My stepdaughter (16), “O”, will be here the next few days. I’m always very conscious of setting a healthy example when she’s here. I know her mum is a lot like mine was growing up. Constantly on one diet or another, always trying to lose weight. A few months ago, she went on a keto kick and wouldn’t allow any carbs in the house, not even snacks or things for O. I’ve also observed multiple disordered eating traits in O. Hence, wanting to set the healthiest example possible when she’s with us. That means no restricting of anything, allowing treats in moderation, etc. My daughter (also 16) has also brought up several concerning behaviours that I had already observed. Ex: O will eat very slowly so she is the last one to finish, then will try to sneak and throw most of her food away, she’s had “stomach bugs” more than typical when she’s been here lately (vomiting), and she will skip meals if we don’t all sit down and eat together. I know she’s a teenager. But having a history with disordered eating myself, I also can hone right in on the signs. I’m not looking for advice on what to do with her – this is more for context. I’m watching O and watching out for her, and giving necessary information to my partner so he might watch a bit closer as well without getting defensive on her behalf.

Now, here’s where I need advice. I have a few of O’s favourite dinners planned, including spaghetti bolognese tonight. I really don’t like spaghetti, I never have, and it doesn’t fit my idea of a healthy meal. Do I say screw it and make myself something healthier that I would enjoy (salmon, quinoa, and salad) or do I suck it up and eat spaghetti (I usually do eat it when I make it). I feel like eating something different sends the message that I have deemed whatever they’re eating as “bad.” Part of me says my health should be a priority, and taking care of me sets a good example. But the other part says it’s 5 days, I can make everything planned fit into my daily goals, and it’s a better option to not give O any reason to think that there’s anything wrong with what she’s eating. I’m probably way overthinking everything as a result of my own history.
I should just eat what I’m making as family dinner. I can move things around the rest of the day to make it all work. I know some of it might leave me bloated or just not feeling as good (I’ve noticed just in the past two weeks that gluten isn’t really my friend), but it isn’t even a full week.
I’ll have to revisit this whole thing when she’s here for a few weeks over Christmas holidays. And I hope no one gets the wrong idea, she’s a sweet girl and I absolutely love having her here, I’m just very, very conscious about setting a good example and not encouraging/triggering any disordered thinking or behaviours.