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Binge Eating

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  • NovusDies
    NovusDies Posts: 8,940 Member
    hansep0012 wrote: »
    Thought about this thread driving home from work last night and counted the number of drive-through food places I pass before getting on the freeway. Too many (16+). I tried to recall the calories for each signature item, whether it was a burger, chicken, or taco for each place.

    Binger-Fat-Brain thought pattern included thinking about how easy and cheap it is to utilize drive-through and then I re-framed my thoughts to include finding a different route to the freeway, praising myself for already having a plan for dinner that kept me in a calorie deficit and that, really, this is not who I am striving to be.

    On my way into work this morning, using a different route, I only passed one drive-through establishment. Small changes equal larger victories.

    For the longest time I had a rule that I would not use a drive thru, at all. If I wanted to eat fast food I would need to park and go in. This always gave me extra time to decide not to do it. I still eat fast food but because it has a low satiety value for the calories I just can't do it often. With CV19 now they want you using the drive thru more because it is "safer" but I think that is untrue if the restaurant is basically empty, you wear a mask, and wash your hands. I don't know. I want to do what is right for society but it is sad because it was a very easy way to cut down without restricting. I just had to want it enough to get out and get it.
  • tempe987
    tempe987 Posts: 39 Member
    I had a bit of an "epiphany" last night.

    We decided to order pizza, which would have been fine if I kept the portions under control. But... I didn't.

    Pizza is a binge trigger for me... at least that is the best way I can describe. It's like i just lost all control and just kept eating...

    Now I feel guilty about it. I forced myself to track it this morning though.

    It hasn't happened with any other "fast food/restaurant food" I've been able to keep portions ok and within my target calories for the day.
  • NovusDies
    NovusDies Posts: 8,940 Member
    edited July 2020
    tempe987 wrote: »
    I had a bit of an "epiphany" last night.

    We decided to order pizza, which would have been fine if I kept the portions under control. But... I didn't.

    Pizza is a binge trigger for me... at least that is the best way I can describe. It's like i just lost all control and just kept eating...

    Now I feel guilty about it. I forced myself to track it this morning though.

    It hasn't happened with any other "fast food/restaurant food" I've been able to keep portions ok and within my target calories for the day.

    @tempe987

    If you learned from it then it was a valuable experience. Education is needed if you intend to manage your weight for the rest of your life. Since you didn't come with a user's manual you have to learn and it often requires learning it in the manner you did.

    Because this is an important goal I consider it part of my plan not a deviation. I am not sure if you can learn to view it that way but it might help you set the guilt aside, at least faster.

    Now that you know pizza is a trigger you know it might be a good idea to avoid it for a time and the next time have a plan to try and change the outcome. That plan may not work either but then you will learn more.

    Forgiveness is extremely important though. You will not be perfect and your binges are not a result of weakness. In the Atomic Habits book James Clear, the author, suggests that the people who seem to have the most discipline are not really special they just live lives that either naturally or intentionally keep them out of the path of temptation. So if one of them had a weakness for doughnuts their "discipline" is really that they are never around doughnuts.

  • tempe987
    tempe987 Posts: 39 Member
    @NovusDies

    I definitely think the realization helped me set the guilt aside yesterday and move forward.. otherwise based on hindsight I would have spiraled.
  • NovusDies
    NovusDies Posts: 8,940 Member
    conniewilkins56 wrote: »
    Yesterday I had about 1900 calories and I didn’t swim...we went to lunch and I had two martinis...this morning my weight was up a couple of pounds...BUT I didn’t binge and I had two scones at bedtime, measured and weighed....it was not a perfect day but it didn’t trigger me....I think it was a win day for me!

    @conniewilkins56

    WOOHOO!!

    I am so happy right now. That is awesome! You are awesome!
  • conniewilkins56
    conniewilkins56 Posts: 3,391 Member
    I was especially awesome after two martinis lol
  • NovusDies
    NovusDies Posts: 8,940 Member
    conniewilkins56 wrote: »
    I was especially awesome after two martinis lol

