Paying for dates?
Replies
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I was actually a litte miffed at BB when he came to visit me because I paid for some of our meals. Of course, we'd been dating for 6 months by then. I suppose it didn't kill me to cover him at Chipotle, especially since he bought the ticket to visit me and took me to places like Emeril's. Lol.
I thought you have said in past that you make a really good salary..
Why wouldn't you want to reciprocate?0 -
No issues with men in sales. I am generalizing, but the ones I have met have great manners and confident, charming and generous. Good talkers too - which is very important for me.0
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Thanks for the tip on the "Sales" thing... I'll think about switching mine. I am the technical expert on a sales team. Technically, I work in sales but I am definitely not a salesman at heart. More like a geek with a quota.0
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I have no issue always paying as long as you ladies agree I should continue to make 15% higher salary for the same job.
Not sure if you were serious on this one, but every time this topic comes up I honestly think this. The girl I'm with now is a part-time art teacher, so I gladly pay for everything as she simply can't afford to. However if I was dating someone that made equal or more than me... hell even an adequate income, after the first few dates there better be a few offers to pay!!
Ladies if you make equal to a guy you have been dating for awhile, what would be the justification for you not to contribute?? Looking for more than I have boobs here.0 -
I have no issue always paying as long as you ladies agree I should continue to make 15% higher salary for the same job.
Not sure if you were serious on this one, but every time this topic comes up I honestly think this. The girl I'm with now is a part-time art teacher, so I gladly pay for everything as she simply can't afford to. However if I was dating someone that made equal or more than me... hell even an adequate income, after the first few dates there better be a few offers to pay!!
Ladies if you make equal to a guy you have been dating for awhile, what would be the justification for you not to contribute?? Looking for more than I have boobs here.
First date I usually offer to cover at least the tip if not split the bill. Usually by the 3rd or 4th date I am the one making the dating arrangements and I will pay the full thing.0 -
I always make sure I have money with me when I go out on a date. I can assume that if they asked me out then they will pay but I wouldnt want it to be uncomfortable if he is expecting me to pay my part. It does not bother me to pay. I have gone on several dates and only had to pay once.0
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I was actually a litte miffed at BB when he came to visit me because I paid for some of our meals. Of course, we'd been dating for 6 months by then. I suppose it didn't kill me to cover him at Chipotle, especially since he bought the ticket to visit me and took me to places like Emeril's. Lol.
Please tell me you are joking about being miffed about ponying up $7 for a burrito after six months of dating.
I'm all about letting the man pursue, being "courted" (for lack of a better word) and all that, but when it comes to paying, I think women should pay (or at least offer) as the relationship gets rolling along. (I do let the man pay for the first few dates, although usually by date 3 I'll at least pay cab fare.) I can't imagine letting a guy pay for me all the time; it would make me feel like a total mooch. Maybe if he was filthy rich. But I make really good money, so there is no reason for me not to pick up the bill sometimes. I would get miffed if I constantly had to pay for an able bodied adult.0 -
I have no issue always paying as long as you ladies agree I should continue to make 15% higher salary for the same job.
Not sure if you were serious on this one, but every time this topic comes up I honestly think this. The girl I'm with now is a part-time art teacher, so I gladly pay for everything as she simply can't afford to. However if I was dating someone that made equal or more than me... hell even an adequate income, after the first few dates there better be a few offers to pay!!
Ladies if you make equal to a guy you have been dating for awhile, what would be the justification for you not to contribute?? Looking for more than I have boobs here.
Compared to the men I've dated recently, I make probably half of what they do. Less than half in one case. Sigh. It is actually a little stressful for me and I feel I may not be able to afford to date - if the dating is all about going out for meals or events!
In my mind there is simply NO justification for not contributing equally if you have been dating awhile and can afford it.
Hell..even from the get-go I think it is important to be generous and show that you are an equal partner. Now, having said that, I will accept someone paying for me, but I always offer and will get something the next time or make sure I make a meal at home etc. for us.0 -
I have no issue always paying as long as you ladies agree I should continue to make 15% higher salary for the same job.
