Since people have offered
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wow. ok. thanks.
i am actually really proud of myself in how far i've come since leaving my ex. :-) i was called a *kitten* and slut and more by him. i was told, by him, that i should go get a job at The Bunny Ranch, since that was all i was good at. I was accused of having affairs because I emailed guys from high school and college after we separated. he had me followed for an entire year and had the PI take pics of me having dinner w a friend of some friends of mine. it took me that long because i was scared and i didn't think much of myself. i mean, for 14 years i was told i wasn't worth much more than a warm place for his erection. he would tell me over and over again that a monkey could do what i do......
perhaps people think i'm a wreck. i guess that's up to them. i was a wreck, three years ago. but, i'm not that girl anymore :-)0 -
no, it's not a deal breaker, it's just an ideal. the issue with those sites is that there are so few members in my area. like maybe 10. otherwise we're talking 100+ miles. i joined on sunday night because my girlfriend told me to. she's the one that got asked out by the guy that messaged me first. :-)If LDS is a deal breaker, then that will be limiting your options (you obviously know that already), but it also seems like that website might be the best place for you - even if you found a creep there one time!
If you're willing to look outside of that then you should definitely edit your profile and get it online again. I think the group has given you some great ideas about changing the opener, pointing out your own negativities, and adding what you are looking for. Oh and we've had this discussion here before but most of us haven't found the pay sites (i.e. Match & Eharmony) to be any better than the free ones (PoF & OkC), so that should give you even less reason NOT to try online again. I think with a re-write you'll fare much better this time!0 -
Wait.. there are guys out there that read profiles?
You can give it a shot and re-write your profile, but I don't think it's going to make a big difference. When a man views your profile, he going to look at two big things, your physical appearance and your kids (how many, ages, etc). They will make a mental judgement call based on those two things alone.
Sure, you're going to have a bunch of perverts that are looking for a quick hook-up, but these people can be weeded out after an email or two. Realistically, a possible suitor will likely be older than you and have children of his own. Raising 5 children (or assisting in doing so) is a very important responsibility, I don't know too many young, unattached guys who would be up for that task.
In my experience, I wouldn't bother initiating any e-mails. I never once got an e-mail from a girl I was ever interested in. But of course, it never hurts to give it a shot if someone catches you eye.
If you are dead set on dating someone who is LDS, you greatly limit your dating pool.
YMMV, but this is my $0.020 -
Relationship: Divorced
Have kids: Yes, they live at home (3+)
Want kids: I'll tell you later
Ethnicity: White / Caucasian
Body type: I'll tell you later <
list your body type. This screams fat and ashamed about it.
Height: 5'3" (160cms)
Faith: Christian / LDS
Smoke: No Way
Drink: Never
keep in mind, i changed all of what i wrote some time last week. i never really know what to say on these things anyway :-)
Here is a draft you can work off of. I am sure others who are more articulate can make better suggestions.At this point I think I'm best off looking for a friend. Maybe a chance for more, but not initially starting out as dating or going on dates. I know I'm not the most gorgeous woman on the block, but I am very kind, and outgoing, sweet and thoughtful. I am polite and appreciative. I am charismatic and smart, and goofy, and daring, and spontaneous......
I am a single mom. I've been divorced for about three years. I have a full and exciting life that I would like to share with a special gentleman. I am old fashioned. I believe in taking the time to develop a serious relationship. Some qualities that I believe I offer are that I am spontaneous, very kind, and outgoing, sweet and thoughtful. I am polite and appreciative. I am charismatic and smart, and goofy.
I'd delete this entirelyI belong to Lifetime Fitness in sterling, va and I have joined Gold's Gym ( planning on attending Charles Town, WV). I would love to find someone to work out with!!I love hiking, and think it would be great to have a hiking partner, or someone to spend a weekend camping with. I own a mountain bike ( Gary Fisher/ Trek Mamba) but i don't spend nearly enough time out riding. I'd love to find a riding partner! I also have strong interests in getting into running, nothing too crazy long, just some 5Ks. Maybe you're a runner who could help me? :-)
I own two huge Great Pyrenees dogs and I think it would be fun to have someone come with me on walks along the C and O canal or Bears Den. Together they are 200 lbs and while I can do it on my own, it would be more fun with someone else helping me out!
I enjoy the outdoors. I love hiking. I go by myself often. I find it enjoyable because .... [what do you find enjoyable about it?]
