Paying for dates?
Replies
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I was going to post this on your status so as not to ruin my joke here but you deleted your status.
Yeah, I'm stealthy with those status deletes... Are you offering to buy me stuff?0 -
Second meeting with a guy this Saturday (first was just coffee).. we are going out for dinner and to an AHL hockey game. I offered to pick up the tickets. They will be considerably less than dinner though.
That's really what most guys are looking for I think - basically a gesture of good faith. Well done.0 -
Say if someone asked you out on date ,is it not expected that they either pay or the bill is split, not that you end up paying?
So, you were asked out by a woman and you think she should pay?? Was she just being assertive in doing the asking?? Why did you go?? Are you interested in her, or just being polite??
I think if a guy expected me to pay the whole evening, then I'd take it as a sign he's not interested in me. I think most men would feel uncomfortable doing this?
But it does depend. Like, if I asked you to go to a concert cos I had tickets, then I wouldnt want the money for them, or yours. But I'd expect you to buy a couple drinks or pay the cab or something.
And then of course, if you're my b/f then I'd pay for whole dates.
She asked me out on a date, I was thinking at the time when she asked we'd be splitting , I just mentioned the her paying because when I asked a friend afterwards she said that if someone took her out on a date she'd expect them to pay.
I'm was interested fairly interested in her at the time but the paying at the end kind of made me a little angry.
Yeah, it's poor show to ask and then not pay a penny!! She should have at least offered...... is she dumped now? lol0 -
If I ask a guy out... I assume I'll be paying. Usually he'll offer to pay or split. But, if I'm doing the asking I never EXPECT him to pay anything.
THIS... exactly. If I ask a man out, I expect that I'll be paying for the whole night. If it's a first date, so be it. A lot of times it ends up being a second or third date. The guys are genuinely surprised, but I tell them they can get the ice cream or the next date (depending on how much I like him).
Luckily, I can't remember the first time I asked a man out on a first date. On almost all first dates, I have brought out my credit card when it was time to pay (only missed it on the times when they were fast). None of them allowed me to even go dutch.0 -
I wouldn't ask a guy out but I think she should pick it up if she does the asking. I would feel so awkward if I asked a guy out then sat there and waited for him to pay. He is being nice to me by going out so the very least I could pick up the tab. I think men should ask women out.
Who is this woman? Why did she ask you out first? Do you like her?0 -
If I ask a guy out... I assume I'll be paying. Usually he'll offer to pay or split. But, if I'm doing the asking I never EXPECT him to pay anything.
I agree with this.... but in the end I always insist on paying. Anyone asking me out has just made my evening and I would be glad to pay.0 -
I am not really used to being wined and dined.. and honestly do not expect it ever. Cost of living, eating and going out here is really high and I don't think I "deserve" to be paid for just because I am a woman.
I think it is good manners to offer and expect to be paying your share (ie. have money to cover it!), but I am so appreciative and even a little flattered when the offer is refused.0 -
I wouldn't ask a guy out but I think she should pick it up if she does the asking. I would feel so awkward if I asked a guy out then sat there and waited for him to pay. He is being nice to me by going out so the very least I could pick up the tab. I think men should ask women out.
Who is this woman? Why did she ask you out first? Do you like her?
A woman I met travelling for business but it turned out we only lived 30 minutes apart. Not sure just think she was keen to know me better, at the moment in a physical sense yes but some things of her personality do annoy me .0 -
The person who does the asking should be paying, at least for the first few dates.
Once you start seeing each other more frequently, I think it should be 50/50.
The only time I even offer to pay on a first date is when I know I don't want to see the guy again. (I feel bad about him spending money on me.)0 -
Funny that... if there is one domain where women don't mind rules this is definitely when it's time to pick up the tab.
Oh oh ah ah eh eh uh uh... Well am I glad they are just guidelines for me!
I'm thinking you guys must be minted. :laugh:
The way I personally see things is that I get the drinks, she gets the diner, I get the cinema,... So everyone tries to more or less pay their part. No hard feelings. The day one of the tentative partners feel resentful though (for whatever reason), this is over.
Ok, two things pop to my mind right now...
1) Income is a very important factor to how women perceive you.
It makes sense to be perceived as a high earner (yes I'm also implying that you should exaggerate your income slightly online, it's good for your messaging rate).
It probably doesn't hurt offline either.
Source: http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/the-biggest-lies-in-online-dating/
2) The "Ben Franklin effect" that states that a person who has done someone a favor is more likely to do that person another favor than they would be if they had received a favor from that person.
When we do a person a favor, we tend to like them more as a result. This is because we justify our actions to ourselves that we did them a favor because we liked them.
So this could imply that (as a man) I benefit from letting women pay for the dates. They like me more as a result.
