First Date Rules
Replies
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It doesnt make us easy
Im difficult as ****
Right. Point taken repeatedly across the face.
Yall have fun.
Teehee.
I don't think going to a guys house on the first date makes you easy. Nor does having sex on the first date. Sometimes the chemistry is there.
You cannot say that you want things to progress naturally, then hold to hard and fast rules you set beforehand.
By naturally I meant guy asks girl out, first date he takes girl out and pays, a few dates in he kisses girl, they keep dating and maybe sex happens and then he proposes and you get married...not "go with the flow natural." I have no desire to kiss a man I just met or go to his house or sleep with him on the second date. I'm very very traditional.0 -
It doesnt make us easy
Im difficult as ****
Right. Point taken repeatedly across the face.
Yall have fun.
Teehee.
I don't think going to a guys house on the first date makes you easy. Nor does having sex on the first date. Sometimes the chemistry is there.
You cannot say that you want things to progress naturally, then hold to hard and fast rules you set beforehand.
By naturally I meant guy asks girl out, first date he takes girl out and pays, a few dates in he kisses girl, they keep dating and maybe sex happens and then he proposes and you get married...not "go with the flow natural."
So then you are looking for a more traditional type of courtship?0 -
It doesnt make us easy
Im difficult as ****
Right. Point taken repeatedly across the face.
Yall have fun.
Teehee.
I don't think going to a guys house on the first date makes you easy. Nor does having sex on the first date. Sometimes the chemistry is there.
You cannot say that you want things to progress naturally, then hold to hard and fast rules you set beforehand.
By naturally I meant guy asks girl out, first date he takes girl out and pays, a few dates in he kisses girl, they keep dating and maybe sex happens and then he proposes and you get married...not "go with the flow natural."
So then you are looking for a more traditional type of courtship?
Absolutely. Not like my dad picking out my husband but I like when a man does the asking and paying and treats a lady right and the relationship proceeds slowly. I hate this 21-century crap. I don't fit in here. Where does someone like me find a man when all the other girls have no problem with sex on the first date and moving in together before marriage...I swear I was born in the wrong era.
Wish I could teleport.0 -
It doesnt make us easy
Im difficult as ****
Right. Point taken repeatedly across the face.
Yall have fun.
Teehee.
I don't think going to a guys house on the first date makes you easy. Nor does having sex on the first date. Sometimes the chemistry is there.
You cannot say that you want things to progress naturally, then hold to hard and fast rules you set beforehand.
By naturally I meant guy asks girl out, first date he takes girl out and pays, a few dates in he kisses girl, they keep dating and maybe sex happens and then he proposes and you get married...not "go with the flow natural."
So then you are looking for a more traditional type of courtship?
Absolutely. Not like my dad picking out my husband but I like when a man does the asking and paying and treats a lady right and the relationship proceeds slowly. I hate this 21-century crap. I don't fit in here. Where does someone like me find a man when all the other girls have no problem with sex on the first date and moving in together before marriage...I swear I was born in the wrong era.
Wish I could teleport.
Sex isn't the most important thing to most men. If you feel that other women have an advantage because they are more willing to sleep with a guy if it feels right, then you need to make up for it with personality.
Furthermore, teleportation has not been invented yet and could not transport you back in time. That would require a time machine. Those are hard to find.0 -
I have a standing order for a TARDIS once my physicist friend works out the loop holes in quantum mechanics...0
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A TARDIS is grown, not built. He needs to work on botany.0
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It doesnt make us easy
Im difficult as ****
Right. Point taken repeatedly across the face.
Yall have fun.
Teehee.
I don't think going to a guys house on the first date makes you easy. Nor does having sex on the first date. Sometimes the chemistry is there.
You cannot say that you want things to progress naturally, then hold to hard and fast rules you set beforehand.
By naturally I meant guy asks girl out, first date he takes girl out and pays, a few dates in he kisses girl, they keep dating and maybe sex happens and then he proposes and you get married...not "go with the flow natural."
So then you are looking for a more traditional type of courtship?
Absolutely. Not like my dad picking out my husband but I like when a man does the asking and paying and treats a lady right and the relationship proceeds slowly. I hate this 21-century crap. I don't fit in here. Where does someone like me find a man when all the other girls have no problem with sex on the first date and moving in together before marriage...I swear I was born in the wrong era.
Wish I could teleport.
Sex isn't the most important thing to most men. If you feel that other women have an advantage because they are more willing to sleep with a guy if it feels right, then you need to make up for it with personality.
Furthermore, teleportation has not been invented yet and could not transport you back in time. That would require a time machine. Those are hard to find.
