Do we eat to hurt ourselves?
PamelaR64
Posts: 10 Member
During a recent emotional binge, I wondered if I was eating to hurt myself. Women who hurt/self-injure themselves seem to have many of the same reasons/causes those of us who binge or emotionally eat do. I have an appointment with my therapist today and I plan to ask him his opinion...
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Great question. I never thought of it as hurting myself but just not caring about myself. I can see how they can be the same. Let me know what your therapist says.2
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I know the answer for me is a solid yes. I've been upset and hurting and eaten and eaten and the food starts to hurt and feel bad but I keep eating. That's self-harm. I have used food as a coping mechanism for a long time but I absolutely think it can be negative too. For example the times I insisted on eating this pre-popped popcorn that tasted good but made me sick. Luckily I've been working on it and it's gotten a lot better.10
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Yes. Sadly, I'm doing it right now.7
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Put it down and walk away. You deserve better!4
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During a recent emotional binge, I wondered if I was eating to hurt myself. Women who hurt/self-injure themselves seem to have many of the same reasons/causes those of us who binge or emotionally eat do. I have an appointment with my therapist today and I plan to ask him his opinion...
This is a very deep question. I hope you learn the answers that you are looking for and that will help you in some way.
I think this applies to men as well as to women. As I got older, I had a revelation about my over-eating/emotional eating. I realized that when I was younger and single, I used my weight (via my over-eating/emotional eating) as a barrier, excuse and rationale for not getting too emotionally involved in a relationship or committed. I would say to myself that I was unattractive (obese) and therefore not worthy .... Took me a long time to work this out in my own head. Funny and sad the games we play with ourselves.13 -
I guess, it is a way of self-harming, and we don't always see the self harm first hand but certainly feel it a day later or the same day/night.
When I have had a bad evening, it really affects me the next day. I feel guilty, feel despondent and feel exhausted or depressed. then I repeat the same pattern because I feel despondent...so it is a pattern of behaviour that is very destructive...6 -
I always ask myself, "Why don't I love myself?". If I really cared about myself I wouldn't eat until my stomach hurts and still continue to pig out.2
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As someone who has self-harmed in several ways over time, I agree with this. I find myself bouncing between cutting, binging, substance abuse, starving and over-exercising and I do believe they are all linked.
I'm learning to look after myself and over time and through practice now some of my self-care activities are to take long salt baths by candlelight, do some deep stretching, take a walk in nature, have hot drinks and a chat with a friend, watch inspirational youtubers, play on the sims
, write in my journal, make a collage.. It keeps getting easier to choose the caring over the harming activities. 11 -
Hey everyone, I love that this is a topic even though I know it can be a difficult one to discuss. I used alcohol and prescription medication for years to cope with my pain until I got clean and sober on 11/3/16. Slowly but surely, I began to turn to food to fill that void. I spent all of last Summer working and then binge eating until I could barely move. It’s better now, but there are still times when I can’t stop myself. I hope everyone is able to find better ways to cope and can find some peace. If anyone needs support or just someone to talk to, feel free to add me.11
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Yes, that's how I started to think of it. As punishment. I'm looking for an excuse to be angry with myself, to hate myself (because I already am/do), so when I eat excessively I give myself one.6
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Oh my goodness ! Reading your posts is like a revelation ! I don’t feel so alone now . I know I self harm by using food as a tool to hurt me . I either eat way too much or starve myself for days and days . It can’t be any good for my health but I’ve been like this for years and years .
To say I’m stressed is an understatement and I either try to hurt myself with food or alcohol or prescription drugs ! Atm it’s food ! Couple of years ago I lost 140lb and I felt so good for once in my sad life ! Then I found out that my husband of 30 years had gone behind my back and betrayed me and that was that ! 160lb put on and now I’m feeling awful and I hate myself ! I really don’t feel worthy of anyone’s love and his actions just confirmed that what I thought was true love was just a lie . Thus confirming that I am not worthy of anyone caring about me ! Even myself !
It would be nice to get support from like minded people who kinda understand where I’m coming from .14 -
Yes, that's how I started to think of it. As punishment. I'm looking for an excuse to be angry with myself, to hate myself (because I already am/do), so when I eat excessively I give myself one.
I agree so much with this. There is always an element of capitulation when I binge, it’s me giving up on myself. It is a form of self-harm. None of us would ever treat another person this way...
