Me Vs. the Binge -- August 2017 Challenge
Replies
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@PetitClapotis I could've written that nighttime snack post myself, though I never have talked in depth to my fiancé about it. I've gotten really good at hiding things over the years. In fact, every time he leaves the house for an extended period of time, one of my first thoughts is what I should shovel in since I'm alone. I usually have to talk myself off the ledge. It's a daily struggle, so you are not alone. I actually had to leave the last forum I frequented because people kept making it seem like willpower was my issue and not my mental issues/lifelong disordered eating. People couldn't understand that so much of it was a mental struggle for me.
@Moxie42 I am actually the same way. I have both depression and anxiety. They sometimes trigger each other, so when the anxiety "hits" (especially when I'm stressed), I want to eat everything. And then the depression brings up the rear. I feel terrible about myself, like I'm incredibly weak, a failure, and unworthy of love. And then I don't want to eat anything at all. It's always a tricky thing. It makes me feel better to know that there are people here who can possibly relate.1 -
brittdee88 wrote: »@PetitClapotis I could've written that nighttime snack post myself, though I never have talked in depth to my fiancé about it. I've gotten really good at hiding things over the years. In fact, every time he leaves the house for an extended period of time, one of my first thoughts is what I should shovel in since I'm alone. I usually have to talk myself off the ledge. It's a daily struggle, so you are not alone. I actually had to leave the last forum I frequented because people kept making it seem like willpower was my issue and not my mental issues/lifelong disordered eating. People couldn't understand that so much of it was a mental struggle for me.
@Moxie42 I am actually the same way. I have both depression and anxiety. They sometimes trigger each other, so when the anxiety "hits" (especially when I'm stressed), I want to eat everything. And then the depression brings up the rear. I feel terrible about myself, like I'm incredibly weak, a failure, and unworthy of love. And then I don't want to eat anything at all. It's always a tricky thing. It makes me feel better to know that there are people here who can possibly relate.
The same for me. When I'm depressed I tend to starve myself as I feel that I'm undesirable and not deserve to eat or if I miss a workout I'd keep blaming myself for being sluggish and punishing myself by not eating. But when I'm alone or stressed or anxious I'd stuff my face with whatever food I can find to keep my mind from talking crazy to myself. Sometimes when my husband is about to leave the house I can't help rushing him off so I can eat as soon as I shut the door. This self sabotage urge haunts me for years, it's like living with a monster under my bed I know it's down there waiting to ambush me but I dare not look at him. I've hidden the fear for over 10 years last week I talked about it to my husband for the first time and 'lack of willpower ' was what I got. I think it's a mental issue but also comes from years of dieting and restriction. Thank God I found this group and you guys finally we're not alone. Lots of love and hope to you !2 -
Aug 4
Me: 4*
Binge: 0
DBF: 41 -
Me: 4
B: 0
Days binge-free:17
Struggling daily, but making it through without a binge... Didn't work out this week after a week and a half strong, but going to try to get back on track with that again.
@Moxie42 - I'm glad you're feeling better now!!
@brittdee88 and @PetitClapotis - I can relate to having to "talk myself off the ledge" -- I went out with friends last night and didn't over indulge, but I spent the entire 15-20 min drive home talking myself out of stopping at the 2 places to grab really high calorie &fat snacks I've been wanting..it's a daily struggle for me as well. July was probably the worst month I've had in 2-3 years with this.
@PetitClapotis - taking a walk to clear your mind and exercise is brilliant when you're under that level of stress. I need that reminder! Thank you
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Me: 4
B: 0
DBF: 19
This one thought has saved me two nights in a row in the battle. Through the witching hour that for me comes from 7pm to 9pm for some strange reason. Tonight it goes on the road with me hopefully imprinted on my mind, dinner with my wife on the town Saturday night.
I must choose one of two pains:
The Pain of Discipline tonight or
The Pain of Regret in the morning3 -
Me: 3
The B: 1
DBF (in August): 2
@mae918 good for you for avoiding those places on your drive back and for doing well out with your friends! Overindulging with my friends is almost a given, so I'm glad you were able to beat that. I hope I will get to that point one day.
