Sorry to have killed this topic

I grew up in an abusive household. I was teased mercilessly (read all day every day for 10 years) at school for being fat. My mother avoided all responsibility for my emotional well being.

But you know what? I decided I could do better than that. I made a conscious decision in my teens to do better than that. I took French at high school and listened to Mr Rainbow talk about France and how he had lived there for a few years. It was then that I realised there was more to life and I could have it.

I pumped petrol and made burgers on the weekends to afford to go to university because my father said girls don't need an education so he wasn't paying for it. I was the first person in my family to go to university. My parents didn't even get past primary school. When I was 21 I moved with a friend from a hick mining backwater in northern Queensland to Sydney to get away because most of my friends were married and having children and I wanted something different.

I'd always been interested in meditating so I learned how. This reduced my stress and I was able to control impulsive responses to situations. I immersed myself in multiculturalism to learn about races and cultures that my family found so abhorrent. I met different types of people. I traveled.

My sister followed me. For which I am eternally grateful.

I've seen a big chunk of Australia. I've been to Europe and the UK twice. We took the kids with us in 2012. This year we're going to NZ. We've worked damned hard and are comfortable financially. I grew up in a family surviving on a labourer's wage. So many of my cousins are in that family cycle. Good for them if they're happy with their choices. (I really mean that.) I wanted different so I worked for it. I made it happen.

I'm damn well going to make this work too. Now that I have the knowledge and information that I need, I can do it.

If I can, you can too.

I too found that writing is incredibly healing. Nobody told me to do it, I just found that it was therapeutic by myself. Since the days of computers it's even better because I can type much faster whilst getting the feelings and memories out, I can read it over and over and over (which I find the most healing part of it all!) and fine-tune the words so they are the most precise ones for the task - another aspect that I find soothing and healing.

Most of us find our own path to healing. Those who don't enjoy wallowing in their pain find ways to heal. I don't see anyone in these threads wallowing, we are all seeking that peace, and perhaps some understanding of the why. For myself, discovering the word 'narcissist', and all that meant, helped me so much to understand what my mother is and why she behaved the way she did. It was the biggest relief to me. And I made a list of the hurtful things from my childhood that were now explained by her Title. That list has passed 100 items (some of them repeated over and over) and I can now look through it and laugh, with no pain, at her pathetic, childish behaviour.

You're definitely right Annie. And there's always a blessing in having a rotten parent (or two) - we know the way that we want to treat our own family and friends. We know that we don't want to inflict those things on others. We are strong. We are changers of lives around us, and still to come

I also found that I just stopped buying into the drama. I just don't respond, saying nothing. The discussion will very quickly move onto another topic with the potential drama left blowing in the breeze.

I only tell my Mum what I'm comfortable with the entire extended family knowing. She has no boundaries and does not respect anyone elses so I just don't tell her things.

I don't like to gossip. Often it's just nasty heresay and if I don't know if it's true or not I respond with something along the lines of: I don't know the details of that situation or whether it's true or not so I'm not in a position to offer an opinion.

People don't like it but that's ok with me. I'm happier not buying into or causing unneeded drama. Life is easier when it's calmer. It doesn't make me a whole bunch of friends but I'd rather have close friends that I trust. People who talk with you about others will talk with others about you.

What I have found with taking better care of my body is that I am stronger in defending myself and standing up for myself. I have greater respect for myself and I will fight to keep that.

FIT_Goat wrote: »

Sometimes we all need a come to Jesus meeting. I remember mine. It was artificial sweeteners. They told me exactly what I didn't want to hear (cut them out). I felt attacked and like they didn't understand. Artificial sweeteners weren't a problem for me! Sure, I drank 2+ liters of diet cola a day, but it had no calories! It wasn't bad. I did end up listening. I said, I would give it 30 days. By the end of 30 days, I realized just how much of a problem the artificial sweeteners had been for me. Suddenly, I could see all the times when I struggled most, ate the most, felt the hungriest, and so on were strongly linked to the amount of sweet foods I ate (artificially sweet or not). I didn't like being told I couldn't do what I wanted. But, I was wrong.

When I told the weight loss doctor I'm seeing I kicked diet drinks she said, "Your liver will thank you." I'm a diabetic and I discovered the fake sugar was making me crave the real and processed junk. Good for you stopping it!