Kristen's journey (secret despair 30)

13

Replies

  • 1MADGIRL
    1MADGIRL Posts: 838 Member
    blambo61 wrote: »


    Please don't be negative! Being positive can be a choice. We all have issues to deal with but we choose how to deal with them. I think you, and me, will be more happy when we deal with issues positively. Not saying the issues don't exist, just that we need to learn how to deal with them in a positive way. Take care.

    I dont deserve to be happy! :'(

    why not? You'll reach your goals faster if you're positive. I had a friend who was always negative and everyone but her saw her real potential. Needless to say she achieved a lot but her negativity kept her back from achieving all she could achieve. It was a real shame because we all knew what she could've achieved.
  • DebSozo
    DebSozo Posts: 2,578 Member
    edited January 2017
    We can do this!
  • Flybeetle
    Flybeetle Posts: 387 Member
    1MADGIRL wrote: »

    why not? You'll reach your goals faster if you're positive.

    ^^ this exactly. If you don't feel like you deserve to be positive for your own happiness then do it just because it will make t much more likely you'll reach your goal of losing the amount of weight you'd like to lose.
    You're on the path already, you've already had success and are losing weight, focussing on the negative stuff will only sabotage your efforts for weight loss and LIVING...
  • blambo61
    blambo61 Posts: 4,372 Member
    Besides, I feel like im eating too much, even in my one meal! It doesn't even feel like im fasting. I consume on average 400-800 cals a day.

    Nonsense ("I don't deserve to be happy")! You are a child of God and have immense worth! We all make mistakes and that burden can be lifted and we can move on AND feel joy and happiness. Hope I didn't offend anyone.

    Sometimes our perceptions are not reality. You KNOW that 400-800 cals is not a lot no matter how much you FEEL. Your perception is wrong and you need to acknowledge that and go by what you KNOW in this case. I highly recommend that you eat more. I would be extremely depressed if I was only eating 400-800 cals a day for an extended period of time. That is not healthy mentally and might not be healthy physically either. You need to be patient in your weight loss and eat a reasonable amount of food. Enjoy that you can get full when you eat and still have a deficit and are losing weight! Do you know what your maintenance cals are? You should have a goal below maintenance but not too much and if you are patient you will lose the weight and it won't be so miserable as you do it.

    If you are really depressed or having bad negative thoughts, you need to talk to some trusted people (clergy, friends, and also mental health care experts). Wish you the best!
  • secret_despair30
    secret_despair30 Posts: 57 Member
    blambo61 wrote: »
    You are a child of God and have immense worth! some trusted people (clergy, friends, and also mental health care experts). Wish you the best!

    I an not christian and dont believe in their god sorry. I wish.to not bring religion into this. That just made feel very uncomfortable, sorry! I am a child of the Earth, and her spirit. (If u must know, im pagan, ok). Please do not judge, thats not why im here, to talk about religious beliefs!!!!!!!!!

    Now back to the topic at hand:

    I already do talk to people, (my therapist and boyfriend) but thats about it. I dont open up to, or trust many people about this outside the internet. In fact, my dr keeps nagging me about my weight loss "success" and insists I tell her how I am doing it. Im not sure I can, because physicians are trained to believe eating only once a day "isnt.enough"! I have an appt coming up, and I tried to ask Joe what I should do about telling her, but got no response.
  • 1MADGIRL
    1MADGIRL Posts: 838 Member
    I'm sure Bob did not mean to offend you. He was just trying to offer your some encouragement.

    Is your therapist helping you at all? Do you see improvements? If you are not seeing improvements maybe you can find someone else?

    Also, about OMAD, maybe if you paint it out as if you're detoxing in the morning and then eating evenings everyday to keep your body free of negative toxins (which is what fasting for 23 hours should be doing to our body). Do you think that would be easier for your therapist to hear?
  • secret_despair30
    secret_despair30 Posts: 57 Member
    1MADGIRL wrote: »
    I'm sure Bob did not mean to offend you. He was just trying to offer your some encouragement.

