Morning all!!

Terri, have fun away! I've NEVER been to Tamworth, guess I missed a word earlier. It makes me think of country music for some reason. As for your iPhone, I've got the 4, waiting for my new 5s to arrive any day now, I ordered it last week but they sent me a 16GB by mistake so I had to send it back... Anyway, I use the EASYNOTE App for lots of things, it syncs to my iPad and Dropbox as well. You can set up reminders and it will pop up on your screen at the allocated time.

You could also put a motivational picture or saying on your wallpaper so every time you look at your phone it's in the background.

Donna, good luck going back to work. Try the Pump class, but use just the bar or very low weight. It's best to get your form correct first, and then add weight, so you don't injure yourself. Besides, it's purpose is high rep, low weight. Spin can be like that, I was much the same in my first class last year, I thought I was going to pass out in the first 10 minutes, but just pulled back and didn't go so hard for the rest of the class. It's all a progression, if you tried it now, I'm sure you would be much better at it.

Bronco!!! LOL!!! I eat a lot of protein and I'm happy to say it doesn't smell unless I've had a lot of wheat! and then I'm in trouble for lots of eras is with gas and bloating and diarrhoea. Ugh. Maybe your body does need to adjust a bit, not sure, I think we are all different in that area.

Merse, it's hard to focus when you aren't feeling well. Sleep is really important for recovery, so maybe have time off the early gym starts and just focus on getting well this week, have a good weekend for your anniversary and start afresh next week. It doesn't have to be a total write off, but don't push yourself so you are sick for another week on top of this one.

Candi, happy anniversary to you also!! Hope your sister is ok, family troubles like that usually lead to overeating with me too. But on the flip side, how good is it that your body doesn't like it anymore. I think you are doing really well, keep up the good work!

Danielle, ah YEAH!!! Of course!!! Totally!!! Sign me up for that class, I bet it's full every week. With women. Hope you have a good day back at work.

Emma, thanks for the photo thread, I had tried to find it, I knew it existed, but my search was turning up other useless threads. I'll give that a go on the weekend. Must be really hard being out of work, something will come up eventually I'm sure. In the meantime, would you change directions and look for something casual until another library job turns up?

Sweet, hi! It's so bloody humid today, not hot in Sydney but oh so sticky. Ugh.


I didn't go to the gym this morning due to a late night last night and I need my sleep, so I slept in until 6am.

I must say, while it's great having new boyfriend ... If I can call an almost 53 year old man a boyfriend ... It's not good for my routine. I'm either up late talking on the phone, or he comes over, or we go out on weekends and it's not HIS fault, because he always tells me to go to bed and sleep and he's got to be one of the most considerate and thoughtful people on the face of the planet. It's ME. I can't seem to switch off so easily anymore.

Plus I've stopped being so obsessive over every little thing I eat. Which, let's face it. Is a GOOD thing. I think I feel a little bit lost with my weekly goals. I'm still reading my 12 week goals every day, and yes, I still want them but maybe I need to change my daily and weekly goals a bit, because I am certainly not doing very well with them!!!

I'll never give up though. I just need to change things a little bit. Maybe increase calories to 1700 and accept a slower weight loss (still up on the scales from Christmas) and also do 3 x full body weights a week rather than a 4 day split. I'll have a think about this today.

A bit sad about Xena, does anyone know if someone deactivates, can they come back under the same user name, or is that over and done with for good and you come back with a new name? Only asking because I don't want to delete her as a friend if she comes back I won't be on her list. It's a shame, I don't know why she deactivated, but I hope she doesn't give up her quest.

Right, so I better get to work, currently sitting in QVB coffee shop and the big clock just struck 9am... I fell like Cinderella having to run off and get to work on time. Ok, I'm late already. LOL!!

Hope everyone has a great day!!

From Skim
#TTTAussies on Instagram

For those of you interested in starting weights, I was listening to an interview with the author last night and he said NRFLFW is not designed for beginners and instead recommended new rules of lifting for life which covers getting started, working around injuries etc.

Helen I heard that one too, I think the whole New Rules series is good, but thought that was a good point.

Good morning Challengers - I'm not feeling the "good" part today. Sorry for being a bit flat.

