is this bad?
Replies
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If he had given you his phone number and asked you call or text or said can I have yours,what would you have done?
Honest answer.
I would have said yes if he asked for my number! He is really nice, I see him around fairly frequently.
Because I've always been the fat friend, I learned to talk to men as they never liked me that way. But this whole second step is what is unfamiliar.
Just saw the edited version and have to say get past it and get looking forward,the you today is who you are.'
What was back whenever is gone so let that person fade away Christine.0 -
If he had given you his phone number and asked you call or text or said can I have yours,what would you have done?
Honest answer.
I would have said yes! He is really nice, I see him around fairly frequently.
Then give it to him or let down your guard enough to let him know you want his because if you act in real life as you post here he is at this point certain you have no interest.
I would never give a guy my phone number...I would like him to ask for mine. I know you don't agree with that, but that is my personal preference.
But I am fairly certain this guy has a girlfriend.0 -
If he had given you his phone number and asked you call or text or said can I have yours,what would you have done?
Honest answer.
I would have said yes! He is really nice, I see him around fairly frequently.
Then give it to him or let down your guard enough to let him know you want his because if you act in real life as you post here he is at this point certain you have no interest.
I would never give a guy my phone number...I would like him to ask for mine. I know you don't agree with that, but that is my personal preference.
But I am fairly certain this guy has a girlfriend.
And here we are again..."I can`t do that"
Can`t needs to be a word you never say again.
You are waiting for a magical dream to happen where you have to do nothing and bliss is the result.
It may happen for a few but very very few,you have to be willing to be involved or accept you will likely never have your dream and be happy about that.0 -
You're not dating her boyfriend. So why hesitate to go and meet him?? You're young, people [your age] are constantly evolving into mature adults. Give it a chance....live a little. And if you don't like the guy, then say thanks, but no thanks and go about your business.
Never be afraid of taking chances; for you never know where the road may lead you.
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I think you should just loosen up and jump in and test the waters. As stated he may be a very stand up kinda guy. Cut the guy some slack on who his friends are. It is only a meeting - go with the intent to just enjoy!! Not as if you need to marry the guy0
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And here we are again..."I can`t do that"
Can`t needs to be a word you never say again.
You are waiting for a magical dream to happen where you have to do nothing and bliss is the result.
It may happen for a few but very very few,you have to be willing to be involved or accept you will likely never have your dream and be happy about that.
Oh trust me once a guy approaches I am very involved and willing to put in work! I put myself in social situations and act flirty and chatty. It's not like I'm a bump on a log in the corner, far from it.0 -
I am pretty sure her profile said she has lost 50 lbs,can`t prove it because in the course of this discussion she made it private.
That is her right to do but again telling.
Christine,you really can do anything you set your mind to,you have proven that...please let it apply to all of life.
Such a sad waste if you don `t.
You probably hate me now too,so be it,just want you to allow yourself to find the happiness you say you desire.0 -
I am pretty sure her profile said she has lost 50 lbs,can`t prove it because in the course of this discussion she made it private.
That is her right to do but again telling.
Christine,you really can do anything you set your mind to,you have proven that...please let it apply to all of life.
Such a sad waste if you don `t.
You probably hate me now too,so be it,just want you to allow yourself to find the happiness you say you desire.
Wait, is the 50 pounds about me?
I made my profile private months ago.
Of course I don't hate you - am I frustrated? A little, because I don't think you quite understand the full situations and think that I act one way when I really don't, and suggest that I need counseling. I am inexperienced, plain and simple. Am I scared? Sure. But it doesn't stop me from getting out there. But I will stop if I feel uncomfortable with something. I don't need counseling - I can assure you I'm quite normal.0 -
And here we are again..."I can`t do that"
Can`t needs to be a word you never say again.
You are waiting for a magical dream to happen where you have to do nothing and bliss is the result.
It may happen for a few but very very few,you have to be willing to be involved or accept you will likely never have your dream and be happy about that.
Oh trust me once a guy approaches I am very involved and willing to put in work!
No,unless you show you are looking a guy will not approach,the sit back and let them come to and pursue me thing is stupid bullsh!t.0 -
I am pretty sure her profile said she has lost 50 lbs,can`t prove it because in the course of this discussion she made it private.
