First Date Rules
Replies
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I think the "go to a guys house on the first date" thing was more in reference to online dating when you haven't even met the guy yet. I too do not like the first MEETING to be at his house. But if we grab a coffee and don't want to end it then yeah, go from there IMO. This has more to do with having an escape route if there's no connection more than anything.0
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You guys are missing the point of what I wrote. You’re also contradicting stuff that you’ve written about elsewhere. I confess that while I don’t care about everyone reading this, I’m especially sad about those I consider friends.
I think sometimes people reading "they're judging me" into everything is more often reflective of them not being 100% comfortable with their lifestyle and decisions as they probably should be. Or jealous. Or whatever. When we're happy with our lives, we don't need to get all defensive and angry about someone with a different lifestyle. What works for them works for them, just like what works for us works for us.0 -
Also, I don't speak for all men, but if I invite someone back to my house, it isn't necessarily so I can get in their pants. It is usually to chill, watch a movie, maybe have a drink, dazzle them with my cooking skills, or just talk in a place I feel comfortable.
this is 90% of the case I have experienced. Everyone's broke, we want to shine and how off our best for someone we really like. Let's be comfortable and talk all evening and play video games and go for a walk with your dog.
And that is what I would consider an awesome evening. Stripping away the pretentiousness of most first dates while comfortable, having fun and a little playful trash talking, some silliness, and a relaxing walk. I say that is an awesome way to get to know someone.
I've spent more time just going to someone house and hanging out ,playing videos games and marathoning T.V. shows then I can count.... You can learn alot about someone while they are in their house. People are much more themselves at home
plus you can see his style! his housekeeping skills! his movie and game collection! His cooking skills! his roommates or his dogs! how he is when he is relaxed and not under pressure to put on an awesome date in a room full of overdressed people!
A girl ia going to be disappointed in my decor. I have no style, I am a bit spartonian in my decor, but my housekeeping and cooking skills are awesome! And I have two cats. :grumble:0 -
You guys are missing the point of what I wrote. You’re also contradicting stuff that you’ve written about elsewhere. I confess that while I don’t care about everyone reading this, I’m especially sad about those I consider friends.
I think sometimes people reading "they're judging me" into everything is more often reflective of them not being 100% comfortable with their lifestyle and decisions as they probably should be. Or jealous. Or whatever. When we're happy with our lives, we don't need to get all defensive and angry about someone with a different lifestyle. What works for them works for them, just like what works for us works for us.
In for jealousy!0 -
I think the "go to a guys house on the first date" thing was more in reference to online dating when you haven't even met the guy yet. I too do not like the first MEETING to be at his house. But if we grab a coffee and don't want to end it then yeah, go from there IMO. This has more to do with having an escape route if there's no connection more than anything.
one girl wrote she wouldnt ever go to a guys house for a date.. Thats what we were referring to.. Meeting someone for the first time would hopefully be done in public0 -
Also, I don't speak for all men, but if I invite someone back to my house, it isn't necessarily so I can get in their pants. It is usually to chill, watch a movie, maybe have a drink, dazzle them with my cooking skills, or just talk in a place I feel comfortable.
this is 90% of the case I have experienced. Everyone's broke, we want to shine and how off our best for someone we really like. Let's be comfortable and talk all evening and play video games and go for a walk with your dog.
And that is what I would consider an awesome evening. Stripping away the pretentiousness of most first dates while comfortable, having fun and a little playful trash talking, some silliness, and a relaxing walk. I say that is an awesome way to get to know someone.
I've spent more time just going to someone house and hanging out ,playing videos games and marathoning T.V. shows then I can count.... You can learn alot about someone while they are in their house. People are much more themselves at home
plus you can see his style! his housekeeping skills! his movie and game collection! His cooking skills! his roommates or his dogs! how he is when he is relaxed and not under pressure to put on an awesome date in a room full of overdressed people!
A girl ia going to be disappointed in my decor. I have no style, I am a bit spartonian in my decor, but my housekeeping and cooking skills are awesome! And I have two cats. :grumble:
Plus video games? I'm in.0 -
You guys are missing the point of what I wrote. You’re also contradicting stuff that you’ve written about elsewhere. I confess that while I don’t care about everyone reading this, I’m especially sad about those I consider friends.
I think sometimes people reading "they're judging me" into everything is more often reflective of them not being 100% comfortable with their lifestyle and decisions as they probably should be. Or jealous. Or whatever. When we're happy with our lives, we don't need to get all defensive and angry about someone with a different lifestyle. What works for them works for them, just like what works for us works for us.
