Might sound like a stupid question but...
RosscoBoscko
Posts: 632 Member
Ok so I. Gonna like an idiot but I always do. So hey ho. If a girl who you are very close to happily falls asleep in your arms when you and her are the only two people out and she falls asleep in your arms in a taxi. Do I look like an idiot for walking away?
0
Replies
-
Well you kinda have to get out of the taxi at some point, am I right?
ETA - I don't mean that to be sarcastic, I'm curious. We need more information.0 -
She is one of my best friends. She sleeps in my arms. The taxi stops. I pay for the taxi. I walk the 5 mins home.0
-
Not enough info, sorry
0 -
And I have no problem with sarcasm. Am as sarcastic as they come in rl. Often to the detriment of situations. But hey ho.0
-
What info do you need?0
-
She is one of my best friends. She sleeps in my arms. The taxi stops. I pay for the taxi. I walk the 5 mins home.
(Okay, so do you think she likes you? Or do you think she just fell asleep because she was tired?)
Are you stupid for walking away? No, when you don't know her intentions. But you could always say, "If you're not too tired, would you like to come to my place for a nightcap?" Nothing to lose, right? It's worth the try. At the very worst, she could say, "Oh, darn, I'm tired. But thanks."0 -
Do I think she likes me? I have no idea. That's why I'm in single peeps! I don't get relationships. Everyone around us thinks she does and tells me. But not her.0
-
Do I think she likes me? I have no idea. That's why I'm in single peeps! I don't get relationships. Everyone around us thinks she does and tells me. But not her.
Hate to say it, but the majority of girls expect the guy to make a move. I would never tell a guy I liked him personally, and trust me, I have crushed hard on a few guys before. But I would never tell them. It is hard to confess your feelings, in case she doesn't feel the same, but you'll never know unless you try. And mostly men have to make the moves.
She might like you, truthfully, and if people are saying it, it is probably true.
Who initiated the one-on-one bar crawl?
Next time this happens, just ask, "Hey, do you want to come over for a nightcap?" If she likes you, she'll say YES no matter how tired she is. When she comes over, sit together on the couch. Watch for signs she likes you (touching her hair, smiles, sitting close to you, seeming nervous, licking her lips, laughing at things you say, teasing you) and if she exhibits those, maybe reach out and touch her thigh or hold her hand. If she doesn't jerk away, kiss her.
0 -
Well, I'd say she's very fond of you. I personally would not fall asleep on a guy I didnt care for. But whether or not she fancies you/lusts for you/wants to date you.............no idea!
For certain, if I fall asleep on a guy does NOT mean I want sex with him!! However, some women might hint in that way
But, you could ask her........perhaps just say "do you see me as more than a friend?"0 -
This.Well, I'd say she's very fond of you. I personally would not fall asleep on a guy I didnt care for. But whether or not she fancies you/lusts for you/wants to date you.............no idea!
For certain, if I fall asleep on a guy does NOT mean I want sex with him!! However, some women might hint in that way
But, you could ask her........perhaps just say "do you see me as more than a friend?"
You won't get dates if you never make a move, that's for sure.
While I encourage women to make moves (and maybe she saw "sleeping in your arms" as a move OR just as a "friendly" thing), I think maybe it's your time to be a bit more "ballsy" and just ask her out on a drink and say that you would like to "try something with her that would be more than just friendship" and see how she does feel about it?
Be prepared that she will either tell you yay or nay.
Or you just don't do anything, get friendzoned and well... nothing happens.0 -
I'm still trying to make sense of your story. Somehow you ended up in a cab together and somehow she ended up in your arms, so you left her in the cab passed out and walked home?Do I think she likes me? I have no idea. That's why I'm in single peeps! I don't get relationships. Everyone around us thinks she does and tells me. But not her.
1. I hope you at least walked her to her door and made sure she made it home okay.
2. Her falling asleep on you doesn't mean she likes you more than a friend, it means she was tired and you were there. Her sticking her tongue down your throat or grabbing your penis would mean she liked you more than a friend.
3. You're clearly in the friend zone because you've never had the balls to ask her out.
4. You will not know if she really likes you unless you ask her out. Yes, asking her out could ruin the friendship, that's why you have to grow some balls and just do it.0 -
2. Her falling asleep on you doesn't mean she likes you more than a friend, it means she was tired and you were there. Her sticking her tongue down your throat or grabbing your penis would mean she liked you more than a friend.
3. You're clearly in the friend zone because you've never had the balls to ask her out.
So much this.
While IDEALLY I agree that it shouldn't be assumed that men have to make the first move, realistically this is the society we live in.
Therefore you must make your move. I am sorry my man that is your only option.0 -
I'm still trying to make sense of your story. Somehow you ended up in a cab together and somehow she ended up in your arms, so you left her in the cab passed out and walked home?
To explain in full, for our final away match of the season my rugby team organised a coach to take us, so we could stay at the other club to drink with them after the game. She was playing hockey in a nearby town so we arranged that once she finished she would call me then get train over to meet us. eventually we then all headed back to our team bar which I run. Once there she suggested that me and her go out in another local town, and see if we bump into anyone else, so we got a taxi there with me arranging for a few others to run the bar.
