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Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom. Awesome! Moving. thought provoking. Sad. Joyous. An Extraordinary Man with an extraordinary life. A story beautifully told. How far we have come and how far we still must travel.
Its been a momentous week for me one way and another. I have decided to take a couple of days off work to give myself a proper rest after a difficult day on Wednesday I found that I couldn't continue on Thursday. Am looking after myself and will ensure that I am ready for Monday one way or another. Going for a ride in the morning.
PB xx0 -
Had a lovely ride on Harley this morning. It was raining first thing so the forest was soggy but we saw some deer - including a white deer on the field just opposite the yard. And there weren't too many about this morning just a few cars. The sun is now shining and its certainly not cold. Had a big breakfast and am now going to get some work done. Then I think I should go for a swim later this afternoon. Tonight I need to shape and paint my nails for the morning.
So now its ironing - whilst listening to the Archers Omnibus and a tidy round sort out the bins and tidy the bedrooms. (not necessarily in that order).0 -
Good luck for tomorrow PB x0
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PB - Hope your nails are looking good and good luck for tomorrow or today for me!!0
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PB, your interview will be over by the time you read this but I will have been sending good vibes to you. Also your ride sounds lovely- very envious as I have not now ridden for several weeks, even indoors, because of the weather.0
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Hi Ladies, hope everyone is well. PB please put us out of our suspense and tell us how it went!
I seem to be going through a bit of a slump at the moment, still within my calories and walking lots but have lost my mojo for anything else. I am not going to give myself a start date now for my exercise. I think I am pressuring myself and then I am dreading the given day approaching and hate myself when I then don't start. So.....I am going to take each day as it comes and not force the issue. I KNOW I will start it, but am just waiting for the exercise bug to bite me again! x x
Best wishes, BM x x0 -
Morning Crackers!
Bracken - sorry to hear of your troubles but I understand your feelings all too well. I'm so glad you mentioned lapsing, relapsing and collapsing as my 'Diet Trials' book has a definition;-
'A 'lapse' is a temporary slip up or straying off track from your weight loss plan. It could be overeating, or missing out on a regular exercise session.
A 'relapse' is when you feel so guilty, fed up or hopeless that you abandon your weight loss plan.
'Collapse' is when you feel so hopeless you give up totally.'
Having re-read that definition I would now define my eating habits over the Christmas period as a TOTAL collapse; as I TOTALLY gave up on my way of healthy eating and abandoned all exercise and felt TOTALLY hopeless and fed up!!
And of course like you said Bracken - my 2 weeks off track can not be corrected in 2 weeks on track! And I'm only too aware of every pound and inch I've gained. And yet I over indulged this weekend on crisps!! Something in the air BM?!! The crisps were on offer buy 1 get 1 free, family size of course and I put 4 packets in my trolley. I knew as I did this I was playing with fire and yet I reasoned with myself that I had struggled last week, as I didn't allow myself any treats at the weekend... That may have had an element of truth but if so I should have bought just 2. Overworked and over tired my husband and I ate all 4 packets.
So I'm aiming to STS this week and probably will only achieve that if one; I stick to my diet plan for the rest of the week and secondly because my husband dragged me on a 90 minute walk, of sheer torture in deep snow on the Sunday. At the time I wasn't grateful but I am now!!
One month after my parents arrived, I'm now very cross with myself when I think back to my own behaviour during their stay. I didn't deal with the situation well, instead I took what seemed the easy way out at the time and let my father dictate the meals and because my daughter was under the weather for one week, we didn't exercise and instead I let all my weaknesses; being frustrated, angry, fed up - 'allow' me to emotional eat and get stuck in to all the chocolates (mainly bought by me) that were sitting around everywhere to sooth me. Of course all that it did was fatten me up and now the hard work is in progress and it will take weeks to shift!
This is a lesson I need to remember for next Christmas.....
Right Jillian is awaiting me - she is calling my name! BM - my first session back with Jillian I was not in the mood and did not want to do it at all and yet once the music began and I started exercising I felt simply great afterwards. Don't be so hard on yourself, who says you have to do it everyday? Twice a week would make all the difference.
PB - we're all looking forward to hearing how the interview went!!