In for jealousy!
I think your missing the point... We've heard from several girls about their rules and what they do and don't do.Some of us disagree. Those of us taht disagree are pointing out that there are alternatives. Christine especially wants more then she currently has. But she continues to do the same thing and expect different results.. That is the definition of insanity. We are just trying to open her horizons more... Jealousy would imply that I want something you have. That is not the case, you jumped into a conversation and turned it into those of us who make out outside of relationships and go on last minute dates display less value in ourselves. Can't we just be having fun?Honestly if you truely value yourself then the only opinion that should matter to you is your own. So going on a last minute date or kissing or even having sex on the first date is something thats ok...if your ok with it...0 -
You guys are missing the point of what I wrote. You’re also contradicting stuff that you’ve written about elsewhere. I confess that while I don’t care about everyone reading this, I’m especially sad about those I consider friends.
I think sometimes people reading "they're judging me" into everything is more often reflective of them not being 100% comfortable with their lifestyle and decisions as they probably should be. Or jealous. Or whatever. When we're happy with our lives, we don't need to get all defensive and angry about someone with a different lifestyle. What works for them works for them, just like what works for us works for us.
In for jealousy!
I think your missing the point... We've heard from several girls about their rules and what they do and don't do.Some of us disagree. Those of us taht disagree are pointing out that there are alternatives. Christine especially wants more then she currently has. But she continues to do the same thing and expect different results.. That is the definition of insanity. We are just trying to open her horizons more... Jealousy would imply that I want something you have. That is not the case, you jumped into a conversation and turned it into those of us who make out outside of relationships and go on last minute dates display less value in ourselves. Can't we just be having fun?Honestly if you truely value yourself then the only opinion that should matter to you is your own. So going on a last minute date or kissing or even having sex on the first date is something thats ok...if your ok with it...
I did no such thing.0 -
I think sometimes people reading "they're judging me" into everything is more often reflective of them not being 100% comfortable with their lifestyle and decisions as they probably should be. Or jealous. Or whatever. When we're happy with our lives, we don't need to get all defensive and angry about someone with a different lifestyle. What works for them works for them, just like what works for us works for us.Everyone thinks life for girls like Christine would get better if those girls would just toss their romantic notions of kissing/making out being special out the window. If they would just loosen their boundaries and "live a little."
So... if we disagree about the what is acceptable at the beginning of a relationship, we are defensive, jealous and faking the happiness in our lives. maybe it's not getting angry about someone with a different lifestyle, maybe it's getting angry about someone with a different lifestyle constantly implying that theirs is better than other's. That if we disagree, we arent as comfortable with our decisions as we should be? this comes off as very insulting and hurts my feelings that Im not allowed to have a different approach without being told it's a reflection of an unsatisfying lifestyle. That is a bit harsh and unfair and pretty much awful.
I never told christine she was wrong or shouldnt do things her way. Never not once. I was talking about how excluding sports and going to someone's house could limit dating options. Somehow this translated to us being the kind of women who dont care about romance and will make out with anyone because we dont believe in things being special.
yes, i did get hurt by that when I was 100% trying to explore the discussion of what limits dating possibilities.
if you bounce in and throw out an accusation like that - people will react. You cannot turn around afterwards and say, Im sorry but anyone who just reacted to that blanket insult must not be comfortable with their decisions and are jealous.
It's very instigating and unfair to do something like this.
I thought it was a pleasant, non-sexual conversation.0 -
I think the "go to a guys house on the first date" thing was more in reference to online dating when you haven't even met the guy yet. I too do not like the first MEETING to be at his house. But if we grab a coffee and don't want to end it then yeah, go from there IMO. This has more to do with having an escape route if there's no connection more than anything.
one girl wrote she wouldnt ever go to a guys house for a date.. Thats what we were referring to.. Meeting someone for the first time would hopefully be done in public
yes this 100% always first meetings in a public place.0 -
You guys are missing the point of what I wrote. You’re also contradicting stuff that you’ve written about elsewhere. I confess that while I don’t care about everyone reading this, I’m especially sad about those I consider friends.
I think sometimes people reading "they're judging me" into everything is more often reflective of them not being 100% comfortable with their lifestyle and decisions as they probably should be. Or jealous. Or whatever. When we're happy with our lives, we don't need to get all defensive and angry about someone with a different lifestyle. What works for them works for them, just like what works for us works for us.