That is her right to do but again telling.
Christine,you really can do anything you set your mind to,you have proven that...please let it apply to all of life.
Such a sad waste if you don `t.
You probably hate me now too,so be it,just want you to allow yourself to find the happiness you say you desire.
Wait, is the 50 pounds about me?
I made my profile private months ago.
I stand corrected it is your ticker on your posts I saw,was wrong and will admit it.0 -
I am pretty sure her profile said she has lost 50 lbs,can`t prove it because in the course of this discussion she made it private.
That is her right to do but again telling.
Christine,you really can do anything you set your mind to,you have proven that...please let it apply to all of life.
Such a sad waste if you don `t.
You probably hate me now too,so be it,just want you to allow yourself to find the happiness you say you desire.
Wait, is the 50 pounds about me?
I made my profile private months ago.
I stand corrected it is your ticker on your posts I saw,was wrong and will admit it.
Haha okay thanks! Yep made mine private a few months ago, and I was confused when you said that.
I did respond to you above. I don't mean to be attacking you by any means, I am just a little frustrated with this situation. I feel like if anyone else had said "should I not give someone a chance because of their friend" it might be a "sure that's okay" but because it's me it's like I have problems. But that is just the vibe I get from this.0 -
I just want to jump in and say I do understand where Christine is coming from. I grew up fat, so I never had those typical dating experiences at a younger age that prepare you for the future. That coupled with a religious upbringing that has helped me be a great person but given me some hangups that are hard to shake, I get what she's sharing...
I think everyone is basically saying the same thing. Let go of the past, the thoughts of being the fat girl that make it harder to interact with men. Be open to trying something new or dating someone unexpected, but staying within the beliefs you are comfortable with.
I will share honestly that I am the same way. The difference is that I'm 36 and feeling like a teenager trying to learn to interact with men. DO NOT WAIT to get over the past or you could be 36 going through it like I am. I didn't let go of the past and now I finally get it and worry that it's too late. No one wants that for you, so take the advice of someone who walked in your shoes years in advance... and GET OUT THERE!0 -
I am pretty sure her profile said she has lost 50 lbs,can`t prove it because in the course of this discussion she made it private.
That is her right to do but again telling.
Christine,you really can do anything you set your mind to,you have proven that...please let it apply to all of life.
Such a sad waste if you don `t.
You probably hate me now too,so be it,just want you to allow yourself to find the happiness you say you desire.
Wait, is the 50 pounds about me?
I made my profile private months ago.
I stand corrected it is your ticker on your posts I saw,was wrong and will admit it.
Haha okay thanks! Yep made mine private a few months ago, and I was confused when you said that.
I did respond to you above. I don't mean to be attacking you by any means, I am just a little frustrated with this situation. I feel like if anyone else had said "should I not give someone a chance because of their friend" it might be a "sure that's okay" but because it's me it's like I have problems. But that is just the vibe I get from this.
We all are viewed by the things we say or do,again sorry to be blunt but I do think you should seek counseling in real life not by this thread but the accumulative sum of all you have posted.
It is not in any way intended to be dismissive or insulting but a wish you can find what you clearly seek in life.0 -
I just want to jump in and say I do understand where Christine is coming from. I grew up fat, so I never had those typical dating experiences at a younger age that prepare you for the future. That coupled with a religious upbringing that has helped me be a great person but given me some hangups that are hard to shake, I get what she's sharing...
I think everyone is basically saying the same thing. Let go of the past, the thoughts of being the fat girl that make it harder to interact with men. Be open to trying something new or dating someone unexpected, but staying within the beliefs you are comfortable with.
I will share honestly that I am the same way. The difference is that I'm 36 and feeling like a teenager trying to learn to interact with men. DO NOT WAIT to get over the past or you could be 36 going through it like I am. I didn't let go of the past and now I finally get it and worry that it's too late. No one wants that for you, so take the advice of someone who walked in your shoes years in advance... and GET OUT THERE!
Thank you for this.
I completely feel like I passed that stage and am years behind, so I do struggle. When one of my real life guy friends found out I'd never been kissed he was like "What!? You!?" haha0 -
Christine
I don't know that you need counseling, but I see what Carl is saying. I remember the kiss on the cheek and run away post, it struck me as bat**** crazy at the time.