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That's a good question to ask for more info! I eat to punish my body so I would say yes, I also self harm all due to ill health. I go into a difference zone were I have know control. I'll never understand me & food!0
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Yes it definitely feels like self harm. I wake up the next day in despair, not knowing what to do... but I think it isn't always simply about greed.... white flour is highly addictive, so I am going to avoid this and see if it helps3
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For me it's not quite self-harm but more an act of rebellion. I'm stressed out trying to fulfill many obligations, trying to be a "good person," a "responsible person," and letting my perfectionist streak call the shots? Yea, something breaks eventually and it's like I suddenly view healthy eating as another obligation and I buck it HARD out of some bizarre act of reclaiming my choices. It feels like I'm rebelling or liberating in the moment, but then later I just feel gross bc often I get a sugar crash or didn't even enjoy the actual food. I've been working on relaxing and saying no more often and it has helped with this urge but it still crops up. Does this make any sort of sense?9
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For me it's not quite self-harm but more an act of rebellion. I'm stressed out trying to fulfill many obligations, trying to be a "good person," a "responsible person," and letting my perfectionist streak call the shots? Yea, something breaks eventually and it's like I suddenly view healthy eating as another obligation and I buck it HARD out of some bizarre act of reclaiming my choices. It feels like I'm rebelling or liberating in the moment, but then later I just feel gross bc often I get a sugar crash or didn't even enjoy the actual food. I've been working on relaxing and saying no more often and it has helped with this urge but it still crops up. Does this make any sort of sense?
Wow. I never would have thought of it that way but it seriously feels like you crawled inside my brain and formed my jumbled thoughts into a coherent sentence that I wouldn't have been able to say. This is exactly it. I'm not a rebellious person by nature, so I don't want to "hurt" anyone else with any act of rebellion, but hurting myself doesn't count.
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for me I feel a sense of calm after eating. Usually my binges and emotional eating occur during times of extreme stress. I'm in survival mode. I'm not sure why yet but I do know that, THAT is what I'm doing.5
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I always feel that there's a point where eating crosses over from simply out of control to deliberately (not exactly deliberate but subconsciously deliberate) self destruction. It almost feels like a punishment sometimes. But it's not that simple. Sometimes it feels like a lifeline or tbe only available comfort. If it always felt bad it would be easier to stop.4
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For me it's not quite self-harm but more an act of rebellion. I'm stressed out trying to fulfill many obligations, trying to be a "good person," a "responsible person," and letting my perfectionist streak call the shots? Yea, something breaks eventually and it's like I suddenly view healthy eating as another obligation and I buck it HARD out of some bizarre act of reclaiming my choices. It feels like I'm rebelling or liberating in the moment, but then later I just feel gross bc often I get a sugar crash or didn't even enjoy the actual food. I've been working on relaxing and saying no more often and it has helped with this urge but it still crops up. Does this make any sort of sense?
YES!
Totally this. I think growing up very religiously and restrictively, having a dairy intolerance and having healthy heating shoved on me heavily by my mother and watched all the time all feeds into my rebelliousness and self destruction.
27, still living at home with my parents and my partner.....and sometimes eating what I want is the only thing I can control, and only when nobody else is around.
How messed up is that?!
I was also talking to my psychologist about why I eat tons of dairy at the moment in a self destructive manner.
I used to think it was self protection....like, if I get fat and unattractive means men won’t abuse me ever again....
BUT.
Possibly, it may be that I am SO certain that my partner will cheat or leave me one day, that in a really messed up way I’m taking control of the situation by making myself unattractive so that if/when he does, the reason for it is my lack of attractiveness and not my personality etc.
In a way it’s just a way to control the situation and prepare myself for something that may never happen.
So it’s a kind of protection.
But it’s just a theory!
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Over eating does harm us. I think its more that it is a maladaptive behaviour in which we are still trying to find comfort in. That is it worked as a comfort once and we return to it hoping/not even thinking really, that it will reward us in the same way.
Addiction is all about behaviours that have become harmful and which we are finding almost impossible to stop even though we are aware. They require effort on our part to change. Change is never easy.4 -
During a recent emotional binge, I wondered if I was eating to hurt myself. Women who hurt/self-injure themselves seem to have many of the same reasons/causes those of us who binge or emotionally eat do. I have an appointment with my therapist today and I plan to ask him his opinion...
I ask myself his all the time. Because it is self harm, especially when there is no physical hunger and maybe discomfort happening and we know rationally that the discomfort will increase yet continue the behavior.