Happy Saturday, everyone!
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Yesterday was hard. Feeling denied, worthless, neglected, I cried a bit. Maybe it was the stress, or anxiety of losing control of something I used to be good at, or maybe it was my period that I've been expecting for the whole week but never showed up, not even the slightest sign. It used to be regular as clockwork but for the last four months my hormones are totally out of whack. I either don't get my period or get it 20 days behind schedule. My cortisol level is through the roof which makes my sleep and binging episodes even worse. My husband doesn't seem to care, he thinks all these hormonal issue is just in my head and I shouldn't have fussed about it since all I need is to 'relax and have a little willpower'. And yesterday he just kept pushing my button and that totally got on my nerves. So I ranted out and spent the night by myself. I've been craving for corn tortilla chips for a couple of days but I didn't get it when grocery shopping the other day , which turned out to be such a smart decision. And I ran out of peanut butter, another no brake food for me. I was crying my eyes were puffy so I couldn't just rush to the store. There were still some nuts and cookies in the house, but I struggled to stop at a handful of nuts and had some watermelon. that sweetness kept my hand from the cookie jar. Then somehow I found my ways out by picking up a 'check-your-brain-at-the-door' thriller and that made me forget about food. Another binge free day! Yay for me!!
This morning I did 30mins strength training and felt better. We went to farmers market and grocery store and I got apples, tomatoes, mushrooms and peanut butter. No junk food. I tasted one tortilla chip with store made spinach dip and that was it. Set a positive note for the weekend.
Have a great weekend everyone ! Love you guys!1 -
Me: 4
B: 0
Days binge-free:17
Struggling daily, but making it through without a binge... Didn't work out this week after a week and a half strong, but going to try to get back on track with that again.
@Moxie42 - I'm glad you're feeling better now!!
@brittdee88 and @PetitClapotis - I can relate to having to "talk myself off the ledge" -- I went out with friends last night and didn't over indulge, but I spent the entire 15-20 min drive home talking myself out of stopping at the 2 places to grab really high calorie &fat snacks I've been wanting..it's a daily struggle for me as well. July was probably the worst month I've had in 2-3 years with this.
@PetitClapotis - taking a walk to clear your mind and exercise is brilliant when you're under that level of stress. I need that reminder! Thank you
You should have two points for not over indulging and not stopping for snacks ! So happy for you! Keep up with the great job! It will get easier as you get stronger!2 -
hillmike56 wrote: »Me: 4
B: 0
DBF: 19
This one thought has saved me two nights in a row in the battle. Through the witching hour that for me comes from 7pm to 9pm for some strange reason. Tonight it goes on the road with me hopefully imprinted on my mind, dinner with my wife on the town Saturday night.
I must choose one of two pains:
The Pain of Discipline tonight or
The Pain of Regret in the morning
I'll keep that at the back of my mind! Thank you for sharing this brilliant thought!2 -
Aug 5
Me: 5*
Binge: 0
DBF: 51 -
Me: 5
B: 0
Days binge-free:18
Had my trigger foods in hand tonight and walked them back to the shelf.. I can't get my mind off of them. I'm struggling, but still pushing through it, so far...1 -
Me: 5
B: 0
Days binge-free:18
Had my trigger foods in hand tonight and walked them back to the shelf.. I can't get my mind off of them. I'm struggling, but still pushing through it, so far...
I feel you! My husband bought me two giant bags of tortilla chips, flax flakes, popcorn and gummi bears tonight. I struggled to stock them in my kitchen pantry. Hope I don't get up in the middle of night sneaking into the kitchen...
Hang in there! We got this! 1 -
Me: 5
B: 0
DBF: 20
1 -
Me: 6
B: 0
Days binge-free:19
@PetitClapotis -- I was actually at the store, got halfway to the register and probably walked in a circle before I ultimately brought it back to the shelf. I can't keep stuff in the house. It will be gone within 2 days... Ooof. That was a tough one. Doing a little better today.1 -
Me: 6
B: 0
Days binge-free:19
@PetitClapotis -- I was actually at the store, got halfway to the register and probably walked in a circle before I ultimately brought it back to the shelf. I can't keep stuff in the house. It will be gone within 2 days... Ooof. That was a tough one. Doing a little better today.
