The friendzone ...
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So..how does one get a friend with benefits? Do you just tell the guy that you want some, but not a relationship? Serious question.
*pulls out notepad and pen*
0. buy french cigarettes, get your nails done, and dress like a femme fatale.
1. find a guy thats not a douche, and is attractive to you.
2 broach the possibility of coitus without coupling in the gentlest way possible.
3. make time in your diary 5-10 minutes after step two, for the coitus to commence.0 -
This is what my heart wants and I won't be satisfied until I know for sure. Sex is only a new factor in this equation. Like I said, I'm staying realistic. I know there is a chance that I could get hurt. I've actually already resolved that I could be content completely alone. I'm not as young as some of you. I've been married. I've had chaos of all kinds in my life. A lot of it I created for myself. If sex is the most we will ever have between us, that will be a shame, but I've suffered through a lot worse.
I'm willing to take the risk.
i say go get him! All my life i must have come across 1-2 people who were perfect for me in everyway and i have no idea how many decades it will take before the 3rd one come along.He already is attracted to you so you have a MUCH MUCH better chance of getting him than any other girl out there.And it is so worth the heartache.No matter what,atleast in your heart you will know you gave it your best shot.Good luck!0 -
I'm sorry. I thought I was very polite.
You're right. All men are dirty dogs and the only reason that he could possibly have is that he's just not into me. Thanks so much for all of your input. Good night.
You take advice very well..0 -
FWB from a man's viewpoint:
http://www.therulesrevisited.com/2013/04/men-and-friends-with-benefits.html?m=10 -
In my case, I just sort of fell into it a couple times, but it was in my early 20s. The first was a regular at the bar where I worked and the second was a guy I met at a church thing, but he turned out to be a BAD idea. When I tried to cut that one off, I nearly got raped.So..how does one get a friend with benefits? Do you just tell the guy that you want some, but not a relationship? Serious question.
*pulls out notepad and pen*
Oh, and there was one in high school and a couple guys I slept with only once. Except for the rapey one, they were all kind of in love with me, but I wasn't interested.0 -
I think this is right, if he is worth it go for it.This is what my heart wants and I won't be satisfied until I know for sure. Sex is only a new factor in this equation. Like I said, I'm staying realistic. I know there is a chance that I could get hurt. I've actually already resolved that I could be content completely alone. I'm not as young as some of you. I've been married. I've had chaos of all kinds in my life. A lot of it I created for myself. If sex is the most we will ever have between us, that will be a shame, but I've suffered through a lot worse.
I'm willing to take the risk.
i say go get him! All my life i must have come across 1-2 people who were perfect for me in everyway and i have no idea how many decades it will take before the 3rd one come along.He already is attracted to you so you have a MUCH MUCH better chance of getting him than any other girl out there.And it is so worth the heartache.No matter what,atleast in your heart you will know you gave it your best shot.Good luck!
But, and this is a big "BUT", you need to make sure that you put a deadline on this too. By what I mean, tell him how you feel, that you'd like him to change and do A & B before date X because it shouldn't take forever.
If he doesn't, then he doesn't truly want to change for you or even for himself.
Otherwise you'll just end up in this grey area for the rest of your days, and I don't believe for a second that at the moment you are truly available for other men and that you keep your options open as much as you should (given what you have on your plate already).0 -
I think this is right, if he is worth it go for it.This is what my heart wants and I won't be satisfied until I know for sure. Sex is only a new factor in this equation. Like I said, I'm staying realistic. I know there is a chance that I could get hurt. I've actually already resolved that I could be content completely alone. I'm not as young as some of you. I've been married. I've had chaos of all kinds in my life. A lot of it I created for myself. If sex is the most we will ever have between us, that will be a shame, but I've suffered through a lot worse.
I'm willing to take the risk.
i say go get him! All my life i must have come across 1-2 people who were perfect for me in everyway and i have no idea how many decades it will take before the 3rd one come along.He already is attracted to you so you have a MUCH MUCH better chance of getting him than any other girl out there.And it is so worth the heartache.No matter what,atleast in your heart you will know you gave it your best shot.Good luck!
But, and this is a big "BUT", you need to make sure that you put a deadline on this too. By what I mean, tell him how you feel, that you'd like him to change and do A & B before date X because it shouldn't take forever.
If he doesn't, then he doesn't truly want to change for you or even for himself.
Otherwise you'll just end up in this grey area for the rest of your days, and I don't believe for a second that at the moment you are truly available for other men and that you keep your options open as much as you should (given what you have on your plate already).
Thank you. I have no intention of waiting forever. And I may not put myself out there as much as I could. I've been a bit put off by relationships over the years so I'm probably a little more guarded than I used to be. I know this guy well and he knows me pretty well so its easier than finding someone new. But I always felt like this could be something really great, and regretted that we never got the chance to find out. You're right. I have a full-plate as well (or lots of baggage of my own, depending on how you want to look at it). If it doesn't work out, I dust myself off and move on.0 -
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So..how does one get a friend with benefits? Do you just tell the guy that you want some, but not a relationship? Serious question.