I also own a mountain bike and like camping. More regular outdoor activities include taking my two (very large) dogs for walks around the C&O canal or Bears Den.
My ideal partner would also enjoy outdoor activities like I described and he would be family oriented [I assume this important to you if not, disregard it]. He will be a [fill in desireable characteristics such as honest, loyal, spontaneous, responsible, whatever it is you hope to find.]ME= idealistic, altruistic, detached, independent, original, surprising, gifted, contradictory, innovative, humanistic, likeable, friendly, self-confident, impassive, quiet, intuitive, creative, charitable, elusive, disconcerting, generous, tolerant, paradoxical, and cannot stand any kind of constraint. You've already described yourself and talked about interests. I'd leave this off.0 -
My .02 :flowerforyou:
Outdoorsy woman looking for someone to share my adventures with. Looking to date and see what may develop from there.
I love to hike and mountain bike, but am missing that partner to make it more enjoyable. I also enjoy working out frequently. My friends often tell me that I am kind, outgoing, thoughtful and sweet. I’m also polite, charismatic, intelligent, daring and spontaneous. While I am a single mother, I do have the time to put into a relationship for the right man. (add in a little more about what is important...maybe your faith? But, not so much)
I would like to find a man that loves the outdoors, staying in shape, and is good with kids. I am financially and emotionally stable, and request that you be as well. (add in something that may be a dealbreaker...but again, not too much that he's overwhelmed)
I own two Great Pyrenees dogs that I often take on long walks. Perhaps you could join us sometime? (make the last line flirty)
- DO NOT discount yourself.
- You are not looking for a buddy or a friend. It might not be a serious relationship, but it's stil a date. If you say you're not looking for a date, men will automatically think you want to screw.
- You are BEAUTIFUL. Have any doubts? Look into your children's eyes...look at their noses, their hair, their chin, their ears. Guess where they got their beautiful features? YOU. Yep, you made them the gorgeous beings they are. Never doubt it.
- Take out overly personal info (gym info, trails you walk on)….you don’t need a stalker
- Don’t mention overnight trips…. Let that come out later in the relationship
- Not so much about what he can do for you right away….you don’t want him to feel like you “need” him to help with the dogs or to get you into running.0 -
what does YMMV mean?
my mom says the same thing you do. "what guy in his right mind is going to get involved with a women who has 5 kids?"
i don't message guys. i messaged you, asking a question, but you wont' even read it so. oh well, LOL!
yeah, i was told by a couple guys that i ended up becoming friends with that they never read profiles.
i can't change my kids situation :-) they are the most amazing little people!! is there anything i could do to improve my appearance and maybe counter the kids???0 -
ok, so how would you describe a woman that lives alone, has friends and hobbies and activities. does her own thing most of the time. who goes 2.5 years without a date or physical intimacy just fine. who is able to care for her home by herself, but accept and ask for help when she needs it. who doesn't need a man for money, or to verify who she is. i hike alone, bike alone, go to dinner and movies alone. i ice skate alone. take road trips alone, take care of 5 kids by myself, ( except every other weekend) etc. i learned to be this way being married to my ex......
if i'm not confident or independent what am i?
FYI: Your current MFP profile picture pose will be seen as submissive and does not project confidence. Anyone who is looking up at the camera like that will be subconsiously seen in the same way.
There is strength in showing vulnerability... and there is also a way to show your true strength. You have highlighted more than once how you are fine being alone, and not needing a man. The emphasis on this actually indicates the opposite.
And honestly, that is okay. It is okay to admit you'd like someone to share things with, to go through life with.
I like Kitsune's idea of writing down all your qualities, identifying yourself, who you are, what you do, what you want.. etc.
I think that would be an excellent exercise for you.. for all of us. Learning to identify the positive in how we express ourselves can be very difficult if you have been in an abusive relationship. Hopefully you have been able to take advantage of some counselling post-divorce. The question really is.. who are you and what do you want to convey?
How about something like (not my best work and generally I like a little more interesting, humorous and flirty - but I don't know you yet!)
I love to enjoy life and am fun, spontaneous and outgoing! I really enjoy my career in _____ and have worked hard to provide a great home and life for myself and my children. I am now looking to meet someone special to share some interests and quality time with.
I enjoy being active and go hiking with my dogs, mountain biking and to the gym on a regular basis.