    lol. I imagine I am a real lightweight now since it has been so much time and so many pounds since my last drink. I am not even sure when I will have something again but I will have to be really careful.
  • speyerj
    speyerj Posts: 1,369 Member
    I'm so sorry Connie! The fall sounds awful and being so bruised and swollen does do horrible things for your self esteem and sense of inner strength. You turned to old habits because you were in a bad place. And it sounds like you paid the price this morning. But I am so proud that you have the self awareness today to see what happened, why it happened and the strength and resolve to gird yourself and move on from yesterday. Sending big hugs to you. You know that as soon as the swelling goes down, that weight will drop too. You are going to be okay.
  • gewel321
    gewel321 Posts: 718 Member
    Look where you are now versus where you were 8 months ago. Yeah you slipped and had a bad day. Yeah you binged. That doesn’t take away the progress you have made. There is no way 8 months ago you would have dreamed about getting into that pool. Now look at you exercising almost daily. 8 months ago you were binging every few weeks. This is the first one in a while. We are not perfect and we all slip up. Your plate is very full and you are a giver. You take on the responsibilities of everyone. Please take care of yourself as well. Not just physically but mentally! One slip will not derail all your progress! You’ve got this!
  • conniewilkins56
    conniewilkins56 Posts: 3,391 Member
    gewel321 wrote: »
    Look where you are now versus where you were 8 months ago. Yeah you slipped and had a bad day. Yeah you binged. That doesn’t take away the progress you have made. There is no way 8 months ago you would have dreamed about getting into that pool. Now look at you exercising almost daily. 8 months ago you were binging every few weeks. This is the first one in a while. We are not perfect and we all slip up. Your plate is very full and you are a giver. You take on the responsibilities of everyone. Please take care of yourself as well. Not just physically but mentally! One slip will not derail all your progress! You’ve got this!

    Thank you for the encouraging words...I don’t want to give up...some days are harder than others...I have so much on my plate right now that it becomes overwhelming....my husband has always taken care of everything and been a wonderful provider for our family...it is so sad to see him suffering and becoming dependent on me...

    My ribs are a little better today and I am focused on staying on track...I can’t exercise like I was for a few days but hopefully I will be able to get in the pool by the end of this week...

    You take care of yourself...you have a lot going on...hugs
  • Ccricfo
    Ccricfo Posts: 156 Member
    conniewilkins56 wrote: »
    conniewilkins56 wrote: »
    I have not binged in a long time...I think a couple of months....that is a long time for me...I can’t ever let myself forget that I have this problem...I have been swimming a lot and I think it is making me hungry...I am not eating back a lot of the exercise calories because I don’t think I am burning as much as MFP says I am...but I seem to be in a good place right now mentally...

    Three steps forward and one back is better than three steps forward and two back!...

    some of you might have read my post yesterday that I took a really bad fall out of bed early Friday morning....today I have bruises on my face,shoulder and hip...my ribs are very sore to the point walking or bending makes me wince....

    I was very upset with myself for falling for many reasons...I hate the feeling of being helpless and when I fall I am very vulnerable as I can not get up without help....right now my husband is very needy of my support mentally and physically...I have been taking on more of the household duties; running errands,grocery shopping,cleaning,laundry etc. without him helping as much...I can not let myself get hurt or sick at this time...I only started seriously getting more physically fit a couple of months ago....I did not need a fall or an accident to set me back in my weight loss or my exercise routine...I have been struggling with the same 3 or 4 pounds for weeks....I am trying to swim 90 min. 5 days a week...so when I fell yesterday I immediately painted the worst scenarios in my “ fat” brain...

    To block this out or maybe to escape, I started eating at noon and did not stop until midnight....it doesn’t matter so much about what I ate but the amounts I consumed...and of course the sad fact that I turned to food to make me feel better....I also took some very strong pain pills that made me less mentally able to restrain myself from my own destruction...I binged...terribly....the worst I have all summer long...about 1 this morning I was violently sick which really hurt my rib cage..after being sick, crying and being so angry, I was exhausted and I slept until almost noon today...when I woke up I felt like I was on another planet...guilt and shame came flooding over me...my sweet husband had cleaned the kitchen and done laundry and my daughter had gotten the garbage out and picked up the house...they were both concerned how I was feeling....I got on the scales and I was up TEN pounds in 24 hours....that is how fast I can gain if I am not in control...TEN F@#$&**(ING pounds!....6 weeks to lose 5 lbs and 24 hours to gain 10... yes, I know it’s water,salt,stress,bloat blah blah blah but STILL.....after sulking around and beating myself up, John and I had a long talk and I admitted I had been looking for an excuse to overeat...I have felt deprived and out of sorts for a few days....I am tired...i don’t know if I am eating enough calories or if I am eating too many calories...I have had extra responsibility put on me, our daughter is teaching from home and she and the grands are at home 24/7....John and I have not had much alone time or been able to enjoy lunches out and John is not responding to his RA treatments or getting any relief from the pain he is in....I had a very light lunch and I feel better this afternoon...my body will heal and I will get back on track..I have worked too hard to get where I am to give up....I have been on MFP for 15 months and I am not going to let this setback derail me..I had an accident and it wasn’t my fault..I will recover....I will get stronger...

