The friendzone ...
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No offense but husky and raige, you're both setting yourself up for disaster if you're FWB with someone you want as more than just a friend. It will end up in heart break. I won't say 100%, but def high up there.
I had a guy whom I dated less than a month, in that said mOnth we slept together. We had the talk, he only wanted to be friends. We are still best friends and we never crossed the line again. Honestly, I now understand he just wasn't as physically attracted to me as he wanted to be with someone he'd date. Of course now, it doesn't matter. I see him as a brother only and he's my to go guy for any man problems.
Please don't waste your precious time on a guy who won't give you the time of day. Be honest with yourself! If you're 100% fine with the arrangement, then cool. But if there is one ounce in you that has feelings for him, bail. You're being that girl waiting around on some dude to change HIS mind about YOU. You're better than that! Right???0 -
If a guy wanted to be in a relationship with you, he would be. That's all there is to it. In the meantime he's getting free sex out of it. He's in a win-win situation.
Also, if he gave two rips about your feelings he wouldn't be in a FWB situation with you. All that proves is that he cares more about getting his d*ck wet than about you.0 -
I have a question for the guys too.
I have been friendzoned and recently upgraded to FWB. Is it possible to go from FWB to something more?
It's possible but very very unlikely.0 -
This question is mainly being put to the guys but feel free to disucuss ...
Once you put a girl in the friendzone, does she ever have a shot of being more? The reason I ask is a good friend of mine and I have been hanging out (differently lately) and told me he doesn't want to ruin our friendship because he likes our friendship.
I'm curious if once a girl gets put in the friendzone, does she ever come out?
Ok so not a guy but I have about a gazillion guy friends..... HE just let you down gently honey...Trust me if he wanted to date you the fear of ruining you friendship would be outweighted by the potential he thought you guys had..... He doesn' t want to risk your friendship because he doesn't see a relationship there.....
I agree with this.
It's a nice hint, take it as such and if you're still struggling take a step back from the friendship.0 -
He's known me the same size since we've met. Things just recently got more physical, but the whole "don't want to ruin our friendship" ... I'm so confused, lol.
The friendship is already "ruined" because you took a friendship to a whole level. This guy is basically saying "you're good enough to hook up with but not good enough to date." I would be offended, but that is me. Just because a man can have sex with you does not mean he wants to have a relationship with you...and he already told you that.
P.s. Dbright is right on.0 -
Both raige and I have extenuating circumstances that would seem otherwise.
But thank you all for your opinions. Realize that you may not have the whole story.
Best of luck, raige! I hope things work out the way you want.0 -
Both raige and I have extenuating circumstances that would seem otherwise.
But thank you all for your opinions. Realize that you may not have the whole story.
Best of luck, raige! I hope things work out the way you want.
Everyone thinks they are the exception.0 -
Both raige and I have extenuating circumstances that would seem otherwise.
But thank you all for your opinions. Realize that you may not have the whole story.
Best of luck, raige! I hope things work out the way you want.
Everyone thinks they are the exception.
Exactly
To the two OPs. These guys think you are good enough to have sex with but not good enough to really date. If a guy like you, not just sex, he will make an effort to actually date you.
And if he is even telling you "I don't want a relationship" he is being even more honest!!0 -
Both raige and I have extenuating circumstances that would seem otherwise.
But thank you all for your opinions. Realize that you may not have the whole story.
Best of luck, raige! I hope things work out the way you want.
Everyone thinks they are the exception.
Exactly
To the two OPs. These guys think you are good enough to have sex with but not good enough to really date. If a guy like you, not just sex, he will make an effort to actually date you.
And if he is even telling you "I don't want a relationship" he is being even more honest!!
It's not like that at all...
And I may not be the exception, but some risks are worth taking. If I lumped this man into your narrow scope of all men and their behaviors, I will never know, will I?0 -
Both raige and I have extenuating circumstances that would seem otherwise.
But thank you all for your opinions. Realize that you may not have the whole story.
Best of luck, raige! I hope things work out the way you want.
Everyone thinks they are the exception.
Exactly
To the two OPs. These guys think you are good enough to have sex with but not good enough to really date. If a guy like you, not just sex, he will make an effort to actually date you.
And if he is even telling you "I don't want a relationship" he is being even more honest!!
It's not like that at all...
And I may not be the exception, but some risks are worth taking. If I lumped this man into your narrow scope of all men and their behaviors, I will never know, will I?
I don't know about others but if you feel like going for it and think you have a shot, I would say go for it. This isn't a hard and fast rule. I would however suggest not to get your hopes up. I have done so in the past and have gotten hurt.0 -
Both raige and I have extenuating circumstances that would seem otherwise.
But thank you all for your opinions. Realize that you may not have the whole story.
Best of luck, raige! I hope things work out the way you want.
Everyone thinks they are the exception.
Exactly
To the two OPs. These guys think you are good enough to have sex with but not good enough to really date. If a guy like you, not just sex, he will make an effort to actually date you.