Oh Jillian is shouting!!!! Must go!0 -
Well hello Crackers! To put you out of your misery - I didn't get the job. To be honest it would have been nice but I don't think I'm in the right place for it and so I think I sabotaged myself subconsciously. So, now I must face up to going back to the GPs and perhaps being there for the rest of my working life. So I say my own GP this morning and he has kindly signed me off for a couple of weeks. The plan is to look after myself, get exercise eat well and plenty of fresh air. I'm doing OK so far. Have been for a swim and done my (healthy) shopping over the lunch period. After several nights of waking up at 2.00am I woke up at 4.00am this morning - to discover I have a sore throat - precursor me thinks to a cold. Bother!
MITM I so feel for you - its so hard to break away from the 'norms of family life' especially at Christmas when the expectation is that you will provide a feast that lasts for days and that you will join in the feasting rather than being the odd one out - families can really dictate - without meaning to of course. I know I have a similar problem when my parents arrive. The worst one over Christmas was when I came home from work to find lunch was pie with potatoes and veg (OK ish) - followed by apple batter - really not a good thing. I found I couldn't consider saying I didn't want anything because of the look of disappointment on Mum's face that I wasn't tucking in to her good food. Just impossible. Like you, I'm paying the price - but now its time to knuckle down.
Bracken - it must be very frustrating not to be able to ride at the moment - and its also a trial when you find you have a very unfit horse on your hands when the weather improves. Hopefully, a) the weather will improve in the next few weeks and b) you will be up for the challenge of getting both you and your horse fit again. At least you have the machinery to get some exercise in your own home but it must be a trial for Nelly too.
Bailey - yes that exercise bug will bite again - and fighting it won't make it come sooner. I'm discovering that for myself.
Feeling very tired this afternoon so hoping I will get a little bit of a snooze.
Thanks everyone for the good wishes and thoughts.
take care all
PB xx0 -
My condolences, PB, on the job but don't give up on a future change in the job area. I'm sure the break will do you good and allow you a bit of time to concentrate on your personal goals. You've started well with a swim.
MITM, your definitions of the lapse, relapse, and collapse are very apt. However, I don't think that you should label your Christmas situation as a collapse. I think a collapse needs to take place over a longer period of time and also involve a complete withdrawal from trying; in my previous collapses (and I have had them) I think I go into a kind of denial and numbness about dealing with my weight that results in putting on most of the weight lost. You had a nasty relapse, made more understandable by the season ands the stresses of family dynamics. PB put it very well in explaining how we so easily fall into the expectations of parents. I could certainly relate to you both. That is not to say it is just to be brushed aside but don't beat yourself up too much. A 90 minute hike through snow does not sound like the behaviour of someone who has given up! I do envy you being able to do such a demanding hike. I know the frustration of feeling the weight gain. I was thinking today about how fat I feel and yet I am far away from the heaviest I have ever been. I think some of it is that with this weather I seem to wear nothing but bulky layers of clothing. My house is quite old (for Canada) and drafty and could cost a small fortune to heat if I were not careful so I typically dress quite warmly inside. We are in another deep freeze, today lower than -20C. Yesterday I felt quite wretched with my stomach/GERD problem, so bad that I did not exercise at all. I can't figure out if it was food related (I have really been trying to increase and vary my vegs but a lot of them give me bad gas/bloat and I had eaten asparagus soup, butternut squash soup and spinach salad which may be the problem of too much of a good thing). However, I have also considered if my Jillian exercises were a contributing factor as I had done Jillian the day before. In any case, yesterday was a write-off for exercise but I did at least take the opportunity of an afternoon of substitute teaching. Today I managed better. I did 3 miles on the treadmill and did the Nordic track, both less jarring on the stomach. So as bad as it may be to have to do Jillian, it may be worse not to be able to do Jillian! On a different note. Today is Nellie's first birthday and yes, she was given some nice treats with a little cooked chicken in her kibble. I also drove to my vet's and got her some of the special rawhide chews that I think are better than the ones in the stores as they are not bleached or chemically treated. However, with the temperatures today even Nellie did not want to stay outside long.0 -
Thanks Bracken - I think you are right about the collapse. It is why I say I'm not on a diet - its a lifestyle change - and it will take a lifetime to change. I will always fall victim to comfort eating, the expectations of others, periods of poor focus when the rest of my life seems to take more of my concentration/focus than it should. If I didn't then I would be concerned that I was no longer engaged with the world - which is almost worse than the sense of panic we feel when we have a lapse - that we won't get back on track.
