Single Peeps Pairings (Be the Matchmaker!)
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Your situation definitely sucks! Sounds like he needed external support and went about it in the wrong way. I agree with the above statements and wish you both the best of luck!
Just some advice there are still good people out there don't carry your mistrust around for to long.0 -
For the record he was never overtly flirting with anyone. This isn't a hookup club either. All he ever did was 1) Give funny advice or 2) give real advice.0
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Wow....I'm really sorry to hear that.
I will just echo the same as what the others have said in that he was never flirty or dirty with anyone. I would be the first to say if he was, because I found my ex-husband on singles sites....0 -
lol......yeah i sound crazy for making a statement....obviously i am taking up the issue with him but thought it would be nice to give the heads up and mention he may not be the only one guilty. You have no right making assumptions of me. Im a very nice and caring person that has no problem making real friends. You seem like a neg B*tch and i dont care what you think.0
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Wow....I'm really sorry to hear that.
I will just echo the same as what the others have said in that he was never flirty or dirty with anyone. I would be the first to say if he was, because I found my ex-husband on singles sites....
I have seen the disgusting things he has said to women on here and have read his messages and am very put off and I am the farthest thing from a prude. I never thought informing the women of this forum of his dishonesty would result in such negativity.0 -
Wow....I'm really sorry to hear that.
I will just echo the same as what the others have said in that he was never flirty or dirty with anyone. I would be the first to say if he was, because I found my ex-husband on singles sites....
I have seen the disgusting things he has said to women on here and have read his messages and am very put off and I am the farthest thing from a prude. I never thought informing the women of this forum of his dishonesty would result in such negativity.
I obviously don't have access to his private messages and I don't see every forum post... All I was trying to say was that from what *I* have seen, he had come on here only to offer an occasional joke or advice. Nothing dirty or crude. I apologize if I offended you.0 -
Im wondering how many of you are actually married yet playing around as single just like my husband The_Iron has been doing. Just thought I would throw that out there. It's def a shocker to find out your husband that you have shared 9yrs of life and a 7yr old daughter with is portraying himself as single. Insecurity will push people to do some sick hurtful things and I feel like a big idiot.
Yeah I have to agree that that revelation was a bit of a surprise. However he never really said he was single and never flirted with anyone. At least not in public. There are plenty of people on this forum that are in relationships. Granted he never said he was married either lol! But he has miraculously disappeared off my F L!
Drama! :noway:0 -
My OP was NOT to cause drama or to cause all this mess only to make my fellow women aware that there are big time fakers out there and made you all aware that The_Iron is a big time liar laying it on thick to many women here I have seen all the posts and messages he has made and he was very much in the wrong. I guess my work is done here so take care and to the good people congrats on becoming healthier to the jerks go eat a triple stacked hamburger and kiss it.0
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My OP was NOT to cause drama or to cause all this mess only to make my fellow women aware that there are big time fakers out there and made you all aware that The_Iron is a big time liar laying it on thick to many women here I have seen all the posts and messages he has made and he was very much in the wrong. I guess my work is done here so take care and to the good people congrats on becoming healthier to the jerks go eat a triple stacked hamburger and kiss it.
Thank you. The Internet is definitely not a place to develop trust! As you have rightly pointed out, you never know who you're talking to. I hope you can work things out. :flowerforyou:0 -
I have seen the disgusting things he has said to women on here and have read his messages and am very put off and I am the farthest thing from a prude. I never thought informing the women of this forum of his dishonesty would result in such negativity.
Yeah… I am kinda surprised this would cause such a stink too. The #1 rule (According to counselors like Dr. Harley and Dr. Dobson) for recovering a marriage from emotional or physical infidelity is to expose it.
