losingtheweightandkeepingitoff Member

Thanks for the advice, insight, and opinions from each and every one of you. I do appreciate it. I think I have some serious thinking to do, a very serious talk to sit down and have, and maybe some serious decisions to make. I will definitely update this as things progress.

Thank you so much. Your words are both insightful and heartfelt. I appreciate the advice and kind words. I'm very much at that point now. Trying to decide which way to go at the cross roads and how to proceed...

Thank you. I agree that I shouldn't 'have to' get permission or medical clearance to be "allowed" to lose weight. "Their relationship isn't healthy. If someone has to have authority to get permission to do something that's a problem. Especially, since that's not the type of relationship they established from the beginning.…

Thank you for the advice and for your opinion. I've told him that maybe a part time job - or even just a hobby (golf league? something?) would get him out of the house and making his own friends - which I sincerely believe he needs. When I say something about him working, he gets defensive. When I say something about a…

I've said that to him. I said "I have NEVER cheated on you or given you any reason to ever think I would or have. OBVIOUSLY you're doing something and shifting the guilt/blame to me." He denies, denies, denies.

He says he is going to change - and so far he [more or less] has shown at least some effort. As far as the long run goes, who knows? Right? Only time will tell. If he is not ever going to change, that is the question I've been asking myself A LOT lately. I have told him (and I mean it) that I CAN NOT and WILL NOT continue…

I started out in the 160 range when we first met - got up to the 170s after our first baby (my third), then stayed there for a while, got down to about 150 a few years ago (sometimes he looks at pictures from then and says "I want THAT girl back").. then with this fourth (and last) pregnancy I BALLOONED up to 240+ during…

I actually said exactly that to him. He fully denies it when I do say it. But yeah, he will go "to the store" at night and then come home with nothing (after having been gone a few hours) and say he looked at 2 or 3 stores, and just didn't find anything he wanted to buy. I have to give him the benefit of the doubt or I'd…

His trying to control my every move. His getting mad if I take "too long" running errands - even if the kids are with me and can verify my every move. His NEVER trusting me. Never believing me. I swear he'd believe anyone over me.

I've never heard of gaslighting. I will have to look it up. Thanks for the advice, thoughts and hugs - they're appreciated. :flowerforyou:

I can see how that would work - and while I agree, it's not feasible for me or our family. I am the sole working parent in the home, he's the stay-at-home parent. I have no more available PTO/Vacation time for the rest of the year. The kids are in school. I can't pull them out of school and ditch work. If I did, we…

You are correct. He made me get rid of twitter and instagram because "guys liked my pages" etc etc... he has been on my MFP and chastised me for posting a progress report in the success stories... Hence the 'throw away' account. He would go ballistic. :cry:

I can say that until I'm blue in the face, he likely won't believe me. Ever. Regardless of what I say or do. I have been in and out of the doctors lately anyway and was found to have a severe vitamin D deficiency. Telling him that I need to lose weight for medical reasons isn't really a lie I don't think.

Thank you - I will definitely check that out!

What is a power exchange relationship? I've never heard of that. But yes - I tell him that the way he has been as of late is emotionally/mentally abusive and wrong and unhealthy and he talks me out of thinking that just as quickly as I thought it.

THANK YOU SO MUCH EVERYONE. I appreciate all of you so much! :flowerforyou:

Yes - I just recently crossed over from obese to overweight. I just want to be comfortable with myself. Not to impress anyone (even him!) - just to be comfortable with myself and for myself.

Wow - so much YES in this one post. I feel like when I finally get to my complete breaking point and I am serious about it being over and done, he does and says just the right things to make me question myself and my decisions and I always give back in. Then I spend time wondering if I did the right or wrong thing. I'm…

@RoxieDawn - thank you. I'm at such a cross roads right now. I'm so torn. It's like when it's bad (it was for many months), I KNOW that I need to just let him go and let it be. But when it's good, it seems like why would I ever doubt us. You know what I mean? I'm just... torn. :cry: @hpacaro - thank you! I appreciate the…

That is exactly what he would threaten when I said we were done. He would say "The kids will be old enough one day to tell them that this was all your fault" or "I can't believe you would do this to the kids" and stuff like that. He knows that the kids are my weak point. I don't want to do anything to hurt them. :cry:

Thank you!

Thank you. My husband doesn't have many friends - none that he sees or does things with regularly. He's a bit of a shut in. He never says I would look better after losing weight - as he doesn't think I need to lose any at all. He says I look amazing just the way I am. Thanks for the insight. It is much appreciated.…

What I'm putting out here is honestly not even half of it all. I was trying to keep this only related to the weight loss side of things, but it seems to all be related. When I say that we should be able to have boundaries and still have lives separate from each other AS WELL AS together as husband and wife, and then as a…

I try to keep him out of the loop about my weight unless he asks. I could say the Dr says I need to get down below 145 or whatever - to get to a healthy weight. I never thought of that.

I honestly doubt it. He's the one that does what he wants without my having to keep tabs on him - that's not my thing. Ya know? I love him, but I also understand that he is his own person. I guess what I'm saying is - I would never say that to him...

If I am perfectly 100% honest, there are times when I am afraid of him. He hasn't physically hurt me, but he has looked like he wanted to or was going to. [This is precisely why I am using a 'throw away' account - as he does have free/open access to all of my accounts.] I've told him that being afraid of your husband isn't…

Wow. I never even thought that that could become an issue, honestly. He's an amazing father and step-father. I am just so torn. When things were at their worst, I was in touch with the domestic violence hotline thing, but they weren't all too helpful at all. They just said to leave. How does that fix everything? You know?

I agree with this. And I try to tell him all the time. I'm not leaving (unless I have good reason to). I'm not looking for attention from anyone but him. He just doesn't ever believe a word I say. I am so torn. I feel like either I deal with this the rest of my life, or I have no option than to leave the man I love and…

I've told him that I'm overweight. He says "no you're not" or "I love you exactly how you are - you're perfect - you don't need to change at all" etc. I've suggested counseling on multiple occasions - he is absolutely against it. @nutmegoreo - I have been considering just making an appointment and going by myself.…

Thank you! That's what I mean. I don't want to "look good for someone else", I want to look good for ME. I want to feel comfortable in my clothes (and in my own skin!).