Whatever our troubles we can never truly understand what creates problems for others as we can never hope to walk a mile in their shoes. That goes for our joys too. So I'm not on a diet. I am on a healthy living programme and its for ever. When I lapse, relapse or collapse I know what I have to do to get back on track - all I have to do is have the will to do it.
the other day I was talking to someone who was admiring all I've done and saying its harder as you get older to lose weight. I've realised that's not true. What is harder is that as you get older your focus/concentration is divided in ever increasing ways - it is easy to sublimate your own needs in order to meet what you see as your obligations to family, friends, work etc - but in the end, you have to focus on what YOU need. And do what you can to stay on track.
Looking back at this track I'm wondering if it should be on the 'words of wisdom' thread - sorry!
By the way, Bracken - don't worry about the job - I believe in fate - the right thing will come along in its own good time!
So - I was awake from midnight tonight and finally gave up and got up at 6.10am. Bother - hopefully, this will get better as I get more exercise.
take care all
PB0 -
A short note today but must say how thoughtful your posting is, PB. Well worth reading more than once and reflecting on. Certainly could go on the Words of Wisdom thread!
BM, I see you could no longer resist doing some exercise!
I've spent the day dreading the phone would ring as there are two people in my family in the hospital in poor condition at the moment. My brother-in-law who many years ago suffered a debilitating stroke has blood clots in the leg and lungs. My sister-in-law is undergoing her second operation for her colon cancer, this operation expected to be about four hours.
Cold again so exercised on the treadmill for 3 miles and did a 1/2 session on the Nordic track.
Regards all.0 -
PB, so sorry regarding the job, but you are right. The old saying "what's for you won't pass you by" is very true.
Bracken, my thoughts and prayers are with you whilst you have the dreadful job of waiting for news of your family.
MITM, you struck such a chord with me when you wrote about "the Parent" situation. I am off home for three weeks and then my parents come over for almost a month in May. So I initially felt like "Oh well, that's seven weeks of gaining". But as you say, there are lessons to be learned and I am now not going to be resigned to gaining, but aim for maintaining.
I have found (I think) the reason for my lethargy. My gynae problems have kicked off again. Yesterday found me mostly horizontal with my legs elevated, as my blood loss was quite dramatic! (please, please excuse the frankness, I have no one else to discuss this with!). This is not supposed to happen at all, so it is off to the Doctors for another increase in medication. I did manage to walk the dog, but it was uncomfortable to say the least. Strangely, although it is quite painful I am at least happy I know the reason why I felt so dreadful! Always a silver lining
Take care all,
Love BM x x0 -
Hi Bailey - don't apologise - I for one totally understand. You cannot imagine how relieved I was to hit menopause. I know exactly what you mean about uncomfortable and remember being on edge constantly in case I 'leaked' in public. Horrid.
Bracken I'm so sorry to hear about your family worries - you don't do things by halves do you??? I hope you have had good news by the time you read this - but if not, know that we are here with you and want to support you. Big hugs.
Car went through its MOT and service without problems yesterday which was a relief. Still cost over £200 but not as bad as it could have been.
Have resolved that today is the first day that I will take hold of myself and clear up/tidy up and clean the house today. May not finish today as one of the jobs is to work through all of the 'papers' I have dumped in the spare bedroom and get rid of all the rubbish. I'm sure I don't need to keep half of it at all but I find it difficult to throw something straight in the bin unless it is obvious rubbish!
Over to exercise thread now for more...