And if he is even telling you "I don't want a relationship" he is being even more honest!!
It's not like that at all...
And I may not be the exception, but some risks are worth taking. If I lumped this man into your narrow scope of all men and their behaviors, I will never know, will I?
I don't know about others but if you feel like going for it and think you have a shot, I would say go for it. This isn't a hard and fast rule. I would however suggest not to get your hopes up. I have done so in the past and have gotten hurt.
Pretty much yeah. By all means, treat it like a lottery ticket. You could win and that would be sweet - but don't go spending a bunch of money just yet.0 -
Dying to know the "extenuating circumstances" Dying0
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Dying to know the "extenuating circumstances" Dying
I would go get it checked. Do share the good news of what it is, though0 -
Dying to know the "extenuating circumstances" Dying
I would go get it checked. Do share the good news of what it is, though
Hhaha! I meant w/thee ladies saying their circumstances are extenuating. Hhaha. Im so nosey, but really I do care.0 -
If a guy wanted to be in a relationship with you, he would be. That's all there is to it. In the meantime he's getting free sex out of it. He's in a win-win situation.
Also, if he gave two rips about your feelings he wouldn't be in a FWB situation with you. All that proves is that he cares more about getting his d*ck wet than about you.
Minus some of the choosen words (lol kidding Kits) I agree with this bang on!
Listen when a man speaks - great advice! If you want more than FWB, then stop sleeping with him!0 -
I think y'all already know the answer, it's just not what you want to hear. Jen is spot on with her advice. He probably likes being friends and hooking up with no strings attached, but just doesn't see enough chemistry for a relationship for whatever reason. Guys are pretty simple, but we have a hard time saying "I don't like you like that" because we don't want to hurt your feelings.
It is possible to get out of the friend zone, you just have to boost your attractiveness level. Weight loss helps, let him see you with other guys, sometimes a better hair cut or clothing can work wonders. Not really sure how to go from FWB to relationship though, if a guy is already getting sex without all the hassles of a relationship then he won't want to ruin a good thing.
But all men aren't looking for only sex. Isn't there a situation where a guy might have a girl as an FWB rather than a girlfriend because of extenuating circumstances? What if he's just scared of a commitment? Can't he get past that?
Is it really always a lost cause for the FWB?
Honestly if someone says they are scared of commitment they are saying they are scared of commitment with you! Sorry but it's true. I have seen many, many surveys that show most men would rather be in a relationship than just in a sex-only relationship. Humans crave companionship.
Many time someone will make excuses as to why they can't date you, see you, commit to you. "I work a lot." "I'm so busy." "I don't think I'm ready for a relationship." "I want to be single." But if they meet someone they truly like all those excuses are overcome and they suddenly are able to overcome their "fears."
Tell yourself whatever you want to make yourself feel better about it. But I'll echo what everyone else said...he is just using you to get some. If you want more, you deserve better. Either stand up for yourself or find a new guy who will care about you and love you as a lover, not as a friend you have sex with.0 -
Dying to know the "extenuating circumstances" Dying
Honestly, it's quite a long story. Many of my friends have heard it. I'm not going to rehash my entire personal life here. Suffice to say, I have known him a very long time, his feelings have been made apparent to me and others many times over, his rationale for not pursuing more is psychological, and he has volunteered to address it with therapy without even having to be asked.
Not every situation fits into your pessimistic views of the world. Yes, I'm taking a risk, but like I said sometimes it is worth it. I'd rather be wrong and get hurt, then spend the rest of my life wondering what could have been if I had just bothered to try.0 -
I think y'all already know the answer, it's just not what you want to hear. Jen is spot on with her advice. He probably likes being friends and hooking up with no strings attached, but just doesn't see enough chemistry for a relationship for whatever reason. Guys are pretty simple, but we have a hard time saying "I don't like you like that" because we don't want to hurt your feelings.
It is possible to get out of the friend zone, you just have to boost your attractiveness level. Weight loss helps, let him see you with other guys, sometimes a better hair cut or clothing can work wonders. Not really sure how to go from FWB to relationship though, if a guy is already getting sex without all the hassles of a relationship then he won't want to ruin a good thing.
But all men aren't looking for only sex. Isn't there a situation where a guy might have a girl as an FWB rather than a girlfriend because of extenuating circumstances? What if he's just scared of a commitment? Can't he get past that?
Is it really always a lost cause for the FWB?
Honestly if someone says they are scared of commitment they are saying they are scared of commitment with you! Sorry but it's true. I have seen many, many surveys that show most men would rather be in a relationship than just in a sex-only relationship. Humans crave companionship.
Many time someone will make excuses as to why they can't date you, see you, commit to you. "I work a lot." "I'm so busy." "I don't think I'm ready for a relationship." "I want to be single." But if they meet someone they truly like all those excuses are overcome and they suddenly are able to overcome their "fears."