Not sure if you were serious on this one, but every time this topic comes up I honestly think this. The girl I'm with now is a part-time art teacher, so I gladly pay for everything as she simply can't afford to. However if I was dating someone that made equal or more than me... hell even an adequate income, after the first few dates there better be a few offers to pay!!
Ladies if you make equal to a guy you have been dating for awhile, what would be the justification for you not to contribute?? Looking for more than I have boobs here.
If I was WAY hotter than him. Like... significantly out of his league hotter.
For serious though - unless I'm unemployed or made it clear beforehand that I can't go out because I'm short funded and he said "MY TREAT" I would always be prepared/expecting to pay at least my part.
In other words - there IS no justification (in my opinion)0 -
I was actually a little miffed at BB when he came to visit me because I paid for some of our meals. Of course, we'd been dating for 6 months by then. I suppose it didn't kill me to cover him at Chipotle, especially since he bought the ticket to visit me and took me to places like Emeril's. Lol.
You were seriously upset about this? I guess that's the type of thing I wouldn't think twice about if someone I was serious about had to visit me.
Um, yeah, I was. For one, I was embarrassed. Two, He knew I’d maxed out my budget on all our event and amusement park tickets food for around the house. I am very firm about zero balance living. It’s not about “who pays” but rather the fact that he ran out of money for the month going to extravagant places when we could have eaten out cheaper. We had a long, interesting chat about this afterward and ultimately I think it drew us closer.I would hope that once you are 6 months into a relationship the games of who pays for what are over.
I would hope that if you have dated someone for 6 months (plus 3 months casually) that you wouldn’t just change status quo without warning her first.I thought you have said in past that you make a really good salary.
Why wouldn't you want to reciprocate?
Why do you automatically assume I’m not reciprocating? My goodness! I don’t put out, so do you really think the man would stick around if he weren’t getting value out of the relationship? He’s always covered meals out and even made a point long ago about how that was his job and to stop asking to help out. When I was back home, and we were typically seeing each other every night, most meals were at my house with food I purchased (regardless of who cooked it), so I don’t feel like I’m “not reciprocating.”
I don’t know where you guys get that stuff from anyway. There’s more to relationships than a 50-50 split of every single thing. I do some things, you do some things. If we’re compatible, the “stuff you like to do” in a relationship compliments the “stuff I like to do.” Even better is when I enjoy receiving the stuff you like to do for others and vice versa. Not even just about who pays for dinner, but other things like driving. I hate driving. He loves it. You can dog me out for it, but one of my “man in my life requirements” is someone to drive me on long trips. And guess what? I travel a LOT. He thought it was great he could make me happy just by naturally doing something he loves anyway.0 -
I have no issue always paying as long as you ladies agree I should continue to make 15% higher salary for the same job.
Not sure if you were serious on this one, but every time this topic comes up I honestly think this. The girl I'm with now is a part-time art teacher, so I gladly pay for everything as she simply can't afford to. However if I was dating someone that made equal or more than me... hell even an adequate income, after the first few dates there better be a few offers to pay!!
Ladies if you make equal to a guy you have been dating for awhile, what would be the justification for you not to contribute?? Looking for more than I have boobs here.
There is no reason not to contribute. Even when guy makes more, girl can contribute by buying groceries and making dinner ...I did that alot with my last bf, and sometimes he would buy/make salad and I would do the rest of the meal. When we went out, he paid most of the time-because he insisted--but every 3rd or 4th meal out I would insist on buying, or would say "I am taking you to dinner tonight", and that meant I would pay--sometimes he would still try to pay.0 -
I was actually a little miffed at BB when he came to visit me because I paid for some of our meals. Of course, we'd been dating for 6 months by then. I suppose it didn't kill me to cover him at Chipotle, especially since he bought the ticket to visit me and took me to places like Emeril's. Lol.
You were seriously upset about this? I guess that's the type of thing I wouldn't think twice about if someone I was serious about had to visit me.