In for jealousy!
I think your missing the point... We've heard from several girls about their rules and what they do and don't do.Some of us disagree. Those of us taht disagree are pointing out that there are alternatives. Christine especially wants more then she currently has. But she continues to do the same thing and expect different results.. That is the definition of insanity. We are just trying to open her horizons more... Jealousy would imply that I want something you have. That is not the case, you jumped into a conversation and turned it into those of us who make out outside of relationships and go on last minute dates display less value in ourselves. Can't we just be having fun?Honestly if you truely value yourself then the only opinion that should matter to you is your own. So going on a last minute date or kissing or even having sex on the first date is something thats ok...if your ok with it...
I did no such thing.
BAHAHAHAHA0 -
You guys are missing the point of what I wrote. You’re also contradicting stuff that you’ve written about elsewhere. I confess that while I don’t care about everyone reading this, I’m especially sad about those I consider friends.
I think sometimes people reading "they're judging me" into everything is more often reflective of them not being 100% comfortable with their lifestyle and decisions as they probably should be. Or jealous. Or whatever. When we're happy with our lives, we don't need to get all defensive and angry about someone with a different lifestyle. What works for them works for them, just like what works for us works for us.
In for jealousy!
I think your missing the point... We've heard from several girls about their rules and what they do and don't do.Some of us disagree. Those of us taht disagree are pointing out that there are alternatives. Christine especially wants more then she currently has. But she continues to do the same thing and expect different results.. That is the definition of insanity. We are just trying to open her horizons more... Jealousy would imply that I want something you have. That is not the case, you jumped into a conversation and turned it into those of us who make out outside of relationships and go on last minute dates display less value in ourselves. Can't we just be having fun?Honestly if you truely value yourself then the only opinion that should matter to you is your own. So going on a last minute date or kissing or even having sex on the first date is something thats ok...if your ok with it...
I did no such thing.
lol goof :flowerforyou: I wasnt talking to you0 -
You had quoted me!!!
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You had quoted me!!!
Cause you pointed out the jealous part so nicely lol0 -
So I think what we can take away from this is that it's totally legit to have a date in home with which to be wined, dined and video gamed, but that's it's also totally legit to take a man to get pedicures and we should ultimately find what makes us happiest and work with it.
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AND there is no Better or Righter way to make yourself happy :drinker:0
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Yoovie funny thing is is that the guy that asked me to his house was a good friend and I'd been over there a ton of times to hang out. But in a different "dating" context I didn't want him to think that I was that kind of girl because I'm not. If we'd gone on more dates I would've been open to going over there but the first date, no.0
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Yoovie funny thing is is that the guy that asked me to his house was a good friend and I'd been over there a ton of times to hang out. But in a different "dating" context I didn't want him to think that I was that kind of girl because I'm not. If we'd gone on more dates I would've been open to going over there but the first date, no.
But when you said no did you bring up an altrnative idea.... i.e. Instead of going to your houe why don't we ...... (insert appropriate place here)
this shows your interested ..a flat out no or I would rather not shows complete lack of interest0 -
Yoovie funny thing is is that the guy that asked me to his house was a good friend and I'd been over there a ton of times to hang out. But in a different "dating" context I didn't want him to think that I was that kind of girl because I'm not. If we'd gone on more dates I would've been open to going over there but the first date, no.
But when you said no did you bring up an altrnative idea.... i.e. Instead of going to your houe why don't we ...... (insert appropriate place here)
this shows your interested ..a flat out no or I would rather not shows complete lack of interest
Yeah, suggest pedicures!0 -
I want my next first date to be wall climbing. At least I know that by the end of it, I will be weak in the knees (and legs, arms, hands, etc) lol
Who's in?
Oh and I think the pre-cursor to the "first date" also makes a difference.
I am a pretty damn conservative lady, and sex is best in an intimate relationship - never on the first date for me. (At least, not yet!)
BUT... there's a guy I have been talking to every day for almost a year - we've texted, skyped, etc... and if anyone has my heart and full attention, it's him.
If I ever get a chance at a first date with him... it is going to be an EPIC FIRST DATE.
Just sayin.
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^ Rock climbing would be awesome (on a wall, not on actual rocks)!Yoovie funny thing is is that the guy that asked me to his house was a good friend and I'd been over there a ton of times to hang out. But in a different "dating" context I didn't want him to think that I was that kind of girl because I'm not. If we'd gone on more dates I would've been open to going over there but the first date, no.
