The mind game
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annieboomboom wrote: »I think you have some repair work to do before you can be successful with your weight loss journey.
Excess weight starting in childhood can do some serious emotional damage. You simply must figure that out. Maybe get some help.
They you need to get a life of your own. What are you passionate about? Photography? Art? Writing? Crafts? Find out and give yourself that gift. Learn that maybe being alone can be less painful than in a relationship that isn't working. People stay for ALL the wrong reasons and for women it is often the fear of being alone.
Rubbish, I say. Simply rubbish.
Find someone to talk to. Really
Annie, I have a life of my own. I have a job, and friends, and a horse I ride regularly. I'm doing a degree in my "spare" time. I paint. I read. I am also a gamer. I am not glued to my partner all the time, nor do I need a man in my life to make me complete. I have been on my own. I divorced 6 years ago and spent 3 years on my own. I wouldn't say my relationship isn't working. We are very good together. I would say we are currently going through a rough patch due to 4 teenagers, and we are dealing with things differently. He withdraws, I need the comfort. I don't think giving up on a good thing at the first sign of real life pressures is the answer.
My mum is one of those "I don't need a man, I have a life of my own" types, but she has been alone for 15 years because she is a controlling b&*%(% and can't get along with anyone. But that's a whole other story. Happy mothers day Mum.0 -
Part of the reason I think I'm so disgusted with myself is I know more about food and nutrition than most people, and I'm an intelligent woman, so why can't I just DO it ffs.
This is exactly what that book tackles. I get SO MAD at myself because I know better (about whatever it is, not just food), and then I get these horrible self-anger spirals that are just exhausting mentally and fry all my willpower and self-image. It's an absolutely exhausting cycle. Having the tools in my arsenal to defuse that and put all that energy somewhere more constructive has been SO nice.
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Shai74, I can relate to much of what you are saying.
I think a large part of my problem is I'm a perfectionist. For example I look in the mirror and expect myself to look like I did when I was 20 and feel like I'm a failure because I've gained a lot of weight (and aged a bit) since then. Instead of focusing on the good things about my appearance I focus on what I perceive to be my "failures". Another way my perfectionism gets in the way is during the weight loss process. I might do really well on my eating plan for a few months, and then I mess up and gain a couple of pounds back. I get so discouraged and down about it that next thing you know I've given up. It usually takes months for me to get back to losing weight again and in that time I've gained most of the weight back.
So...personally, I need to work on the perfectionism issue. A slip up is not a failure. Losing 20 pounds and then gaining back 5 pounds on vacation is not a failure. I just need to keep going and keep trying. I'm blessed with a husband who still finds me attractive, even though I can't comprehend how that's possible at my current weight. So I think working on my perfectionism will help me with my relationship too.
Hang in there!
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Hey shai74,
Sometimes when men have a lot of stressors in their life they just don't feel very sexy or "in the mood". I know it seems ridiculous since society pounds it into our brains that they want it all the time, but it just isn't the case. I completely understand, because I've been there with regards to the relationship.
Just keep loving yourself and continue your journey. I know it's a long, hard road, but you'll get there as long as you keep at it.
Also -- "FOR THE HORDE!"0 -
Just wanted to note that low self esteem isn't just limited to weight problems. I struggled with it long before I ever had to worry about my weight.0
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Definately agree with deksgrl......many more things can affect self esteem apart from weight!0
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BookAngel_a wrote: »I think a large part of my problem is I'm a perfectionist.
Food for thought:
"We all have excuses for why we don’t get things done, why we haven’t gotten started, why we aren't getting ahead, etc., etc. One of the most common excuses I hear is, “I’m a perfectionist.” Perfectionists get can’t things done because if they aren't sure they’re going to do it just right, they’d prefer not to do it at all.
The problem with this is it takes responsibility out of your hands, which is not something a successful person wants to do. In your mind, you’re not getting ahead not because you’re lazy or afraid, but because it’s your personality. You have to wait until the conditions are perfect so excellence is guaranteed. The truth is, perfectionism stems from self-doubt and anxiety and while it may sound like a positive quality, it is largely unhelpful. So it’s best to ditch this excuse now and take a look at why you’re using this excuse in the first place."
http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:LAVBV0T8ZfYJ:www.bobbierobertson.com/perfectionist-2/+&cd=1&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us
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Hey shai74,
Sometimes when men have a lot of stressors in their life they just don't feel very sexy or "in the mood". I know it seems ridiculous since society pounds it into our brains that they want it all the time, but it just isn't the case. I completely understand, because I've been there with regards to the relationship.
Just keep loving yourself and continue your journey. I know it's a long, hard road, but you'll get there as long as you keep at it.
Also -- "FOR THE HORDE!"
