What would you do? (mostly for woman)
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Is there someone from work whom you would trust to walk with you, as a further deterrent to this guy's approaches? I think I'd feel more confident telling this guy in no uncertain terms to leave me alone and never talk to me again if someone had my back.
The photo idea is a good one, too, in case you need to report him.
He could just be inexperienced with women, and tried a new approach with you. Let's hope he knows it backfired.
I know what you mean about not liking the new extra attention. I highlighted my hair blonde last year. Never again. Why is blonde such a signal for some guys? There are tons of blondes out here in Central Texas, too.0 -
My initial thought is that this was an innocent encounter, and too much is being read into this. It is wise to be safe, within reason however.
Here's a thought. I am reaching the point myself where I want people to approach me, but don't really know how to handle it emotionally. I am sure that I built a wall of fat around me to protect myself. That way no one would approach me, even though I probably wanted them to deep down. I want people to like me for who I am, not how I look. So the true friends would always be there, yet I'd write other people off for not being attracted to my appearance. I secretly hoped that one day I would be attractive for my outward appearance.
The last time I lost weight, I do not think that I was emotionally ready to handle compliments. I liked the extra attention, yet kind of panicked too. I did not have the self love skills to accept compliments even though I wanted them. We began to touch upon this in another thread a while ago. It was thrilling yet exhausting.
This time around, I am still working on building self esteem and self love, but think I am in a better place emotionally. Yet I worry a bit about how to handle the fact that I am more exposed without my layer of fat. I've still got a ways to go, but I have noticed already that I am attracting more attention from the opposite sex, including younger men. I find it flattering so far. I am not as scared as before. I still question their motives, but more along the line of reasoning that I wonder what they see in me ? I'm still working on my self confidence, but I want to be able to discern between men who are attracted merely to outward appearance and the ones who are also attracted to my spirit and who I am, and the slimmer figure is just an added attraction.
I don't like to assume that anyone has creepy motives. Use your gut feeling for the creeps and don't give them any attention to encourage them. But for me, I think I have to open my heart up a bit to let people back in to see who I really am. There may be someone special put there for me, and I might just meet him while out for a walk.
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Sunny_Bunny_ wrote: »Please don't carry pepper spray unless you're trained to do so. It's very easy to get it on yourself and it does not affect everybody. I've been trained to use it, and I don't carry it because I know I have enough breathing issues that if pepper spray gets on me, I'll be down for the count for a while.
That being said, situational awareness is your best friend. Trust your instincts.
I agree with this. The instructor I mentioned highly recommended against it because it won't affect a lot of people and can backfire so easily. If anyone ever attacks you, punch them in the throat. They will have to stop to regain the ability to breath.
Well the question was "What would you do?" I would continue to walk where I pleased and carry pepper spray. I would have a harder time punching someone...lol0 -
auntstephie321 wrote: »Roflmao did you just call us old hags lol
No not you. You're more than ten years younger than me. But with that said, you should still release your inner hag in situations like the one you describe.
You two are hilarious!
Release your inner hag
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Hey, the inner hag comes in handy sometimes, lol! You guys are learning some top secret stuff here, lol!
Just don't stop walking! You have the right to be there too!
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Speaking as a saggy old hag AND a cougar (ref profile pic! hehehe) I can say that when I asked my 18 1/2 years younger than me husband why he was attracted to me he said....I loved the life in you and that you enjoyed things and deal with things with humour! We have been married nearly 16 years so.......dont paint everyone with the same brush! Men see a lot more than we give them credit for(Cant believe I just wrote that!!lol) and its not just external pictures....despite how they may act in packs! I was much heavier then than now too and he has never said a word to me about my weight except worrying about my health! Its ME who was embarrassed on his behalf! He has just hit 40 this year .....maybe HE'S too old for Me now? (nah, I love him to bits) but ladies, please dont put yourselves down because of age or size. Its too easy to do and you never know what you could be missing out on. Take care and be aware for your own safety but who knows....you may just be brushing off your own future. BTW, before I met him I was married to a guy 5 years older than who spent 20 years demoralising me and putting me down when I gained weight!!0
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follow your instincts
if he seemed ok just a weird situation maybe wear a set of head phones/earbuds so it looks like your listening to music and "cant hear him" then you can ignore him without the guilt oh and maybe bring some mace and whistle just in case he gets bolder...
