What Does a Good First Date Look Like?
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Apparently, date #4 is the right one for kisses. I got greeted with one to start our date - which actually wasn't very date-like since it was hanging out at a friend of mine's house for potluck and some movies and going in separate cars. LOL! We had a nice little walk around before calling it a night. I think he's pretty into me.
:bigsmile:
Good stuff Mellie. I like the idea of starting a date with a kiss.
I like how it sets a tone.
Yes, I don't quite understand the whole pot luck at a friend's house, movies and separate car thing. That type of social event seems more like an established couple thing, not a 4th date, getting to you know phase kind of thing. Don't you two have to determine you are an actual couple before the friends are involved? The sequencing doesn't add up from an outsider's perspective but perhaps you know something I don't.
Nonetheless, glad things are making you smile. :bigsmile:
Yay Mellie! Glad you sound so happy! Keep us posted.
DM, you're too worried about 'rules' dictating what should and shouldn't happen on dates...what's wrong with letting life happen naturally? Personally I think the fact that they sound really into one another means that they can do anything with anyone and it would be fine. It's when you're not into each other that those situations become awkward.0 -
I agree that was kind of a weird thing for a 4th date! LOL! This is definitely a case of letting life happen as Pa_jorg said.Yes, I don't quite understand the whole pot luck at a friend's house, movies and separate car thing. That type of social event seems more like an established couple thing, not a 4th date, getting to you know phase kind of thing. Don't you two have to determine you are an actual couple before the friends are involved? The sequencing doesn't add up from an outsider's perspective but perhaps you know something I don't.
This night was something that had been planned from before I met him, so that's what my Saturday was going to be. He had to travel for work this past week and he's leaving again today, so that was the only time we could see each other, otherwise it would have been an extra week since our last date. He wanted to go so he could see me this weekend. The separate car deal was because he thought he would have to leave early to get home to give his diabetic cat her shot, but things wrapped up early any way (because we're all old and tired) so we left together and went for a walk. With our various obligations, I'm just happy we could do something together this weekend and I'm not worried about the dating rule book and formalities like the right sequence of dates.
If I was in his shoes, I would have felt a little awkward and uncomfortable going, so he definitely got bonus points for being willing to meet the friends so early in.0 -
Shoes... I look at these.
And greeting with a kiss would be awesome if it were a guy I was crushing on and he finally asked me out. I saw this on a movie once. But if it's an online date, hellz no... Although I do greet all my dates with a hug.
See, I knew there was someone in here who looked at shoes.
In Mellie's case, this was a 4th date. A kiss greet is fine by then. Especially since there had been 3 kiss free dates. In my world, there's usually not 3 kiss free dates. I need an indicator of interest sooner.0 -
I agree that was kind of a weird thing for a 4th date! LOL! This is definitely a case of letting life happen as Pa_jorg said.
This night was something that had been planned from before I met him, so that's what my Saturday was going to be. He had to travel for work this past week and he's leaving again today, so that was the only time we could see each other, otherwise it would have been an extra week since our last date. He wanted to go so he could see me this weekend. The separate car deal was because he thought he would have to leave early to get home to give his diabetic cat her shot, but things wrapped up early any way (because we're all old and tired) so we left together and went for a walk. With our various obligations, I'm just happy we could do something together this weekend and I'm not worried about the dating rule book and formalities like the right sequence of dates.
If I was in his shoes, I would have felt a little awkward and uncomfortable going, so he definitely got bonus points for being willing to meet the friends so early in.
Yes, that makes sense that you had this pot luck event planned weeks ago. Integrating two people's lives becomes so much harder after age 25.
I see the idea that seeing someone is better than letting another week elapse and risking further loss of momentum. The guy really likes you Mellie.
This guy seems to travel a lot. I see to remember him being gone for a week between Dates 1 and 2. At one point in time, I was interviewing for a job that would have had me relocate to Boston and once I got to the new job, I would have been on the road 1/3rd of the year. It's hard to make new friends and date if you're gone 1/3rd of the year. But dating is that important to me. I did withdraw from the interview process because I knew it wasn't going to be a good fit for me. The travel issue could become more and more relevant in your situation. Another friend I had asked to be transferred out of a high travel position (30-40%) after about 9-12 months because it was damaging his relationship, which was actually fairly well established before he even started the high travel position. That couple eventually broke up. :frown:0 -
Apparently, date #4 is the right one for kisses. I got greeted with one to start our date - which actually wasn't very date-like since it was hanging out at a friend of mine's house for potluck and some movies and going in separate cars. LOL! We had a nice little walk around before calling it a night. I think he's pretty into me. :bigsmile:
Awww, that's slightly swoon worthy :happy: While a kiss may be unusual to start a date, it definitely set a different tone and made clear his interest. I'm glad you're happy! Yay, Mellie!!0 -
LOL if i let myself overthink that much then the date is sure so be a disaster and a half ^^0
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The only thing that really matters to me is number 6. If we have good chemistry, good conversation, and we both have a good time then there will probably be a second date.