Um, yeah, I was. For one, I was embarrassed. Two, He knew I’d maxed out my budget on all our event and amusement park tickets food for around the house. I am very firm about zero balance living. It’s not about “who pays” but rather the fact that he ran out of money for the month going to extravagant places when we could have eaten out cheaper. We had a long, interesting chat about this afterward and ultimately I think it drew us closer.
In my opinion this adds a lot more info. Before it sounded like you were genuinely upset about having to pay for a burrito, and that you shouldn't have to spend anything - you didn't mention the other stuff which really makes a difference between someone entitled and someone trying to be financially responsible.0 -
I was actually a little miffed at BB when he came to visit me because I paid for some of our meals. Of course, we'd been dating for 6 months by then. I suppose it didn't kill me to cover him at Chipotle, especially since he bought the ticket to visit me and took me to places like Emeril's. Lol.
You were seriously upset about this? I guess that's the type of thing I wouldn't think twice about if someone I was serious about had to visit me.
Um, yeah, I was. For one, I was embarrassed. Two, He knew I’d maxed out my budget on all our event and amusement park tickets food for around the house. I am very firm about zero balance living. It’s not about “who pays” but rather the fact that he ran out of money for the month going to extravagant places when we could have eaten out cheaper. We had a long, interesting chat about this afterward and ultimately I think it drew us closer.
In my opinion this adds a lot more info. Before it sounded like you were genuinely upset about having to pay for a burrito, and that you shouldn't have to spend anything - you didn't mention the other stuff which really makes a difference between someone entitled and someone trying to be financially responsible.
Yup, I agree with Kits here. Adding the explanation makes it more of a lifestyle issue than simply who pays for what. It seems like a deeper issue all together.0 -
i find it funny when this subject comes up, it's usually women who are super militant about paying in the early stages and will say things like being embarrased by the actions of other women.
all i can say to that is some of those women are clearly projecting their own issues onto others. if another women expects to have her first dates paid for (and is able to get that
) then how exactly does that have an impact on your life unless there's some amount of sour grapes going on.
i think what a lot of women who call themselves feminists but actually have no clue about it fail to realize is that the feminist movement is more about giving women the power of choice of how to live their lives rather than having to negate their femininity.0 -
i find it funny when this subject comes up, it's usually women who are super militant about paying in the early stages and will say things like being embarrased by the actions of other women.
all i can say to that is some of those women are clearly projecting their own issues onto others. if another women expects to have her first dates paid for (and is able to get that ) then how exactly does that have an impact on your life unless there's some amount of sour grapes going on.
i think what a lot of women who call themselves feminists but actually have no clue about it fail to realize is that the feminist movement is more about giving women the power of choice of how to live their lives rather than having to negate their femininity.
What are you talking about?0 -
Ladies if you make equal to a guy you have been dating for awhile, what would be the justification for you not to contribute??
The #1 justification I have for expecting that a man will pay for dates is that it has been my experience (and that of my friends) that when a man is really into you he is very happy to pay for your meals out.
I'll offer to pack a picnic lunch or cook dinner after 3-4 dates, but when he starts off wanting to go dutch, or if by date 3 he wants to know why I am not paying my share then I know he is not the one for me. I've seen guys be like this with me and then when Ms Beautiful or Ms Perfect comes along they go all out for MONTHS with no griping about her "contributing" or "reciprocating."
My #2 justification is that it sends a signal in some places I've lived: a man paying for a woman's meal means he cares about her, is into her, is in love with her. When others see a couple going dutch it either means he's not really into her or she's one of "those independent women who won't let a man do anything for her."
This does not apply in some places I've lived. For example: in DC a lot of people go dutch or the woman picks up the tab half the time and that seems normal. And when I lived in Cali, the general feeling is not to LET him pay because a) I'm "my own woman" who doesn't "need a man" and b) then he'll feel entitled to pawn my body later (he's not but if you pay your way it minimizes the drama).0 -
i find it funny when this subject comes up, it's usually women who are super militant about paying in the early stages and will say things like being embarrased by the actions of other women.
all i can say to that is some of those women are clearly projecting their own issues onto others. if another women expects to have her first dates paid for (and is able to get that ) then how exactly does that have an impact on your life unless there's some amount of sour grapes going on.
i think what a lot of women who call themselves feminists but actually have no clue about it fail to realize is that the feminist movement is more about giving women the power of choice of how to live their lives rather than having to negate their femininity.