I, nor Carl, are suggesting to do something against your morals. What we are suggesting, and hoping you give a chance is to get out there and date! The kiss guy, you said you didn't see it going anywhere long term so you ran. Thus far you are a 23 ish? Yr old girl with almost 0 dating history. You aren't looking for the one right now! Or I would advise against looking for the one!
You were (in the what's your # thread) judgmental of a girl who had slept with at least 13 ppl. I get it that isn't your thing, but all the posts we see, which isn't the total you no doubt, but these posts literally scream out that you are afraid to let anyone get close enough to you to make a difference. There will be pain and heartache and a lot of bull****, it is what builds character and makes us who we are. All we are suggesting is for you to find a relationship that could be long term you are gonna kiss some frogs first...no pun intended.
Good luck!0 -
I don't know that you need counseling, but I see what Carl is saying. I remember the kiss on the cheek and run away post, it struck me as bat**** crazy at the time.
Haha looking back it was dumb but I was really nervous.I, nor Carl, are suggesting to do something against your morals. What we are suggesting, and hoping you give a chance is to get out there and date! The kiss guy, you said you didn't see it going anywhere long term so you ran. Thus far you are a 23 ish? Yr old girl with almost 0 dating history. You aren't looking for the one right now! Or I would advise against looking for the one!
I'm 22 for the record lol. And I don't really know how you find a date. Everyone here is like "go date!" but how the hell do you find a date? I put myself in situations to be asked out but nothing ever comes of it.
For example, I really liked the guy I mentioned above but of course he has a girlfriend. If I could meet a single him, I'd be set.You were (in the what's your # thread) judgmental of a girl who had slept with at least 13 ppl.
The girl is my friend that uses guys to try and get love and affection. That is why I'm judgmental of it, because she is trying to get something that isn't going to come from sex. It's a very complicated situation and my friends all agree with my viewpoint on it. It is a high number for a 22 year old girl, at least from what I know.0 -
I'm 22 for the record lol. And I don't really know how you find a date. Everyone here is like "go date!" but how the hell do you find a date? I put myself in situations to be asked out but nothing ever comes of it.
You don`t wait...a week ago you said a couple of guys bought you a birthday drink.
Did you try to reciprocate the offer or did you shun them by words or actions?0 -
I don't know what a high number for a 22 yr old girl is? I know at 22, mine was probably more than 22. But why be judgmental? Is she sleeping with your boyfriend? Is she breaking the law? Is she stealing, raping, murdering etc you get my point. Who or why she has sex with or how many is up to her. She may or may not learn from it and continue or decide it isn't for her, but she isn't hurting anyone so let her do her thing!
As for how do you get dates? You are 22! All you have to do is hint you may possibly be interested and boys knock down your door. Try some of Janie's advice and say yes to dates. Even if you know it isnt going anywhere. Be safe be yourself but say yes to the next 5 guys that ask for a date or your number or what not! You need some experience dating, so say yes!0 -
I'm 22 for the record lol. And I don't really know how you find a date. Everyone here is like "go date!" but how the hell do you find a date? I put myself in situations to be asked out but nothing ever comes of it.
You don`t wait...a week ago you said a couple of guys bought you a birthday drink.
Did you try to reciprocate the offer or did you shun them by words or actions?
No, they didn't. We were standing at the bar and my friend said to a guy "it's her birthday today, what should she drink!" and the guy was like "hey, happy birthday! you should get _______. Have fun," and walked away. And then it happened again a little while later.Try some of Janie's advice and say yes to dates. Even if you know it isnt going anywhere. Be safe be yourself but say yes to the next 5 guys that ask for a date or your number or what not! You need some experience dating, so say yes!
Not to be a pity party but nobody asks me out. Just saying. I would if I could. I've never had a guy ask for my number, let alone five.0 -
Not to be a pity party but nobody asks me out. Just saying. I would if I could. I've never had a guy ask for my number, let alone five.