    Sorry for the long whiney post but I needed to vent...at one time, my binges were non stop...this one was 24 hours....there could be aftershocks but I am not looking for trouble.....I will be ok...

    I WILL do this!

    Connie: You have been one of the most inspirational people in this group for me. I always enjoy your frankness,
    your sense of humor, and your determination....because of people like you, I have been able to overcome some very strong urges to throw it all away. It's hard to admit to anyone just what an enemy I can be to myself, but here I can...thanks for everything you do!
  • Ccricfo
    Ccricfo Posts: 156 Member
    conniewilkins56 wrote: »
    gewel321 wrote: »
    Look where you are now versus where you were 8 months ago. Yeah you slipped and had a bad day. Yeah you binged. That doesn’t take away the progress you have made. There is no way 8 months ago you would have dreamed about getting into that pool. Now look at you exercising almost daily. 8 months ago you were binging every few weeks. This is the first one in a while. We are not perfect and we all slip up. Your plate is very full and you are a giver. You take on the responsibilities of everyone. Please take care of yourself as well. Not just physically but mentally! One slip will not derail all your progress! You’ve got this!

    Thank you for the encouraging words...I don’t want to give up...some days are harder than others...I have so much on my plate right now that it becomes overwhelming....my husband has always taken care of everything and been a wonderful provider for our family...it is so sad to see him suffering and becoming dependent on me...

    My ribs are a little better today and I am focused on staying on track...I can’t exercise like I was for a few days but hopefully I will be able to get in the pool by the end of this week...

    You take care of yourself...you have a lot going on...hugs

    I know what the caretaker role feels like, as I cared for my late wife while she was dying of cancer. It was quite a few years ago, but my memories of the experience are vivid.....I closed the office of my CPA practice so that I could work from home, and my friends volunteered to stay with her when I had to take care of business.....very tough time but it taught me a lot about what I was capable of when under great stress. I wouldn't wish the experience on anyone, but it changed my perspective a lot. I hope that these struggles you're having will pass soon...
  • conniewilkins56
    conniewilkins56 Posts: 3,391 Member
    Ccricfo thank you for the kind words...you are doing great losing weight and getting healthier and more active...I look forward to your posts and watching your progress...

    All of us have a story of why and how we got here...what is the most important is where we go from this point on...
  • alligatorob
    alligatorob Posts: 806 Member
    conniewilkins56 wrote: »
    All of us have a story of why and how we got here...what is the most important is where we go from this point on...
    Yep, that is really all that matters much, and all we can control. Do well today and you are succeeding, no matter what you did yesterday.

    Understanding history and what got us here is always helpful, but secondary to today.

  • conniewilkins56
    conniewilkins56 Posts: 3,391 Member
    alligatorob wrote: »
    conniewilkins56 wrote: »
    All of us have a story of why and how we got here...what is the most important is where we go from this point on...
    Yep, that is really all that matters much, and all we can control. Do well today and you are succeeding, no matter what you did yesterday.

    Understanding history and what got us here is always helpful, but secondary to today.
    “One day at a time, sweet Jesus”

    That’s all any of us can do...everyday try to make it your best day....


  • alligatorob
    alligatorob Posts: 806 Member
    I never have particularly liked the quote, but today is the first day of the rest of your life.

    I like your "One day at a time, sweet Jesus better".

    Same idea though.
  • NovusDies
    NovusDies Posts: 8,940 Member
    alligatorob wrote: »
    I never have particularly liked the quote, but today is the first day of the rest of your life.

    I like your "One day at a time, sweet Jesus better".

    Same idea though.

    I do not like the today is the first day... quote much either. It is not as hopeful and it doesn't contain us to living and worrying about today and today only.
  • alligatorob
    alligatorob Posts: 806 Member
    Yeah, sometimes I think of it as today is the last day of the first of my life, LOL!

