Hi--I just wanted to pop back in to say hello and give an update on things. It's hard to believe we're rapidly closing in on Andrena's first birth in April. She's doing fantastic and is the biggest ham.

I'm coming around but had a really rough time. Mid-February I finally addressed the PPD that I had been in denial about for 9 months. Things just kept getting worse, I was irritable and emotional to the point of interfering with work and my relationship. I feel like I cried every day and just kept spiraling into negativity. Neither my husband or I talked about it and it just built up tension. When I finally broke we were able to sit down and try to talk through it so he could understand how I was feeling, even if the feelings were not really rooted in reality. A week later I met with my doctor and started Zoloft. It was the last thing I wanted to do, but I am so glad I did it. I can breath now, I haven't cried in 6 weeks, I can smile again, I can finally enjoy my daughter and I feel like I actually have motivation to do something.

So, with that motivation I've finally logged back into MFP and am going to work on tracking again. I've gained nearly 40 pounds since Andrena was born and so I have a long ways to go to even get to where I was last May. I hope everyone else had a better last several months than I have.

@SheilAnneSmith Wow. So glad you're doing better now. Sounds like it was very rough for a while.

Hey everyone. I just finally caught up reading all the posts. I'm enormously proud of everyone after reading these. Y'all are truly inspiring. I love hearing from everyone.

I had to take a break from all the baby stuff for a while on the internet. Bruce has a tendency to attack the laptop with both hands because he is trying to type like mommy and daddy, making it very hard to read a page on a screen or in a book or sit down or haha, you know. I've also had my struggles with the baby blues, particularly with flashbacks from labor and delivery. So I've had to slow down again and try to get myself in a positive, rested frame of mind.

I'm back at work 20 hours a week. It's been great getting out of the house more! We're restructuring the business though using a fancy restaurant troubleshooter/consultant. This has meant tons of changes and stress and drama with the employees though. It's a lot of extra work and trouble, but moneywise, we are seeing very positive results. It's gonna be worth it.

I can't believe Bruce is 9 months now. We bought a new car seat yesterday as he hit the size limit on his infant carrier. He is crawling now, which is very exciting. Still breastfeeding partly, which is making it hard to lose weight. I get so hungry. The hubs and I have been going on some walks, which I keep forgetting to log. But I haven't seen the inside of a gym in many months now. It's just never a good time to go.

@pezhed congratulation!!! He is adorable!!! It starts getting easier around month 4 or 5 in my opinion. Hopefully anyway! If your milk is good after like... 3 months you can slowly decrease calories and you shouldn't have a problem. I put a link to a post about it on the main description of the group. I hope youre starting to feel better soon. After the 3rd week my body started to feel more recovered. Btw, Atlas is a super awesome name. And congrats on being prepreg weight! I am struggling with that. But im on the max dose of domperidone for my milk already so i really dont think i can cut till Brooke starts solids. Man. My milk was AMAZING. And then I got the flu and nearly lost it. Its never been good enough since. Its depressing cuz up till then breastfeeding was going so much easier the 2nd time around. I actually keep tearing up that its no longer going to plan and it happened so early. But i digress. Your little boy is so cute! And i recommend safe cosleeping after his first night feed to help with sleep deprivation. Its a sanity saver honestly.

@WifiresGettingFit Stoked for you on your new house and new gym setup! Closing is a pain. I totally get it.

@pezhed He's gorgeous!! Congratulations! You did great! Congrats on the weight loss too! It takes a while to get used to the new body. And the body takes a while to go back to normal. 9 months out and my tummy is still noticeably shrinking and firming. It's all good.

@puffbrat Woohoo! for being under 200! yay!

@VeryKatie Ooo, yeah, that happened to me too when I got the flu. It came back though when I got more sleep. I had to supplement baby with applejuice/water though for a couple weeks. I bet you'll bounce back soon!

I think I really needed true spring to be here to help me perk up. We put in a small garden with tomatoes, squashes, peppers, herbs, etc. Everything's blooming and gorgeous this time of year. And it helps me to say "no" and not go out and do all the things everyone wants me to do. I gotta get better with that, since I can't run around like a mad woman with the Bruce being dragged along without proper naps and such.

Oh, I forgot if I mentioned it or not, but to top everything off, my parents are retiring from pastoring the church. They want my husband and I and one other young couple to take over the leadership. We are now working on our ordination credits for a ministerial license through the church's affiliated network sometime within the next couple years. We already serve with the youth and nursery ministries and worship team, but now adding marriage counseling with the 20 somethings to our list. We gotta finish the kitchen properly and fix the driveway so we can have more people over for stuff like small group meetings. I'm event planning/running the mother's day picnic, family lake day, conferences with guests speakers etc. It's fun, but another big squeeze on my time. Must adult all the time now. Hahaha. I'm supposed to give a 15 minute message on mother's day at the picnic. What do I say? I haven't been a mom that long?? I feel underqualified even though I'm 36 and a college grad and all. I'm sure I'll come up with something but I liked it better when I was just the crazy pastor's daughter and not directly responsible for things. heh heh.

@WifiresGettingFit One more week! That's so awesome! Thanks for the encouragement.

WifiresGettingFit wrote: »

@puffbrat It's so much quieter here. We love it! Still lots of unpacking to do though.

I'm glad to hear it is so much quieter. Unpacking is not at all fun, but it will be nice and really start to feel like home when it's done.

@Alioth it is nice to get an update from you. I hope you fun on vacation! How is today going so far with not nursing or pumping? Stopping nursing and pumping was when I finally was able to lose weight since my hunger went back to normal.

Hi everyone!

@WifiresGettingFit I’m so sorry the house is a stressor. We had a similar experience buying a flipped house in Colorado. It looked so nice but a lot of it made it obvious that the person in charge of the work had no intention of living there. I’m glad you like it overall though!

@puffbrat how exciting to start trying for #2! And happy birthday to Leo!

@arendiva good luck starting TTC! Such an exciting and nerve wracking time.

Atlas just turned 4 months yesterday! Time is really flying, and I’m sorry I haven’t been around here. I decided a couple of days ago that I need to stop using breastfeeding as an excuse to eat whatever I wanted and to start tracking to slowly start losing weight. I gained about 8 lbs from prepregnancy weight that I got back to. Now that he isn’t such a potato I’m realizing I have the capacity to do more exercise and meal planning. I still am not planning to run a huge deficit and won’t eat fewer than 1800 calories to avoid threatening my supply. I’m not totally sure how to do the math for tracking but I think I just set it to my goal (lose a pound a week) and put in the -500 for breastfeeding. Then should I eat exercise calories or nah? I’m sure it will take some trial and error.