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  • RodaRose
    RodaRose Posts: 9,562 Member
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    If you have time and energy, seek out an expert on how to how to live with someone on the spectrum.

    I live with someone who is undiagnosed but clearly somewhat on the spectrum who also moved from math to engineering.
    In general, engineers are much more practical than mathematicians because they seek the shortest easiest route for close enough results.
    Spectrum folks can follow very clear and logical instructions that you might have to repeat a few times and then periodically thereafter.
    Keep high calorie /easy access food around that does not tempt you that he is welcome to at all hours of the day/night.
    Ask both boys which foods fit into that category besides cereal.
    The other food is meal time food only for example.

    Your guyz can follow household rules. Maybe labeled containers or colored containers will help.
    'Hoping you find a way that makes your life easier.
  • UncleMac
    UncleMac Posts: 12,978 Member
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    He does pay room & board and he never complains about anything.

    As part of my recovery from the rather nasty divorce, I've been seeing a pshrink regularly. In my next session, I think I will bring the subject up and see if she can help me to craft a better approach.
  • marekdds
    marekdds Posts: 2,207 Member
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    Excellent idea!
  • nikkib0103
    nikkib0103 Posts: 968 Member
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    UncleMac wrote: »
    He does pay room & board and he never complains about anything.

    As part of my recovery from the rather nasty divorce, I've been seeing a pshrink regularly. In my next session, I think I will bring the subject up and see if she can help me to craft a better approach.

    Pays and never complains? a dream tenant. Your shrink may have some helpful advice. My experience with people on the autism spectrum is that they are not intentionally difficult, but they do have challenges changing their behavior and it takes a lot of time.. Patience is required.
  • UncleMac
    UncleMac Posts: 12,978 Member
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    nikkib0103 wrote: »
    UncleMac wrote: »
    He does pay room & board and he never complains about anything.

    As part of my recovery from the rather nasty divorce, I've been seeing a pshrink regularly. In my next session, I think I will bring the subject up and see if she can help me to craft a better approach.

    Pays and never complains? a dream tenant. Your shrink may have some helpful advice. My experience with people on the autism spectrum is that they are not intentionally difficult, but they do have challenges changing their behavior and it takes a lot of time.. Patience is required.
    I believe he is quite happy to be with us. During his first year at the university, he stayed in residences. The constant unpredictable noise over-stimulated him so he rarely slept a full night. During his second year, he got an apartment off-campus which was dead quiet... so he was under-stimulated and spent most of his waking hours on World of Warcraft... except when he was visiting at our house which was frequently.

    Toward the end of their second year, my son asked me if I would consider room & board for him. I thought about it quickly and asked my son if he felt it might impact on their friendship. He said he didn't think it would be a concern. So I asked why the friend wasn't the one asking. My son said he hasn't told the friend yet... he wanted to check with me first. I asked how he planned to pitch the idea. My son said he's just going to tell him that he might as well move in since he's at our place half the time anyway.

    Since he started hanging around with my son, the boarder opened up a bit socially... especially when my son is involved but also on his own. When his father dropped him after the summer, he thanked us enthusiastically for the positive changes.

    I'll see what the pshrink has to say. I suspect a chat followed up with a series of reminders will do the trick as per @BRaye325's suggestion.
  • E_Brault
    E_Brault Posts: 362 Member
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    UncleMac wrote: »
    FML...

    It's not that I want to starve them or whatever but a box of cereal doesn't require me to spend an hour cooking. Am I being unreasonable or is he being an ashhole?

    You are not being unreasonable and he's just hungry. Some kids don't see the sacrifices parents make and if they do they think it is your job anyway.

    It seems like a teaching moment. Remind the boys you are there to help them become independent. You would be remiss in your parental responsibility, if you didn't teach them to clean the kitchen. The general rule is one person cooks and the other(s) clean. If you cook together, you clean together.

    Meal planning: get them involved in planning meals for the week and get an agreement that this is what you will follow and why. Let them know the consequences and be prepared to follow through.

    This might be something you want to bring up on the boards: how to teach meal planning - explaining your scenario.

    Wish you well.

  • UncleMac
    UncleMac Posts: 12,978 Member
    edited December 2015
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    Although my son has started to help, it's still pretty sporadic and it's just with cooking & cleaning. Meal planning... not so much... I can't much teach meal planning until I have a better way of doing so myself!

