Need help starting
Replies
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Just some thoughts:
Hey,
Check out @Adrienneosuna on Instagram. She is an inspiration to me. She weighs the exact same but has lost 6 sizes, eats 2000 calories, lifts etc. But it's encouraging to me because she looks more like me than many fitspo. It's made me look at adding more calories, lifting harder (love to lift) and focus on how I feel/inches and not the scale.
I think many of us end up coming back once or twice because we aren't mentally ready for not getting that "perfect" body. I think my mind is Finally thinking straight. I tend to ignore reality and pretend things won't happen to me lol. I won't ever have a perfect body. I've had 3 large babies and I didn't stretch well. I've gained 170 pounds, I've lost 150 pounds through that experience. I've had two abdominal surgeries. I didn't know I needed a sports bra until it was a little too late, then I breast fed for over 3 years. I got new stretch marks with every kid. And that's ok. I probably won't wear a bikini, but I'm not sure I would choose to anyways lol.
Maybe my stomach fat is gross to others, well if someone is that shallow, then just stay away from me. Don't bother looking in my direction. I actually don't give a *kitten*.2 -
@saranharm Thanks for telling us about Adrienne. Awesome inspiration!
Thanks for your post and thoughts! It's not about perfection, it's about progress. Your body was able to bring your beautiful kids to your life and I'm sure you would never trade that for anything, much less for the perfect body. This is real life and all of our not so perfect parts (at least imperfect in our minds) are part of who we are and tell our story. I'm still on the nursing wagon and have no clue how long it will go, but it's all good! BCAA's and creatine that I'd love to be taking now can wait. I'm a work in progress as well!
I'm trying to get out of my shell and pushing myself to post on Instagram as well @Fit_and_Real_Mom.
Tereza
Team EM2WL0 -
Great points @saranharm - I think another aspect to coming back to it I've noticed.
Some know that they could dedicate enough focus to the effort of getting that "perfect" for them body - at the expense of other priorities in life. Young and single and very little other responsibilities - great, maybe not as hard.
But people discover that after putting that focus and energy into those attempts to do it fast, or faster than slower anyway - they miss out on a lot of other things of their life now. (eating out with family without stress of doing so)
Or the priorities they want are kept straight - but then that causes the body desire goals to always be missed.
So accepting the fact there is only so much time in the day, and there are other people in your life, and your life is not defined totally by how you look to others but yourself anyway - allows people to tackle the goal slower, and perhaps not to the same ultimate goal anyway. (stronger and more confident rather than size 1)
I really think that cuts down on stress too. Which is going to help life in general.
I've known several that were doing and wanted to keep doing these pretty high fitness goals (races, ect) before they got married, or before kids. Some attempted the same end goals, even though they had no where near the same training time available. So then stress usually injury, probably some internal turmoil and resentment, and other things made those high goals unreachable in the time desired (perhaps forever).
I'd suggest it's the same as the mental hurdle of accepting the fact you cannot do as much when you are older as you could when younger in regards to many other aspects of life (some are better of course). Somehow we get over that (perhaps some have midlife crisis in general about getting older of course) and move on with adjusted goals.4 -
NSV: posted a picture of me fishing that had my torso in it. I'm wearing white- not black to try and slim (and die of heat exhaustion like I usually do). My belly isn't hidden behind a child either. I feel like this is a big mental victory for me! Now hopefully these good feelings will continue even though I am getting to my hormonal phase of the month.
Also, wore shorts today. In public!2 -
NSV: posted a picture of me fishing that had my torso in it. I'm wearing white- not black to try and slim (and die of heat exhaustion like I usually do). My belly isn't hidden behind a child either. I feel like this is a big mental victory for me! Now hopefully these good feelings will continue even though I am getting to my hormonal phase of the month.
Also, wore shorts today. In public!
Hey! I saw this on my newsfeed as well. You are killing it! To me the mental victories are more important than the physical ones because that is what in the long run helps change our mindset and allows us to follow our journey with patience and consistence.
Please may I quote this and repost on my newsfeed as well?1 -
@saranharm wow, girl, amazing NSV's! Yay for shorts and ditching the black! To be able to enjoy the summer with your attitude is a huge conquer! Your kids will not remember mom hiding, but mom having fun and enjoying life with them. Those are the memories that count and that will stick. Make this the summer that you are starting to chose to live your life loving yourself as you are, right now. Brush the mind games away. Keep up with the amazing work, you are a success in progress!