I'm generally not a first date kisser. The couple times that it happened there was a bit of alcohol involved and zero awkwardness. It does make the date better but I still wonder if they kiss every guy they go out on dates with.
I do not need a lot of pre-selection. A first date is not an extended amount of time, a first date is only one step in figuring out if you want to spend an extended amount of time with them. Chemistry is very difficult to tell over phone, email, text message, etc, you have to actually meet them. I do believe the planning of the date says a lot though.
Ambiance, punctuality, and appearance are very minor when you look at the big picture. I don't care if someone is 5-10 minutes late as long as they give me a heads up. I dress comfortably on a date, I if they don't like my style then best to get it out of the way early. I couldn't care less about ambiance, I want to date someone I will have a good time with no matter what.
"Spatial relations" don't really concern me too much. I'm just not a touchy feely person. I do believe there should be some touching within a few dates, but I don't want someone groping me like a drunken prom date within a half hour of knowing me. Women that require too much affection often turn out to be too needy for me and it's a bit of a turn off. But I will say the right amount with the right person is a good thing. Some people just get too caught up in the moment, I like to take things a little slower these days.0 -
See, I knew there was someone in here who looked at shoes.
Oh I definitely notice shoes! Like someone mentioned, they don't have to be fancy $200 shoes, but clean and appropriate to the occasion for sure!0 -
The only thing that really matters to me is number 6. If we have good chemistry, good conversation, and we both have a good time then there will probably be a second date.
I'm generally not a first date kisser. The couple times that it happened there was a bit of alcohol involved and zero awkwardness. It does make the date better but I still wonder if they kiss every guy they go out on dates with.
I do not need a lot of pre-selection. A first date is not an extended amount of time, a first date is only one step in figuring out if you want to spend an extended amount of time with them. Chemistry is very difficult to tell over phone, email, text message, etc, you have to actually meet them. I do believe the planning of the date says a lot though.
"Spatial relations" don't really concern me too much. I'm just not a touchy feely person. I do believe there should be some touching within a few dates, but I don't want someone groping me like a drunken prom date within a half hour of knowing me. Women that require too much affection often turn out to be too needy for me and it's a bit of a turn off.
I really do not like sitting across a table from someone in the early stages. It sets up a very neutral environment. Neutral dates do not create 2nd dates, especially when I know this girl could be booking 10 other guys. She needs positive reinforcement.
Good conversation without a kiss is utterly meaningless. And very few women will kiss every date they have. Enough dates are awkward. Awkward dates don't end in kisses.0 -
We may have to agree to disagree on this, but I've always just let things develop naturally and I've never had a problem getting a second date. To me, first dates are about me deciding if I want another date with them as much as it is about them deciding if they want another date with me. So it's more about getting to know them and less about creating some sort of false sense of environment. You can't force chemistry. I want to know I can connect with them emotionally before I try to connect with them physically. And sometimes after a cup of coffee or a drink I just don't have that sort of comfort level yet.I really do not like sitting across a table from someone in the early stages. It sets up a very neutral environment. Neutral dates do not create 2nd dates, especially when I know this girl could be booking 10 other guys. She needs positive reinforcement.
Good conversation without a kiss is utterly meaningless. And very few women will kiss every date they have. Enough dates are awkward. Awkward dates don't end in kisses.
See it seems like you have a lot of rules. That's fine if it works for you, but I'm the opposite. I have no rules really, I just try to be my funny, charming self and see how everything plays out. Sometimes we can't keep our hands off each other and end up making out. Sometimes I'm not sure how I feel about someone and I get a similar vibe from them, so we end up waiting until the second or third date to kiss.0 -
See it seems like you have a lot of rules.
:laugh: You think? He has it down to a science. :happy:0 -
See it seems like you have a lot of rules. That's fine if it works for you, but I'm the opposite. I have no rules really, I just try to be my funny, charming self and see how everything plays out. Sometimes we can't keep our hands off each other and end up making out. Sometimes I'm not sure how I feel about someone and I get a similar vibe from them, so we end up waiting until the second or third date to kiss.