Oh... and RunInTheMud's answer is fantastic (better than mine..but I have no time today!!)0 -
what does YMMV mean?
my mom says the same thing you do. "what guy in his right mind is going to get involved with a women who has 5 kids?"
i don't message guys. i messaged you, asking a question, but you wont' even read it so. oh well, LOL!
yeah, i was told by a couple guys that i ended up becoming friends with that they never read profiles.
i can't change my kids situation :-) they are the most amazing little people!! is there anything i could do to improve my appearance and maybe counter the kids???
YMMV = Your Mileage May Vary
No one is asking you to change your kid situation. It just takes a man who wants to take on that responsibility. There are guys that will do it, but it might be tough to find.
The advice given on here is to change and improve your inner self. Work on becoming a very positive person, this will attract men like crazy.0 -
FYI: Your current MFP profile picture pose will be seen as submissive and does not project confidence. Anyone who is looking up at the camera like that will be subconsiously seen in the same way.
Yet there might be men out there who go for submissive, beta females (I'm one of them). I'd like to consider myself an alpha male and I only get along with beta females.
If you come off as too strong and independent, there might be some men that completely turned off by this.0 -
The advice given on here is to change and improve your inner self. Work on becoming a very positive person, this will attract men like crazy.
Oh my, very insightful advice, I think I might... faint
Teasing you of course Mike.
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this. putting yourself down = a good invitation to predatory guys. it seems like you are saying you dont value yourself and some guys are going to see that as meaning you'd be willing to do anything for a little bit of attention.The first thing you say is that you're not looking to date or go on dates. You talk down on your own value before you get to your good points. Fix those first - especially since those are the two biggest complaints you have.0 -
FYI: Your current MFP profile picture pose will be seen as submissive and does not project confidence. Anyone who is looking up at the camera like that will be subconsiously seen in the same way.
Yet there might be men out there who go for submissive, beta females (I'm one of them). I'd like to consider myself an alpha male and I only get along with beta females.
If you come off as too strong and independent, there might be some men that completely turned off by this.
I agree that if you visually come off strong and independent and then are also that in terms of personality, it can be a slight overload on that quality. HOWEVER, in this case, confidence is lacking.. so a photo or two in there where she is happy and confident I think would be a nice addition.
See La_Amazona's (my current girl crush apparently!) MFP profile. Hello confidence!
Even my profile picture, taken just slightly from above will be seen as submissive. Don't I look sweet?
And sometimes I play as that too.. though people who know me will regularly speak of my strength and confidence. Not to mention filthy mind. LOL
Sending mixed signals keeps it interesting! Or at least confusing.
I kind of pity my boyfriend right now. He has no idea what he is in for. Mwah ha ha ha
tangent much? I just had a LOT of coffee.0 -
ok.
so, yeah, i have zero clue how to make it not sound like any of that stuff. :-)
i have my act together, which is why i don't need a guy........ so, what do i do then??
so then why bother looking if you dont want to be in a relationship? if it's not something you want then why bother trying to make your profile stand out?
i agree with the others who are saying you be sending mixed messages :flowerforyou:
maybe first sit down and think about what you actually want from a dating experience? don;t bother thinking about whether or not it's possible or how it's going to happen, etc. just start off by thinking about what YOU would want and why.0 -
to whomever came to back me up, thank you. i appreciate you looking out for me, but it's ok. i'm a big girl. believe me, there is NOTHING anyone can say to me that will hurt me. you can call me names, put me down, be as ugly and nasty as you want. it won't affect me. and i won't be angry or hold a grudge or be judgemental or unkind towards you. it's not my job to judge others or how they treat me. so, i don't. i will walk away and avoid you before i would say something unkind in return :-)0
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See La_Amazona's (my current girl crush apparently!) MFP profile. Hello confidence!
:blushing: :flowerforyou:0 -
4themoney, it takes someone with big balls to come on here and volunteer to get told what you can do better. I applaud you for it!!0
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4themoney, it takes someone with big balls to come on here and volunteer to get told what you can do better. I applaud you for it!!
^^^ Absolutely agree with this.0 -
4themoney, it takes someone with big balls to come on here and volunteer to get told what you can do better. I applaud you for it!!
^^^ Absolutely agree with this.
Agreed!