I do that a lot. Holding my favorite snacks in hands, going back and forth, circling around the store, so anxious to the point where I would just drop everything and flee in panic...sometimes my husband gets huge bags of chips or cracker from Costco I'd be so terrified because I know that will be gone within a day or two...You made the right decision to put them back. It's just too stressful to keep them around.2 -
Me: 6
B: 0
DBF: 212 -
Me: 3
The B: 3
Binged on Saturday and Sunday and both times happened in the middle of the night when I couldn't sleep. I need to get it together.2 -
brittdee88 wrote: »@PetitClapotis I could've written that nighttime snack post myself, though I never have talked in depth to my fiancé about it. I've gotten really good at hiding things over the years. In fact, every time he leaves the house for an extended period of time, one of my first thoughts is what I should shovel in since I'm alone. I usually have to talk myself off the ledge. It's a daily struggle, so you are not alone. I actually had to leave the last forum I frequented because people kept making it seem like willpower was my issue and not my mental issues/lifelong disordered eating. People couldn't understand that so much of it was a mental struggle for me.
@Moxie42 I am actually the same way. I have both depression and anxiety. They sometimes trigger each other, so when the anxiety "hits" (especially when I'm stressed), I want to eat everything. And then the depression brings up the rear. I feel terrible about myself, like I'm incredibly weak, a failure, and unworthy of love. And then I don't want to eat anything at all. It's always a tricky thing. It makes me feel better to know that there are people here who can possibly relate.
@brittdee88 @PetitClapotis & others - One of the best books I read that is about why we fail in general, and not just with this, was called "Change Anything: The New Science of Personal Success." It had a chapter labeled "The Willpower Myth." It talked a LOT about how willpower is finite, it will fail you, and that we should never depend on it alone. Just like motivation is finite and will fail us. We are taught that we must depend on resources that are not endless simply because we need them to be. I personally feel that anyone who says issues like this are simply "willpower" issues/weaknesses has never had to face the hormonal/chemical onslaught that we deal with on minute by minute/hourly/daily bases! I'm sending you all the best thoughts...I hope you find a set of tools that help you continue fighting back.
(And I am SOOO with you on planning food escapades the moment my fiance is gone - it's worse if I'm dropping him off. My mind is consumed by where to stop, how many places, where to dive in, and how much to gorge - as well as epic ninja-level plans for how to hide it all...on one hand, it feels so awful to say that more or less "out loud" here, but on another level, knowing that others struggle with this too forces me to accept that it's "not all my fault..." Not that I'd wish any of this on anyone, ever...but it can't possibly "just be me" if nearly verbatim, it happens to someone else, too. Our minds try to convince us that no one else is identical, so it still is "just us," that we're alone, etc. It's nice to be reminded that this isn't true...)1 -
brittdee88 wrote: »Me: 3
The B: 3
Binged on Saturday and Sunday and both times happened in the middle of the night when I couldn't sleep. I need to get it together.
I think you need to take a look at your adrenal glands, the stress hormone wakes you up in the middle of the night and makes you overeat.2 -
Me: 6
B: 0
DBF: 62 -
KnitOrMiss wrote: »brittdee88 wrote: »@PetitClapotis I could've written that nighttime snack post myself, though I never have talked in depth to my fiancé about it. I've gotten really good at hiding things over the years. In fact, every time he leaves the house for an extended period of time, one of my first thoughts is what I should shovel in since I'm alone. I usually have to talk myself off the ledge. It's a daily struggle, so you are not alone. I actually had to leave the last forum I frequented because people kept making it seem like willpower was my issue and not my mental issues/lifelong disordered eating. People couldn't understand that so much of it was a mental struggle for me.