    Is your therapist helping you at all? Do you see improvements? If you are not seeing improvements maybe you can find someone else?

    Also, about OMAD, maybe if you paint it out as if you're detoxing in the morning and then eating evenings everyday to keep your body free of negative toxins (which is what fasting for 23 hours should be doing to our body). Do you think that would be easier for your therapist to hear?

    Actually its my gp that is questioning my diet.
    No, my therapist is actually very sweet and understanding
  • blambo61
    blambo61 Posts: 4,372 Member
    I respect your beliefs and won't bring religion into it. I still think that it is not a good idea to only be eating 400-800 cals/day. That is extremely low and I don't think would help anyone mentally. I don't think that is sustainable. Maybe you could increase that to see if helps.
  • secret_despair30
    secret_despair30 Posts: 57 Member
    blambo61 wrote: »
    I respect your beliefs and won't bring religion into it. I still think that it is not a good idea to only be eating 400-800 cals/day. That is extremely low and I don't think would help anyone mentally. I don't think that is sustainable. Maybe you could increase that to see if helps.

    Its the only thing that has ever helped, tbh

  • blambo61
    blambo61 Posts: 4,372 Member
    blambo61 wrote: »
    I respect your beliefs and won't bring religion into it. I still think that it is not a good idea to only be eating 400-800 cals/day. That is extremely low and I don't think would help anyone mentally. I don't think that is sustainable. Maybe you could increase that to see if helps.

    Its the only thing that has ever helped, tbh

    Helped with what? Weight loss or something else?
  • SavedByGrace26356
    SavedByGrace26356 Posts: 544 Member
    blambo61 wrote: »
    You are a child of God and have immense worth! some trusted people (clergy, friends, and also mental health care experts). Wish you the best!

    I an not christian and dont believe in their god sorry. I wish.to not bring religion into this. That just made feel very uncomfortable, sorry! I am a child of the Earth, and her spirit. (If u must know, im pagan, ok). Please do not judge, thats not why im here, to talk about religious beliefs!!!!!!!!!

    Now back to the topic at hand:

    I already do talk to people, (my therapist and boyfriend) but thats about it. I dont open up to, or trust many people about this outside the internet. In fact, my dr keeps nagging me about my weight loss "success" and insists I tell her how I am doing it. Im not sure I can, because physicians are trained to believe eating only once a day "isnt.enough"! I have an appt coming up, and I tried to ask Joe what I should do about telling her, but got no response.

    Bob is a wonderful man and he was only trying to give you some suggestions. He wasn't 'telling' you to do anything. So take out of his suggestions what fit your lifestyle and move on. Different strokes for different folks.
  • secret_despair30
    secret_despair30 Posts: 57 Member
    edited January 2017
    blambo61 wrote: »

    Helped with what? Weight loss or something else?[/quote]

    Yes!

    Also, im not sure mfp is right for me at all. I am a horrible, terrible person to talk to. I push people away because im freaking miserable ok????? Believe it or not, YES, being"hard on myself" and feeling disgusted at how I looked and being alone really HAS been the only thing that has ever worked for me. Ive ALWAYS had a negative self-image and extremely low self-esteem. Ivr been in therapy for as long as I can remember, and I push people away because I know im effed up, and I want people to care, but I get defensive and hide because I dont want people to see my secret!

    besides, this is only the internet right?? who could possibly care about just words on a screen?!?!