I think you've been given some great advice here! You should rewrote your profile using some of the suggestions and repost it for us to read!0 -
For the record, there are definitely guys that read profiles. The ones that don't are the ones you want to avoid anyway. Write for the ones that will read it.0
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4themoney, it takes someone with big balls to come on here and volunteer to get told what you can do better. I applaud you for it!!
^^^ Absolutely agree with this.
Yup, very brave of you!0 -
you know what, i'll take whatever anyone wants to give me in terms of advice, thoughts, suggestions. the good, the bad, and the ugly!!!!
i was with my ex from 19 until i was 33. he was my ONE and ONLY real relationship. and he was abusive from about 6 months in and on. only i didn't know it was considered abuse for a long time. 2 months after my 5th child was born he decided he didn't love me, didn't want to be married anymore. after i gave up everything to support him and be the dutiful wife. i stopped working and i moved ever two years. i didn't make friends with my neighbors because my ex didn't like them. he thought they were all red necks. i wasn't allowed to talk to guys!!! i wasn't allowed to do much, even work from home.
so, 3.5 years ago i find myself on my own and in counseling and working on fixing ME!!! come to find out he's got surveillance equipment all over the house. he's bugged my phone, GPS in the car, remote view on my laptop and more. add in the PI for a year too ( which i found out about after the fact). i was spied on and followed for over a year. i tried moving on, but there was no way i could all i could do was focus on me and my kids.
so, a year ago i was legally divorced and wasn't going to feel badly for dating, but there is no way to meet single men where i live so i started the online thing and as you can all see, i'm not good at that. my ex was still stalking me this past spring ( 2012) and for all i know he's still doing it. but, i stopped caring. i stopped worrying about it. i decided once and for all to move on with my life!!!
i do NOT need a man. i don't. but, i do get lonely. i do want to hear "i love you" some day. so, i guess it's better to say i WANT a man :-)
i worked hard to "graduate" from domestic violence counseling :-) i wont' let anyone here take that away from me. just like no one here can hurt me. *I* get to choose how i feel, end of story!!! BUT, i get that i need to fix some things and work on others. i don't have family in my corner backing me up and saying nice things about me. so, it's hard to do when you weren't raised hearing that you actually have any value to anyone.
thanks!0 -
Do you attend a LDS church? Maybe there are some people there who have single or divorced brothers?0
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i do.
where i am, it's pretty much a family town. there are a HANDFUL of people that are divorced ( like myself) but not many. i have one friend who has a brother, but in texas. then, there are two other girls my age that are divorcing but i would never get involved with either of their ex's. then i found out about another guy that's divorced in a neighboring town, but he's the guy that my friend was dating until right before thanksgiving. she's still in love with him, but he broke it off with her ( i think its temporary)
i'd have to move to an area with more LDS in the mid- singles age ( like 31-45 age bracket). they just aren't HERE where i am :-)0 -
I understand you on more levels than I'm willing to write on here....but, just know I understand.
I think the hardest part of dating is to not hold him accountable for what your ex did. That is going to be very difficult, I know. But, it is possible and just takes time. Online dating is harder for some people in these regards because you have to have a certain amount of trust going into the situation. I've gone back and forth with it, and tried different sites. I've taken breaks because sometimes it just seems overwhelming and I have other things going on in my life that I need to focus on. During some of those breaks I've met men in the "real world" and sometimes I haven't. But, either way, it's more enjoyable when you're relaxed and in the mindset that he's only there to supplement your life and not complete it. 0 -
i do.
where i am, it's pretty much a family town. there are a HANDFUL of people that are divorced ( like myself) but not many. i have one friend who has a brother, but in texas. then, there are two other girls my age that are divorcing but i would never get involved with either of their ex's. then i found out about another guy that's divorced in a neighboring town, but he's the guy that my friend was dating until right before thanksgiving. she's still in love with him, but he broke it off with her ( i think its temporary)
i'd have to move to an area with more LDS in the mid- singles age ( like 31-45 age bracket). they just aren't HERE where i am :-)
Where does the church typically stand on the issue of divorce and how does that possibly influence guys within it.
I ask because the church I once went to viewed divorce as an unthinkable thing virtually and if a person was it would have ramifications for them.
Just curious if that is a possible thing affecting you.0 -
ok, so i mushed some stuff together
let me know what you all think :-)
Hi!
I am a single mom. I've been divorced for about three years. I have a full and exciting life that I would like to share with a special gentleman. I am old fashioned. I believe in taking the time to develop a serious relationship. Some qualities that I believe I offer are that I am spontaneous, very kind, and outgoing, sweet and thoughtful. I am polite and appreciative. I am non-judgemental, charismatic, smart, and goofy.
