Daily check in
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Why thank you. I can bake freeze and mail you one if you want one that badly lol.0
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Another binge in the books today. Why can't I like the way my body looks and enjoy food like a normal person?!?!0
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Looks like a Caillou marathon for you.
Honestly though I am sorry you had a binge today. You are not alone though. Can you figure out what triggered the binge?0 -
No, not Caillou!! Cut off my right arm or something! Anything but Caillou!
In all seriousness I try to write down what I'm thinking and narrow down triggers but I really cant pinpoint what set me off. I had a terrible headache, my daughter wouldn't nap, I haven't really seen my husband since Saturday (it's midterms week so he's been pretty much locked in the library) the house is a mess, and I got some unfavorable blood work results from the doctor. Things just kind of pile up. Going to call the counseling center tomorrow to see what the out of pocket cost would be for no insurance. I hate hating myself.0 -
Well do not hate yourself for something that is outside of your control.0
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I can bake you one.
I laughed out loud! That's evil!!!
Not only did I binge today, I also gave in and drank a HUGE can of Mike's Hard Lemonade. I'm home with a sick kid and I have cabin fever so bad that I hung laundry on the clothesline just to be outside :-/
Got the kitten named, though. Claude Hoover Bukowski. Fans of the musical Hair will get that :-)
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I make awesome cheesecakes. I even went so far as to figure out how to make Oreo cream filling and I turn that into an icing for my Oreo cheesecakes.0
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Msty, you should definitely go to the counseling center and see what's available. There might be something worth looking into.
I think I'm going to have a bad day. This is why:
- I have two eating disorder related appointments today that I'm nervous about.
- I have lunch plans, therefore anticipate bingeing afterward.
- I ate some of my binge foods for breakfast and now I feel guilty although I didn't binge. This is too much info but my stomach is being weird so I'm afraid if I eat more, I'll get diarrhea when I'm on the train and I have to leave in a half hour (basically the prospect of diarrhea prevented a binge woohoo!)
- I literally dreamt about bingeing on cheesecake last night.
- I just started soaking a huge batch of tapioca. Tapioca pudding is one of my weaknesses and something I tend to make in big batches when I am bingeing.
My food week starts in Saturday. I'm really going to try to get it together before then, but I have made concrete plans eating related starting that day. I'm going to try to keep things in check today.0 -
Ab stay calm and take a deep breath. Close your eyes and relax, find a nice quiet space and take a few deep relaxing breaths in and out. Forget about the lunch, forget about the appointments, take today one step at a time. You are already setting yourself up for failure. Food is a scary thing and sadly we need food to live, so we just can not stop eating, and we should not have to stop living our lives because of fear of food.
So stop with the bad day thinking, take a few minutes to start the day over, take a little break from life for a minute, hide in a closet if you have nowhere else to go. Tell yourself you are better than this, stronger than this, and do not beat yourself up too badly if you trip up and fall into a binge today. We are all here for support, so if you feel like you need to talk reach out to one of us, send us a message.0 -
No, not Caillou!! Cut off my right arm or something! Anything but Caillou!
In all seriousness I try to write down what I'm thinking and narrow down triggers but I really cant pinpoint what set me off. I had a terrible headache, my daughter wouldn't nap, I haven't really seen my husband since Saturday (it's midterms week so he's been pretty much locked in the library) the house is a mess, and I got some unfavorable blood work results from the doctor. Things just kind of pile up. Going to call the counseling center tomorrow to see what the out of pocket cost would be for no insurance. I hate hating myself.
So from what I am seeing like me stress is the start of a trigger. I had the same thing happen Friday work was crazy my kids were nuts, it was a stress filled stress ball rolled in stress filled stress. Are you on facebook? There is a B.E.D group ran by a woman named Vania she is very helpful, I do not know what her credentials are but she has some posts and I believe she has written a few blog posts, and maybe even a book. But if you can not afford the out of pocket expense of counselling that may be a secondary resource for you.
Things get out of hand and pile up very quickly, and then when it all comes tumbling down, the resulting landslide usually leads to some kind of binge. I wish I was a professional counsellor or knew someone who did pro-bono work in this field I could recommend you to. Hmmm let me know if you are unable to find someone, I may have an idea.0 -
Msty, I actually volunteer for a national organization that connects people with resources for disordered eating. If you are interested, I'd be glad to see if there's anyone in your area. I would need to get basic info (like how far you're willing to travel, city, etc) but I can totally do this. Of course some places are vastly under resourced when it comes to ED specialists but it's always worth a shot. If you're interested shoot me a message!0
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I know stress is my biggest trigger and I don't manage it well, obviously. The biggest stressor has been that we have been trying to conceive again for almost 8 months and my body is not cooperating. I also realize that getting pregnant on top of this BED is probably not a good idea, and that stresses me out even more!0
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No binging today. I ate some foods I'm not glad about, but I stayed below my calorie goal.
My daughter has been sick, I've not been to the gym all week, and I have a phone appointment with my weight management case worker tomorrow. The perfect storm. Pray for me tomorrow!