But when you said no did you bring up an altrnative idea.... i.e. Instead of going to your houe why don't we ...... (insert appropriate place here)
this shows your interested ..a flat out no or I would rather not shows complete lack of interest
I mentioned the story earlier...I said, "I'd would rather go play raquetball if that's okay with you." He said yes and we had a great time.
When I say all this stuff by no means should you all think that I'm saying, "terrible date idea, you're a loser, next!" I would just say nicely, "you know, that isn't really my thing, can we meet afterwards or can we do X instead?" There is NOTHING wrong with saying you don't like something and suggesting an alternative. My life is too short and I don't have enough free time/alert time to do things that I don't want to do. Does that make me selfish? Maybe, but I've spent a good chunk of my life in the background, being the sidekick and silently going along with things that I don't want to do and in the past few years, I've learned how to say "NO" and it has made my life a lot better.0 -
In for rock climbing!
As for sex on the first date, my last two relationships began online. And we talked online and on the phone for awhile before we actually met in person. By that time we were already into each other and the topic of sex had been breached already. In both cases we'd agreed to no sex during the first meetup, but we gave in during the first day. I'm actually one of those people with silly romantic notions about sex and won't do it unless I'm in love. :flowerforyou:0 -
Great discussion guys :flowerforyou:
From my point of view, I dont mind doing what I wouldnt normally do/like, especially if I've never done it before. I'd try anything once :bigsmile: If I had an awful time then I wouldnt do it again. If I had an awesome time cos I'm with the guy I want to be with? Well, that speaks for itself.
I'm also very spontaneous, and love to live life in the fast lane. Ring me and ask me to go to a gig you just got tickets for? Yep, I'm in. Do I feel like I was your last resort? Nope, it doesnt even enter my head!
Going to someone's house is normal here. (Not on the first date with a stranger, obviously!!) I explained this on here months ago and the overall consensus was that Americans would assume that it's a sexual invitation. Here, it's more to hang out because the pubs used to shut early!!
If you want to have sex, then have it. If you don't, then don't. I dont really see where the confusion lies. Just dont go back to someone's house if you don't trust them, or yourself!! 0 -
In for rock climbing!
As for sex on the first date, my last two relationships began online. And we talked online and on the phone for awhile before we actually met in person. By that time we were already into each other and the topic of sex had been breached already. In both cases we'd agreed to no sex during the first meetup, but we gave in during the first day. I'm actually one of those people with silly romantic notions about sex and won't do it unless I'm in love. :flowerforyou:
Awwww, :flowerforyou:0 -
^ Rock climbing would be awesome (on a wall, not on actual rocks)!Yoovie funny thing is is that the guy that asked me to his house was a good friend and I'd been over there a ton of times to hang out. But in a different "dating" context I didn't want him to think that I was that kind of girl because I'm not. If we'd gone on more dates I would've been open to going over there but the first date, no.
But when you said no did you bring up an altrnative idea.... i.e. Instead of going to your houe why don't we ...... (insert appropriate place here)
this shows your interested ..a flat out no or I would rather not shows complete lack of interest
I mentioned the story earlier...I said, "I'd would rather go play raquetball if that's okay with you." He said yes and we had a great time.
When I say all this stuff by no means should you all think that I'm saying, "terrible date idea, you're a loser, next!" I would just say nicely, "you know, that isn't really my thing, can we meet afterwards or can we do X instead?" There is NOTHING wrong with saying you don't like something and suggesting an alternative. My life is too short and I don't have enough free time/alert time to do things that I don't want to do. Does that make me selfish? Maybe, but I've spent a good chunk of my life in the background, being the sidekick and silently going along with things that I don't want to do and in the past few years, I've learned how to say "NO" and it has made my life a lot better.
I understand where you're coming from Christine. I think if you know you would hate an evening watching some sport you detest, regardless if the guy is the love of your life, then you just don't go. An alternative is fine, but what if he really wants to see that particular thing?? Lets just hope he doesnt ask someone else!!
Sometimes we do things to make our partner happy, and they do the same in return :bigsmile:0 -
^ Rock climbing would be awesome (on a wall, not on actual rocks)!Yoovie funny thing is is that the guy that asked me to his house was a good friend and I'd been over there a ton of times to hang out. But in a different "dating" context I didn't want him to think that I was that kind of girl because I'm not. If we'd gone on more dates I would've been open to going over there but the first date, no.