Last night I had a MASSIVE binge - I've written about it in my blog and I'm going to copy it here to save you all going to another place to read it. I wasn't going to admit to it - but that would be lying and I said right at the start that part of this challenge is about being honest with ourselves about what we eat, and is also an emotional challenge to get to the bottom of why we do things. I have struggled with binge eating pretty much as long as I can remember and in the body of this post I actually had a lightbulb moment why. I've thought about eating my feelings before, but I hadn't really thought about the "scapegoat" part.

Anyway, I am going to be late to work (again) so I must fly - will check in later. I hope everyone has a great day and can learn something from my *kitten* up.

So here it is...

*********************************************************************************************
I ate my feelings in a massive binge.

I don't want to write this but in the interest of being honest with myself I must.

Last night I went on the 30 minute binge from hell. I have no idea, but I think I would have consumed somewhere in the realm of about 3000-4000 calories. I'm too scared to work it out. It was mostly sugar and wheat.

I'd been talking on the phone to Bumper, during which I received a couple of text messages from the Ex, which I ignored. I mean, there I was, talking to THE most wonderful and amazing man, who I have been waiting to meet all my life ... and getting messages from the selfish *kitten* who 3 years ago shattered my life into a million pieces.

Since Christmas, the Ex has sent me about a text a week. I haven't replied. A few days ago, he sent me a lousy text about something relating to a friend of mine, I did reply and we had an SMS argument about some stupid thing he is carrying on about ... in the end I got so sick of it I just stopped replying, deleted him out of my phone and decided to move on out of the toxic relationship that it STILL is/was.

I think I'm finally learning. Maybe.

I've been listening to Brene Brown "The Power of Vulnerability" this week. It's been pretty good but I got stuck at "numbing" and this is actually a really good example of it.

So anyway, after I got off the phone with Bumper, I should have gone to bed. I was tired and planned to go to the gym this morning, I need my sleep. But I didn't. I watched TV for a bit, all the while with this text message playing on my mind.

About 2 hours later (around 10pm or so) I started drafting a reply. I quite possibly wrote the longest text message in the history of mankind. I wrote it really nicely, I wasn't angry or anything, but I laid out exactly what I was thinking (he had asked me a couple of questions) and I told him about Bumper.

While I was writing the message, I poured myself a nice glass of Hunter Valley Semillion and nibbled on some cashews.

I sent the message at about 11pm, and then I went down to the garage in my pjamas, got some junk that I had bought for the Australia Day picnic this weekend, went back upstairs and ate.

What did I eat? Let me think...

Large packet of Salt and Vinegar Chips; 2 chocolate paddle pops (already had one earlier for dessert);Bag of M&M's; an entire sponge/jam roll cake thing; Quest Bar; half a packet of Jatz with butter on them.

I think that was it.

About half way through, I did think "WTF am I doing I should stop" but I didn't. That thought came and went quickly, and the binge continued.

When finished, I went to bed. Fell asleep straight away and have woken up this morning with the expected massive stomach ache, terrible gas and completely hating myself.

No answer from the Ex, I don't expect one. I'll be deleting the messages when I'm done here and that will be that.

An excellent example of "numbing".

So where to from here? This has been my second binge this week, and I'm supposed to be in my first week of a 12 week challenge.

I could cry, but that's not going to achieve anything.

I know I need to move on. But I also know I'm going to beat myself up about this for a while, at least a day if not 2.

WHY the hell am I doing this? I am so so so happy with Bumper, he adores me and he is just the most amazing man, I can't believe how lucky I am to have met him.

WHY am I letting the Ex upset me?

??

Ah... Just thought of something. He is NOT upsetting me. I'm NUMBING the feelings by eating them, and then I'm getting upset with myself because I was bought up in the scapegoat role, and I'm comfortable with that. Bloody hell. I think this is what is called a lightbulb moment.

I should be upset with him. I should be angry. But I stuff it all down with food, and then get upset with myself.

OMG.

I need to call my old therapist and go and have a chat to her about this.

Ok.. Well now that I've worked that out, maybe I can get on with things. Maybe I wont beat myself up about it today. Of course, it's going to be hard to break that pattern but I'm going to have to do it or I'll end up doing the same thing with Bumper and I don't want that to happen.

So there you go - that's my confession.

"I am imperfect but still lovable" as Brene would say.

And I have things I need to work on, but I'm still in it. I'm not giving up. I'm going to beat my demons. I'm not going to bury myself away and hide, I'm going to face them and you can damn well bet that I am going to win.

*end blog post*