My take on internet dating?
"If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my
best." -- Marilyn Monroe

So...I'm out there...recent face shot...but it's up to them to figure out that my body has followed suit. My profile says things like "favorite websites are fitbit.com and myfitnesspal.com where I am a lifetime member." "doing my first 5k Nov. 4th. Message me to wish me well!"

My profile is long because I want to weed out the "junk mail." This means I don't get many responses. (way better than before when I got "hey baby...want to mix our genes?") I have my "hard limits." (no gambling, no drugs, no smoking, no std's) I have three kids. I welcome yours, but don't think I want more (I am learning to enjoy sleeping in on weekends) Etc etc...

Basically, if they don't want to know me for me...and instead just want my big b00bs...they are too shallow for me.
So...there I go being contrary to popular oppinion.
sorry if I offended anyone.
MJ

ETA: I also don't put my BEST pictures out there. That way when we meet they can say "WOW...you look so much better than your pictures!"

Believe me, you aren't going to offend anyone here. I'm sure there are many that agree with you. However, I am not one of them.

If I only saw a head shot and mention of MyFitnessPal and FitBit, I would think you'd have the body of Jillian Michaels. If you aren't built like that, don't you think it's a little misleading?

The thing is this.. some men will become interested (and even a little attached) after a handful of e-mails. The guy then builds a fantasy picture of you in his mind, which he has to because you said you only have a head shot. If you meet and you don't fit this, he'll feel mislead and maybe even a little angry. He'll leave upset and you'll be back at square one with another man. It's a no win for both you and him.

Sometimes leaving stuff to imagination isn't the best idea.

Just a side note (please don't take offense).. that Marilyn Monroe quote is horrible. Flip table and ask Rhianna if she deserves Chris Brown at his worst. I don't think she does. Also, Marilyn the Great was a self absorbed, promiscuous, pill popping drug addict who overdosed in her 30's. Not the best of role models.

Misunderstanding: My head shots are recent...Body shots have been up since just shortly after I started this journey. I have lost 40 pounds but have not posted new body shots...just face shots. so they will be getting better than the pictures show. I mention the sites because they are part of my life now...I am a forever member. I am NOT on a diet...I am establishing healthy habits one at a time which is why my weight loss is so slow. (I have been on MFP for 245+ days...I'm losing about 5 pounds per month...permanent loss in my book. Why can I say that with confidence? Because I am establishing healthy habits.(...some harder to sink in than others.)

My point in the Marilyn quote is more about if they won't give me the time of day now...while I'm in process and working to make things better and wanting someone to be on that journey with me...why should I give them the time of day. Rather like a wealthy person always wondering if they are only wanted for their money....I don't want to be wondering if it is all about looks. Don't get me wrong..I want to be wanted (twice a day works for me...) But I want to be wanted for MORE than just my body. (my ex left when I started losing the weight...we had a variety of issues, but never a problem in the bedroom...but he doesn't like thin women. I can't help but think my weight loss was a contributing factor.)

Make sense?

If you're a girl, don't bother waiting. If you're a guy and don't look like Ryan gosling, back to the gym before you post a profile

Hey man, what's got you down? You've been negative lately :frown:

If you're a girl, don't bother waiting. If you're a guy and don't look like Ryan gosling, back to the gym before you post a profile

Hey man, what's got you down? You've been negative lately :frown:

Uh oh! Someone in this thread doesn't look like Ryan Gosling apparently!!!

I don't look for thin or buff. I look at the kindness in the eyes. But I can see where I would be in the minority.

At the end of the day, you have to do what works for you. Don't worry about what I or anyone else on here says. If your method is working for you, then just run with it.

I don't look for thin or buff. I look at the kindness in the eyes. But I can see where I would be in the minority.

At the end of the day, you have to do what works for you. Don't worry about what I or anyone else on here says. If your method is working for you, then just run with it.