    **begins crying hysterically!!**

  • DebSozo
    DebSozo Posts: 2,578 Member
    edited January 2017
    You seem very honest, Kristen. I tend to want to retreat sometimes also when I feel stressed out . It takes a lot of courage to open up. We all have one thing or another that we are plowing through.
  • Flybeetle
    Flybeetle Posts: 387 Member
    Is your therapy helpful? Sometimes the type of therapy or therapist isn't the right one and it takes a while to find the one that genuinely helps you overcome your struggles. That's been my experience. Have you found that you have improved your wellbeing since being in therapy?
  • Abm4n
    Abm4n Posts: 529 Member
    edited January 2017
    Some people like setting targets and are motivated and respond well to positive reinforcement as they get closer to their goals (aka "carrot"). Others do better with "moving away from" motivation and may respond better to criticism and exhortations to improve (aka "stick"). I guess some people are flexible enough to use either or both styles of motivation. Whole cultures such as many East Asian cultures are basically shame-based "stick" cultures and praise is unheard of. Whatever works is good.
  • secret_despair30
    secret_despair30 Posts: 57 Member
    DebSozo wrote: »
    You seem very honest, Kristen. I tend to want to retreat sometimes also when I feel stressed out . It takes a lot of courage to open up. We all have one thing or another that we are plowing through.


    thanks for the encouraging words.

    Its just at this rate, I don't think ill ever reach my UGW. I strive for it everyday!
    Also, I have to skip my weekly weigh in due to the start of TOM. it would destroy me seeing the numbers temporarily creep up! I mean I know I could be doing some harm to my body in the process because I taking extreme measures to get there....such as taking diuretics, which caused me to get a uti, but very small price to pay, but will be worth it in the end. Also I throw up sometimes and I know thats bad, but I cant help it. The thought of burning off what seems like a million calories just causes me to panic and I need to get rid of it. I refuse to be like the sheeple who make new years resolution diets and give up after a month! This is actually the longest amount of time ive been on the omad plan. In fact, I never even knew it was a thing until I stumbled upon his videos back in October. and I dont understand why the person earlier on thought I was giving up. Im not giving up anything!
  • DebSozo
    DebSozo Posts: 2,578 Member
    My best friend in high school used extremes and tended to use "feast or famine" routines. Is there some way you could possibly figure out your TDEE and not go over that when you go off plan? That way you can lose, maintain, lose, maintain... It is much better to not gain for a period if time than experience the seesaw of lose/gain yoyo cycle which gets depressing and creates anxiety.
  • secret_despair30
    secret_despair30 Posts: 57 Member
    DebSozo wrote: »
    My best friend in high school used extremes and tended to use "feast or famine" routines. Is there some way you could possibly figure out your TDEE and not go over that when you go off plan? That way you can lose, maintain, lose, maintain... It is much better to not gain for a period if time than experience the seesaw of lose/gain yoyo cycle which gets depressing and creates anxiety.

    What is a TDEE?
  • secret_despair30
    secret_despair30 Posts: 57 Member
    DebSozo wrote: »
    My best friend in high school used extremes and tended to use "feast or famine" routines. Is there some way you could possibly figure out your TDEE and not go over that when you go off plan? That way you can lose, maintain, lose, maintain... It is much better to not gain for a period if time than experience the seesaw of lose/gain yoyo cycle which gets depressing and creates anxiety.

    What is a TDEE?
  • DebSozo
    DebSozo Posts: 2,578 Member
    DebSozo wrote: »
    My best friend in high school used extremes and tended to use "feast or famine" routines. Is there some way you could possibly figure out your TDEE and not go over that when you go off plan? That way you can lose, maintain, lose, maintain... It is much better to not gain for a period if time than experience the seesaw of lose/gain yoyo cycle which gets depressing and creates anxiety.

    What is a TDEE?

    TDEE is your maintenance level energy expenditure including activity. If you eat at this level you will maintain. So if you know this number and don't go over it you won't ever gain weight. If you eat at a deficit under TDEE you can lose weight.

    Subtract 500 calories from TDEE a day on average and you will lose a pound a week for example (500 calories × 7 days = 3,500 calories). Google TDEE and the calculators will pop up.

    Learning about TDEE changed my way of looking at dieting and made it a more pragmatic, objective and practical way to lose weight. Before I had picked 1200 as the number but I was hungry ALL day long on that number. Once I upped it closer to TDEE it doesn't even feel like dieting and a lot of stress is alleviated.