But when you said no did you bring up an altrnative idea.... i.e. Instead of going to your houe why don't we ...... (insert appropriate place here)
this shows your interested ..a flat out no or I would rather not shows complete lack of interest
I mentioned the story earlier...I said, "I'd would rather go play raquetball if that's okay with you." He said yes and we had a great time.
When I say all this stuff by no means should you all think that I'm saying, "terrible date idea, you're a loser, next!" I would just say nicely, "you know, that isn't really my thing, can we meet afterwards or can we do X instead?" There is NOTHING wrong with saying you don't like something and suggesting an alternative. My life is too short and I don't have enough free time/alert time to do things that I don't want to do. Does that make me selfish? Maybe, but I've spent a good chunk of my life in the background, being the sidekick and silently going along with things that I don't want to do and in the past few years, I've learned how to say "NO" and it has made my life a lot better.
Ahhh o was under the impression that was what you said when you were watching a movie you werent comfortable with with a guy when you suggested that. Read it wrong.
I dont really understand why going to a friends house for a date makes you 'that kind of girl' (what kind) because like we were saying, house doesnt mean bedroom. But if its personal preference and comfort thats just plain good and proof you know yourself.0 -
^ Rock climbing would be awesome (on a wall, not on actual rocks)!Yoovie funny thing is is that the guy that asked me to his house was a good friend and I'd been over there a ton of times to hang out. But in a different "dating" context I didn't want him to think that I was that kind of girl because I'm not. If we'd gone on more dates I would've been open to going over there but the first date, no.
But when you said no did you bring up an altrnative idea.... i.e. Instead of going to your houe why don't we ...... (insert appropriate place here)
this shows your interested ..a flat out no or I would rather not shows complete lack of interest
I mentioned the story earlier...I said, "I'd would rather go play raquetball if that's okay with you." He said yes and we had a great time.
When I say all this stuff by no means should you all think that I'm saying, "terrible date idea, you're a loser, next!" I would just say nicely, "you know, that isn't really my thing, can we meet afterwards or can we do X instead?" There is NOTHING wrong with saying you don't like something and suggesting an alternative. My life is too short and I don't have enough free time/alert time to do things that I don't want to do. Does that make me selfish? Maybe, but I've spent a good chunk of my life in the background, being the sidekick and silently going along with things that I don't want to do and in the past few years, I've learned how to say "NO" and it has made my life a lot better.
Ahhh o was under the impression that was what you said when you were watching a movie you werent comfortable with with a guy when you suggested that. Read it wrong.
I dont really understand why going to a friends house for a date makes you 'that kind of girl' (what kind) because like we were saying, house doesnt mean bedroom. But if its personal preference and comfort thats just plain good and proof you know yourself.
Oh no I said it before the date, not during.
I didn't want him to think I was easy because clearly I'm not. I was worried about and then my friend basically agreed that my concerns were valid. I didn't want him to sit down on the couch with me and then make a move and have me awkwardly turn it down. I wanted things to progress more naturally.
And yeah one thing about me is that I know myself very, very well. I know what I like and don't like and trust myself to make decisions. Hasn't always been like that but now I trust my gut.
And Anna, agree compromises are always needed but one compromise I wouldn't make is wasting hours watching a boring sports event that I have absolutely no interest in when I could be out doing things that I like to do! There is nothing wrong with saying, "okay you do your thing and I'll do mine and we'll meet up later" or "you do your thing and come to my place when you're done."
I couldn't stomach watching a 4 hours NASCAR race, I would be gouging my eyes out...even if I thought the guy was the bee's knees. If he wanted to sit and talk with me and drink beer and and flip the race on to check updates once an hour, well that is do-able. 0 -
It doesnt make us easy
Im difficult as ****
Right. Point taken repeatedly across the face.
Yall have fun.0 -
It doesnt make us easy
Im difficult as ****
Right. Point taken repeatedly across the face.
Yall have fun.
You read way too much into that. I meant that I (meaning me) thought that he would think I was easy. Not saying that other men think that. It doesn't mean that you're easy if you go to a guys house on the first date. You brought up a point that maybe a guy would invite someone over for a beer on the porch. This was a movie in his bedroom...I'm not stupid, I know what a guy means when he says that.0 -
It doesnt make us easy
Im difficult as ****
Right. Point taken repeatedly across the face.
Yall have fun.
Teehee.
I don't think going to a guys house on the first date makes you easy. Nor does having sex on the first date. Sometimes the chemistry is there.
You cannot say that you want things to progress naturally, then hold to hard and fast rules you set beforehand.0