Now, I’ve never seen The_Iron behave inappropriately, but I *do* know many people do on this site so it does not surprise me that a wife would discover something like this. And if she did, I think it’s smart to get online and bust him.0 -
He was pretty sexually aggressive towards me.0
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I have seen the disgusting things he has said to women on here and have read his messages and am very put off and I am the farthest thing from a prude. I never thought informing the women of this forum of his dishonesty would result in such negativity.
Yeah… I am kinda surprised this would cause such a stink too. The #1 rule (According to counselors like Dr. Harley and Dr. Dobson) for recovering a marriage from emotional or physical infidelity is to expose it.
Now, I’ve never seen The_Iron behave inappropriately, but I *do* know many people do on this site so it does not surprise me that a wife would discover something like this. And if she did, I think it’s smart to get online and bust him.
I would say, expose him to the people that it pertains to. We have nothing to do with it.0 -
Who?0
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I would say, expose him to the people that it pertains to. We have nothing to do with it.
How do you know "we" have nothing to do with it? How do you know that The_Iron wasn't sending those messages to people on this forum? MFP deletes your messages after a month. If I discovered my husband crossing the line, I would advertise it on any forum he was on a lot, whether or not messages in his box currently reflected people from that forum.
Why spread his business like that? Because it is extremely hard to get a cheater to change unless their error has been made public as a form of accountability. Plus, the next time he (or someone similar) comes sniffing up Random Single Peeps Reader’s tree, she (or he) might think twice about flirting back w/o confirming they are single.
That said, I know several in this forum have openly admitted affairs don't bother them, so what I'm writing doesn't apply to you.
But several in this forum don’t want to be a part of that. A spouse who hopes to restore his/her wayward spouse has the greatest chance of doing so by exposing the event so that s/he can stop pretending it’s no big deal (thus falling back into it) and so the offended party can mentally move on and not continually hold sins of the past against the wayward. Check out MarriageBuilders.com, His Needs Her Needs, Affair proof marriage, etc.
Note: I'm taking what she says at face value, acknowledging the chance that she's not who she says she is or that she’s accusing him prematurely.0 -
For the record he was never overtly flirting with anyone. This isn't a hookup club either. All he ever did was 1) Give funny advice or 2) give real advice.
I can't comment about the PM's but I do agree with the above. I've been in this group for a while.0 -
He was pretty sexually aggressive towards me.
This made me burst out laughing!!0 -
The guy wasn't very successful in his endeavour apparently... HIs name wasn't even mentioned in this thread!
I can't comment about the PM's but I do agree with the above. I've been in this group for a while.For the record he was never overtly flirting with anyone. This isn't a hookup club either. All he ever did was 1) Give funny advice or 2) give real advice.
And yeah. I think everyone more or less congratulates, encourages, brags, compliments and sometimes flirts (gently) on MFP. It's the nature of the beast as you start developing a connection with the people...
Nothing to do with "disgusting things" (?) though that our guy is said to have said.0 -
I don't care about you busting your husband. I take issue with you coming into a lighthearted thread and derailing it with your personal drama. You made accusations about other potential fakers here as well without any proof of anyone except your husband. I find it an odd conclusion to jump to. I feel bad for the women he talked to. I feel bad for you too. But this thread wasn't the appropriate sounding board. You just said you have access to his personal messages. So you know who to warn.Wow....I'm really sorry to hear that.
I will just echo the same as what the others have said in that he was never flirty or dirty with anyone. I would be the first to say if he was, because I found my ex-husband on singles sites....
I have seen the disgusting things he has said to women on here and have read his messages and am very put off and I am the farthest thing from a prude. I never thought informing the women of this forum of his dishonesty would result in such negativity.0 -
@JJ- Nobody said the guy was 'cheating'!!! Unless you consider 'saying disgusting things' (very subjective) as cheating??