I think I'm pretty awesome!0 -
A TARDIS is grown, not built. He needs to work on botany.
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Guys still ask girls out as far as I'm aware.By naturally I meant guy asks girl out, first date he takes girl out and pays, a few dates in he kisses girl, they keep dating and maybe sex happens and then he proposes and you get married...not "go with the flow natural." I have no desire to kiss a man I just met or go to his house or sleep with him on the second date. I'm very very traditional.
You don't have to sleep with a guy on the second date. Unless you want to. In fact, you don't have to sleep with a guy ever. Unless you want to.
As far as kissing is concerned, I can tell you this: I have been seeing a girl for months now - without kissing her!
She's a very good friend. A friend.
Now, if you want to move out of the friend zone, not be "just friends", yes, you will have to consent to kiss a guy at some point. Maybe not date 1 or 2, but probably - ideally - by date 3. You should still want to though.
So apart from that, I don't understand what's holding you up in your paragraph. It seems to be pretty standard procedure to me - with some variations in speed, but if one is too or too slow, it is the other one's right to end the "relationship", right?
It seems to me you're only presuming that other people will move way faster than you... based on what, I'm not so sure. Since a relationship involves at least 2 people, it will certainly not move faster than you want to (only slower).Not like my dad picking out my husband but I like when a man does the asking and paying and treats a lady right and the relationship proceeds slowly. I hate this 21-century crap. I don't fit in here. Where does someone like me find a man when all the other girls have no problem with sex on the first date and moving in together before marriage...I swear I was born in the wrong era.
If you miss an opportunity with a good man because "he didn't dine and wine you" then frankly you're either an entitled gold-digger or very shallow. You'll find more money than good relationships in your life. My response: earn your own cash.
Missing the love of your life because you couldn't get $10 off your pocket? Especially if the "men" around you are students who probably don't roll in beds of money. That'd be a shame.
That said, I remember that the majority of men on here replied they'd pay for a first date, at least bits of it.
Pretty much all the girls I know have problems with sex on the first date, because they don't want to be "that girl" (bad reputation) or because they've heard from some idiotic man that a girl with who they have sex on the first date will never end up being a LTR (thank you bro! From all the men that would actually sleep on a first date and still consider a LTR, thank you from the bottom of my heart!). This doesn't seem like a very valid complaint to me.
Moving in (partially at least) before marriage seems like a sensible thing to do. You should try before you buy. Especially if *you* value marriage so much that you consider it a commitment for life. Don't screw this up, please and move in with the person you want to commit to. Being with someone 24/7 is a world of difference from seeing them only once in a while.
There are lots of upside to the 21st century. I think you should enjoy your freedom of choice rather than complain about it.0 -
I didn't read the last couple of pages of replies, but I wanted to say that I agree... you should just do things they like becuase you want to spend time with them and vice versa... I think that is respectful, being equals, and really you are opening yourself up to stuff that maybe you didn't realize you liked.
I had an ex that never would do anything I wanted to do - even on my freaking birthday! Looking back, it was pretty annoying.
So I think it should be a give/take thing, but of course in the early stages of dating that is harder... but I agree, if you open those 'boundaries' up you would probably end up with more dates, or even just being invited to more social gatherings, etc.
With that being said, being open to go to a guys house will yield you more dates is kinda BS really...sure you would get more dates, probably more dates for sex/booty calls. If Christine (or anyone) isn't comfortable going to a guys house they SHOULDN'T HAVE TOO.. any decent guy who likes to spend time with YOU for YOU, wouldn't care if you went to the park to have a swing... It's about him respecting the comfort level that comes with house visits...
Personally for me, if I am dating someone, house visits don't happen until I am ready to have sex with them becuase alot of times that is what house visits imply...lets be real here.
ETA: I guess it would depend when we are talking the house visit... First date - I am sorry but come on that is implying booty call/or heavy makeout session of some sort. If you have been dating the guy longer I can see why house visits would be easier BUT like I said above, it should come down to you being ready for a house visit (sex or no sex) and any decent person (male or female) who is into you would respect that.
I just didn't like the comment that being open to going to a guys house will yield you more dates.. probably won't be 'long term relationship' type dates IMO! especially if they are first dates.0 -
Guys still ask girls out as far as I'm aware.By naturally I meant guy asks girl out, first date he takes girl out and pays, a few dates in he kisses girl, they keep dating and maybe sex happens and then he proposes and you get married...not "go with the flow natural." I have no desire to kiss a man I just met or go to his house or sleep with him on the second date. I'm very very traditional.
You don't have to sleep with a guy on the second date. Unless you want to. In fact, you don't have to sleep with a guy ever. Unless you want to.