What are you talking about?
Ahh yeah did you even read any of the responses? If so please quote where women are being militant about paying.0 -
Not sure but i assume this response is aimed at me because i said i dont like when people "expect" to be treated. But that really goes for both genders & is not a feminist statement at all. I just think expexting anything of anyone on the first few dates is a goid way to lead to disappointment.i find it funny when this subject comes up, it's usually women who are super militant about paying in the early stages and will say things like being embarrased by the actions of other women.
all i can say to that is some of those women are clearly projecting their own issues onto others. if another women expects to have her first dates paid for (and is able to get that ) then how exactly does that have an impact on your life unless there's some amount of sour grapes going on.
i think what a lot of women who call themselves feminists but actually have no clue about it fail to realize is that the feminist movement is more about giving women the power of choice of how to live their lives rather than having to negate their femininity.
What are you talking about?
Ahh yeah did you even read any of the responses? If so please quote where women are being militant about paying.0 -
but isnt dating in general a good way to lead to disappointment? :laugh: nothing is guaranteed but that's kind of the fun of dating : meeting people get to now them and figure out which ones you might be able to develop something further into. having some expectations in the beginning isnt necessarily a bad thing.
Not sure but i assume this response is aimed at me because i said i dont like when people "expect" to be treated. But that really goes for both genders & is not a feminist statement at all. I just think expexting anything of anyone on the first few dates is a goid way to lead to disappointment.i find it funny when this subject comes up, it's usually women who are super militant about paying in the early stages and will say things like being embarrased by the actions of other women.
all i can say to that is some of those women are clearly projecting their own issues onto others. if another women expects to have her first dates paid for (and is able to get that ) then how exactly does that have an impact on your life unless there's some amount of sour grapes going on.
i think what a lot of women who call themselves feminists but actually have no clue about it fail to realize is that the feminist movement is more about giving women the power of choice of how to live their lives rather than having to negate their femininity.
What are you talking about?
Ahh yeah did you even read any of the responses? If so please quote where women are being militant about paying.0 -
You're only saying here that you never HAD to ask yourself this particular question here because men have been more inclined to pay for you, but you haven't given any actual reply to the question.
The #1 justification I have for expecting that a man will pay for dates is that it has been my experience (and that of my friends) that when a man is really into you he is very happy to pay for your meals out.Ladies if you make equal to a guy you have been dating for awhile, what would be the justification for you not to contribute??
I could say the exact same thing about any woman (except perhaps the high maintenance ones or those who have expectations from the man to pay for "traditional woman" reason).
In my experience, when a woman is really into you and likes/loves you, she is very happy to pay for your meals out too. Because, hopefully, there is a little bit more in the relationship (from her or his point of view) than who pays for the meals.
If this is a dealbreaker for you (who pays for the meals) and me mentioning it makes you shake your head in disbelief, then fine, but clearly you are either "high maintenance" or "traditional style woman".
The real question is more: if you were really into a man, would YOU really let him go because he would prefer that you pay for the nights out/meals out/activities half the time?
Note: my personal answer to this question is that, if a woman expected me to pay for meals night outs all the time (more then 60%/40% of the time) then I would let her go because she would fit in one of the two categories: high maintenance or traditional expectations from a man. This woman wouldn't be a good match for me.
Note 2: to clarify even further, I'm saying that if this is a dealbreaker for you, it is not because "the man is happy", this is because "the woman wouldn't have it any other way".
What other people think about this doesn't matter to me, so I guess I'm oblivious to this particular justification.My #2 justification is that it sends a signal in some places I've lived: a man paying for a woman's meal means he cares about her, is into her, is in love with her. When others see a couple going dutch it either means he's not really into her or she's one of "those independent women who won't let a man do anything for her."0