i hate to say i always assume the worst- because i dont- BUT i prepare for the worst Just i case
maybe too many cop shows as well0 -
Admittedly at first I thought this seemed like an overreaction. But then you quoted him and suddenly he became creepy to me, too. I wouldn't quit walking there permanently but I might take a break. Now, the question is what would I truly do. This is not what I advise you to do. I can be rather blunt with men. I grew up around a lot of guys and I tend to say what I'm thinking about them. Let's just say no one I know would be shocked if I told them I said, "you're creeping me out." The next time I ran into the guy I would probably say, "I almost didn't come back out here because of you. I would appreciate if you didn't talk to me, I have no interest in speaking with you. You're coming off as a (intentionally misspeaking because that's my terrible sense of humor) raper." Then I would smile, he would say something very mean to me and finish it up by calling me the c-word. Or at least that's how those scenarios always played out in my past. Go with your gut but don't let any man, ever, dictate what you do and where you go. Also, don't take advise from me about these situations hahahaha!0
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I typically don't make eye-contact in the park, I almost never say hi as I walk by anyone either. I'm there for exercise not to socialize, I make myself unapproachable. I mean really, do these ppl say hi to everyone they walk by in the grocery store too? The park I walk at lunch was alway notorious for cruising, so it's always a good idea to be aware of your surroundings.
I would go back to the park, I wouldn't be nearly as friendly tho. Maybe conveniently make a phone call if he approaches and not be available for any babble.0 -
Well I did go back to the park today. All went well, though it was nearly 90 with over 80% humidity in full sun, but I didn't see that guy there, so maybe he's decided not to go there anymore (I had never seen him there previously either) so could've been a one time thing.
I've had other guys approach me at times but this one really came of awkward and borderline creepy. I do hope it was just a young kids attempt at flirting, gone wrong, with no ill intentions, and I assume that is probably what it was. Sometime though I just get that feeling and don't want the one time I ignore it to be a big mistake.
I will say that this thread was hugely helpful for me. I'm usually fairly blunt in normal daily life but when situations arise that I'm not familiar with I tend to forget everything and not know how to respond. Your suggestions, particularly the question like "where do you go to church", and the punching in the throat, have helped me have a game plan in case anything like this happens again.0 -
My experiences walking daily for the last 15 years is that all sorts of people are around. some have no skills, some only want to have human contact.
My problem is I don't leash my 16 yr old dog..go to a paved walk on the bay, and have had horrible people complain "leash your dog lady"..when she is hobbling along beside me, and I use a cane or a walker on some days!!!! I was stunned at the meanness of these "rule keepers"…people with angry aggressive dogs do need to leash them..I live in a small coastal town.. fewer than 30,000 total scattered all over, there is no reason to turn it to big city rules…
I always leash her when I see a possible problem ahead..but to have some controlling people want to harass a disabled senior??? I wonder. ( also people with teeny dogs will yell at me- as if having a small dog gives them the right to demand 'protection' from a toothless deaf dog?
it stressed me out so much I skipped going there for 6 months..now I go at odd times when people are not likely, and do leash her…so mostly we go where she is free to run and snoop and enjoy nature.
I meet lovely people and dog owners too..but the stress is always there for that crabby one.0 -
If interested. This is the site for training I had. This lady is awesome!
http://surviveinstitute.com0 -
auntstephie321 wrote: »Well I did go back to the park today. All went well, though it was nearly 90 with over 80% humidity in full sun, but I didn't see that guy there, so maybe he's decided not to go there anymore (I had never seen him there previously either) so could've been a one time thing.
I've had other guys approach me at times but this one really came of awkward and borderline creepy. I do hope it was just a young kids attempt at flirting, gone wrong, with no ill intentions, and I assume that is probably what it was. Sometime though I just get that feeling and don't want the one time I ignore it to be a big mistake.