Lets face it, anybody has free reign to say anything on a public forum. And anyone can join this forum from the public. I'm pretty sure there are plenty of married/shacked up/LTR peeps lurking about! (I can think of 2 faces that pop up every now and again and say something 'disgusting' that I've always thought were married) Even if it's just in the name of curiosity! It's the nature of the beast. (the 'beast' being the internet!)0 -
I have seen the disgusting things he has said to women on here and have read his messages and am very put off and I am the farthest thing from a prude. I never thought informing the women of this forum of his dishonesty would result in such negativity.
Yeah… I am kinda surprised this would cause such a stink too. The #1 rule (According to counselors like Dr. Harley and Dr. Dobson) for recovering a marriage from emotional or physical infidelity is to expose it.
Now, I’ve never seen The_Iron behave inappropriately, but I *do* know many people do on this site so it does not surprise me that a wife would discover something like this. And if she did, I think it’s smart to get online and bust him.
Smart to get on-line and bust him? Like a Jerry Springer episode? Yeah, that's going to end well. Since guys love to be embarrassed in front of others.
The woman comes across as a shrill &!*@#... I'd be trolling single sites, too, if that was my wife. It beats suicide...
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@JJ- Nobody said the guy was 'cheating'!!! Unless you consider 'saying disgusting things' (very subjective) as cheating??
Um... yeah...so wait… you find out your husband is talking dirty/sexy with other women and it doesn’t bother you? You’re certainly entitled to your opinion. For me, if those” disgusting things” are of a sexual nature, or of an intimate nature that should only be discussed by husband and wife, then yes, I count it as cheating.
Note my use of the word "should." This is subjective and varies from person to person, couple to couple. We've had postings from time to time from a full range of opinions on this- from people who think their SO shouldn't have friends of the opposite sex to those who think open marriages are ok.
I do NOT agree with the perspective that that's just how people are online. We are free moral agents and can carry ourselves however we want- with dignity and honor (whatever that means to each of us and our SOs in our individual situations) regardless of the nature of this being a place people come to help themselves and get extra encouragement. I remember some of The_Iron's posts and they reflected a soul that needed a LOT of encouragement at that point in his journey.
I do agree with BondBomb's point that this particular thread was probably not the place to broadcast it.
This feels to me like another case of "We tout tolerance, but in reality we only tolerate people who are like us." If a spouse catches their SO cheating, they should be free to post it without being jumped with name calling and disrespect. In this case, my opinion is that a more appropriate response would be (as I and several others said) to just leave it at "I'm sorry to hear that, hope you’re ok, but just so you know I never saw The_Iron behave inappropriately."0 -
If a spouse catches their SO cheating, they should be free to post it without being jumped with name calling and disrespect. In this case, my opinion is that a more appropriate response would be (as I and several others said) to just leave it at "I'm sorry to hear that, hope you’re ok, but just so you know I never saw The_Iron behave inappropriately."
Since you are no doubt without sin (to use your vernacular), and would appreciate your alleged indiscretions being exposed on a public forum.
I guess it's time for a Single Peeps!'s pop quiz:
You've just found out your SO has been flirting with others on-line, perhaps even misrepresenting his marital status. Choose the best response:
A - Ignore it and hope it goes away.
B - Confront him privately. Discuss it with him calmly.
C - Post the entire drama on-line so all his virtual friends know he's a "cheater." Hang around a bit and answer a few questions to embarrass him even further.
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You made accusations about other potential fakers here as well without any proof of anyone except your husband.
Wow. Really? My goodness! Am *I* the only one on here that has had married men approach them through this site??? C'mon. Really? This happens all the time! I'm nowhere NEAR as cute as you gals are (according ot the who's hot and who you wanna date threads anyhow) and even *I* get these (guess they don't read my posts) so please tell me that you guys really don't believe that there's no one troling on threads.0 -
Smart to get on-line and bust him? Like a Jerry Springer episode? Yeah, that's going to end well. Since guys love to be embarrassed in front of others.
