Paying for dates?
Replies
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I wouldn't ask a guy out but I think she should pick it up if she does the asking. I would feel so awkward if I asked a guy out then sat there and waited for him to pay. He is being nice to me by going out so the very least I could pick up the tab. I think men should ask women out.
Who is this woman? Why did she ask you out first? Do you like her?
A woman I met travelling for business but it turned out we only lived 30 minutes apart. Not sure just think she was keen to know me better, at the moment in a physical sense yes but some things of her personality do annoy me .
Hmm, well, that's not a good sign she already annoys you...0 -
Man, you've got charts for everything!
I stopped putting my income in my profile. People either thought I was lying or it was attracting the type of girl who was just interested in spending it.0 -
I actually agree with you. I think "big income in profile" for men is a bit like "sexy pictures in lingerie" for women... You attract the predators. Better to keep the surprise for the right moment.I stopped putting my income in my profile. People either thought I was lying or it was attracting the type of girl who was just interested in spending it.
Not that I have this problem at the moment anyway! :laugh: No, I attract women with the power of my charts!0 -
Or YOU can get an ice cream right now, for free! * BAM *
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Oooh yeaaah!
LMFAO!!! You are on a roll today...... :laugh: :laugh:0 -
If I invite I pay. If he invites I go prepared to at least pay my share. If he pushes about paying and I like him, I will let him. If I am not interested in a second date I will insist that I pay my own way. My reasoning on that is I don't want to give him the wrong impression by insisting on paying (make him think I'm not interested in another date) and I don't want to bruise his ego. If he wants to use paying for a date as a courting ritual then I will let him. If I don't like the guy I don't want him to feel taken advantage of on top of any hurt feelings that might be there.0
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I actually agree with you. I think "big income in profile" for men is a bit like "sexy pictures in lingerie" for women... You attract the predators. Better to keep the surprise for the right moment.I stopped putting my income in my profile. People either thought I was lying or it was attracting the type of girl who was just interested in spending it.
Not that I have this problem at the moment anyway! :laugh: No, I attract women with the power of my charts!
I really don't like having income in the profiles either. When dating IRL, you don't ask someone these questions. Then I get the same....guys think I'm lying or looking for a sugar momma. I do get some men that won't date because their salary is lower. I hate this, because I am not a materialistic person and would rather find love....but, is what it is.0 -
online dating i dont trust dudes who put high salaries in. i think they are either lying OR telling the truth and leading with their wallets.
neither guy appeals to me and i think it's a pretty tacky question to ask unless you're joining some millionaire's club or something.
if i meet someone first IRL, then i definitely dont appreciate discussing salary because i'm not even particularly interested in what their job is when first meet them since i'm more interested in getting to know the person than conduct my first dates like boring job interviews
as for who pays, my preference is that the guy pays for the first date but that's mainly because i'm like 15 -20 years passed asking dudes out for first dates. i've long since learned that guys who are interested AND available (emotionally and/or physically) will ask me out if they are interested and available.
luckily i've never been in the situation where i'm asked on a first date and the guy asks me to split the bill. that's happened to a few friends of mine though.0 -
I actually agree with you. I think "big income in profile" for men is a bit like "sexy pictures in lingerie" for women... You attract the predators. Better to keep the surprise for the right moment.I stopped putting my income in my profile. People either thought I was lying or it was attracting the type of girl who was just interested in spending it.
Not that I have this problem at the moment anyway! :laugh: No, I attract women with the power of my charts!
I really don't like having income in the profiles either. When dating IRL, you don't ask someone these questions. Then I get the same....guys think I'm lying or looking for a sugar momma. I do get some men that won't date because their salary is lower. I hate this, because I am not a materialistic person and would rather find love....but, is what it is.
I never check the income but I look at the job. Mainly to see they are employed and not in sales.0 -
Just depends...if it's a first date and the guy asked me out, than I expect him to pay, unless I've determined during the date that I'm not interested--than I would pay my own way (don't want to send mixed signals)
If it's someone I've been dating and I ask him out, then I pay.
If it's someone I've been dating, he asks me out and we do dinner and something else (movies, bowling, a few drinks, etc), I usually plan on him paying for dinner and I offer to pay for the following activity.
I feel too guilty if a guy is always paying for me--especially since I know with the last few guys I've dated my income is higher than theirs. It can get expensive going out all the time. I would rather help pay if it's someone I'm actively dating0 -
I have boobs. I don't pay.
Forget the boobs....BEER!!!
Paid for by....BOOBS.
Can you go get me a beer with your boobs please?0 -
If I ask, I pay.
I always offer to pay my share on dates, unless someone I have been dating for a while--then sometimes just say "my turn" and pay. Offering to pay was only taken up by one date--he was a real estate agent and as you can imagine in this economy not doing so well so I offered to pay my share and he said "actually I am going to let you do that" which was fine.0 -
If I ask a guy out... I assume I'll be paying. Usually he'll offer to pay or split. But, if I'm doing the asking I never EXPECT him to pay anything.