I will say that this thread was hugely helpful for me. I'm usually fairly blunt in normal daily life but when situations arise that I'm not familiar with I tend to forget everything and not know how to respond. Your suggestions, particularly the question like "where do you go to church", and the punching in the throat, have helped me have a game plan in case anything like this happens again.
You go to church and punch people in the throat? Lol funny0 -
No. Don't continue walking there. You told him no and he wouldn't take no for an answer. Also, what you describe is very weird and off putting. You could easily see him there again and then what? It's not worth it.
Also, I'm sorry, but you should not have been friendly to him or chatted with him even in the first place. Young men, I've noticed, are significantly more socially inept than ever before. A large percentage of them were raised in fatherless households and have been adversely affected by the seedier and more perverse aspect of cyber/electronic culture that they've been saturated with, versus men born before 1980.
Be very cautious around them.
Ugh ... offensive. On so many levels. "A large percentage of young men were raised in fatherless households and are therefore perverts"? No. Just No. It may have been perfectly innocent. To assume this guy is into weird *kitten* on the internet and is therefore a potential stalker/axe murderer is like me assuming you are a short fat angry lesbian just based on a comment you've made - without knowing anything about you at all. Probably completely incorrect and certainly nasty and judgemental for no reason at all.
What I do know is that it's hard to meet people. He was probably just lonely. He has probably been told to get out more, meet people, strike up a conversation. You're right about something - in this day where everything is text and facebook, it can be perceived as unnatural and even threatening if someone tries to talk to you in the real world. I bet before the internet it wouldn't have seemed nearly so weird if someone came up and made conversation or offered to walk with you in the park. It's not like he followed her back to work or threatened her in any way.
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I'm glad you went back. It sounded fairly safe. You walk there regularly, there are other people around, many of them you know or recognise.
Do the people you work with know where you walk at lunch time? It might be an idea to let them know so that if you are injured or a problem arises they know where they are.
Other than that, enjoy your lunch time walks. 0 -
I'm glad you went back. It sounded fairly safe. You walk there regularly, there are other people around, many of them you know or recognise.
Do the people you work with know where you walk at lunch time? It might be an idea to let them know so that if you are injured or a problem arises they know where they are.
Other than that, enjoy your lunch time walks.
Yes, I work work one other person, he walks in the park on his lunch, after mine. I also have him a description of the guy just in case.
I honestly wouldn't have thought twice about it had it seemed like a normal interaction. I feel safer about it now, with everyone's advice and opinions. It's also helpful for me if I'm ever in another area I'm less familiar with.0 -
auntstephie321 wrote: »Well I did go back to the park today. All went well, though it was nearly 90 with over 80% humidity in full sun, but I didn't see that guy there, so maybe he's decided not to go there anymore (I had never seen him there previously either) so could've been a one time thing.
I've had other guys approach me at times but this one really came of awkward and borderline creepy. I do hope it was just a young kids attempt at flirting, gone wrong, with no ill intentions, and I assume that is probably what it was. Sometime though I just get that feeling and don't want the one time I ignore it to be a big mistake.
I will say that this thread was hugely helpful for me. I'm usually fairly blunt in normal daily life but when situations arise that I'm not familiar with I tend to forget everything and not know how to respond. Your suggestions, particularly the question like "where do you go to church", and the punching in the throat, have helped me have a game plan in case anything like this happens again.
You go to church and punch people in the throat? Lol funny
Lol
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I would walk somewhere else honestly. That sounds so creepy it kind of makes me sick so please be careful0
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@newmeadow....wow! You do seem to have some issues that seem to make you make aggressive comments! Sounds like you have been very hurt by things, presumably men! I sincerely hope you can find a way to heal and see better of them. Even with all the crap around now a days there are still genuine, loving. caring men who like the look of a person whatever the age difference. If it was men making the comments you have you would be really up in arms!!!0
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Can the back and forth stuff please stop. This thread was very helpful to me, with all points of view in it. I did not find anything @newmeadow said offensive, I know some of you did, and I'm sorry for that. I don't think that new was saying that all men are to be feared or looked at as poorly raised potential ax murderers, but that its a possibility and to be careful.0