Lol! Most of my toons are Horde, I just faction changed my main back to Alliance coz friends
...and I've just lost everyone else who posted on my thread 0 -
No, no....Alliance here. But haven't played for a few months. Have an 85 Horde though I made to play with family whenever they do. I love gaming. Yup Baby Boomers play :P0
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BookAngel_a wrote: »I think a large part of my problem is I'm a perfectionist.
Food for thought:
"We all have excuses for why we don’t get things done, why we haven’t gotten started, why we aren't getting ahead, etc., etc. One of the most common excuses I hear is, “I’m a perfectionist.” Perfectionists get can’t things done because if they aren't sure they’re going to do it just right, they’d prefer not to do it at all.
The problem with this is it takes responsibility out of your hands, which is not something a successful person wants to do. In your mind, you’re not getting ahead not because you’re lazy or afraid, but because it’s your personality. You have to wait until the conditions are perfect so excellence is guaranteed. The truth is, perfectionism stems from self-doubt and anxiety and while it may sound like a positive quality, it is largely unhelpful. So it’s best to ditch this excuse now and take a look at why you’re using this excuse in the first place."
http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:LAVBV0T8ZfYJ:www.bobbierobertson.com/perfectionist-2/+&cd=1&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us
Thanks for the input. I'm sorry if it sounded like I was using an excuse. That wasn't my intent. I was trying to show the OP that she was not alone in wondering why she could have so much going for her and still struggle with food/weight. I've wondered the same thing in the past. I've lost lots of weight but I've never reached my goal and never kept it off. I now realize that one of the biggest things that tripped me up was not forgiving myself for a slip up. I might be down about 30 pounds but then I make a "mistake" and start beating myself up for failing and then I temporarily give up because in my mind, I failed. I always come back and try again but usually after I've gained most of the weight back.
I take full responsibility for my weight and for my problem. I am not using my perfectionism as an excuse to be fat and I'm not blaming anyone or anything but myself. I realize perfectionism can seem like a good trait on the surface but it can actually be damaging.
I've been back to eating very low carb for the past 10 days now and I'm very glad to be back. I'm hoping that now that I realized why I gave up temporarily in the past, I can prevent it from happening this time. If I make a mistake or eat too many carbs at one meal, I just have to get right back to this way of eating and forgive myself and move on... 0 -
AreteAndWhimsy wrote: »Part of the reason I think I'm so disgusted with myself is I know more about food and nutrition than most people, and I'm an intelligent woman, so why can't I just DO it ffs.
This is exactly what that book tackles. I get SO MAD at myself because I know better (about whatever it is, not just food), and then I get these horrible self-anger spirals that are just exhausting mentally and fry all my willpower and self-image. It's an absolutely exhausting cycle. Having the tools in my arsenal to defuse that and put all that energy somewhere more constructive has been SO nice.
This is pretty much what I was referring to in my posts. I felt like this a lot in the past, sometimes I still do, but I'm working on it. I think a key for me is learning how to forgive myself and get right back to doing what I need to be doing to take care of my health. Thanks for the book recommendation. I'm a reader so I might check it out. 0 -
Hey shai74,
Sometimes when men have a lot of stressors in their life they just don't feel very sexy or "in the mood". I know it seems ridiculous since society pounds it into our brains that they want it all the time, but it just isn't the case. I completely understand, because I've been there with regards to the relationship.
Just keep loving yourself and continue your journey. I know it's a long, hard road, but you'll get there as long as you keep at it.
Also -- "FOR THE HORDE!"
Lol! Most of my toons are Horde, I just faction changed my main back to Alliance coz friends
...and I've just lost everyone else who posted on my thread
Haha, nope. Not me, at least. Even when I first saw that, I'm like, "ha! Draenei!" but never got it up to ask about it.
But yeah... Lok'tar ogar! Horde to the bone. Not that I really play anymore, I'm an old school vanilla raider. Everything after Wrath of the Lich King has kind of gone down hill, gameplay-wise for my husband and me (the Warlords storyline is cool, but the linearity of it sucks after the first time).0 -
Hey shai74,
Sometimes when men have a lot of stressors in their life they just don't feel very sexy or "in the mood". I know it seems ridiculous since society pounds it into our brains that they want it all the time, but it just isn't the case. I completely understand, because I've been there with regards to the relationship.
Just keep loving yourself and continue your journey. I know it's a long, hard road, but you'll get there as long as you keep at it.
Also -- "FOR THE HORDE!"
Lol! Most of my toons are Horde, I just faction changed my main back to Alliance coz friends
...and I've just lost everyone else who posted on my thread
Naw...my ex played. My brothers too. My guy used to play with his friends back in the UK. I never played just because I was too busy chasing my daughter around to all her events. Otherwise I'm a video game junkie on occasion, too!0
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