In the end didn't end up meeting anyone else, and got a taxi back later, which is when she fell asleep. We got the taxi to hers, from where I walked home.
Roadie, I appreciate the advice even if forcefully worded! I know deep down that if I am going to find out I need to ask her out, but unlike a lot of guys I don't take the view that if it ruins the friendship "oh well, move on". She is one of, and possibly now, my closest friend, so it is a major decision to put that at risk.
In answer to points.
1. I always do.
2. True, but even then she might be worried about the risk as well.
3 + 4. Have known her for 19 years, went to school with her, she's another friend from schools' ex, occasionally play rugby with her brother, and we have got really close in last 6 months, so although partly true about not having the balls to do anything, it's not that simple.
I have to decide either way, just difficult doing so.0 -
I have to decide either way, just difficult doing so.
Listen, making a bad decision is almost 10x better than indecisiveness.
Let us do a little best case scenario worst case scenario evaluation:
Worst case scenario: You (please God do not pull her to the side and have a talk, if you like her just say "hey we need to (hang out/ Grab drinks/whatever) sometime) ask her out, she says no, you are a creep. Tells you to **** off. Deletes your number. She then proceeds to never speak to you again.
Well, the good thing with that scenario is, that not only do you know now it will never work, but you will stop wasting time worrying about one woman. It will force you to move on.
Best case scenario: You ask her out (however you decide to do that) things go really well, and you have a great time for X amount of months or years or whatever the hell you are looking for.
Indecision scenario: You obsess and worry about this one woman, never actually make a move, waste months and years thinking about her passing up many other women who may be very interested in you.
Which is the worst scenario?
Gotta make a move my man.0 -
I don't really undestand, walk away from what? Her falling asleep in your arms doesn't mean anything, she's your friend...
But generally, if you like her, ask her out.0 -
Gotta make a move my man.
I know more than probably right.
As for how I do it, would probably have to be pretty close to "having the talk", seeing as we quite often will end up going out just the two of us, cinema etc. Due to be taking her out for a curry at some point once she decides when, so will need to be pretty clear what am asking her. Which is where the courage difficulty is!0 -
I don't really undestand, walk away from what? Her falling asleep in your arms doesn't mean anything, she's your friend...
But generally, if you like her, ask her out.
Was badly worded, had had a couple of drinks, walk away as in should I have said or done anything or just accept for what it was.0 -
At that point, just accept it for what it is. Since she is a friend, you need to be careful about it - maybe ask her on a real date, like make sure she knows its a date? Pick her up, bring her flowers, take her to a nice place, pay - she'll get that its a date and it will probably come up naturally. Good luck!0
-
As for how I do it, would probably have to be pretty close to "having the talk", seeing as we quite often will end up going out just the two of us, cinema etc.
Don't get me wrong, you do what you want.
I will let you know though that when you simply just "ask" to do something (in a assertive manner) it reflects better on you, than when you "have a sitdown chat and talk about your 'relationship'".
Women want men to be what they think men are. Generally women think men are assertive and take what they want (this is to an extent, inb4 Kit). Therefore it will reflect better if you just make some plans and ask her to attend.
Regardless, in all honesty it probably isn't going to work out for you simply because with women (inb4 Kit) the longer you take to show "interest" the more of a chance that you become one of her "friends".
However think of it as a good practice round if things don't go well. Anyways, do what you will.
EDIT: (^^ Do not bring her flowers, I am sorry that will backfire)0 -
I'm not trying to be a jerk, but I've noticed the only way I can get some of my friends to approach a girl is if I question their manhood. I sort of have to be a **** sometimes hand they've thanked me for it.Roadie, I appreciate the advice even if forcefully worded! I
So you obviously like her, and you will need to make a move eventually, the only question is how.0 -
Do I think she likes me? I have no idea. That's why I'm in single peeps! I don't get relationships. Everyone around us thinks she does and tells me. But not her.
I have the same issue with a friend of mine. I try and let him know but not be too obvious and sometimes he sort of lets me know but since no-one makes a move we have just been friends for about 4 years now. I would have kissed him the first time I saw him if he had asked me to... Go for it mate... just freaking go for it.0 -
I have the same issue with a friend of mine. I try and let him know but not be too obvious and sometimes he sort of lets me know but since no-one makes a move we have just been friends for about 4 years now. I would have kissed him the first time I saw him if he had asked me to... Go for it mate... just freaking go for it.
See a pattern here? (directed at OP)0 -
Zach is right.
Make your move mate.0 -
In light of the clarification, "asking a [random] girl out" and "asking a friend out" is a whole different story.
It depends how close you were, but as a general rule, I would say acquaintances can be asked out with a good chance of success... but not friends from the first or second circle.
19 years is a long time... but people change so maybe then you can see each other in a new light. Maybe.
But then, 6 months (!!!) in this "new light" is a long time to ask a girl out anyway.