This! If I ask then I expect I'm paying.0 -
I never check the income but I look at the job. Mainly to see they are employed and not in sales.
Absolutely agree...on both accounts. Sales is not a complete deal breaker for me (because, hey...at least he has a job). However, it does help me to realize that "Mr Charming" might just be a great salesman.0 -
Men: If you ask her out, you should pay. Especially in the beginning. If she insists on paying for part of the first date, let her. It might mean she's just not that into you, and she wants an equitable way to end the date, ensuring her conscience is clear. I usually insist and suggest she pick up the next date (if I want another date), but if it's clear to me she definitely wants to pay half now, then no problem.
If she asks you out, you should be prepared to pay, as well, but just wait and see how things develop. You should offer to pick up part of the bill (e.g., "You bought the movie tickets, at least let me treat you to dinner, " etc., etc.). Also, if the woman is less well off financially, be a bit more insistent about paying. However, no matter her financial condition, it's important she feel she is helping to cover costs. So if she isn't making a lot of money, find activities where she can pay, but are not that expensive.
If you don't have much money, you need to be open about this in the beginning. Most women don't mind (and if they do, they're obviously not for you - so that's good info to have early). Just don't be embarrassed and try to hide it, because that's going to become very awkward, very quickly. Going on a hike with a picnic basket is not expensive. Renting a movie and cooking a meal for two at home is not expensive. But be sure to take control and plan some interesting, low cost outings. Even if she makes much more money than you, most women appreciate it if you are driving things. Nothing wrong with being poor, just don't be passive.
Women: While most men don't mind paying more than just 50-50 on dates, we do like it when you offer to help. And occasionally you should pick up an entire evening. But keep it within your means, otherwise we'll feel guilty. If you ask us out but don't plan on paying, make sure you're clear about that in the beginning. It's rather rude to ask someone out and then expect them to pay, regardless of gender.
And ladies, if you're sensing awkwardness, please communicate with the man. Some men are embarrassed about money, especially if they want to pay for more, but just can't. It's nice if you initiate the discussion and let us know you don't mind, you're happy to find fun, low cost alternatives, etc. Women are more up front about money than men, so don't expect the guy to communicate very well about financial matters, especially in the beginning.
--P0 -
Just depends...if it's a first date and the guy asked me out, than I expect him to pay, unless I've determined during the date that I'm not interested--than I would pay my own way (don't want to send mixed signals)
If it's someone I've been dating and I ask him out, then I pay.
If it's someone I've been dating, he asks me out and we do dinner and something else (movies, bowling, a few drinks, etc), I usually plan on him paying for dinner and I offer to pay for the following activity.
I feel too guilty if a guy is always paying for me--especially since I know with the last few guys I've dated my income is higher than theirs. It can get expensive going out all the time. I would rather help pay if it's someone I'm actively dating
This too!0 -
Well I generally do the asking so I generally do the paying, but if a few dates go by and she hasn't initiated a date or offered to pay I generally won't ask her out on another one. It's not that I want her to pay, I just appreciate the gesture. And I try to stay away from women with a sense of entitlement.0
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I never check the income but I look at the job. Mainly to see they are employed and not in sales.
Absolutely agree...on both accounts. Sales is not a complete deal breaker for me (because, hey...at least he has a job). However, it does help me to realize that "Mr Charming" might just be a great salesman.
Wait a sec. I'm kinda in sales... It's not like I'm a lawyer or politician.... :-)
--P0 -
I never check the income but I look at the job. Mainly to see they are employed and not in sales.
Absolutely agree...on both accounts. Sales is not a complete deal breaker for me (because, hey...at least he has a job). However, it does help me to realize that "Mr Charming" might just be a great salesman.
Wait a sec. I'm kinda in sales... It's not like I'm a lawyer or politician.... :-)
--P
I will take a lawyer over a sales man, that is just my preference because I deal with people in sales on a daily basis and 90% of them are pushy a-holes.0 -
it shouldnt be expected, Im old fashioned, I like to pay personally so it works for me but I do agree it shouldnt be expected of the person been asked out0
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I never check the income but I look at the job. Mainly to see they are employed and not in sales.
Absolutely agree...on both accounts. Sales is not a complete deal breaker for me (because, hey...at least he has a job). However, it does help me to realize that "Mr Charming" might just be a great salesman.
Wait a sec. I'm kinda in sales... It's not like I'm a lawyer or politician.... :-)
--P
I will take a lawyer over a sales man, that is just my preference because I deal with people in sales on a daily basis and 90% of them are pushy a-holes.
Since Praha is kind of in sales does that mean there is a less than 0.90 probability that he is a pushy a-hole or does it mean there is a 0.90 probabilty that he is kind of a pushy a-hole?0 -
I always offer to pay for my share or more, regardless of who asks who out. If a guy says no, then I will simply thank him. Personally, I don't like when women expect to be treated because of their gender, it gives all of us a bad rap. But at the same time, I won't bruise a guy's ego either if he really wants to pay.0
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I never ask men out, and I do expect them to pay if they ask me out. Even my guy friends pay for the single ladies when we go out. Maybe it's a southern thing.