I have actually noticed this was the case, although maybe they liked me enough and this is why they wanted to pay for the dates?
http://changingminds.org/explanations/theories/ben_franklin_effect.htm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ben_Franklin_effect
3) Free bonus for the guys and recommended reading: the PUA's opinion
http://www.girlschase.com/content/should-you-pay-date
Or YOU can get an ice cream right now, for free! * BAM *The guys are genuinely surprised, but I tell them they can get the ice cream or the next date (depending on how much I like him).
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Oooh yeaaah!0 -
I wouldn't ask a guy out but I think she should pick it up if she does the asking. I would feel so awkward if I asked a guy out then sat there and waited for him to pay. He is being nice to me by going out so the very least I could pick up the tab. I think men should ask women out.
Who is this woman? Why did she ask you out first? Do you like her?
A woman I met travelling for business but it turned out we only lived 30 minutes apart. Not sure just think she was keen to know me better, at the moment in a physical sense yes but some things of her personality do annoy me .
Hmm, well, that's not a good sign she already annoys you...0 -
Man, you've got charts for everything!
I stopped putting my income in my profile. People either thought I was lying or it was attracting the type of girl who was just interested in spending it.0 -
I actually agree with you. I think "big income in profile" for men is a bit like "sexy pictures in lingerie" for women... You attract the predators. Better to keep the surprise for the right moment.I stopped putting my income in my profile. People either thought I was lying or it was attracting the type of girl who was just interested in spending it.
Not that I have this problem at the moment anyway! :laugh: No, I attract women with the power of my charts!0 -
Or YOU can get an ice cream right now, for free! * BAM *
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Oooh yeaaah!
LMFAO!!! You are on a roll today...... :laugh: :laugh:0 -
If I invite I pay. If he invites I go prepared to at least pay my share. If he pushes about paying and I like him, I will let him. If I am not interested in a second date I will insist that I pay my own way. My reasoning on that is I don't want to give him the wrong impression by insisting on paying (make him think I'm not interested in another date) and I don't want to bruise his ego. If he wants to use paying for a date as a courting ritual then I will let him. If I don't like the guy I don't want him to feel taken advantage of on top of any hurt feelings that might be there.0
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I actually agree with you. I think "big income in profile" for men is a bit like "sexy pictures in lingerie" for women... You attract the predators. Better to keep the surprise for the right moment.I stopped putting my income in my profile. People either thought I was lying or it was attracting the type of girl who was just interested in spending it.
Not that I have this problem at the moment anyway! :laugh: No, I attract women with the power of my charts!
I really don't like having income in the profiles either. When dating IRL, you don't ask someone these questions. Then I get the same....guys think I'm lying or looking for a sugar momma. I do get some men that won't date because their salary is lower. I hate this, because I am not a materialistic person and would rather find love....but, is what it is.0 -
online dating i dont trust dudes who put high salaries in. i think they are either lying OR telling the truth and leading with their wallets.
neither guy appeals to me and i think it's a pretty tacky question to ask unless you're joining some millionaire's club or something.
if i meet someone first IRL, then i definitely dont appreciate discussing salary because i'm not even particularly interested in what their job is when first meet them since i'm more interested in getting to know the person than conduct my first dates like boring job interviews
as for who pays, my preference is that the guy pays for the first date but that's mainly because i'm like 15 -20 years passed asking dudes out for first dates. i've long since learned that guys who are interested AND available (emotionally and/or physically) will ask me out if they are interested and available.
luckily i've never been in the situation where i'm asked on a first date and the guy asks me to split the bill. that's happened to a few friends of mine though.0 -
I actually agree with you. I think "big income in profile" for men is a bit like "sexy pictures in lingerie" for women... You attract the predators. Better to keep the surprise for the right moment.I stopped putting my income in my profile. People either thought I was lying or it was attracting the type of girl who was just interested in spending it.
Not that I have this problem at the moment anyway! :laugh: No, I attract women with the power of my charts!
I really don't like having income in the profiles either. When dating IRL, you don't ask someone these questions. Then I get the same....guys think I'm lying or looking for a sugar momma. I do get some men that won't date because their salary is lower. I hate this, because I am not a materialistic person and would rather find love....but, is what it is.
I never check the income but I look at the job. Mainly to see they are employed and not in sales.0 -
Just depends...if it's a first date and the guy asked me out, than I expect him to pay, unless I've determined during the date that I'm not interested--than I would pay my own way (don't want to send mixed signals)
If it's someone I've been dating and I ask him out, then I pay.
If it's someone I've been dating, he asks me out and we do dinner and something else (movies, bowling, a few drinks, etc), I usually plan on him paying for dinner and I offer to pay for the following activity.
I feel too guilty if a guy is always paying for me--especially since I know with the last few guys I've dated my income is higher than theirs. It can get expensive going out all the time. I would rather help pay if it's someone I'm actively dating0 -
I have boobs. I don't pay.
Forget the boobs....BEER!!!
Paid for by....BOOBS.
Can you go get me a beer with your boobs please?0