PB xxx0 -
Hi all, a really awful few days for me, hope things will improve a bit now! Had to see the Gynae Doc as an emergency apt yesterday as felt so unwell from the excess I was bleeding and needed to stop it. (apologies again for the frankness!). I am now anaemic (quite badly apparently)so am on iron and will need to start B12 shots again. He also, quite casually, mentioned that the lump in my breast from November was benign (a cyst), but that as my breasts are fibrous it could not rule out a mass! I should be used to how blunt and ABC the Doctors are here, but it is still a shock. He also told me I must wear a talisman and have my medical history in my purse/handbag at all times with details of my haemophilia on. I now have to find a Haematologist I trust and won't need a mortgage for each time I have to visit. Between it all I came out of there reeling and feeling so much worse than when I went in! OH left work and came to meet me straight away, but it is a bit much to take in at the moment. (I couldn't help but smile when the Doc said I was on enough medication to stop an elephant bleeding but unfortunately it wasn't working. I was hoping he wasn't referring to my weight and size!).
I am now supposed to rest and take it easy until my bloods return to a normal level (for me). So it feels like I have a proper Doctors note to get out of gym class for a week or two! lol x I am however bursting to try my Darcy Bussel pilates DVD so may take the Doctors advice for this week and then see how I feel to start it next week.
I am sorry for the moaning, but it does feel a bit better to share this. I can't worry my children with it all, and don't really have a friend I would tell all this to over here. Thanks again for listening.
Hope you are all having a fab weekend. Love BM x x0 -
Hello BM - poor you - how horrible. Mind you it crosses my mind that some people in this country should hear your story as they would expect everything to happen for nothing - no worries about paying the bills. Perhaps they might realise how lucky they are.
You must feel permanently exhausted - I can't imagine how you do as well as you do with everything. well done. And its fine to talk frankly on here - we all understand and as you say sometimes its hard to talk to someone you don't feel so close to about these things - especially face to face.
Have just had a lovely ride on Harley - which was fab. The weather is going to close in big time as the day goes on so I think we've made the most of it. Mind you we put them in the field and as I drove home it started to rain - bother.
Had a rather spectacular little storm last night just as it was getting dark - very unexpected. Didn't last long but was impressive while it lasted and came with some rather strong winds meaning there were a few branches on the road this morning when I drove over to the yard.
Not sure where everyone else is at the moment - but hope you are all OK. I've had a couple of good nights sleep but last night didn't sleep too well. Need to make another appointment to see the GP tomorrow for next week. Not sure how I feel - the pressure has come off and I'm feeling better in myself but I don't feel right and I'm not convinced it would take long to take me back to the edge again. Its difficult as I'm fretting about work as well. I suppose if I'm not raring to get back then I'm probably not ready yet. Then again its coming up to the end of the year which is very important that I do quite a lot of extra work then and I'm not sure it will get done if I'm not there. Still lots to do here so need to get on with it will talk to you all again later!
Take care Crackers
PB x0 -
Hello all. Dreadful weather still continuing. I feel so housebound, Temps have been in the -30C's with the wind chill factor since Wednesday. Friday night there was a significant snowfall with the wind and cold and today it is snowing lightly again and temp is
-22C. There have been many road closings though not in my immediate area but 2 hours north of me, there were road closings and 400 people stranded in their vehicles who had to be rescued. it is very frustrating for the police who issue warnings for people to stay off the roads unless absolutely necessary. Nellie is feeling housebound too but in her short visits to the back yard she usually finds a couple of squirrels to bark at in the trees- fortunately no chance of her capturing them! My exercise has been restricted to the treadmill for the past few days- Thursday 3 miles, Friday 3 1/2 miles, Saturday felt sore, took a rest, today I've done 2 1/4 miles so should be able to finish the 3 miles at least. I have not been able to get to the city for hospital visiting but the sister-in-law came through her operation and now awaits the pathology report ( regrettably her colon cancer is stage 3) and the brother-in-law is stabilized but both are an ongoing worry of course. BM, what a lot of health issues you are dealing with. You never need to apologize for discussing them here. It is strange how differently menopause affects women. I had a relatively easy time. One of my sisters though has had uterine fibroids which created a lot of bleeding issues and then had a menopause similar to what you discuss. When she mentioned this to another sister, she was very breezy about sailing through menopause; needless to say my former sister was not very impressed.
PB, good to hear that with all that is going on with you, that you have managed to get in riding on Harley. It seems so long since I have ridden now ( since before Christmas) that I know no matter what exercise I do at home I will be sore when I start back! This is most unusual for me. I have always ridden in the winter and in the previous three years since I moved to the new stable, I had done Sunday schoolings very regularly through the winter.
