A Come to Jesus Meeting
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I can 100% relate to the wine ordeal. I quit smoking roughly 4 years ago (cold turkey) and to keep my mind off wanting to smoke I took up drinking instead! Wine, vodka, and FOOD!! I barely drank prior to smoking and realized the weight kept climbing and climbing to now needing to lose 60 pounds. I definitely did drink way too much. I have since cut out alcohol and feel fantastic! I'm currently in Atkins induction day 5 and could use some motivation since hubby likes to eat ice cream!!0
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Let me know if a new group opens. I'm beginning to know that at least some of my weight issues come because of a lack of self worth. The last time I lost a lot of weight I didn't feel comfortable in my own skin. I kept one picture of myself from that time and I barely recognize myself. I'm currently trying to wrap my head around some of these issues that have held me back for so long.0
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Angeleangie? send the temptation to the front porch with instructions not to return until the bowl is clean.
I am thinking there is a low carb ice cream you can make. Cream, Stevia, egg. Only difference is NO SUGAR.
Bet if you ask this forum or google, you will be able to join him.0 -
annieboomboom wrote: »Angeleangie? send the temptation to the front porch with instructions not to return until the bowl is clean.
I am thinking there is a low carb ice cream you can make. Cream, Stevia, egg. Only difference is NO SUGAR.
Bet if you ask this forum or google, you will be able to join him.
This version uses marscapone: http://www.reddit.com/r/ketorecipes/comments/2zbokz/butter_pecan_sufficecream/
This one uses cream cheese and requires an ice cream maker: http://www.ibreatheimhungry.com/2014/07/egg-fast-frozen-custard-ice-cream-sort-recipe.html
This one is closest to traditional - only change is the sweetener, also requires an ice cream maker: http://myketokid.totallydavie.com/2013/06/30/frozen-custard/
I personally haven't tried any of them, yet. The first one is sitting on my pinterest for when I get around to it, but I don't have an ice cream maker, so I haven't tried the other 2.0 -
GrannyMayOz wrote: »Hi Annie
I understand completely about the armour - that's what mine has been too.
1. Padding myself in the hope that it would give some protection from the incredibly harmful words and actions other people had the power to emotionally cripple me with. I grew up with a narcissistic mother so I knew that my safety relied on remaining hyper-vigilant of everyone's feelings and making sure I fixed everything before she could be upset by it. I grew to know that *everything* was my fault that it happened, and my duty to fix, fully and fast or I'd suffer.
2. As well as that, I seem so able to 'feel' the negative emotions of people around me that I think those feelings are my own - they're not. Someone angry (in general, but towards me even moreso!), or nervous, scared - any negative emotion that is 'bad' to feel - and the feeling would 'come into me' so that it felt as if I had literally been punched in the solar plexus, and it would linger on for a while after they'd gone.
3. I think I also had a fear that if I was slim I would be completely invisible and not matter, even 1% to anyone. Which is ridiculous, but it's how I felt.
4. Every time I lost weight I got jealous responses from family and colleagues and, as per item 1, getting any attention at all, positive or negative, meant there would be a backlash from mother. If attention was directed away from her I got to suffer. Even though I got married at 18 and left home, the damage done in those first 18 years, and in contact after that, has taken me 40 years to fully shift.
I have finally overcome the main damage that mother did, though of course I will never be a truly outgoing human. But I've learned slowly, and in the past couple of years really thoroughly, that it is safe for me to let the padding go. That just because I'm 'small' doesn't mean I'm more vulnerable. I see friends or TV characters who are tiny, yet strong. You don't need to be able to throw someone in order to use your words and body language to protect yourself. That still fascinates me, but I'm finally being able to assimilate it.
Having dumped all of that on you - for the sake of hoping you can related to some of it and won't feel alone - I wish you an easy time of giving away the wine. I've never been a drinker but I can relate from the sugar and carbs aspect; I just couldn't get enough of those shoveled down my throat
I could have written your post word for word @grannymayoz I am still struggling with the emotional side of eating and the frustration of having PCOS so even when i work really hard i lose very little, which doesnt help the feeling of failure I already suffer from. I am not sure I'll ever be over the damage my 'mother' did or feel like i dont need my armor. Big HUGS to you and good wishes for the journey you are on!0 -
You are all magnificient with your courage and honesty in this thread. Emotional abuse is rampant and passed down through generations until the lucky ones figure it out, and stand up to it. Everyone thinks they are alone in their pain. (*) (*) (*)0
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Annie!!! As scary as this is I'm sure you're starting to see that it is actually a common thread among over weight people. What is not common however is the courage to admit it. Many can never see it at all. I'm so proud of you for even contemplating the idea!! My story again, very similar.
Self sabotage because of fear of success mostly. Which when you boil it down, means I was afraid to take responsibility for my own life and all it's success and failure. I don't have a great handle on it yet. I identified it about 10 years ago! But every day is a new choice to hide or seek :-) See what i did there?
It will totally be scary because this is all now new and unknown. How WILL you deal with it? Who knows? But I know one thing. You WILL! And every day you get another try!
There is a (non scientific I'm sure) correlation between the weight and burden we feel phsycologically and the weight and burden we carry physically. Somewhere in you, you know you were meant to live differently. More happiness I'm sure at the very least. And that causes a great burden when you are not truly doing or being who you want to be or know yourself to be. My advice for what it's worth is to deal with the fear by focusing only and the amazing feelings of the life you want in all aspects. The fear it brings up (and it will) is simply your unconscious (or more accurately your ego) making excuses because where you are (fat and otherwise) seems safest because it's what you know. Now is time to learn differently.