The ONLY time I insist on paying is when I CLEARLY know I do not like the man or wish to see him again.
To be polite, I will ask how much is my portion (and I'll have some cash) but usually the guys insist on covering it. I think ONLY 3-4 times in 4 years of being single and going out quite a bit did I EVER pay my way. EVER.
I was actually a litte miffed at BB when he came to visit me because I paid for some of our meals. Of course, we'd been dating for 6 months by then. I suppose it didn't kill me to cover him at Chipotle, especially since he bought the ticket to visit me and took me to places like Emeril's. Lol.0 -
I should have also mentioned that in the past, if a guy refuses to let me pay after we've gone out a few times, I would invite him over for a home-cooked meal...at least that way I feel like I'm putting something into the relationship. Although that depends on the guy too...I've done that for a few who then expect me to ask them over for dinner rather than taking me out. Gets kind of old after awhile.
Definately must have a job!!! As for sales...funny because I'm not too keen on dating someone in sales either. Smooth talkers (similiar to politicians in that respect) -- nothing personal Praha0 -
I was actually a litte miffed at BB when he came to visit me because I paid for some of our meals. Of course, we'd been dating for 6 months by then. I suppose it didn't kill me to cover him at Chipotle, especially since he bought the ticket to visit me and took me to places like Emeril's. Lol.
You were seriously upset about this? I guess that's the type of thing I wouldn't think twice about if someone I was serious about had to visit me.0 -
I should have also mentioned that in the past, if a guy refuses to let me pay after we've gone out a few times, I would invite him over for a home-cooked meal...at least that way I feel like I'm putting something into the relationship. Although that depends on the guy too...I've done that for a few who then expect me to ask them over for dinner rather than taking me out. Gets kind of old after awhile.
Definately must have a job!!! As for sales...funny because I'm not too keen on dating someone in sales either. Smooth talkers (similiar to politicians in that respect) -- nothing personal Praha
I have nothing against someone being in sales just because they are in sales. I know some sleazy shady sales guys, but I know a lot of really awesome cool sales guys too.0 -
I was actually a litte miffed at BB when he came to visit me because I paid for some of our meals. Of course, we'd been dating for 6 months by then. I suppose it didn't kill me to cover him at Chipotle, especially since he bought the ticket to visit me and took me to places like Emeril's. Lol.
You were seriously upset about this? I guess that's the type of thing I wouldn't think twice about if someone I was serious about had to visit me.
LOL, Janie!!0 -
I was actually a litte miffed at BB when he came to visit me because I paid for some of our meals. Of course, we'd been dating for 6 months by then. I suppose it didn't kill me to cover him at Chipotle, especially since he bought the ticket to visit me and took me to places like Emeril's. Lol.
You were seriously upset about this? I guess that's the type of thing I wouldn't think twice about if someone I was serious about had to visit me.
I would hope that once you are 6 months into a relationship the games of who pays for what are over.0 -
I should have also mentioned that in the past, if a guy refuses to let me pay after we've gone out a few times, I would invite him over for a home-cooked meal...at least that way I feel like I'm putting something into the relationship. Although that depends on the guy too...I've done that for a few who then expect me to ask them over for dinner rather than taking me out. Gets kind of old after awhile.
Definately must have a job!!! As for sales...funny because I'm not too keen on dating someone in sales either. Smooth talkers (similiar to politicians in that respect) -- nothing personal Praha
I have nothing against someone being in sales just because they are in sales. I know some sleazy shady sales guys, but I know a lot of really awesome cool sales guys too.
True...I shouldn't have generalized. My bad. Fortunately, it's usually pretty easy to distinguish the smooth talkers from the real / honest ones.0 -
I never check the income but I look at the job. Mainly to see they are employed and not in sales.
Absolutely agree...on both accounts. Sales is not a complete deal breaker for me (because, hey...at least he has a job). However, it does help me to realize that "Mr Charming" might just be a great salesman.
Wait a sec. I'm kinda in sales... It's not like I'm a lawyer or politician.... :-)
--P
Ah, you know I love you. I have my exceptions. 0 -
I was actually a litte miffed at BB when he came to visit me because I paid for some of our meals. Of course, we'd been dating for 6 months by then. I suppose it didn't kill me to cover him at Chipotle, especially since he bought the ticket to visit me and took me to places like Emeril's. Lol.
You were seriously upset about this? I guess that's the type of thing I wouldn't think twice about if someone I was serious about had to visit me.
I would hope that once you are 6 months into a relationship the games of who pays for what are over.
After the first 2 dates I feel guilty if he hasn't let me pay for something. I've dated some men that wouldn't pay. I was flattered, but wanted to contribute equally. If that happens, I'll suggest an upcoming concert/movie/etc. I usually make a comment about wanting to get the tickets right away, so he has no option but to let me pay.
And, yes...there are good and bad salesman. I just keep my radar a little higher during the initial interactions if he's a salesman.0