I also ask “why do I do this?” but haven’t had any good answers, except that maybe my self esteem is low, I’m disappointed on myself and/or my situation and feeling physical discomfort is easier to process than emotional discomfort.
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We are being just as abusive as the men or women who had abused us when we are young. We have made a judgement on our feelings about the inner fear we are experiencing. Instead we need to just recognize the emotion and not make that judgment. Just experienced the felling of sadness or fear or alarm or whatever the moment brings up.2
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Wow! Amazing insights all of you have. Thanks for your posts.
I’ve been pondering and researching that some emotional and/or binge eating could be part emotional and also part of imbalances of feel-good brain chemicals, such as serotonin, dopamine, norepinephrine, etc.. Childhood and adult trauma can actually alter the flow of these chemicals, creating an imbalance that can make us feel a little more raw than others. Our brain chemicals play a large part in our eating cycles, and if unbalanced, like most addictions, we will attempt to balance (and feed) those chemicals to ease stress, tension, depression, etc...
I don’t have a solution to this. I wish I did. However, our brains aren’t stone and our choices can help restore some balance—like exercise, eating Whole Foods, sleep, meditation, healing trauma—all which can help cease the connection of using food to ease emotions, and yet harm ourselves in the process. Also, some anti-depressants can help restore imbalances, helping some to feel more calm, less stressed and stop cravings like sugar and carbs (which increase serotonin).
Thanks to all for your courage, efforts, and sharing along this path towards health.3 -
Happy Fourth of July all. This is such a great day in the history of America and a great day of history for Those of us on this site. Instead of Alchol today can I recommend a fun drinking. Blender party. Fresh watermelon plus cucumber and a squeeze of lemon and stevia with mint. A splash of your favorite bubble water that has no sugar but a fruit flavor. Light and refreshing for sure. Good luck to everyone today let’s make good choices so we can make good memories of our new healthy history of community commitment3
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@clsumrall1 Thank you for the insightful post three up. I was stunned when I read it. Happy 4 th of July.
@Gracedtimes2 Your suggestions about excersize, good food etc. do work for me. I spiraled downward for a few months and just the last week found walking, meditation and dropping one significant unhealthy eating habit has made all the difference.
I realize I am punishing myself as well as trying to nourish myself, I just can't to get it right for very long. All in all I find myself better more and more of the time.
I'm very grateful for this group and the inspirations posted here.
Best to all of you!
and yes, let's make good choices for good memories and a healthy history, what a brilliant way of saying that !1 -
Wow never thought of it that way . That is very insightful for me. Thank you1
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For me it's not quite self-harm but more an act of rebellion. I'm stressed out trying to fulfill many obligations, trying to be a "good person," a "responsible person," and letting my perfectionist streak call the shots? Yea, something breaks eventually and it's like I suddenly view healthy eating as another obligation and I buck it HARD out of some bizarre act of reclaiming my choices. It feels like I'm rebelling or liberating in the moment, but then later I just feel gross bc often I get a sugar crash or didn't even enjoy the actual food. I've been working on relaxing and saying no more often and it has helped with this urge but it still crops up. Does this make any sort of sense?
This rings true for me. I know EXACTLY how you feel.0 -
I think a big part of my problem with emotional eating hasn't really been thinking 'Am I hurting myself," so much as trying to comfort an emotion that is out control. Reading these comments kinda makes me think more, like realizing why I'm doing what I'm doing and trying to get to the root of the problem. The last year my weight has been yo-yo. Because of health problems, I gained an unhealthy amount of weight after I had my daughter. I'm 4'11". My average weight before my daughter was 135. I left the hospital weighing 145. A few months later had issues with my thyroid and kidney's. I shot up to over 200 pounds About a year ago, I decided to join a gym, lost 30 pounds, only to gain 30 pounds. Asked my doctor to see a nutritionist as well. She suggested this website and set a goal of 1400 calories a day, which I have been battling. I know depression has set in and trying to be more mindful. I currently stand at 180. I like reading others comments for suggestions and possibly pointers so I'm not ultimately hurting myself by emotional (and sometimes mindless eating).2
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I am a food addict and the way that I use food disrespects my body and my spirit. I have always known this and there has been a part of me that feels a desire to be punished. But I always move toward the light and a journey of healing is important to me. Years and years of recovery and searching within myself for answers is a slow process, but worth it. I wish you all luck on your own journeys.2
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I just realized recently I’ve been doing this . It’s a pattern of self sabotaging my self . I get stressed, angry, etc . I eat crazy quit hobbies, games , even some friendships.1
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