I think it was Einstein who said The definition of insanity is repeatedly doing the same thing and expecting the results to change. Why not ask your so-called slutty friend what she is doing to get guys to approach her? You don't have to bang them like she does but she is obviously doing something to get them to notice her that you are not doing.0 -
Not to be a pity party but nobody asks me out. Just saying. I would if I could. I've never had a guy ask for my number, let alone five.
I think it was Einstein who said The definition of insanity is repeatedly doing the same thing and expecting the results to change. Why not ask your so-called slutty friend what she is doing to get guys to approach her? You don't have to bang them like she does but she is obviously doing something to get them to notice her that you are not doing.
Short answer is guys know that she'll have sex with them...the majority of the guys she has had sex with are friends. She is very flirty and outgoing though, which I try to be, but compared to my friends I am not as good looking so all the guys like her. I don't go out with her all the time, but when we do, guys like her.0 -
Short answer is guys know that she'll have sex with them...the majority of the guys she has had sex with are friends. She is very flirty and outgoing though, which I try to be, but compared to my friends I am not as good looking so all the guys like her. I don't go out with her all the time, but when we do, guys like her.
Something is wrong here.
Firstly, we guys don't have a "sex gauge," which allows us to determine by sight which girls put out on the first date. If I could build one I'd make millions...
Secondly, there are a lot of guys who are actually willing to put in the time and effort getting to know an interesting girl before going to bed. Maybe even the majority of guys. We're not all just looking for sex, even in our 20's (going from memory here)...
Lastly, your profile pic is quite nice. Really, I'm not just saying that. You are attractive. I don't know what your friend looks like, so relatively, perhaps you "are not as good looking," as you claim. Still, I find it quite hard to believe guys are never interested in you when she is around.
Actually, one more point: You come across as intelligent and articulate. Lots of guys appreciate that. You are attractive. You need to be in situations where guys can get to know you casually, without pressure of possibly dating. Play volleyball with friends, join a jogging club, whatever. Be around guys who share some of your interests, but in low pressure situations (not bars, for example, where you're expected to hook up). There is just no way you won't have interest from some of them. I realize this is dating 101, but for some reason I feel it needs to be said... Let's get out there and kiss a boy! Let's call it a mini-goal, on your way to dating mastery. ;-)
Good luck.0 -
In response to the original post: I would have gone out with him and tried to be open, but he would have an uphill battle. I would probably have judged him in a subconscious level.I'm 22 for the record lol. And I don't really know how you find a date. Everyone here is like "go date!" but how the hell do you find a date? I put myself in situations to be asked out but nothing ever comes of it.
For example, I really liked the guy I mentioned above but of course he has a girlfriend. If I could meet a single him, I'd be set.
I was in the same position after college and it took me years to start dating again. I hope it doesn't take you that long. You should try online dating. I met a great guy there. I was upfront about my lack of experience and virginity. He has been really supportive and understands that I need to be in love before I have sex with somebody. And for the record, I don't think that there is something wrong with you. Inexperience can be a confidence killer. Just remember: baby steps and practice.0 -
I really don't understand why everyone is getting riled up.
As someone who never dated even before getting married, and had to learn how to date all over again (and for the first time in my LIFE getting male attention at 34 years old weighing less than I did even in college) I see nothing seriously abnormal with Christine's reactions to men and confusion about dating in general.
What I see is a woman who has never had any real attention suddenly lose weight and now trying to learn what most of you learned in high school (or junior high).
It's no different from when I was first dating. I may not have run away from a kiss, but being overcome with that ball of emotion definitely caused me to behave in weird ways (that ran some guys off) until I learned how to experience the thrill of being pursued w/o freaking out.
Practice makes perfect, Christine. Granted, if you ask the guys out they probably won't "stick" ;-) but they'll probably take you out at least once and you can practice getting comfortable around guys who appreciate your hard work taking care of your body.0 -
Short answer is guys know that she'll have sex with them.
Something is wrong here.
Firstly, we guys don't have a "sex gauge," which allows us to determine by sight which girls put out on the first date.
I'm gonna have to call "foul" on this one. When I go out -even with the guys from church- men around us always gravitate to the girls who are obviously easy. Any woman who even hints that she will require some sort of relationship/effort first seems to be at a disadvantage in those scenes.
