Unexpected weight-loss reactions...?
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So maybe 5-6 weeks ago I hit my first "stall" as my weight loss went from the steady/speedy loss most of us are accustomed to in the first month or two of LC to no movement for a week or two. I was griping about this and a friend kind of went off on me. Essentially telling me that it was because I wasn't eating at least 1400 net calories/day (because SHE personally can't eat less than that without being miserable...nevermind the fact that I'm generally not hungry on ~1200 net/day) and because I wasn't eating a "moderate carb" intake. She then went on to link to some condescending blog entry and told me that she couldn't support my diet (missing the fact that one of the things the blogger pointed to as disordered behavior was criticizing the weight loss efforts of others).
Since then she has been quite belligerent towards me, in general. We live in different states, so most of our interactions are on FB and the running message board where we met. She has posted not-so-subtle blog entries and articles on diet (one from the same blogger she'd earlier posted equated low-carbers with anti-vaxers and other Science-deniers)...feels like passive-aggressive digs towards me. As I've continued to lose, she's been increasingly less communicative with me.
Here's the thing -- 2 years ago we were about the same size. I gained 10-20#s after that, but she's probably gained 3-4 clothing sizes in that timeframe. I'm now back down to the size we were 2 years ago (thanks to the WOE that she so vehemently criticized). A year or so ago she also was involved in an ugly breakup with a guy I've never been particularly fond of. I supported her as a mutual friend started dating the guy not long after.
I realize her issues are her issues and her behavior speaks from a place of envy and frustration...but I can't help but feel like her actions are unforgivable. We're both ~40. This sort of scenario is to be expected of teenagers, but I'm not sure I can get past this. I just don't have the patience for adolescent BS from adults and can't be bothered to deal with fair-weather-friend types. If a person is going to respond so poorly in this scenario, then it doesn't seem far-fetched that this wouldn't happen again in other instances.
Have any of you experienced similar scenarios from friends/family as you've had success low-carbing?
Since then she has been quite belligerent towards me, in general. We live in different states, so most of our interactions are on FB and the running message board where we met. She has posted not-so-subtle blog entries and articles on diet (one from the same blogger she'd earlier posted equated low-carbers with anti-vaxers and other Science-deniers)...feels like passive-aggressive digs towards me. As I've continued to lose, she's been increasingly less communicative with me.
Here's the thing -- 2 years ago we were about the same size. I gained 10-20#s after that, but she's probably gained 3-4 clothing sizes in that timeframe. I'm now back down to the size we were 2 years ago (thanks to the WOE that she so vehemently criticized). A year or so ago she also was involved in an ugly breakup with a guy I've never been particularly fond of. I supported her as a mutual friend started dating the guy not long after.
I realize her issues are her issues and her behavior speaks from a place of envy and frustration...but I can't help but feel like her actions are unforgivable. We're both ~40. This sort of scenario is to be expected of teenagers, but I'm not sure I can get past this. I just don't have the patience for adolescent BS from adults and can't be bothered to deal with fair-weather-friend types. If a person is going to respond so poorly in this scenario, then it doesn't seem far-fetched that this wouldn't happen again in other instances.
Have any of you experienced similar scenarios from friends/family as you've had success low-carbing?
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I can't speak to it from a low-carb cause, but I've run into people like that. Simply put, some people are just emotionally still teenagers.
In my opinion, it's best to cut them out of your life when you find them, because they tend to be toxic to the relationship and just make you miserable after a while.0 -
I wouldn't pay attention to her. You know what works for you, so just stick to your guns and keep at it.
I personally haven't experienced this but I've seen it happen to friends and to my husband. People just get worried because they don't know the benefit of LC living.0 -
I wouldn't pay attention to her. You know what works for you, so just stick to your guns and keep at it.
I personally haven't experienced this but I've seen it happen to friends and to my husband. People just get worried because they don't know the benefit of LC living.
The thing is, I don't think she's worried for me. Rather than expressing concern she was condescending. There was a very strong vibe that she was attempting to drag me down...if she's not going to have weight loss success, then neither should anyone else. And years ago I dumped 60#s doing Atkins for 2.5 years and saw my best blood work ever, so it's clearly not in the least bit dangerous. And tons of recent research results also bear that out, so her not-so-subtle accusations that I'm anti-Science because I don't follow a SAD (which never was about Science, but was most certainly about politics) just really have me rolling my eyes extra hard.0 -
Dragonwolf wrote: »In my opinion, it's best to cut them out of your life when you find them, because they tend to be toxic to the relationship and just make you miserable after a while.
Right. It's just sort of shocking to me. I've been friends with her for probably ~6 years and if someone had told me even a couple of months ago that she'd turn on me I would NEVER have believed it. I'm still sort of in shock and puzzled over it. Part of me thinks I should confront her, but I also suspect she will deny and get nasty over it -- she's already shown such nastiness. I just don't really have the patience to deal with that.0 -
Some can't deal with their own jealousy. It's not your responsibility.0
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The older I get the more I realize that MOST people are just grown-up children. The ones who actually matured, continue to grow and learn, take personal responsibility, have real integrity and are capable of being loving, supporting people are few and far between. Sad, really.0
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I haven't dealt with this, but I don't talk in depth with my diet with anyone IRL except my husband. Honestly I wouldn't have second thoughts about cutting this person out. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life.0
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I haven't dealt with this, but I don't talk in depth with my diet with anyone IRL except my husband. Honestly I wouldn't have second thoughts about cutting this person out. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life.