I love to hike and mountain bike, but am missing that partner to make it more enjoyable. I also enjoy working out frequently. While I am a single mother, I do have the time to put into a relationship for the right man.
My ideal partner would be a man that loves the outdoors, staying in shape, is good with kids, and he is family oriented. He takes care of himself when it comes to appearance and grooming habits, and he doesn't drink or smoke. He is charming, respectful, polite, witty, smart, playful, engaging, supportive, confident, funny, can carry a conversation, and loves what he does for a living. He likes animals, can love with both words and actions, he doesn't get jealous easily, and he is honest about his feelings. I am financially and emotionally stable, and request that you be as well.
I own two huge Great Pyrenees dogs that I often take on long walks. Perhaps you could join us sometime?0 -
it's not like other christian churches where you are ostracized for being divorced. i mean, adultery is different. but, divorce without cheating is not the end of things for you. i have known at least one women that was married and divorced like 3 times or something like that, LOL. but, she moved back west. which is where i'd have to go more than likely. LOL
if i lived in utah or idaho to be successful in the church i think :-) we'll see though. maybe, some day i'll meet a nice LDS man......
Where does the church typically stand on the issue of divorce and how does that possibly influence guys within it.
I ask because the church I once went to viewed divorce as an unthinkable thing virtually and if a person was it would have ramifications for them.
Just curious if that is a possible thing affecting you.0 -
ok, so i mushed some stuff together
let me know what you all think :-)
Hi!
I am a single mom. I've been divorced for about three years. I have a full and exciting life that I would like to share with a special gentleman. I am old fashioned. I believe in taking the time to develop a serious relationship. Some qualities that I believe I offer are that I am spontaneous, very kind, and outgoing, sweet and thoughtful. I am polite and appreciative. I am non-judgemental, charismatic, smart, and goofy.
I love to hike and mountain bike, but am missing that partner to make it more enjoyable. I also enjoy working out frequently. While I am a single mother, I do have the time to put into a relationship for the right man.
My ideal partner would be a man that loves the outdoors, staying in shape, is good with kids, and he is family oriented. He takes care of himself when it comes to appearance and grooming habits, and he doesn't drink or smoke. He is charming, respectful, polite, witty, smart, playful, engaging, supportive, confident, funny, can carry a conversation, and loves what he does for a living. He likes animals, can love with both words and actions, he doesn't get jealous easily, and he is honest about his feelings. I am financially and emotionally stable, and request that you be as well.
I own two huge Great Pyrenees dogs that I often take on long walks. Perhaps you could join us sometime?
oooh i like this :-)0 -
yeah??
this profile pic is the one i have up on match.com........0 -
ok, so i mushed some stuff together
let me know what you all think :-)
Hi!
I am a single mom. I've been divorced for about three years. I have a full and exciting life that I would like to share with a special gentleman. I am old fashioned. I believe in taking the time to develop a serious relationship. Some qualities that I believe I offer are that I am spontaneous, very kind, and outgoing, sweet and thoughtful. I am polite and appreciative. I am non-judgemental, charismatic, smart, and goofy.
I love to hike and mountain bike, but am missing that partner to make it more enjoyable. I also enjoy working out frequently. While I am a single mother, I do have the time to put into a relationship for the right man.
My ideal partner would be a man that loves the outdoors, staying in shape, is good with kids, and he is family oriented. [strike]He takes care of himself when it comes to appearance and grooming habits, and[/strike] ((Repetitive, long and unnecessary)) he doesn't drink or smoke. He [strike]is charming, respectful, polite, witty, smart, playful, engaging, supportive, confident, funny, can carry a conversation, and [/strike] ((Most people think of themselves as these things. The meanings are arbitrary to the individual)) loves what he does for a living. He likes animals ((mention your dogs here, something playful)), loves with both words and actions ((is that really something you won't compromise on?)), he doesn't get jealous easily, and he is honest about his feelings ((At this point it's across as negative, and a bit overbearing)). I am financially and emotionally stable, and request that you be as well. ((There might be a better way to word this... anyone got suggestions?))
I own two huge Great Pyrenees dogs that I often take on long walks. Perhaps you could join us sometime? ((Put this up by the animal lover line))
Added notes/suggestions.0