@Moxie42 I am actually the same way. I have both depression and anxiety. They sometimes trigger each other, so when the anxiety "hits" (especially when I'm stressed), I want to eat everything. And then the depression brings up the rear. I feel terrible about myself, like I'm incredibly weak, a failure, and unworthy of love. And then I don't want to eat anything at all. It's always a tricky thing. It makes me feel better to know that there are people here who can possibly relate.
@brittdee88 @PetitClapotis & others - One of the best books I read that is about why we fail in general, and not just with this, was called "Change Anything: The New Science of Personal Success." It had a chapter labeled "The Willpower Myth." It talked a LOT about how willpower is finite, it will fail you, and that we should never depend on it alone. Just like motivation is finite and will fail us. We are taught that we must depend on resources that are not endless simply because we need them to be. I personally feel that anyone who says issues like this are simply "willpower" issues/weaknesses has never had to face the hormonal/chemical onslaught that we deal with on minute by minute/hourly/daily bases! I'm sending you all the best thoughts...I hope you find a set of tools that help you continue fighting back.
(And I am SOOO with you on planning food escapades the moment my fiance is gone - it's worse if I'm dropping him off. My mind is consumed by where to stop, how many places, where to dive in, and how much to gorge - as well as epic ninja-level plans for how to hide it all...on one hand, it feels so awful to say that more or less "out loud" here, but on another level, knowing that others struggle with this too forces me to accept that it's "not all my fault..." Not that I'd wish any of this on anyone, ever...but it can't possibly "just be me" if nearly verbatim, it happens to someone else, too. Our minds try to convince us that no one else is identical, so it still is "just us," that we're alone, etc. It's nice to be reminded that this isn't true...)
Thank you! You're totally right! My husband lost 25 pounds within a month last year just by skipping breakfast and then he is able to eat whatever he wants whenever he wants them and keep the weight off. And he wasn't even overweight to start with!! Now he is as skinny as he was in college and he doesn't even workout much. He doesn't see why I can't just starve myself a bit to get a quick result or why food is bothering me so much, or since I know binge gets me no where why am I still doing it, like I'm crazy or what?! He just doesn't get it simply because what bothers me has never been a problem for him. I bet if a woman drops that amount of weight within one month her hormones would be all over the place and if she eats that way afterwards without workout those 25 pounds will come back pretty soon probably with even more...Men are different creatures than us they're generally not that hormonal and emotional sensitive like us and are not designed to hold on to body fat to carry babies and stuff. It's more complicated than just 'willpower'.
And you're right about motivation. It doesn't last long, that's why we recommend replenish it every day1 -
Too late to join????0
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Aug 7
Me: 7*
Binge: 0
DBF: 72 -
Me: 7
B: 0
DBF: 222 -
Me: 7
B: 0
Days binge-free: 20
@dianna1286 - never too late. Jump in. Welcome!!
@PetitClapotis - thank you. It's been day by day for weeks now, but I'm doing alright. Glad when I make good decisions.
Also, started getting up at 5:45am to work out. Seeing if this helps get more in throughout the week. Trying it...1 -
Me: 7
B: 0
Days binge-free: 20
@dianna1286 - never too late. Jump in. Welcome!!
@PetitClapotis - thank you. It's been day by day for weeks now, but I'm doing alright. Glad when I make good decisions.
Also, started getting up at 5:45am to work out. Seeing if this helps get more in throughout the week. Trying it...
Good for you! Workout does help! I find most of my binging days are the days I don't get time to workout and feel upset about it. And when I workout in the morning I feel like set a positive note for the day and have a more controlled appetite overall.1 -
Haven't binged for the whole week! Yay! My first binge free week! So happy for myself!
However somehow I had a nightmare of me binging two giant bags of chips. And it says 1680 calories per serving! Waking up crying and feeling like crap heart is still pounding...Maybe it's because I forget to eat dinner yesterday and my body is screaming hungry at me even though I don't feel it? Got to get up to workout and have a hearty breakfast!
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I binged yesterday before finding this post. Maybe this is what i needed...
Today is a new day!1 -
dianna1286 wrote: »I binged yesterday before finding this post. Maybe this is what i needed...
Today is a new day!
Welcome! You got this! Check in when you feel the urge to binge. We're all here for you!0