I'm not saying to ditch your morals, just be aware of the consequences and decide what's important enough to you that you are willing to limit potential dates because of it. I don't ask for guys numbers either- never have, and yes, that's important to me because it's an indicator of other behaviors I am seeking in a partner. I'm not willing to put out either, and that *absolutely* limits potential dates, but I decided that's worth it.0 -
I should say give him a chance. Just because he is a friend of somebody you dislike doesn't mean he'll end up like him. Although they say that tell me who your friends are & I will tell you who you are maybe true in some ways but we cannot simply judge a person just because of somebody else's fault. After all you haven't met this guy yet so who knows.
You can always walk out if things don't go well.0 -
Give it a chance, absolutely! Who cares if it doesn't work out? Just hang out in the group or suggest something you like to do. That way, if it doesn't work out, you're just friends, you did something you like doing anyways. Stuff's only awkward if you make it awkward, ha ha 0 -
Short answer is guys know that she'll have sex with them.
Something is wrong here.
Firstly, we guys don't have a "sex gauge," which allows us to determine by sight which girls put out on the first date.
I'm gonna have to call "foul" on this one. When I go out -even with the guys from church- men around us always gravitate to the girls who are obviously easy. Any woman who even hints that she will require some sort of relationship/effort first seems to be at a disadvantage in those scenes.
I'm not saying to ditch your morals, just be aware of the consequences and decide what's important enough to you that you are willing to limit potential dates because of it. I don't ask for guys numbers either- never have, and yes, that's important to me because it's an indicator of other behaviors I am seeking in a partner. I'm not willing to put out either, and that *absolutely* limits potential dates, but I decided that's worth it.
Interesting topic. I had a chat with some guys recently about this. And I think the overall consensus is that guys are attracted to women that are 'sexual'. That doesn't in anyway mean a woman that will have sex with them!! As P said, there isn't a guage for that! It just means that women who are open and not afraid/ashamed of their 'sexuality'. That would include being smiley, tactile, approachable, flirty............etc
On the other hand, of course, there are women that put out within an hour of meeting a guy. Those women are the one's that would grab his crotch and make no bones about it! (A woman did that to my b/f once! :grumble: )
So, I guess, for Christine's sake, the fact that you've never had sex, does that mean you can't be sexual? (attractive, approachable, flirty)
Please don't take the word 'sexual' to mean sex per se!! :flowerforyou:0 -
Short answer is guys know that she'll have sex with them.
Something is wrong here.
Firstly, we guys don't have a "sex gauge," which allows us to determine by sight which girls put out on the first date.
I'm gonna have to call "foul" on this one. When I go out -even with the guys from church- men around us always gravitate to the girls who are obviously easy. Any woman who even hints that she will require some sort of relationship/effort first seems to be at a disadvantage in those scenes.
I don't think your observation holds water. My experience is that women who "even hint" that it will require some sort of effort to have sex with her usually have a big stick up there *kitten* and it is going to be more than "a little effort." That is unless, you consider climbing Mt. Everest, running a 100-mile race in the Sahara desert and then getting a note from your mom that you have her permission to use your penis every other Tuesday as a "little effort." As has been stated before sex is as important to men as an emotional connection is to women. Of course you will gravitate towards the women who seem more sexual. That does not mean that sex is the sole purpose of pursuing those women.
Suppose you meet identical twin brothers. You find them attractive. When you talked to them you judged brother A to be very emotionally engaging and brother B to be reserved. It would obviously take a little effort to get brother B to engage you emotionally. Which brother would you be more likely to flirt with and pursue? I suspect it is brother A.
I think Anna summed it up very well.Interesting topic. I had a chat with some guys recently about this. And I think the overall consensus is that guys are attracted to women that are 'sexual'. That doesn't in anyway mean a woman that will have sex with them!! As P said, there isn't a guage for that! It just means that women who are open and not afraid/ashamed of their 'sexuality'. That would include being smiley, tactile, approachable, flirty............etc0 -
Short answer is guys know that she'll have sex with them.
Something is wrong here.
Firstly, we guys don't have a "sex gauge," which allows us to determine by sight which girls put out on the first date.
If guys have a "sex gauge" mine is seriously broken or missing and God and I are going to have to have a serious talk where I remind him my name is not Job.0
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