Tereza
Team EM2WL2 -
Seeing some gains in my arm muscles. Woot!
Also, today I took my kids out for ice cream. I was feeling free to get an ice cream but decided against it because I had ice cream/brownies on Sunday and it gave me a nasty headache.
I love being free to have one, if I want. Not compelled because I don't have self control. Not unable to get one because of a strict diet mentality.
Loving myself - as I am now. Working on myself for my future (and not even necessarily aesthetic goals, but strength, endurance, and longevity).
Moving in the right direction!7 -
Also, haven't weighed in... ? Weeks. Tossed my scale - no regrets.6
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@saranharm This.is.amazing! I love your post! Woohoo! Yes, you can have that ice cream if you like, nothing is forbidden. If you decide to have it fine, you will move on without feeling bad, guilty or derailing the whole thing. Nice mindset change!
Would you mind if I shared you NSV's?
Tereza
Team EM2WL2 -
Seeing some gains in my arm muscles. Woot!
Also, today I took my kids out for ice cream. I was feeling free to get an ice cream but decided against it because I had ice cream/brownies on Sunday and it gave me a nasty headache.
I love being free to have one, if I want. Not compelled because I don't have self control. Not unable to get one because of a strict diet mentality.
Loving myself - as I am now. Working on myself for my future (and not even necessarily aesthetic goals, but strength, endurance, and longevity).
Moving in the right direction!
Oh yesssssss!
THIS. This is what the whole lifestyle is about.
You are so 'getting it' right now.
Definite mindset change.
I can feel the freedom in you from your post. Just the 'it's just food. I can have it or leave it.' Tackling those mental chains that have us thinking about food in some form or other, like constantly is so liberating.
Enjoy the new you. Everything keeps getting better from here on in.
LOVE LOVE LOVE!
Ichel
EM2WL Ambassador and Moderator3 -
Yes @TerezaToledo2
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Last time I went shopping I left in tears of anger/sadness.
Tonight I went to goodwill and tried on a good 15 items. None fit. But I wasn't upset, just ready to move on. But then I thought out of the box and went to the men's section. Grabbed a bunch of shirts with funny random things on them (Batman, Jeff Gordon etc
Bob Marley playing soccer didn't fit 0 -
Last time I went shopping I left in tears of anger/sadness.
Tonight I went to goodwill and tried on a good 15 items. None fit. But I wasn't upset, just ready to move on. But then I thought out of the box and went to the men's section. Grabbed a bunch of shirts with funny random things on them (Batman, Jeff Gordon etc Bob Marley playing soccer didn't fit lol) most of them fit!!!
I specifically looked for slimmer mens shirts, otherwise I swim in the shoulder region. The women's shirts are so freaking tight in the busy, shoulders, arms. They are borderline too short and I don't like fitted around the waist. The men's fit better. Glad for something!1 -
@saranharm Yay gor scoring at goodwill! I agree that the women's t-shirts are shorter and tighter than the should most of the time. Wtg on thinking otside the box! And being able to live the store not wanting to jump off a cliff is a major victory! I know the feeling too well... I always wonder why don't they invest in better lights and mirror for the fitting rooms, they would sell much more! Now matter what, Target and Kohl's fitting rooms make me give up on buying anything, even when it fits.1
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TerezaToledo wrote: »@saranharm Yay gor scoring at goodwill! I agree that the women's t-shirts are shorter and tighter than the should most of the time. Wtg on thinking otside the box! And being able to live the store not wanting to jump off a cliff is a major victory! I know the feeling too well... I always wonder why don't they invest in better lights and mirror for the fitting rooms, they would sell much more! Now matter what, Target and Kohl's fitting rooms make me give up on buying anything, even when it fits.
@TerezaToledo Kohl's is where I cried last time!1 -
Ok. Here is what I am thinking. During/after my 6 week reset I was anxious to begin a cut! After on and off cutting from march to june i had only lost 4 Pounds (2 of which jumped off so quick it was obviously water). This was AFTER gaining 17# from November to march. End of reset weight 172.2#.
I am not sure if I didn't reset long enough or if I miscalculated my tdee. My estimated tdee was ~2400. I cut at 2100 for several weeks (8?) then 1900 (4?), then 1650 (1-2?). Weighed in a 167.4#, then upped to 1950 for 2-3 weeks, now 2150 for almost a week. Weight 168.4#.