As far as kissing is concerned, I can tell you this: I have been seeing a girl for months now - without kissing her!
She's a very good friend. A friend.
Now, if you want to move out of the friend zone, not be "just friends", yes, you will have to consent to kiss a guy at some point. Maybe not date 1 or 2, but probably - ideally - by date 3. You should still want to though.
So apart from that, I don't understand what's holding you up in your paragraph. It seems to be pretty standard procedure to me - with some variations in speed, but if one is too or too slow, it is the other one's right to end the "relationship", right?
It seems to me you're only presuming that other people will move way faster than you... based on what, I'm not so sure. Since a relationship involves at least 2 people, it will certainly not move faster than you want to (only slower).Not like my dad picking out my husband but I like when a man does the asking and paying and treats a lady right and the relationship proceeds slowly. I hate this 21-century crap. I don't fit in here. Where does someone like me find a man when all the other girls have no problem with sex on the first date and moving in together before marriage...I swear I was born in the wrong era.
If you miss an opportunity with a good man because "he didn't dine and wine you" then frankly you're either an entitled gold-digger or very shallow. You'll find more money than good relationships in your life. My response: earn your own cash.
Missing the love of your life because you couldn't get $10 off your pocket? Especially if the "men" around you are students who probably don't roll in beds of money. That'd be a shame.
That said, I remember that the majority of men on here replied they'd pay for a first date, at least bits of it.
Pretty much all the girls I know have problems with sex on the first date, because they don't want to be "that girl" (bad reputation) or because they've heard from some idiotic man that a girl with who they have sex on the first date will never end up being a LTR (thank you bro! From all the men that would actually sleep on a first date and still consider a LTR, thank you from the bottom of my heart!). This doesn't seem like a very valid complaint to me.
Moving in (partially at least) before marriage seems like a sensible thing to do. You should try before you buy. Especially if *you* value marriage so much that you consider it a commitment for life. Don't screw this up, please and move in with the person you want to commit to. Being with someone 24/7 is a world of difference from seeing them only once in a while.
There are lots of upside to the 21st century. I think you should enjoy your freedom of choice rather than complain about it.
Applauds.0 -
Flim thank you, good to hear! Thank you. And lol on the moving in part...my mom ingrained that into me since youth so I gotta stick to it lol.0
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I've wondered about rock climbing for a 'first date' as I'll often stick that in to a serach in plenty of fish or whatever as it tends to produce girls that have some 'interests' outside soap operas and chatting about make up! (And I climb too, of course.)
Have to be bouldering really, as rope climbing is usually just staring up their backside (or, may not be too unpleasant :P.)
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Nothing to lose, at least!Lol, it's easy for me. When he doesn't get it I have no problem saying "HRY I AM FLIRTING WITH YOU!"
but I am obnoxious like that.0 -
I've wondered about rock climbing for a 'first date' as I'll often stick that in to a serach in plenty of fish or whatever as it tends to produce girls that have some 'interests' outside soap operas and chatting about make up! (And I climb too, of course.)
Have to be bouldering really, as rope climbing is usually just staring up their backside (or, may not be too unpleasant :P.)
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Nothing to lose, at least!Lol, it's easy for me. When he doesn't get it I have no problem saying "HRY I AM FLIRTING WITH YOU!"
but I am obnoxious like that.
Rock Climbing would be a fun first date for me but determine how proficent they are first before picking a where you are going to climb.0 -
Don't expect a second date 0 -
Rock climbing is an awesome date - you really get to see what they look like when they are problem solving, when they are playing, when they are frustrated or agitated, when they are helping you and guiding you.
I love doing physical activities like that for dates, you really get to know each other when you're both trying hard. :bigsmile:0 -
Moving in (partially at least) before marriage seems like a sensible thing to do. You should try before you buy. Especially if *you* value marriage so much that you consider it a commitment for life. Don't screw this up, please and move in with the person you want to commit to. Being with someone 24/7 is a world of difference from seeing them only once in a while.
Actually, statistics show that couple who cohabitate before marriage are more likely to divorce than couples who don't.0 -
It could well be that most people who don't want to cohabitate before marriage would be the more religious couples for who will only consider divorce as a last resort.
Actually, statistics show that couple who cohabitate before marriage are more likely to divorce than couples who don't.Moving in (partially at least) before marriage seems like a sensible thing to do. You should try before you buy. Especially if *you* value marriage so much that you consider it a commitment for life. Don't screw this up, please and move in with the person you want to commit to. Being with someone 24/7 is a world of difference from seeing them only once in a while.