They recommend telling the affair with all affected parties. That means both families of the affair partners. If it happened at work, it means telling the boss and getting a transfer so the wayward parties don’t work together again. Whoever was affected. If people from this group (there are 1000+ members, only a handful of which actively post) were predominately in the mix, I see nothing wrong with broadcasting it IF your intention is to save the marriage. It’s called accountability, and I wish our world was better at holding people accountable for their actions.
In order to save the marriage one has to create an environment hostile to the development of an affair. The #1 way to do this is to expose this. The #2 way to do this is no secrets (which is why I wouldn't have considered it snooping)
I'm a bit sad that I'm in the minority on this. I have no idea if the guy cheated or not. But the fact that if he did, so few people care is really surprising to me. I usually enjoy seeking out information on how other people think and feel, but this is a little personal for me, so I'm gonna stay out of this thread. If anyone else wants to know about my position on this, either PM me or check out the resources I mentioned above.0 -
Well, this thread took an unfortunate turn. It was actually fun to read before all the bickering began...as usual.0
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The_Iron did nothing wrong. Even if he was flirting with people online, I don't consider that cheating at all. A guy has got to have some fun, especially if their partner is wound a bit too tight. Marriages and long term relationships can get really boring from time to time, I see nothing wrong with the guy (who doesn't even have a real picture up) coming on here and doing some flirting.
I've always thought people who don't have a real picture in their profile to be suspicious. I get a lot of e-mails from women online who don't have a profile picture. This tells me one of two things, either she's married or she isn't much to look at. No profile picture is shady in my opinion. This is true on a dating site or any other forum where people interact with each other.0 -
Since you are no doubt without sin (to use your vernacular), and would appreciate your alleged indiscretions being exposed on a public forum.
I guess it's time for a Single Peeps!'s pop quiz:
You've just found out your SO has been flirting with others on-line, perhaps even misrepresenting his marital status. Choose the best response:
A - Ignore it and hope it goes away.
B - Confront him privately. Discuss it with him calmly.
C - Post the entire drama on-line so all his virtual friends know he's a "cheater." Hang around a bit and answer a few questions to embarrass him even further.
--P
Option C. Gives us something funny to read while at work.0 -
@Crowstoppa, Sorry to hear about your relationship issues, that is unfortunate.
I only recall The Iron making some amusing jokes on our forum. And personally, I never had any private conversations with him.
I find the arguments that surround this revelation to be interesting...
@Janie, I think you're taking everyone's surprise, confusion or even some defensiveness as approval here, which isn't the case. I would venture to say that most of us are not interested in getting involved with cheating drama. However, because I happen to read and post online here, am I or others responsible because one person did not take his vows seriously? No. At the same time, do I agree with what he did (assuming the revelation is accurate)? Not at all. My point is that online we must all take what others say with a grain of salt and we can only control our own actions and words, but please don't mistake that attitude for approval. I hope that makes sense.0 -
He was pretty sexually aggressive towards me.
One time in the shower.... well, nevermind.
Honestly that dude comes in like once in a blue moon, don't even think I'd say he's a regular... but I guess she has every right to punch him in the balls!0 -
If a spouse catches their SO cheating, they should be free to post it without being jumped with name calling and disrespect. In this case, my opinion is that a more appropriate response would be (as I and several others said) to just leave it at "I'm sorry to hear that, hope you’re ok, but just so you know I never saw The_Iron behave inappropriately."
Since you are no doubt without sin (to use your vernacular), and would appreciate your alleged indiscretions being exposed on a public forum.
I guess it's time for a Single Peeps!'s pop quiz:
You've just found out your SO has been flirting with others on-line, perhaps even misrepresenting his marital status. Choose the best response:
A - Ignore it and hope it goes away.
B - Confront him privately. Discuss it with him calmly.
C - Post the entire drama on-line so all his virtual friends know he's a "cheater." Hang around a bit and answer a few questions to embarrass him even further.
--P
A- I guess, I don't really give a *kitten* if my girl flirts with dudes hundreds of miles away... I know she doesn't have the funds to travel.0