*pulls out notepad and pen*
It just happened. Not planned ... just happened.0 -
“When people show you who they are, believe them the first time." ~Maya Angelou
It might sound too spiritual or hippy-dippy for some of you (and that's fine) but this is one of my favorite quotes because the older I get the more it rings true. If a guy tells you or exhibits that he's got drama and baggage and can't be what you want him to be, believe him!! He knows himself better than you ever will! The sooner you accept this and move on, the better.0 -
Besides, do I really have to be with someone to enjoy life?:huh:
No, not really.
I think a grand total of zero people said that.
Well you just met one. Hope you find what you're looking for.
So... people in this thread try to tell you that he's not going to change his mind, telling you to move on, you don't need him holding you back.
You respond by arguing that you don't need a man in your life?
You just agreed with what they said. Nobody was telling you to stay with him, or that you need him. Kits points out that nobody told you to stay. You respond with sass.
I have to wonder if you're intentionally causing drama, or just not getting it.
Yep, this.
I'm sorry. I thought I was very polite.
You're right. All men are dirty dogs and the only reason that he could possibly have is that he's just not into me. Thanks so much for all of your input. Good night.
Dafuq just happened.0 -
So..how does one get a friend with benefits? Do you just tell the guy that you want some, but not a relationship? Serious question.
*pulls out notepad and pen*
In my case the sex comes first then the its ok were friends conversation starts usually from my end lol0 -
So..how does one get a friend with benefits? Do you just tell the guy that you want some, but not a relationship? Serious question.
*pulls out notepad and pen*
In my case the sex comes first then the its ok were friends conversation starts usually from my end lol
It kinda varies. Usually I make it clear from the get go, sometimes it doesn't occur to me until after we go to pound town.0 -
FWB from a man's viewpoint:
http://www.therulesrevisited.com/2013/04/men-and-friends-with-benefits.html?m=1
I haven't read this but my opinion of most of the stuff that this guy writes is that it's garbage designed to collect money by convincing timid women that all their fears about men are true and as a result you have to really really make the guy prove himself to you.
This whole notion that a guy in a FWB is taking advantage of and using a woman is a bunch of crap. It's a mutually agreed upon voluntary activity. If a woman wants a full blown relationship but settles for sex the guy is not using her. He is not a jerk. It's not his fault he is a better negotiator. If anything, he is being used. She wants a relationship with him and is using sex to get it. That is a manipulative lie. Quite the foundation for a potential serious relationship.0 -
“When people show you who they are, believe them the first time." ~Maya Angelou
It might sound too spiritual or hippy-dippy for some of you (and that's fine) but this is one of my favorite quotes because the older I get the more it rings true. If a guy tells you or exhibits that he's got drama and baggage and can't be what you want him to be, believe him!! He knows himself better than you ever will! The sooner you accept this and move on, the better.
^^^This. I find it true more and more all the time.0 -
FWB from a man's viewpoint:
http://www.therulesrevisited.com/2013/04/men-and-friends-with-benefits.html?m=1
I haven't read this but my opinion of most of the stuff that this guy writes is that it's garbage designed to collect money by convincing timid women that all their fears about men are true and as a result you have to really really make the guy prove himself to you.
This whole notion that a guy in a FWB is taking advantage of and using a woman is a bunch of crap. It's a mutually agreed upon voluntary activity. If a woman wants a full blown relationship but settles for sex the guy is not using her. He is not a jerk. It's not his fault he is a better negotiator. If anything, he is being used. She wants a relationship with him and is using sex to get it. That is a manipulative lie. Quite the foundation for a potential serious relationship.
x1000000000... I am an advocate for FWB situations as many of you know.. However I have never understood this whole men are evil and only want sex and by being a FWB your not getting what you want... Now in some cases thats true if you want more......But then if feelings are involved I would be very uncomfortable with the idea of a FWB ....... A fwb is a FRIEND with benifits some one who you get along well with and the sex is hopefully really good but you don't want to date for whatever reason..It should not be used as a stepping stone into a relationship..... Now I've seen it happen where its been upgraded but that usually happens when both parties catch feelings.......
Stop watching romance movies their bad for you0 -
FWB from a man's viewpoint:
http://www.therulesrevisited.com/2013/04/men-and-friends-with-benefits.html?m=1
I haven't read this but my opinion of most of the stuff that this guy writes is that it's garbage designed to collect money by convincing timid women that all their fears about men are true and as a result you have to really really make the guy prove himself to you.