I agree with just figuring out the vibe. Pretty sure I've said this to DM before, but I wonder if having so many rules just causes more frustration or disappointment in the end if things don't go 100% as planned (as often happens in life)??0 -
We may have to agree to disagree on this, but I've always just let things develop naturally and I've never had a problem getting a second date. To me, first dates are about me deciding if I want another date with them as much as it is about them deciding if they want another date with me. So it's more about getting to know them and less about creating some sort of false sense of environment. You can't force chemistry. I want to know I can connect with them emotionally before I try to connect with them physically. And sometimes after a cup of coffee or a drink I just don't have that sort of comfort level yet.
See it seems like you have a lot of rules. That's fine if it works for you, but I'm the opposite. I have no rules really, I just try to be my funny, charming self and see how everything plays out. Sometimes we can't keep our hands off each other and end up making out. Sometimes I'm not sure how I feel about someone and I get a similar vibe from them, so we end up waiting until the second or third date to kiss.
I would not necessarily call the 7 Points at the beginning of this thread rules. I have certainly done a fair amount of reading on attraction, relationship principles that help to develop and maintain successful relationships, and some of my own experience. The spatial relations thing is something that I've learned over time, but I learned about setting up the first kiss from an e-book I read years ago.
You can't force chemistry, but you can nurture it. The seed has got to be there (that's what I talked about in Point 1 of Pre-Selection), but atmosphere, appearance and other factors can nurture the chemistry.
I feel more in control when I visualize the details of the date in the early stages beforehand and play it out in my mind. Women do like a man who takes charge. That's attractive. The nice guy doesn't take charge of the situation and doesn't go for what he wants. I go for what I want.0 -
I feel more in control when I visualize the details of the date in the early stages beforehand and play it out in my mind. Women do like a man who takes charge. That's attractive. The nice guy doesn't take charge of the situation and go for what he wants. I go for what I want.
Yes, women definitely like a man who takes charge. That's the beauty of being a man. We are visual creatures who spot what we want, target in, and acquire (and discards the rest).
I think you meant to say that the nice guy *doesn't* go for what he wants. Well, that is why they usually end up friend-zoned. If I was a woman, I certainly wouldn't want a passive aggressive nice guy. I'd want someone who takes the bull by the horns and has a gameplan.0 -
I feel more in control when I visualize the details of the date in the early stages beforehand and play it out in my mind. Women do like a man who takes charge. That's attractive. The nice guy doesn't take charge of the situation and go for what he wants. I go for what I want.
Yes, women definitely like a man who takes charge. That's the beauty of being a man. We are visual creatures who spot what we want, target in, and acquire (and discards the rest).
I think you meant to say that the nice guy *doesn't* go for what he wants. Well, that is why they usually end up friend-zoned. If I was a woman, I certainly wouldn't want a passive aggressive nice guy. I'd want someone who takes the bull by the horns and has a gameplan.
Yes, sometimes my brain moves faster than my fingers can type.
I think it is clear that I have a game plan.
I do believe in planning because with planning and forethought, it is easier to handle an unusual situation in the moment.0 -
Laughter. Connecting on odd common ground platforms. Always finding little opportunities to touch. Slowly scooting closer into each others personal space. Eye contact and seeing who looks away first, after really seeing each other eye to eye. Feeling so drawn to that person that you simply must see them again and soon. Like, life just changed and probably more than I can currently realize.0
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Yes, women definitely like a man who takes charge. That's the beauty of being a man. We are visual creatures who spot what we want, target in, and acquire (and discards the rest).
I love your honesty, Mike :flowerforyou:
Do you beat GIRLS with a club and take them back to your cave too?
I feel disgarded.... HAHAHA!0 -
Do you beat GIRLS with a club and take them back to your cave too?
I only do that if they raise their voice to me. :smokin:0 -
I only do that if they raise their voice to me. :smokin:
I don't even have a suitable smark remark because I'm laughing too hard... well, I was going to be slightly cruel and say I thought that was when you threw their clothes on the lawn, but that's just mean
Oh, the lucky girls that have a good first date with you!! Seriously, make sure you're taking DMs advice. It works on old(er) women as well as girls!! 0 -
I don't even have a suitable smark remark because I'm laughing too hard... well, I was going to be slightly cruel and say I thought that was when you threw their clothes on the lawn, but that's just mean
Oh, the lucky girls that have a good first date with you!! Seriously, make sure you're taking DMs advice. It works on old(er) women as well as girls!!
Appreciate the recognition! :bigsmile:0