Going to try to go back to 2400 for a few weeks and monitor my weight (weekly or monthly)- if I can weigh the same consistently then I will know my true tdee. I plan on eating that (<- that being whatever my weight stabilizes on) during the months of August, Sept, Oct, & nov (busy, active months for me). Then consider cutting (with breaks) December through whenever I get some fat off (probably through mid next summer.)
If that made sense and you are still reading, what do you think?2 -
I'm so confused:
Hmmm... If I gained 8 pounds on my reset wouldn't that mean my tdee was not accurate?
That means I gained 9 working up to my "tdee" (nov-jan), and then 8 more (jan-mar).
Which would also explain why I didn't lose my much on my cut -400 calories for 4 weeks (-.4 pounds ). Then 4 weeks at -600. Then break. Then -750 for 4 weeks (end weight -4.6. 4.2 of that during last 8 weeks.
In the past 5 weeks I am up 1 pound eating average 1950. (Total loss 3.6 over 4 months)0 -
That last post has the insight - probably right - that is slow enough increase after being at estimated TDEE it must not have been a good estimate.
8 lbs x 3500 / 13 weeks / 7 days = 308 calories on average extra daily to accomplish that if just fat gain.
Unless the workouts massively changed and cause big water weight gains.
If you compare the difference between Harris BMR (that may have been used as start of math for TDEE estimate) with better Mifflin BMR - you may find 200 calories there, x activity factor may be close to that 300.
Ya, easy to overestimate just as much as under - should always be considered.
There's really no extra benefit in causing enough fat weight gain to make an inflated estimated TDEE become reality.
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Thank @heybales
I did use your excel sheet. Can't remember the tdee it gave me, but I do know it told me that I could eat the tdee for my goal weight. Seems pretty simple.0 -
I dont remember what your past history was with dieting. Were you a long time dieter, low cal programs?
For me, it took much, much longer to find TDEE and a lot of that was simply because I kept cutting when I shouldnt. I would assume since my weight stayed the same at a certain level, it would be TDEE, but that wasnt the case. I thought I had pegged my TDEE, so I ate there for 6-8 weeks, weight stabilized so I thought cut would be a breeze then. But two things: It wasnt my true TDEE, and my past dieting history was not about to forgive me on 6 weeks of eating more. So like you, I bounced around a few hundred cals downward hoping to see some scale action and be on my way. But again, was fooled. I dropped as low as 600 cals below TDEE, which was far too big of a cut to begin with, let alone with my dieting history. My body was not about to believe I was feeding it correctly after a few weeks. It took another year and 400 cals MORE to truly find my TDEE. And Ive been sitting here for 16 weeks now.
It is very possible your body is doing the same. Its not ready to forgive your past dieting and believe you are feeding it correctly. You bounced around quite a bit in cals after you decided your reset was over, including an almost 800 cal drop for a few weeks. Reset for 6-8 weeks is only recommended if you never dieted in the past, never went on ANY low cal plan. For the vast majority of us women, we have all been on a low cal diet at some point.
The hardest part of it all is finding your true TDEE and staying there. A lot of times in order to find your true TDEE is to eat ABOVE it and watch the trend... if you eat above and the numbers consistently go up and ALL variables are the same (no new workouts, foods are all consistent, activity is consistent, no TOM etc) Then you know you are above tdee and then you can drop back down a little. It is very possible your estimated TDEE is higher than it should be, but because there was more calorie bouncing going on shortly after, its really hard to tell what is correct.
I agree with your first thought.. eat at your supposed tdee 2400, and watch the trends for a while and see what happens. Then commit to staying at whatever that number is for a few months and cut in the winter. Give your metabolism the chance to catch up and be where it needs to be by not rushing. No good comes from it, as you and I both have experienced:)
Kelly
EM2WL Ambassador and Moderator0 -
@saranharm how are the changes if any apart from the scale weight? Like if you never had a scale how would you gauge your success?
How long had you been doing restricted calorie intake before the 6 week reset?
I am just comparing you to me, and my experience. I was so scared of the weight I gained when I started eating more that I rushed my reset, started cutting without finding my true TDEE. Jumped up and down calorie wise for months but it was only when I started taking my calories back UP that I started to get results. I'm not talking about scale, but body recomp and loss of inches, clothes fitting differently. But I'm not going to lie, it was very slow. I went through months of doubt wondering if there were changes but the compound effect begins to show when we remain consistent.
