females.
If you come off as too strong and independent, there might be some men that completely turned off by this.0 -
The advice given on here is to change and improve your inner self. Work on becoming a very positive person, this will attract men like crazy.
Oh my, very insightful advice, I think I might... faint
Teasing you of course Mike.
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