A measure of "happiness" would be more interesting I imagine.0 -
I've been rock climbing on a first date before, it was awkward at first. I had never been rock climbing before that and don't really like heights. Well it turned out to be a lot of fun, but at the end of the date it felt more like she was a work out buddy than a love interest. I probably wouldn't do that on a first date again.0
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Moving in (partially at least) before marriage seems like a sensible thing to do. You should try before you buy. Especially if *you* value marriage so much that you consider it a commitment for life. Don't screw this up, please and move in with the person you want to commit to. Being with someone 24/7 is a world of difference from seeing them only once in a while.
Actually, statistics show that couple who cohabitate before marriage are more likely to divorce than couples who don't.
95% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
I don't believe this is a valid statistic even if it could be legit, its assuming that its a direct correlation between cohabitation and eventual divorce. but there are soooo many variables involved in a failing marriage. the divorce rate has increased dramatically over the last 2 decades. So while cohabitation may possibly be argued as a factor in eventual divorce it is FAR from the cause leading up to it.
Statistics are very easily created and manipulated all the time to sway public opinion toward their favor. And this sounds very much like religion and traditionalism attempting to turn us against cohabitation.
Marriage is NOT an easy thing by any means and is far overly romanticized! Being with someone constantly and never finding relief apart from them is very difficult to adapt to and its very often a great source of stress early on in any marriage without precohabitation.0 -
Speaking of first date rules, I have some gleaned from my date last night!
Guys:
- Do not order for yourself before your date gets there (especially if she is on time!)
- Do not let her sit there with nothing while you're drinking your coffee
- By 15 minutes in you should have said something about her getting something...when she finally makes a move to, don't just sit there and say ok and let her go up. If you asked her out you can pay for her $2 coffee.
- And if you have not heeded any of the advice above, do not tell her you had fun, she is so cute, and for her to text you when she gets home.
NEXT!0 -
Chrstine hun... I know plenty of ladies who dont cohabitate before marrige and are "old fashioned" ..Most of the are married now. Several of them have LT BF and 2 are engaged. So its not the way you want a relationship to progress that we're talking about. Its getting a relationship started. No one is telling you to comprimise your morals. We're just suggesting some out side the box thinking.....
BTW I've never been rock climbing and totally want to go now0 -
There's nothing wrong with that, it's still probably how most relationships start. But life has a tendency to throw you curve balls, if everything worked out exactly the way you expect it to it wouldn't be very interesting. Someday you might meet someone you want to kiss on the first date.By naturally I meant guy asks girl out, first date he takes girl out and pays, a few dates in he kisses girl, they keep dating and maybe sex happens and then he proposes and you get married...not "go with the flow natural." I have no desire to kiss a man I just met or go to his house or sleep with him on the second date. I'm very very traditional.
Seems like a lot of women have this picture in their heads of the way things are supposed to work, and then when they don't they're just disappointed. I try to focus more on the person and less on the situation. If I don't want to kiss them by the second or third date, it's usually because I just don't want to kiss them, not because it's too early. If I really like them I don't even think about how long it takes things to progress, I just roll with it.0 -
BTW I've never been rock climbing and totally want to go now
I do too after watching all the hot guys on the climbing walls at the US Whitewater center last night. RAWR. My friend gets to work that there sometimes when not working on the zipline and says it has very nice viewings.0 -
Eh, some people don't know exactly how it works on a coffee date. I would probably focus more on if you had fun and if you two are compatible rather than who paid for a stupid $2 coffee.Speaking of first date rules, I have some gleaned from my date last night!
Guys:
- Do not order for yourself before your date gets there (especially if she is on time!)
- Do not let her sit there with nothing while you're drinking your coffee
- By 15 minutes in you should have said something about her getting something...when she finally makes a move to, don't just sit there and say ok and let her go up. If you asked her out you can pay for her $2 coffee.
- And if you have not heeded any of the advice above, do not tell her you had fun, she is so cute, and for her to text you when she gets home.
NEXT!0 -
You're correct.
There's nothing wrong with that, it's still probably how most relationships start. But life has a tendency to throw you curve balls, if everything worked out exactly the way you expect it to it wouldn't be very interesting. Someday you might meet someone you want to kiss on the first date.By naturally I meant guy asks girl out, first date he takes girl out and pays, a few dates in he kisses girl, they keep dating and maybe sex happens and then he proposes and you get married...not "go with the flow natural." I have no desire to kiss a man I just met or go to his house or sleep with him on the second date. I'm very very traditional.
Seems like a lot of women have this picture in their heads of the way things are supposed to work, and then when they don't they're just disappointed. I try to focus more on the person and less on the situation. If I don't want to kiss them by the second or third date, it's usually because I just don't want to kiss them, not because it's too early. If I really like them I don't even think about how long it takes things to progress, I just roll with it.