Depends on how frequently you've been seeing each other over the course of these 6 months, and your group's dynamics, but from my POV and my usual groups' dynamics your are friendzoned with 99% confidence.
But... only speaking for myself, from my point of view and with my experience here.0 -
I'm still trying to make sense of your story. Somehow you ended up in a cab together and somehow she ended up in your arms, so you left her in the cab passed out and walked home?
1. I hope you at least walked her to her door and made sure she made it home okay.
2. Her falling asleep on you doesn't mean she likes you more than a friend, it means she was tired and you were there. Her sticking her tongue down your throat or grabbing your penis would mean she liked you more than a friend.
3. You're clearly in the friend zone because you've never had the balls to ask her out.
4. You will not know if she really likes you unless you ask her out. Yes, asking her out could ruin the friendship, that's why you have to grow some balls and just do it.
This is probably one of my favorite Single Peeps posts ever..
OP - first thought I had in reading your story was "hello friend zone!". Falling asleep on someone means NOTHING unless you are in your early teens and don't know how to tell someone you like them and even platonic nearness is over-the-top exciting.
Now, not every woman is going to stick their tongue down your throat or grab your penis (though admittedly I probably would if I was interested) but even a hand on your thigh or an invitation to come up would have been a positive indicator..
As for ruining the friendship.. the longer you put off finding out if she has feelings, the longer yours will fester. She'll eventually date some jerk who had the balls to ask her out and you'll have no choice to be the supportive but bitter guy friend, thus playing the "but I'm a nice guy and why don't women like me?" card.. or worse, she'll date some guy who is really great but had the confidence to ask her.. and you'll have to pretend to be happy for her, all while wishing it was you instead.
Just do it.0 -
Zach and Roadie and Whimsy are right.
It sounds like you are thinking a whole lot about what you want and the easiest, least confrontational way to get it. Try to take a minute and think about what SHE would want. Does she want to get pounded by a guy who pussyfoots around thinking of a way to have a friendly conversation about the secret crush he has on her?
I'm not saying it's too late. I'm just saying that not enough people work on making themselves be the person that would be desired by their object of affection. Don't change who you are simply to get laid, but work to be a better person overall.0 -
Sorry man, I agree with Zach, Roadie and Whimsy. You have definitely been friend-zoned. The chances that she feels the same or wants to have anything more than what you have now, 5%. And if she does have feelings for you the chances that she'd risk your friendship to have more, is slim.
But that's just my opinion - my glasses have never been rose colored...0 -
Haha thanks. Yeah, classic "nice guy" scenario. I've noticed girls don't really like guys who don't have enough confidence to ask them out, but they'll be friends with them and sometimes use them for attention.This is probably one of my favorite Single Peeps posts ever..
OP - first thought I had in reading your story was "hello friend zone!". Falling asleep on someone means NOTHING unless you are in your early teens and don't know how to tell someone you like them and even platonic nearness is over-the-top exciting.
Now, not every woman is going to stick their tongue down your throat or grab your penis (though admittedly I probably would if I was interested) but even a hand on your thigh or an invitation to come up would have been a positive indicator..
As for ruining the friendship.. the longer you put off finding out if she has feelings, the longer yours will fester. She'll eventually date some jerk who had the balls to ask her out and you'll have no choice to be the supportive but bitter guy friend, thus playing the "but I'm a nice guy and why don't women like me?" card.. or worse, she'll date some guy who is really great but had the confidence to ask her.. and you'll have to pretend to be happy for her, all while wishing it was you instead.
Just do it.
But like any relationship, communication is key. I'm thinking if two people can't communicate their feelings for each other after so many years, then they will probably have communication problems if they ever do end up in a relationship.0 -
Haha thanks. Yeah, classic "nice guy" scenario. I've noticed girls don't really like guys who don't have enough confidence to ask them out, but they'll be friends with them and sometimes use them for attention.
If a guy is offering companionship, emotional comfort, masculine presence, attention, service etc. as guys in the friend zone often do, why wouldn't a girl accept what is comfortable and enjoyable?
Similarly, if a woman offers sex (FWB) to a male friend without any of the complications of relationships, why wouldn't he take advantage of that?
Not saying everyone does, or even should..but I think that responsibility falls equally on the person who is offering up something but perhaps wanting something different. I guess it is really a lesson to ask for or go after what you really want.0 -
Haha thanks. Yeah, classic "nice guy" scenario. I've noticed girls don't really like guys who don't have enough confidence to ask them out, but they'll be friends with them and sometimes use them for attention.
If a guy is offering companionship, emotional comfort, masculine presence, attention, service etc. as guys in the friend zone often do, why wouldn't a girl accept what is comfortable and enjoyable?
Similarly, if a woman offers sex (FWB) to a male friend without any of the complications of relationships, why wouldn't he take advantage of that?
Not saying everyone does, or even should..but I think that responsibility falls equally on the person who is offering up something but perhaps wanting something different. I guess it is really a lesson to ask for or go after what you really want.
It is a problem when the person knows damn well that the other party is in love with them, does not feel the same way, and yet continues to ride out the one-sided relationship. This goes for both sexes and both scenarios.0