That's the thing...I was just sort of casually venting about how frustrating weight loss is after the initial weeks of whoosh and once a person gets within 20 or so #s of goal (that's when I have always struggled to lose more than 2-3#s/month, regardless of what I do). She asked questions, I answered truthfully...and then the criticism started and she's been snarky/critical about pretty much everything, ever since.
And the calorie thing -- 1200 net calories doesn't even net me a 3500 deficit over the course of a week, since I'm no longer in the "overweight" range (my goal is only about 13#s away). It gets me closer to a weekly deficit of 3000 cals. At her size the 1400+ she quoted likely is a reasonable daily goal. But it's all relative to one's relative body fat/size.0 -
My biggest critic is my sister, but since she hasn't seen me in months, she hasn't had an opportunity to lash out yet. My mom will be home from FL soon, so I'm sure she'll see me mid-April.
I totally expect a negative reaction of some kind. Most likely comments about my clothing, hair or lack of makeup. She doesn't attack me about my weight usually, because she's a body builder and ALWAYS is on some fat reducing diet of some kind.
However, her favorite comment is "You've always been the smart one, and I'm the pretty one."
Sometimes I'd like to pop her right in the nose.... LOL0 -
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Just block her or don't feed into her postings by commenting. Just say to yourself , " not my circus, not my monkeys ". Her issues sound like subscriptions! Not worthy of one carb of your energy.
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I've had the same problems with my family, though thankfully not as bad. Ive always been the smallest person in my family. When I first realized I was going up clothing sizes even though I was no longer getting taller in high school, I started counting calories to lose weight. My dad cooked dinner every night though and even plated the food. He would either tease me when I didnt finish my plate or think I didnt like his cooking. When I mentioned I was putting on weight, I was told I looked fine and not to worry about my weight, just eat well. Wanting to avoid their disapproval I ended up not eating all day then clearing my plate for dinner. When it became obvious I had lost weight though, (I never told them, they just eventually noticed) I was teased and told I was 'too thin' despite having a perfect BMI from the doctor. I lost about 10 lbs after I moved out on my own and they started pestering me if I had an eating disorder. -_-
Whats worse is after all these years that my weight was discussed because I was 'too skinny', I was sure when they saw me after having my first baby and gaining 40lbs that they'd say, "You should eat healthier" or something but they never have in the 4 years Ive been overweight. Being thin is bad to them but becoming obese isnt a concern apparently.0 -
Yup... been there with one of my girlfriends (IRL, not online). At first I ignored the PA jabs but when they morphed into direct jabs I told her straight up I love her, but I don't need or want her input and she could be assured if I ever did she'd be the first to know. It essentially ruined our friendship, but I'm in my late 30's, and she's even older, and I have zero interest in drama at this point in my life. I have plenty of friends who are completely supportive without giving me unsolicited "advice".0
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She's a carb. Reduce your exposure to her.
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IslandSneezerooo wrote: »but I'm in my late 30's, and she's even older, and I have zero interest in drama at this point in my life. I have plenty of friends who are completely supportive without giving me unsolicited "advice".
Yeah, not that this sort of behavior is ever acceptable, but after a certain point it just feels like adolescent "mean girls" behavior.0 -
dawlfin318 wrote: »Just say to yourself , " not my circus, not my monkeys ".
LOVE this. Dealing w/ some circus monkeys IRL right now...this is SO fitting. ;-)0 -
dawlfin318 wrote: »Just say to yourself , " not my circus, not my monkeys ".
LOVE this. Dealing w/ some circus monkeys IRL right now...this is SO fitting. ;-)
Agreed. I've been thinking of getting a tattoo of this saying.0 -
IslandSneezerooo wrote: »Yup... been there with one of my girlfriends (IRL, not online). At first I ignored the PA jabs but when they morphed into direct jabs I told her straight up I love her, but I don't need or want her input and she could be assured if I ever did she'd be the first to know. It essentially ruined our friendship, but I'm in my late 30's, and she's even older, and I have zero interest in drama at this point in my life. I have plenty of friends who are completely supportive without giving me unsolicited "advice".
Hell, I'm only in my mid-20s and already have zero interest in that kind of drama (and have been for years, really). Maybe it was due to being on the receiving end of that "mean girls" attitude for pretty much my whole life, but for the past several years, I've actively cut out the drama queens in my life. I don't know how people put up with that, or worse yet, cause that.0 -
I can testify that can carry on waaaaay after your 20's. I was friends with a group of Mums from the primary school a few years back. I discovered that they hadn't grown past the school yard dynamics and backed off. I don't have a big bunch of friends but the friends I have are lovely. I prefer it that way.0
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octobubbles wrote: »She's a carb. Reduce your exposure to her.
I'm so glad I wasn't drinking when I read this... This struck me better than "not my circus, not my monkeys." She's a carb (drama), I'm intolerant, so Eff off!!! SnickerSnortGiggleLaugh0