All the TDEE calculators are at best a guide. Obviously we are all individuals so there is some experimentation needed.
Two things you said have stood out to me.
1. How exhausted you are after lifting on reduced calories. If that doesn't happen when you are eating more, then that would tell me to eat more not less!
2. You are seeing strength gains. Focus on this, you are building muscle. This is the foundation of your body recomp and increased metabolism.
I have learnt that often when it feels like we should reduce our calories, its quite often the counter intuitive opposite we need to do.
Maybe you just need a new programme? Set out a 6 month periodised routine to make sure you are not spinning your wheels.
Just my thoughts. I'm lousy at maths so I tend to focus on tangible things rather than just numbers!
Ichel1 -
I tend to not pay attention to details so it's hard for me to recap and get an idea of what is going on.
I first started dieting in 2005. When I went to college in 2004 I gained the freshman 30. Lol. It was supposed to be 15? Actually, I think the wait gain started slowly as I used to play 4 sports in 8th and 9th grade. Every year following I cut out a sport. I knew nothing about nutrition. My senior year I only played basketball, then went to college and didn't play any sports. I did exercise a little bit. Then I'd follow that up with the lunch plan. Lol.
I did body for life to try to lose weight for my wedding in 2005. I have no idea if I lost weight. If I did it wasn't much. I did it again the following year and lost 10 pounds in a summer.
Then I got pregnant and gained 40 pounds. I thought that was so much. Little did I know. After I had him I ate 1600 calories while nursing and working out almost everyday. Lost 55 pounds in a year!!! Didn't realize I was destroying my metabolism!
Gained 10 Pounds after emergency surgery, didn't get it off (spinning wheels!!!) Before getting pregnant again. Gained 50 pounds.
After he was born I ate more (1800) because my first was a slow gainer and I thought it might be my fault (doh). He was still a slow gainer, but I struggled to lose the weight a bit more. Finally got back to prepregnancy weight when he was 10 months.
Trained for a half marathon on probably 1800 calories with periods of "I don't care what i eat" and maybe lost 5 pounds. Then, less than 2 months later got pregnant again. And gained a whomping 70 pounds.
When he was 3 months old I started lower carbs (didn't go very low though), lost 15 pounds. Since that time, almost exactly 4 years ago I have managed to lose 10 pounds. I have been up and down over and over and over again. I've tried eating as low as 1100. I have paid $500 freaking dollars to try advocare. I have binged. I have hated myself all for no progress.
I have learned a lot. I guess I do have a 12 year history of low calories followed my periods of no tracking/caring at all.
The good news is i have come to a place of contentment of where I am. So if eating at tdee for a year is necessary I will do it. It's hard for me to find my tdee since I stink at details. Lol.
I am also extremely impatient. It's soooooo hard for me to increase calories by 50 or 100 weekly.
I think I will order a scale and try really, really, really hard to keep the numbers from bugging me. Then I can maybe use happy scale to see if my weight stabilizes. And increase slowly until it no longer does? Then eat at that for an extended period of time. Until at least the new year? Then consider a small cut that I know is an actual cut.
Did I cover it all?0 -
Based on your history then, your metabolism and body are not ready to forgive you, and I would suspect a good long time at TDEE is essential. I see a lot of Me in you, right down to the impatient part:)
Looking back now, I really wished I had done it right the first time and truly listened and reset and ate my tdee and believed it was correct.. I would have saved myself two years of back and forth and miserable whining and suffering. Once I truly let go of that, I was finally able to release and let go. And to be honest, I love myself a hell of a lot more now at probably close to my highest weight than I ever did when i was at my smallest.
Patience is the key here, and it will be the hardest thing for you to push through. It was my hardest as well... Time will pass anyway, right. Might as well let the time pass in the correct way:)
Your goal is to find your correct tdee.. and that may mean going ABOVE what you think is it in order to be sure.
Kelly
EM2WL Ambassador and Moderator0 -
@saranharm, when you mentioned the time that you were eating whatever, whenever and got pregnant, it reminded me of my first bulk cycle when I got pregnant, lol. Looks like the eating more gets our bodies going! I am so happy to hear that you are in a better place now than before and as Kelly said, time will pass anyway, so we better let it pass in the right way. Ichel and Kelly are on point in everything the said. They sure know a lot about resetting! Your body will need more time, but it will trust you again.