I had my last tutoring session with the reluctant scholar on Thursday. He writes his final exam on Monday. The high schools here are semestered and courses run a half year at a time. I think his mother wants me to work with him for his final year course. One of the difficulties with semestering is that there can be such a time gap between courses that even good students do not retain all they need to know.
Tomorrow I have an appointment to have treatment on a Plantar's wart on the ball of my foot. It has been very painful and I hope something can be done for it. I am told it often takes numbers of treatments as incising the tissue on the bottom of the foot is not recommended because of painful and permanent scarring. I am thankful that it is not a dire medical issue but nevertheless painful and, I think, left alone it would affect the alignment of the foot. Well, enough moaning for the moment. Must try and finish the treadmill and then some reading- at the moment it is The Forgotten Garden by Kate Morton, not the best book I've ever read. I can't remember how I acquired it but now I'm well into it, I'll try to finish it. I did really enjoy Road Ends which I mentioned earlier.0 -
Good Morning Ladies. Bracken, your weather is just crazy!! Brilliant you still use the treadmill though. I think I would just cozy up by the fire, have lots of soup and watch old films! Your commitment to "the cause" is fab. It sounds like Nellie and squirrels is another Harry with lizards, he almost caught one about 3 foot long on the beach yesterday, but I don't think he ever actually will catch one as they are so very quick. He is a coward really and will surely run if they turned around to him!
I hope both your in-laws are recovering and will receive good news. Such a worrying time for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you x x
PB, thanks to both you and Bracken for the kind words...... Sounds like you had a lovely ride on Harley, the storm you described was, I think, the one on the internet news. Amazing! Thankfully no fatalities. The world's weather is trying to send us a warning for sure. Please think again re going back to work too soon. If you are not ready (and I think you know you aren't yet) then it could mean it will make you unwell again. (I do speak from personal experience). x x
The good news from me is I am almost "back to normal" again. The bleeding is well under control and I was able to stroll around with the dog yesterday. Unfortunately, I am nowhere near menopause yet, my blood results indicate I am not even peri-menopausal. All this medication and IUD I have fitted are to try to control my seemingly never ending periods! I cannot have surgery as the Doctor thinks the risk of my Haemophilia and possible blood loss during and after surgery is too great. So it's just a waiting game.( In all honesty this past week is the worse I have been in such a long time it was hopefully a one off). So thanks again both for "listening" and the kind words.
I am going for a walk now before it gets too hot. We are coming to the end of Monsoon season now and already the temperatures are rising. I just hate it from here on in as it seems to become hotter daily! No complaints though as I will on the way to the UK in 3 weeks time Yay!!
Take care all, BM x x0 -
Well apologies Crackers for my absence - I am currently struggling to remain on the straight and narrow on a daily basis! Usual busy, busy, weekend with work and that's not going to let up anytime soon because I'm disappearing to England. The work load had the knock on effect of giving me backache again and even my hand was hurting. I also know I'm a mild sufferer from SAD and it has snowed and been grey since Friday, plus I've had tension headaches for days as my daughter continues to stress and worry me not helped, when my mother informed me my sister-in-law had contacted the school to find out if she's as unhappy there as she is at home...
All of these situations combined have led me to over eat... fortunately there's not a chocolate square to be found in the house!! However today it is sunny, actually looks just like my profile photo and I've been out for a walk with my friend this afternoon which has worked wonders, as has reading about everyone else's problems which put my own into perspective. I'm glad you're on the road to recovery once more BM, and that your in-laws came through their operations Bracken, and that PB you're horse riding and getting your house tidy. For me it is very important for my house to be in order for some reason!!!
In one of my sane moments, I have concluded I am not getting any younger with all these aches and pains. Funnily enough I have been reading of late a book all about perimenopause!! I have to continue working if only to pay for my daughter's bed and board so I have to find some stretching exercises to help. I know I have to exercise in general for my whole well being and I haven't done anything since last Thursday so I'm not helping myself in the least. And when I get to England I have to sort my daughter out. As I knew they would the school came back with a glowing academic report and that she is happy and content - her problems lie with my sister-in-law, her aunt who is simply mad!! My mother knows this, I know this and my daughter if she wants to stay (which she insists she does) has got to learn to play the game if she wants to continue living under her roof. The trouble is my daughter is not your average 15 year old, she is shy, serious, studious, and has led a very innocent, sheltered, religious upbringing and my sister-in-law can not bend her! I'm realising I've sent my daughter to live with a wolf dressed in sheep's clothing!