This whole notion that a guy in a FWB is taking advantage of and using a woman is a bunch of crap. It's a mutually agreed upon voluntary activity. If a woman wants a full blown relationship but settles for sex the guy is not using her. He is not a jerk. It's not his fault he is a better negotiator. If anything, he is being used. She wants a relationship with him and is using sex to get it. That is a manipulative lie. Quite the foundation for a potential serious relationship.
I agree. If someone is delusional and keeps at it thinking that if they just keep the shindig going, he will turn around and see what's been in front of him all along, well it's just insanity on her part and being dishonest with herself. He's thinking he's just getting free poon which is what FWB do. They just use each other for sex, which is fine as long as both truly understand this. I don't think guys are jerks because of it. He assumes he's banging a mature adult who understands the term FWB.0 -
This is what my heart wants and I won't be satisfied until I know for sure. Sex is only a new factor in this equation. Like I said, I'm staying realistic. I know there is a chance that I could get hurt. I've actually already resolved that I could be content completely alone. I'm not as young as some of you. I've been married. I've had chaos of all kinds in my life. A lot of it I created for myself. If sex is the most we will ever have between us, that will be a shame, but I've suffered through a lot worse.
I'm willing to take the risk.
i say go get him! All my life i must have come across 1-2 people who were perfect for me in everyway and i have no idea how many decades it will take before the 3rd one come along.He already is attracted to you so you have a MUCH MUCH better chance of getting him than any other girl out there.And it is so worth the heartache.No matter what,atleast in your heart you will know you gave it your best shot.Good luck!
Where I am confused is that she says ' I won't be satisfied until I know forsure' but he said he didn't want a relationship - so there you go! you know forsure!0 -
FWB from a man's viewpoint:
http://www.therulesrevisited.com/2013/04/men-and-friends-with-benefits.html?m=1
I haven't read this but my opinion of most of the stuff that this guy writes is that it's garbage designed to collect money by convincing timid women that all their fears about men are true and as a result you have to really really make the guy prove himself to you.
This whole notion that a guy in a FWB is taking advantage of and using a woman is a bunch of crap. It's a mutually agreed upon voluntary activity. If a woman wants a full blown relationship but settles for sex the guy is not using her. He is not a jerk. It's not his fault he is a better negotiator. If anything, he is being used. She wants a relationship with him and is using sex to get it. That is a manipulative lie. Quite the foundation for a potential serious relationship.
I agree. If someone is delusional and keeps at it thinking that if they just keep the shindig going, he will turn around and see what's been in front of him all along, well it's just insanity on her part and being dishonest with herself. He's thinking he's just getting free poon which is what FWB do. They just use each other for sex, which is fine as long as both truly understand this. I don't think guys are jerks because of it. He assumes he's banging a mature adult who understands the term FWB.
I am not sure, in the case of this thread, that anyone suggests that FWB is manipulative and using of women in the general sense. FWB is mutually agreed upon, etc. Just like you have said.
The point of the thread is that she is hoping he will change and see her more than a FWB and be a boyfriend, but he has matter of factly stated that he isn't interested in a relationship. If she doesn't put her foot down and stand up for herself, and just hope things change she may very well end up feeling manipulated.0 -
FWB from a man's viewpoint:
http://www.therulesrevisited.com/2013/04/men-and-friends-with-benefits.html?m=1
I haven't read this but my opinion of most of the stuff that this guy writes is that it's garbage designed to collect money by convincing timid women that all their fears about men are true and as a result you have to really really make the guy prove himself to you.
This whole notion that a guy in a FWB is taking advantage of and using a woman is a bunch of crap. It's a mutually agreed upon voluntary activity. If a woman wants a full blown relationship but settles for sex the guy is not using her. He is not a jerk. It's not his fault he is a better negotiator. If anything, he is being used. She wants a relationship with him and is using sex to get it. That is a manipulative lie. Quite the foundation for a potential serious relationship.
I agree. If someone is delusional and keeps at it thinking that if they just keep the shindig going, he will turn around and see what's been in front of him all along, well it's just insanity on her part and being dishonest with herself. He's thinking he's just getting free poon which is what FWB do. They just use each other for sex, which is fine as long as both truly understand this. I don't think guys are jerks because of it. He assumes he's banging a mature adult who understands the term FWB.
I am not sure, in the case of this thread, that anyone suggests that FWB is manipulative and using of women in the general sense. FWB is mutually agreed upon, etc. Just like you have said.
The point of the thread is that she is hoping he will change and see her more than a FWB and be a boyfriend, but he has matter of factly stated that he isn't interested in a relationship. If she doesn't put her foot down and stand up for herself, and just hope things change she may very well end up feeling manipulated.
Stand up to what? If he doesn't want a relationship but she does, she has two options. Maintain the status quo or end the FWB relationship and move on. It isn't as if he is doing something wrong or mistreating her.0