    It is much harder to commit to changing things for the rest of your life than for committing to today. However if you can make a change today that's a big deal, then you can work on it again tomorrow. That thinking has helped keep me binge free for almost a year and a half now. And I am working on adding another day now, as I post.
  • joone_9
    joone_9 Posts: 152 Member
    I have been reading this thread and I would just like to say a big thanks to all for sharing..it’s hard to share our real struggles but it’s so important that we do so we can see we are not alone. slip ups can happen, step backwards happens but it’s nice to witness that if someone just keeps moving forward...it’s not all a loss. I feel like I need to read this thread on the daily !
  • conniewilkins56
    conniewilkins56 Posts: 3,391 Member
    joone_9 wrote: »
    I have been reading this thread and I would just like to say a big thanks to all for sharing..it’s hard to share our real struggles but it’s so important that we do so we can see we are not alone. slip ups can happen, step backwards happens but it’s nice to witness that if someone just keeps moving forward...it’s not all a loss. I feel like I need to read this thread on the daily !

    I feel the same way about reading some of the threads over and over again....there is some really good advice in the group....everyone is always supportive and it lets you feel comfortable sharing things you might not otherwise...it took me a long time to admit I was addicted to food....I knew I over ate and I knew I was overweight but I didn’t realize how much I depended on food to get me thru every problem or celebration in my life...I have been in Larger Losers for 15 months and I have lost 91 lbs...I have had days I binged and I have had some days I wanted to give up but I keep on working at eating the right amount of calories and I recently started exercising...And it’s working!...if I can do this and I can lose weight, anyone can do it!....as you said, you have to keep moving forward!
  • alligatorob
    alligatorob Posts: 806 Member
    I agree, the hard thing for me was realizing that my eating was not going to change on its own, and I would never lose weight if I did not figure out how to manage my urges and eating desires. I remember a time when I always envisioned myself as trim in the future, but without envisioning how I would get there.

    Now I understand that my make up just requires me to want to eat a lot more than I should, and probably always will. Learning to manage and live with that has been a struggle. I can now see the benefits of doing it. My challenge now is to find a way to do it for the rest of my life.
  • conniewilkins56
    conniewilkins56 Posts: 3,391 Member
    I always hoped that one morning I would wake up thin and have no desire to overeat!...the only time I lost the desire to eat was when I was taking Phen Phen and other diet pills...
  • alligatorob
    alligatorob Posts: 806 Member
    conniewilkins56 wrote: »
    I always hoped that one morning I would wake up thin and have no desire to overeat!...
    Yes, and for me accepting that it was never going to happen has been real important. No more likely than waking up taller, younger, rich, or better looking!

  • bmeadows380
    bmeadows380 Posts: 2,981 Member
    alligatorob wrote: »
    conniewilkins56 wrote: »
    I always hoped that one morning I would wake up thin and have no desire to overeat!...
    Yes, and for me accepting that it was never going to happen has been real important. No more likely than waking up taller, younger, rich, or better looking!

    @alligatorob

    I've heard that for some people, losing weight does make them just a little bit taller - they don't have the body weight compressing their spines as much. Wish that'd happen to me - I stopped growing at 5'8 1/2" and would love to get that 1/2' to make it 5'9" *laughs*
  • conniewilkins56
    conniewilkins56 Posts: 3,391 Member
    I was 5’9” but I am shrinking....maybe I lost fat on the bottom of my feet lol
  • bmeadows380
    bmeadows380 Posts: 2,981 Member
    my grandmother from whom my brother and I both get our tall genes from was 5'9" at her tallest, so I had always wanted to be as tall as her. I actually wanted to get to 6 ft as a kid :) People would ask me if I got bullied for being tall, and I always gave them a strange look because I couldn't see why anyone would bully someone for being tall, even though I was amongst the tallest kids in my class in grade school. I got bullied for many things, but my height was not one of them!

    Though my grandmother is 89 now, and she's shrunk in height as well. She has a bad back and is stooped over some, so I'm a little taller than her now.
  • Rashel_kitten
    Rashel_kitten Posts: 81 Member
    Its not exactly a binge but i just ate like 5 slices of black forest deli ham and 2 frosted cherry pop tarts (200 calories each! )...it wouldnt be so bad except now i probably only have 300 calories or less for dinner ! Ive got 3 options here ...skip dinner (which i dont think ill ve successful. .try to eat a very tiny dinner....or i could take 1/2 of one of my adipex pills i have left from when i used to take them and hope that helps me not eat over tonight. I dont know how to save this day !
  • speyerj
    speyerj Posts: 1,369 Member
    @Rashel_kitten -Maybe today can just be a maintenance or near maintenance day. Somedays you are just hungry! And good choice on the ham. High protein snacks always keep me feeling full for hours.

    My husband keeps buying pop tarts. When I'm really hungry, they seem so tempting, but I don't even really like them all that much! It's the packaging combined with childhood memories - they were a rare special treat growing up.

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