But today, no binge. I'll take that as a victory.0 -
I would call it a victory Irish!! I also managed not to binge today, but I didn't track my food either. Sometimes I feel like tracking my food sets me off, I see it go in the red by a few calories and I say "oh well the day is blown, might as well binge"0
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I do the exact same thing. I should consider not tracking. I've weighed and written my food in a journal for years so I could always keep doing that and not do it on MFP and see it that helps. Ok so glad you both had good days! Mine wasn't good, but given the circumstances could have been worse. Still not happy with it.0
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This is why this ED is tricky, we need to eat to stay alive, but sometimes eating can trigger a binge, or stress, or family, or emotions. So trying to play a balancing game where the scales are tipped not in your favor is hard.
Each day we can wake up and post here is a victory, it means you are still trying, and fighting. It means you are still showing accountability for your actions, and still care enough to try to be healthy. For that I say congratulations to you all.0 -
Things are not going well for me. I have a day off from my usual internship and decided I'm not gonna go to the gym. Now I went to the store and bought a cheesecake. It's relatively small and I've been craving it so much I feel like I need to just get it out of my system so I can stop obsessing a move on. But also its only 11:40 so if I start now I'm gonna end up with a full day binge. Maybe I should just allow myself unlimited cheesecake today but only cheesecake? HELP!0
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Update from four minutes ago: I ate 3/4 of it. Writing here to try to stop myself from finishing it now so I can have it later. Today is going to be horrible.0
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((((((HUGS))))))
Try not to beat yourself up. Take a few deep breaths and try to move on from the cheesecake. Today doesn't have to be horrible, even if it started out that way. Maybe try to have a short walk outside if it's nice, and clear your head. And remember we're all here rooting for you.0 -
Thanks, I think getting out of the house would be a good idea. I'll go on a walk, and maybe I should reconsider going to the gym at some point. I hate myself so much right now, I do not understand why this is so difficult.0
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Because you are fighting your own mind and body. That is why this is hard. You are battling yourself and that is not fun at all. Do not be hard on yourself when you binge, you are doing the best you can do to maintain a binge free lifestyle, but with all of us there is no guarantee from day to day of a binge free day. Be thankful for the strong days, and on the days you do binge try to write down how you felt before, during and after the binge to try to see if a pattern begins to present itself. Then once you identify a pattern you can start to fix the reason behind it.0
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I'm sorry it's been a rough day so far ab!! If it were me I would toss the rest of the cheesecake. Eating the rest later will only lead to more negative thoughts. We truly are fighting our own minds.
I'm on the opposite side today, I'm restricting. My favorite jeans are getting tight and it's put me in a bad place. I know it will back fire and lead to a binge in the coming days...0 -
Yeah that's tough. I used to restrict a lot after bingeing but it didn't do me any favors. Now I make a conscious effort not to, but then I feel like I end up bingeing anyway so it's frustrating.
Today is going surprisingly well given the cheesecake earlier. I could have really gone off the deep end but I haven't really. I don't have many food options, and I'm not letting myself go out to buy stuff. My husband is gonna go get groceries for dinner and I think I'll probably get carried away but if I can come in under 5000 calories today I'll consider it a win. It's sad that it's come to that haha.0 -
Today was bad for me too. I'm at about 5000 now and have no more food in my room so I don't think I'll eat anything else. Bought some Easter candy to send to my little sister and I opened it (of course). Ate about 2000 calories worth of chocolate and then had a bunch of pretzels. I'm disgusted with myself. I was feeling crappy earlier in the day, in a lot of pain while running, then over ate at lunch (not quite a binge though). After that I went to the store, got the candy, and went wayyy overboard.0
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Ugh I hate that. I also will buy things for people and eat it. And I'm really dreading the Easter candy! I hope tomorrow goes better for you. My day was bingey but not full blown binge day which is uncommon given the circumstances so I guess I owe myself credit for that.0
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Yes. I binged last night on multi packed Oreo thins. This is why I can't have junk food.
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Oh wow I've never had Oreo thins before but I like the sound of them. I ended up going to the store but just bought a small think of twizzlers and some doughnuts that I'll share so I guess that's it for the day. I came in just over 5000 calories which considering the cheesecake I ate, is really not bad. Still not good and need to get it together tomorrow.0
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Would we give another human being as much power as we give food? Ab, you said you hate yourself right now. Why? Because you made a few bad choices? Because you are too many calories? But if you took your relationship with food out of your personal equation, how would you feel about yourself? Just from what I see, you are determined, hard working, and generous with your heart.
Why do we focus so hard on giving food all the power?
My day? Not bad. I finished right at 1400 calories. That health insurance call that I was dreading turned out to be a blessing. Seems my insurance co. has appointed a dietitian to me
So far, the daily menu requires cooking But we will iron out the wrinkles! I have renewed hope!
Sadly, a five day binge means I gained weight this week.
Next week, though, I will kick @ss!0 -
@irishjeepgirl1969 Let me know if you need any help with the cooking? I mean I know how much you LOVE!!!! to cook and all.0
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I went out to eat for dinner last night and I think I must have eaten too much because today I feel tired and lethargic. I so do NOT want to go to the gym today... right now there's a huge battle going on in my head trying to psych myself up for going. Ugh.0
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