I mostly find the online stuff to be discouraging...just looking for hookups or for "spice" in their marriage. NOT going there.
I prefer to have people pleasantly surprised and it is a huge boost to my ego to have people say "wow, you look so much better than your pictures" because in my eye, the pictures I have posted are pretty good! I had friends evaluate before I posted and the feedback I got was "yeah...that's a pretty good representation."

and as for not posting new body shots...40 pounds is NOTHING with the hundred I need to lose. People at work haven't even noticed. So....I think the pics are still accurate. BUT...likely why I'm not getting much other than the sad "hook up" or "my wife won't mind" responses. So what the guys on this thread are saying about girls posting anyway "it will be fine,. But if you are a guy you better look like _____" is a crock. Guys are looking for fit and perfect and I have even seen a ton of profiles with the words "arm candy" in the section of what they are looking for. Honestly never saw that in the girls profiles. (I read the womens profiles to get a feel for what I should put in mine. Yeah...I'm a creep.)

Personally I hate the Marilyn Monroe quote. It just sounds like license to be a brat and/or not put effort in. My worst, physically and behaviour-wise isn't attractive..even to me. I have worked to change those things. No one needs to see the worst, if I have no intention of going back...ever.

As for dating at current weight...hmm..do I have an excess of confidence or ego? Hmmm...okay, I admit it. Yes. But I kinda think F it..why not? Life is too short to wait. I would like some attention and sex and connection now please. Let's get naked. Lol.

Now, I am realistic in wondering if I can attract the type of man I want to be with longterm at my current weight..but honestly even that doesn't seem to be an issue. It was an issue before I lost 70 lbs however...so I can imagine things will change with the next 70 as well.

I was using it specifically for my physical aspects and I have no intention of going back which is why I am establishing HABITS. NOT perfection, but progress. Lifestyle changes. NOT an overhaul that once I get to a specific weight will be dumped...as if some kind of penance has been paid and then I'm free. I also use it to mean that there are going to be bad times...and I really want someone that is going to be there through it all next time.

Everyone dates for their own reasons. After my last divorce, I totally admit to using guys. No overnights...just lets do it and move on. NO strings. (I felt like such a guy...) Now what I want is different. I want the fairy tale. I want my happily ever after. With or without someone to share it with. Preferably WITH. But NOT someone who is going to dump me the second someone younger and prettier comes along. Because if you only want me at my best...you won't be there at the worst...and I'll be right back where I am now. No thank you. I'll wait.

Everyone dates for their own reasons. After my last divorce, I totally admit to using guys. No overnights...just lets do it and move on. NO strings. (I felt like such a guy...) Now what I want is different. I want the fairy tale. I want my happily ever after. With or without someone to share it with. Preferably WITH. But NOT someone who is going to dump me the second someone younger and prettier comes along. Because if you only want me at my best...you won't be there at the worst...and I'll be right back where I am now. No thank you. I'll wait.

I really hate to say this quote, but it's very true for MANY men out there.

"Men are only as faithful as their options."

A lot of friends (and women too) will still look for a partner even if they are in a serious relationship with someone else. I'm sure everyone has seen this from time to time. A man will be married to a women for a number of years, then divorce her, and find someone 10 years younger or prettier than his previous wife.

You might want to avoid men like this, but they are everywhere. And even if you think you know your partner well, they might have this mentality in the back of their mind. This is why I always recommend putting your best foot forward and always looking/feeling your best with your partner.

I just spent the last 6 years being "unconditionally loved"... at my highest and his highest weights. To be honest..no attraction for years. People might call it "comfortable". I call it a lonely and intimacy free depressing existence.

Honestly..I want more for myself and more for the person I am with. I want to still be attractive and attracted to years later. There is no place for my worst. When I indulge in that..I change who I am physically and as a person. I will demand my next serious partner also cares about his health and wants to look good for me and himself. I will offer the same.
I am not afraid to be alone. If I get dumped for someone younger or prettier..there is a very good chance that relationship was on the way out for me too. Then again...I am not looking for a fairytale.