Anyway I feel all the better for getting that off my chest and now I'm going to attempt to be good for the rest of the week and hope for a small miracle and STS yet again!!
Be good Crackers!0 -
Hello Crackers. Well the theme here certainly seems to be struggle but at least we are all trying to engage in the struggle. MITM, I completely understand when you say about struggling on a daily basis. You clearly have lots of reasons to be under pressure, especially with the difficult sister-in-law causing stress with your daughter. Add to that a bit of SAD, something my Dr. has also mentioned to me as possibly an issue in the winter. Of course, she would readily give me medication should I ask for it but I am very reluctant to do so. I do take 2000 units of Vitamin D ( whether it does any good is debatable- it seems every day there is a news saying this or that vitamin is useless) but it has been recommended by the Dr. too. Sunshine certainly makes one feel better and your walk was probably as good a solution. It is however easy to skip exercise when one is not feeling energized. After my appointment at the Podiatrist, I did not exercise on Monday or Tuesday using the excuse of my sore foot; however, it had been sore before and I exercised so it was more likely just the lethargy of the season. However, today I got back in gear and did 3 1/2 miles on the treadmill and felt much better for it. It is still bitterly cold here, around -20C and lower, so I was only out to let Nellie in and out. But there was very bright sun, and even I had to admit that looking out the snow was brilliant. I've been trying to do some de-cluttering in my den. It is amazing how much paper accumulates. I've been reviewing some files I keep of bank statements, hydro and gas bills etc. and been trying to cull them. I'm also one who thinks an organized house makes me feel better able to cope. I have also gone through some previous Diet journals, looking for inspiration and insight before I dispose of them. How many accounts of ones dieting does one really want to have hanging around, especially when they are replete with admissions of serious deviations from proper eating! I do not frequently order products on-line but I'll use the excuse of the weather to say I've ordered a couple of books, and Season 4 of Downton Abbey (I do not get it on my tv and was surprise to see that it is already available). I also ordered a small blackboard/chalkboard for my kitchen that I came across. I have been wanting one and hadn't seen anything in the local stores. I also ordered a Pilates for beginners dvd. It was very inexpensive so that if it doesn't work well, I'm not out a lot but I thought it might have more stretching type exercise than Jillian and would be another tactic. I'll review it when it comes!
BM, I keep meaning to ask you what breed of dog, Harry, is. You may have mentioned earlier but I have forgotten if you did. What a world it is when you can tell me about your dog chasing 3 foot lizards and mine is bounding through 3 foot snow drifts. Hope you are not too hot!
Regards all.0 -
Evening/morning Crackers!
Well my little part of the world made it briefly onto English 'Sky News' Sunday night, we're like Somerset on the Austrian news, as we've had a months worth of snow in 3 days and they've had to call in the army! Villages were cut off, roads closed and trains not operating over the weekend as it was too dangerous. The schools are still shut which in Osttirol has happened on only 2 occasions in the 15 years I've lived out here. And there is yet more snow on the way and I'm suppose to be flying to England on Saturday but will I get to Salzburg which is a 3 hour car journey away.... I may lose weight this week just from stress!!!
BM - staying the same especially during the Chinese New Year, I think is a major achievement to be proud of! Personally I feel I deserve a medal for STS!
It's so gloomy here that to keep myself from diving into the biscuit tin, I too like you Bracken have been keeping myself busy and have taken on a major project. I have started stripping all the paint from the door frames on what was my mother-in-law's floor of our house. There are 7 doors in total. Now we are using the rooms on a daily basis I cannot ignore the state of the walls and the doors in the hallway any longer and as my workaholic husband has no spare time and I'm the one whose housebound I have started on the prepping. It's certainly time consuming and keeping my fingers occupied!
Hope everyone else is coping.0