And also, the more you wait for this perfect alignment of planets to happen the more difficult it gets...
How else can you accept and justify (to yourself) having waited for all these years if the "one" you have waited for doesn't tick all your boxes (you might as well have chosen one of the previous ones, if this guy doesn't tick all the boxes either) - thus making it more and more difficult as time passes to accept "less than perfect".0 -
I wanted to let you all know that on my first date with a guy recently he paid- I pulled out my wallet and such. Date two was a lunch date and I paid, I'm not sure I would have but after reading the beginning of this thread I realized it meant more to guys than I realized. I don't make a lot but I can pay for a lunch date!0
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Eh, some people don't know exactly how it works on a coffee date. I would probably focus more on if you had fun and if you two are compatible rather than who paid for a stupid $2 coffee.Speaking of first date rules, I have some gleaned from my date last night!
Guys:
- Do not order for yourself before your date gets there (especially if she is on time!)
- Do not let her sit there with nothing while you're drinking your coffee
- By 15 minutes in you should have said something about her getting something...when she finally makes a move to, don't just sit there and say ok and let her go up. If you asked her out you can pay for her $2 coffee.
- And if you have not heeded any of the advice above, do not tell her you had fun, she is so cute, and for her to text you when she gets home.
NEXT!
To each their own, to me that was really rude (more so that he ordered before I got there, though paying too...it is just $2 - he asked me out so why can't he pony up $2?) - I've been on many coffee dates and this has never happened.0 -
Speaking of first date rules, I have some gleaned from my date last night!
Guys:
- Do not order for yourself before your date gets there (especially if she is on time!)
- Do not let her sit there with nothing while you're drinking your coffee
- By 15 minutes in you should have said something about her getting something...when she finally makes a move to, don't just sit there and say ok and let her go up. If you asked her out you can pay for her $2 coffee.
- And if you have not heeded any of the advice above, do not tell her you had fun, she is so cute, and for her to text you when she gets home.
NEXT!
Holy fuck this exact thing happened to me two weeks ago.0 -
Moving in (partially at least) before marriage seems like a sensible thing to do. You should try before you buy. Especially if *you* value marriage so much that you consider it a commitment for life. Don't screw this up, please and move in with the person you want to commit to. Being with someone 24/7 is a world of difference from seeing them only once in a while.
Actually, statistics show that couple who cohabitate before marriage are more likely to divorce than couples who don't.
95% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
I don't believe this is a valid statistic even if it could be legit, its assuming that its a direct correlation between cohabitation and eventual divorce. but there are soooo many variables involved in a failing marriage. the divorce rate has increased dramatically over the last 2 decades. So while cohabitation may possibly be argued as a factor in eventual divorce it is FAR from the cause leading up to it.
Statistics are very easily created and manipulated all the time to sway public opinion toward their favor. And this sounds very much like religion and traditionalism attempting to turn us against cohabitation.
Marriage is NOT an easy thing by any means and is far overly romanticized! Being with someone constantly and never finding relief apart from them is very difficult to adapt to and its very often a great source of stress early on in any marriage without precohabitation.
The statistics I've seen were in 3-4 studies performed by economists looking at either the effects of marriage on men or women. My experience with economists is that they aren't an overly religious group.
I'm not sure what you mean by direct correlation. Correlation between X and Y is the covariance between X and Y dvided by the product of the standard deviations of X and Y. Covariance is positive if X tends to be above its mean while Y is also above its mean. It is negative if X tends to be above its mean when Y is below its mean. Correlation basically converts covariance to a scale from -1 to 1. It has nothing to do with causality.
As far as expanations for cohabitation being correlated with higher diviorce rates, Flim provided a reasonable one. Although there is some evidence that persons who identify themselves as religious are more like to divorce as well (I am not all that familiar with these studies but I am aware they exist). The general thought is that religious persons are more likely to seek counseling from a member of the clergy rather than someone with an education in family counseling.
Another possible explanation is that people who cohabitate premarriage may value the short term more than those who wait and as a result are more likely to be less patient when difficulties arise. One more is that if there is a behavior change by your partner after getting married it may not be as noticeable if you didn't live together first. It is hard to resent a partner for changing his/her attitude and behavior after marriage if you weren't aware of it beforehand.
Whatever the explanation, I haven't read of one that indicates that waiting causes a more stable marraige only that there is a correlation with waiting to live together and probability of divorce. Whatever the reason, the relationship between divorce rate and premarital cohabitation contradicts the hypothesis that you'll be more successful in marriage if you live together first.0