I am kind of lousy with certain details and taking notes on everything. My body always responded better to increasing calories than restricting, physically and mentally. Once I increase and track it properly I see results (not fast ones, but they do show).
Kohl's has one of the worst fitting rooms ever! Even at my smallest I would want to cry in there!
Tereza
Team EM2WL0 -
If i eat at a certain amount to stabilize my weight before moving up. How long should I stay at that level? I really want to minimize weight gain this time around.
I think my body sees around 1900 as tdee because I seemed to be consistent there last month. While I didn't weigh during the month I was only about a pound up when I did weigh. I ordered a scale so I can track. I have been eating about 2150 this week. Should I stay there and track that for a while (minus 2 weeks I am gone?)
Going slow and steady. In it for the long haul. It's not the first time impatience has come back to bite me. Lol0 -
if your body isnt sure what tdee is it will maintain at any level you eat at consistently, but that doesnt mean its your TDEE. Thats what I found out the hard way. I thought TDEE was 2800 for myself.. so I originally resetted there for about 6-8 weeks. My weight stabilized and I thought it was TDEE and I could cut.. When I made my cut, I Did see a drop in the scale a little bit, but after a few weeks, nothing changed again and I was bouncing around. So then I fell into the trap of lowering cals further.. (bigger deficit, bigger loss, right)?? And yup, sure did end up lower than I should be and once again ended up in a diet trap/ Thankfully it was 1000 cals higher than my WW days, but still, it was not the level my body needed to be at.. So once I truly let go, listened to my trainer, and at the time, I wore a fitbit and BMF and the numbers were showing a TDEE well over 3000, it took me a long time to believe that was true...
But once I did and jumped up.. after an initial gain again, my weight stabilized and has been consistent for the past 16 weeks.
Unfortunately, to truly let go and trust the process, you might not be able to minimize any gains. I certainly couldnt. Your body will do what it wants to do. The only thing you have control over is how much food you eat, and how much you exercise.
But I will tell you think, when I finally let go.. I truly understood and appreciated my body and what it could do, no matter what size. Im happier with who I am as a person, and how I look now than I ever did at my lowest weights, and I think thats much more important than gaining a few pounds more than you are mentally capable for.. (Oh, BTW, I threw out my scale 2 years ago and havent looked back)
Hope this helps some.
K
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I just ordered myself a scale lol. I was hoping it could help me pinpoint my tdee. I am happy with myself now-- I have improve so much on the mental/self love part of this journey. BUT I do want to find that tdee and eventually shed some fat. I know it will take a while and that's ok. But I don't want to stay as I am now forever.1
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@saranharm Yup. Definitely sounds like you haven't reached TDEE yet.
Sounds very similar to me as well. I decided my TDEE was 2400 because that's loads, right?
Well, apparently no! I tried cutting at 2100 and just had no success at all.
Only when I finally got up to 3000 that I stopped gaining and started getting good body recomp.
And when I say stopped gaining, I mean in how my clothes felt, because like @Raynn1 I have been without my scale for a long time too. Just stressed me out too much during that reset.
Had to start looking at progress pics to evaluate progress. The scale can fluctuate for so many reasons especially when you lift heavy like you do.
The great advantage that you have right now is your mental mind shift. I have seen that you have changed so much mentally and this is perfect for where you are right now.
To minimise any gains as well, you are going to have to get patient!
100 a week is good. I am or should I say, was, impatient and just took my calories up pretty quick and probably gained more than I would have liked to because i did it too fast. Some weight gain is inevitable though.
But you know that this is in it for the long haul, no quick fixes!
We are all here to help you go through this so please keep us updated with how the calorie increases go.
And no matter how hard, try not to base a lot of your progress on the scale. Tape measures and photos, how clothes feel are a much better way of going through the process.
Ichel
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Interesting how your body started recomping at 3000 @empressichel !
My tape measurements fluctuates too. Which is super annoying. I do take occasional pics because I don't see a ton of change.
Gonna go slow this time!0 -
Like @empressichel my recomp started showing once I got beyond 3000. (Keep in mind not everyone needs the calorie totals like Ichel and I do. But our TDEE is above 3000)...
The last few months I have some serious shoulder/delt/bicep definition popping through. My back is starting to look muscular and strong, and I have no idea what the scale says:)
Kelly
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