    You're right... it is a teaching moment. I've talked to the boyz about keeping the kitchen clean and they're doing a better job of wiping up after themselves. Perhaps not to the same standard as I would like but that will come with time... I hope...
  • RodaRose
    RodaRose Posts: 9,562 Member
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    Keep talking to them.To the degree that they are involved in meal planning, you can involve them more in the discussions. Let them know what you plan to make next, what you will be putting on your shopping list, how many days (servings) you expect a meal with last, which dishes they like to see more, which ones they would like to see added.
    When they see a dish from start to finish, they might recognize clean up as one important part of eating.
  • UncleMac
    UncleMac Posts: 12,978 Member
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    You know, I don't remember my parents having these kind of issues with me or my sisters. Selective memory?
  • marekdds
    marekdds Posts: 2,207 Member
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    With my mom, it was expected, no discussion. Failure had consequences.
  • UncleMac
    UncleMac Posts: 12,978 Member
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    marekdds wrote: »
    With my mom, it was expected, no discussion. Failure had consequences.
    Same here... I'm not saying my upbringing was ideal (far from it) but the expectations were clear.
  • E_Brault
    E_Brault Posts: 362 Member
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    UncleMac wrote: »
    Meal planning... not so much... I can't much teach meal planning until I have a better way of doing so myself!

    You're right... it is a teaching moment.


    Present the problem to them and ask them to help you find an answer. Let them know you will all work toward that goal until you are in that happy space. Kids have more buy in when they have helped with the solution.

    I hope this is helpful.
  • UncleMac
    UncleMac Posts: 12,978 Member
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    E_Brault wrote: »
    UncleMac wrote: »
    Meal planning... not so much... I can't much teach meal planning until I have a better way of doing so myself!

    You're right... it is a teaching moment.


    Present the problem to them and ask them to help you find an answer. Let them know you will all work toward that goal until you are in that happy space. Kids have more buy in when they have helped with the solution.

    I hope this is helpful.
    Thank you, Eileen. Yes, it makes sense... anyone has more buy-in when they've got skin in the game.
  • MostlyWater
    MostlyWater Posts: 4,294 Member
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    I need some recipes in which to use up leftover chicken. I keep cutting it up and freezing it for chicken salad which isn't bad but I need something else too.

    We're gluten free so many recipes are out .....
  • UncleMac
    UncleMac Posts: 12,978 Member
    edited December 2015
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    I need some recipes in which to use up leftover chicken. I keep cutting it up and freezing it for chicken salad which isn't bad but I need something else too.

    We're gluten free so many recipes are out .....

    http://www.simplyrecipes.com/recipes/chicken_paprikash/

    I add bell peppers.
  • kes840
    kes840 Posts: 66 Member
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    I have a large package of chicken breasts, 2 cans of chickpeas and one of tomato puree, a bunch of kale, and a ton of spices in the cabinet (smoky paprika? ginger? cumin?). Oh, and onions and garlic. It might not turn out to be a masterpiece, but it should be good for me. Wish me luck!
  • marekdds
    marekdds Posts: 2,207 Member
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    sounds great, good luck!
  • MostlyWater
    MostlyWater Posts: 4,294 Member
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    UncleMac wrote: »
    I need some recipes in which to use up leftover chicken. I keep cutting it up and freezing it for chicken salad which isn't bad but I need something else too.

    We're gluten free so many recipes are out .....

    http://www.simplyrecipes.com/recipes/chicken_paprikash/

    I add bell peppers.

    thank you !!!
  • UncleMac
    UncleMac Posts: 12,978 Member
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    UncleMac wrote: »
    I need some recipes in which to use up leftover chicken. I keep cutting it up and freezing it for chicken salad which isn't bad but I need something else too.

    We're gluten free so many recipes are out .....

    http://www.simplyrecipes.com/recipes/chicken_paprikash/

    I add bell peppers.

    thank you !!!
    I've used this type of recipe with both raw and cooked chicken. Rice is gluten-free and makes a great side.
  • E_Brault
    E_Brault Posts: 362 Member
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    I need some recipes ...
    We're gluten free so many recipes are out .....

    Try the Betty Crocker website. You can enter ingredients you still have on hand from the refrigerator or pantry and the recipe builder will help you put together new meals.

    Also, chicken can be put in the food processor with your favorite mayo or substitute and use it to make sandwiches or salad. As a salad, add celery, raisin, and apple.