Tell yourself whatever you want to make yourself feel better about it. But I'll echo what everyone else said...he is just using you to get some. If you want more, you deserve better. Either stand up for yourself or find a new guy who will care about you and love you as a lover, not as a friend you have sex with.
My honest guess would be that if either girl stands up for themselves and states they want a relationship over FWB then both will have no FWB or relationship status. All the warning signs/red flags are there. The best advise I ever received was 'listen when a man talks' So much literature on 'I am not ready for commitment' ' I am busy' etc. It's common COMMON excuses. If you must come and ask for opinions on it, I think your gut is trying to tell you something.0 -
I think y'all already know the answer, it's just not what you want to hear. Jen is spot on with her advice. He probably likes being friends and hooking up with no strings attached, but just doesn't see enough chemistry for a relationship for whatever reason. Guys are pretty simple, but we have a hard time saying "I don't like you like that" because we don't want to hurt your feelings.
It is possible to get out of the friend zone, you just have to boost your attractiveness level. Weight loss helps, let him see you with other guys, sometimes a better hair cut or clothing can work wonders. Not really sure how to go from FWB to relationship though, if a guy is already getting sex without all the hassles of a relationship then he won't want to ruin a good thing.
But all men aren't looking for only sex. Isn't there a situation where a guy might have a girl as an FWB rather than a girlfriend because of extenuating circumstances? What if he's just scared of a commitment? Can't he get past that?
Is it really always a lost cause for the FWB?
Honestly if someone says they are scared of commitment they are saying they are scared of commitment with you! Sorry but it's true. I have seen many, many surveys that show most men would rather be in a relationship than just in a sex-only relationship. Humans crave companionship.
Many time someone will make excuses as to why they can't date you, see you, commit to you. "I work a lot." "I'm so busy." "I don't think I'm ready for a relationship." "I want to be single." But if they meet someone they truly like all those excuses are overcome and they suddenly are able to overcome their "fears."
Tell yourself whatever you want to make yourself feel better about it. But I'll echo what everyone else said...he is just using you to get some. If you want more, you deserve better. Either stand up for yourself or find a new guy who will care about you and love you as a lover, not as a friend you have sex with.
My honest guess would be that if either girl stands up for themselves and states they want a relationship over FWB then both will have no FWB or relationship status. All the warning signs/red flags are there. The best advise I ever received was 'listen when a man talks' So much literature on 'I am not ready for commitment' ' I am busy' etc. It's common COMMON excuses. If you must come and ask for opinions on it, I think your gut is trying to tell you something.
I actually just chimed in because I was curios what the answers would be. I wanted to know if anyone would step up and say 'yes, you can get out of the friend zone'. Relationships are built on trust and faith. You have to give a little to get a little. I'm just not going to give up on him because some people on the Internet say I should.0 -
I think y'all already know the answer, it's just not what you want to hear. Jen is spot on with her advice. He probably likes being friends and hooking up with no strings attached, but just doesn't see enough chemistry for a relationship for whatever reason. Guys are pretty simple, but we have a hard time saying "I don't like you like that" because we don't want to hurt your feelings.
It is possible to get out of the friend zone, you just have to boost your attractiveness level. Weight loss helps, let him see you with other guys, sometimes a better hair cut or clothing can work wonders. Not really sure how to go from FWB to relationship though, if a guy is already getting sex without all the hassles of a relationship then he won't want to ruin a good thing.
But all men aren't looking for only sex. Isn't there a situation where a guy might have a girl as an FWB rather than a girlfriend because of extenuating circumstances? What if he's just scared of a commitment? Can't he get past that?
Is it really always a lost cause for the FWB?
Honestly if someone says they are scared of commitment they are saying they are scared of commitment with you! Sorry but it's true. I have seen many, many surveys that show most men would rather be in a relationship than just in a sex-only relationship. Humans crave companionship.
Many time someone will make excuses as to why they can't date you, see you, commit to you. "I work a lot." "I'm so busy." "I don't think I'm ready for a relationship." "I want to be single." But if they meet someone they truly like all those excuses are overcome and they suddenly are able to overcome their "fears."
Tell yourself whatever you want to make yourself feel better about it. But I'll echo what everyone else said...he is just using you to get some. If you want more, you deserve better. Either stand up for yourself or find a new guy who will care about you and love you as a lover, not as a friend you have sex with.
My honest guess would be that if either girl stands up for themselves and states they want a relationship over FWB then both will have no FWB or relationship status. All the warning signs/red flags are there. The best advise I ever received was 'listen when a man talks' So much literature on 'I am not ready for commitment' ' I am busy' etc. It's common COMMON excuses. If you must come and ask for opinions on it, I think your gut is trying to tell you something.
I absolutely agree Kim, I don't think it's going to end well.
UsedToBeHusky, don't put your life on hold for this guy who MIGHT one day be ready for a relationship. Live your life now, and later if he works his crap out, maybe you can talk then. But settling for sex when you want more is not fair to you. You are only hurting yourself. You could pass up a great guy because you are focused on Mr. Unavailable.0