You can totally do this! We all can. It doesn't happen over night, but I totally believe it does. And as the saying goes.... if you believe you can, or you believe you can't... You're right.
See all the hearts you've touched?
Hugs and admiration to you my friend.0 -
FYI- for anyone interested in learning how to deal with narcissism and other types of crazy there is a wonderful book written by Margalis Fjelstad. The title is rather long- Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to end the drama and ......... (can't remember the rest). Extremely helpful advice to anyone burdened with coworkers, family or friends who have these manipulative personality disorders. I highly recommend it.0
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Amazing thread, honest and heartfelt. This is why I read the posts and sometimes I post...your fears and doubts and anxieties are mine, too, in various degrees. I learn from each of you and that gives me strength and hope. We can achieve our various goals...0
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I do, however, strongly encourage everyone not to dwell on these things too much. You must take ownership of the part you played. You may not have control over what happens(ed) to you but you do have control over how you react(ed) to it.
Acknowledging that gives you back control over the situation. That control gives you the ability to make a change which fosters the belief that change will happen!
That was a big turning point in my own life and key to my own weight loss victory. I chose to be fat. Whatever it was I was trying to control (fear, self-doubt, self-worth, fear of success, loneliness) I chose food and an armor of fat as my shield. I chose it!
I finally stopped choosing it!0 -
Sorry to have killed this topic0
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Maybe it just died a natural death.
Either way, I agree with you. Crap things happen in life. You can't escape that and you can't always affect or control it. What you can do is control how you react and respond to it. 0 -
Narcissism. I didn't know what it was until I was an adult. Ah ha, I thought. My mother. I have met others who suffered a narcissitic parent, spouse, sister.
I started writing. Memoir. A fabulous class with Joyce Maynard brought the light. She stripped us down before telling us we were now ready to write.
Take a memoir class. Many are offered if you look around.
Or, just write. But my advice; do not try and be someone you are not . Make it real.
You don't have to share with anyone but sometimes it helps.
Say that frozen custard recipe is fabulous. An electric ice cream maker is not expensive. Indulge.
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Just wanted to post a thank you to everyone who took the risk of being honest and revealing themselves on this thread. Reading all of these comments meant a lot to me.0
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I grew up in an abusive household. I was teased mercilessly (read all day every day for 10 years) at school for being fat. My mother avoided all responsibility for my emotional well being.
But you know what? I decided I could do better than that. I made a conscious decision in my teens to do better than that. I took French at high school and listened to Mr Rainbow talk about France and how he had lived there for a few years. It was then that I realised there was more to life and I could have it.
I pumped petrol and made burgers on the weekends to afford to go to university because my father said girls don't need an education so he wasn't paying for it. I was the first person in my family to go to university. My parents didn't even get past primary school. When I was 21 I moved with a friend from a hick mining backwater in northern Queensland to Sydney to get away because most of my friends were married and having children and I wanted something different.
I'd always been interested in meditating so I learned how. This reduced my stress and I was able to control impulsive responses to situations. I immersed myself in multiculturalism to learn about races and cultures that my family found so abhorrent. I met different types of people. I traveled.
My sister followed me. For which I am eternally grateful.
I've seen a big chunk of Australia. I've been to Europe and the UK twice. We took the kids with us in 2012. This year we're going to NZ. We've worked damned hard and are comfortable financially. I grew up in a family surviving on a labourer's wage. So many of my cousins are in that family cycle. Good for them if they're happy with their choices. (I really mean that.) I wanted different so I worked for it. I made it happen.
I'm damn well going to make this work too. Now that I have the knowledge and information that I need, I can do it.
If I can, you can too. 0 -
Thanks for the reference to Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get on with life. By Margalis Fjelstad. I found a preview on Google books, it explains a lot about an acquaintance of mine who is going through hell right now. http://books.google.co.jp/books?id=aciFU9rNt84C&pg=PA219&source=gbs_toc_r&cad=2#v=onepage&q&f=false
Hang in there.0 -
I too found that writing is incredibly healing. Nobody told me to do it, I just found that it was therapeutic by myself. Since the days of computers it's even better because I can type much faster whilst getting the feelings and memories out, I can read it over and over and over (which I find the most healing part of it all!) and fine-tune the words so they are the most precise ones for the task - another aspect that I find soothing and healing.
Most of us find our own path to healing. Those who don't enjoy wallowing in their pain find ways to heal. I don't see anyone in these threads wallowing, we are all seeking that peace, and perhaps some understanding of the why. For myself, discovering the word 'narcissist', and all that meant, helped me so much to understand what my mother is and why she behaved the way she did. It was the biggest relief to me. And I made a list of the hurtful things from my childhood that were now explained by her Title. That list has passed 100 items (some of them repeated over and over) and I can now look through it and laugh, with no pain, at her pathetic, childish behaviour.0 -
I am humbled by the great responses knowing we all carry something that , if we allow it to, will interrupt our lives. Choice is always an option as Sajyna so eloquently shared; what strength there is in choice.
I don't think about I missed from my mother, but instead, focus on the strengths I gained from making choices that were good for me.
No one escapes sadness or pain. How you come to terms with these life lessons is what will define you .0 -
You're definitely right Annie. And there's always a blessing in having a rotten parent (or two) - we know the way that we want to treat our own family and friends. We know that we don't want to inflict those things on others. We are strong. We are changers of lives around us, and still to come 0
