Daily check in

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  • FreeVeg
    FreeVeg Posts: 46 Member
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    Trying to find my way out. As I am visiting my family at the moment..it makes it even more difficult. I am surrounded by all my trigger foods at my mom's house. At least I found a way to exercise today. Must break this binge and soon. I dont want to gain more. I hate food and I love it at the same time. :'( Anyone else suffering from social and agorahobia as well?
  • ab6046
    ab6046 Posts: 371 Member
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    Can relate to most of this post a lot. Definitely have a love/hate relationship with food, and being at my parents house triggers binges for sure. I would say I have social anxiety but I do not have agoraphobia. How long are you visiting your family for? Is it a day thing or longer than that?
  • shaybee377
    shaybee377 Posts: 42 Member
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    I've been in a pretty bad binge cycle since I got back from the beach on Sunday. I kinda figured it would happen, but I didn't think it would be THIS bad... I wake up with a binge "hangover" and awful bloating that lasts all day and pretty much makes me completely unproductive. My parents are visiting this weekend, and I HAVE to get it under control before then. Sigh.
  • daniellethesheep
    daniellethesheep Posts: 117 Member
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    Bad day for me. 10 fig new tows, 13 larabars, 6 or so clif bars, on top of breakfast and lunch. Disgusting. Up 10 lbs from this morning. And I have a job interview tomorrow.
  • FreeVeg
    FreeVeg Posts: 46 Member
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    ab6046 wrote: »
    Can relate to most of this post a lot. Definitely have a love/hate relationship with food, and being at my parent's house triggers binges for sure. I would say I have social anxiety but I do not have agoraphobia. How long are you visiting your family for? Is it a day thing or longer than that?

    Well, I am here for 2 weeks...Arrived on Monday only. I have periods when I refuse to go out of the house, of course, sometimes there is no way out, I have responsibilities too, but if I push myself it goes insane...
  • ab6046
    ab6046 Posts: 371 Member
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    I had a really intense nightmare (or dream?) that I was bingeing. So many baked goods, it was amazing. And there was this special pound cake called "desi pound cake" (figment of my imagination) and it was SO GOOD. I'm happy though. I used to have problems with eating in my sleep so I guess I expected that such a vivid bingeing dream would mean that happened, but it didn't!
  • mweckler
    mweckler Posts: 623 Member
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    Did you dream of eating a marshmallow? If so was your pillow missing this morning?
  • FreeVeg
    FreeVeg Posts: 46 Member
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    ab6046 wrote: »
    I had a really intense nightmare (or dream?) that I was bingeing. So many baked goods, it was amazing. And there was this special pound cake called "desi pound cake" (figment of my imagination) and it was SO GOOD. I'm happy though. I used to have problems with eating in my sleep so I guess I expected that such a vivid bingeing dream would mean that happened, but it didn't!

    This is so funny. I have that kind of dreams quite often lol. Baked goods,cakes,muffins..etc..etc...whatever you can only imagine. And I am kind of not supposed to be there cause usually it is some kind of posh party in an expensive hotel lol. So I try to munch as much as I can...and cannot choose what to eat first..
  • ab6046
    ab6046 Posts: 371 Member
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    That's funny! I don't remember the setting of my dream, but I remember there were sands of baked goods everywhere and I remember gaining momentum and literally shoving fistfuls in my mouth.
  • mweckler
    mweckler Posts: 623 Member
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    So I should not post a picture of the Oreo Cream cheesecake I made last week?
  • ab6046
    ab6046 Posts: 371 Member
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    Yum! I had cheesecake every day last week haha.

    I'm doing okay. I haven't binged since my family left (Sunday). I am likely falling back into a restrictive cycle like I was in previously, since this is how I generally operate. Although usually cycles last for longer, so it's kind of strange.

    I met with the treatment program again today. I am starting on Sunday. My feelings are very mixed, especially since I'm being recruited for a job that I really want so that complicates everything. But will see how it works out. I suspect I will have to delete MFP and and stay off of it once I start the program, as it fuels my obsession with weighing my food and counting calories.
  • FreeVeg
    FreeVeg Posts: 46 Member
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    ab6046, i thought about stopping calculating calories, cause I tend to get obsessive too, but then, how to stay in some control and lose weight?
    I managed somehow to get slowly out of the binge and started to lose water weight. Hope for good.
  • RespectTheKitty
    RespectTheKitty Posts: 1,667 Member
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    Kinda quiet in here. Hope everyone is doing okay.
  • mweckler
    mweckler Posts: 623 Member
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    Yes I spent 5 hours digging random 3 foot deep holes in my backyard looking for my sweet main and now I think I am broken.
  • ab6046
    ab6046 Posts: 371 Member
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    Hi everyone,

    Just want to check in and let everyone know how things are going. Looks like this forum has been super quiet! I've been doing PHP for over a week and a half now. It's been really tough. I've been bingeing a ton, because I feel like my ED feels really threatened. Since I can't restrict when I'm there, it seems to be the alternate way of coping. The last few days have been better. I am pretty hopefully. I've been offered my dream job though, and will be starting Monday. This means I will either have to stop all together or step down to IOP, but that all depends on insurance so will see how that goes. I've been gaining weight consistently which is making me feel awful. On the upside, I am not logging my food or weighing it, and trying to work on trusting the system. So will see how that goes. Hope all is well!
  • CooCooPuff
    CooCooPuff Posts: 4,374 Member
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    Dream job? That sounds so exciting. I'm really happy for you!
  • mweckler
    mweckler Posts: 623 Member
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    How has everyone been doing? I have been off work since June 1st as the school year ended. Since then I have been working on my house fixing flooring issues, repainting, and now a new plumbing issue. Got to love having to dig 3 foot deep trenches to locate a sewer line. But luckily that nightmare is almost done then maybe I can relax for a little bit.
  • FreeVeg
    FreeVeg Posts: 46 Member
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    Hey, everyone! Finally back home after 2week long family visiting trip. Still struggling with my binging,this time, find it really hard to get back on track, it is like 3 days good, 3 days bad. reading books about binge eating and eating disorders and trying to sort things out. Tried to avoid numbers and lived freely. Tmr, I am having my first gym session. Booked induction, so I have no idea what to expect, hope it goes well.
  • FreeVeg
    FreeVeg Posts: 46 Member
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    Ok...thought i am getting better but here I am munching again...Gym induction went well...I almost canceled it as I was totally scared...silly,but I guess my social fobia kicked in. So for me overcoming that fear was kind of little victory. Sadly the gym opens fully only on 30th of June...so I cannot really use it now. How is everyone?
  • ab6046
    ab6046 Posts: 371 Member
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    I have been bingeing so much. It's pretty out of hand. I feel like I may hit a restrictive cycle soon though. My bingeing has become smaller in terms of quantity for the most part though, which is good. Not silly about the gym thing...I had an issue with working out in front of people for YEARS. It was so intense that I even had a curtain put up in my parents basement (when I lived there) so that when I was exercising, nobody could see me using the stairmill etc. if they came down.