Doom, Despair, and Agony on Me! (aka a whine thread)
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I had a bad few days early this week. I don't think I'd call it "depression," but I was definitely in a funk. I think it hit me when my wife admitted she was upset that I'm doing well with my weight loss and she's not.
I was sharing my excitement over a new low on the scale with her, when I saw she looked about ready to cry. After much prodding, I finally dragged the truth out of her. I really didn't know how to respond. I tried to brush it off, and asked what I could do to help enable her to do better (my previous attempts came off as nagging and I stopped).
So now I'm signed up for some more chores around the house -- which I don't mind doing -- but I'm frustrated that it doesn't seem to be doing anything to help her disposition / willingness to try to log and eat better. She's just not ready, which I understand... I've been there... but it sucks that now I feel like I have to downplay or hide successes from her to not trigger another similar emotional response.
Sigh.
Anyway, I took a couple mental health days off from work to get over my funk and I think I'm feeling a bit better today -- despite the issue being completely unresolved.
My wife is pretty frustrated too. She has lost a lot of weight but because her method is less precise so are her results. Even though she sees and acknowledges my logging method as successful she just has an aversion to weighing all her food. She travels more than I do and has working lunches often so that coupled with less accurate logging sometimes ends up being weeks and months of little to no progress.
All you can do is reassure her that you love her and do not try to fix her. Each time my wife gets out the PB jar I cringe when she doesn't weigh it but I say nothing.
If you are doing additional chores you are increasing your energy expenditure. It these were chores she was doing she is lessening hers unless this equates to more exercise time.2 -
@Hubzilla - Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.
@gewel321 - We kind of do this, but the only common meal we share typically is dinner. Her trouble lies elsewhere unfortunately -- constant snacking and poor food choices. For dinner, she typically cooks healthy options and is very supportive of my efforts in doing so.
@NovusDies - Yeah, that's the approach I've been trying to take. Being appreciative, spending more time with her, not pressuring her. She doesn't respond well to reminders or nagging, so I don't do that anymore.
Re: energy expenditure -- yeah, I can see that I guess. I'm more trying to help combat her stress eating habits. She's a very emotional eater, so if I can make things easier for her in that area, hopefully that will improve.
Anyway, if I were to go to her and say something like "Honey, I changed my mind, you could use the extra exercise from those chores so I won't do them..." I'd probably be sleeping on the couch for a while, lol.3 -
Honey, I changed my mind, you could use the extra exercise from those chores so I won't do them...
Heh - new group - Larger Single Losers3 -
My husband and I have always had food in common....thru the years (44 of them this month) we have gained and lost a lot of weight...sometimes together and sometimes alone...a few years back, John lost 135 lbs and I have to admit I was jealous and proud of him at the same time...I was losing but not like he was...he was walking and exercising daily...I wasn’t....it kind of took the wind out of his sails when I wasn’t as supportive as I could and should have been...and I was down because I had lost my eating buddy...
I wish I had something to say that would help but I don’t have a solution...I think just keep doing what you are doing and when your wife is ready to be as committed as you are, she will make the right decisions...and when she is ready, you will be her support system...all you can do is lead by example...
Hugs4 -
@Hubzilla - Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.
@gewel321 - We kind of do this, but the only common meal we share typically is dinner. Her trouble lies elsewhere unfortunately -- constant snacking and poor food choices. For dinner, she typically cooks healthy options and is very supportive of my efforts in doing so.
@NovusDies - Yeah, that's the approach I've been trying to take. Being appreciative, spending more time with her, not pressuring her. She doesn't respond well to reminders or nagging, so I don't do that anymore.
Re: energy expenditure -- yeah, I can see that I guess. I'm more trying to help combat her stress eating habits. She's a very emotional eater, so if I can make things easier for her in that area, hopefully that will improve.
Anyway, if I were to go to her and say something like "Honey, I changed my mind, you could use the extra exercise from those chores so I won't do them..." I'd probably be sleeping on the couch for a while, lol.
Seems logical to me. Sometimes a person has nothing left in the mental tank for weight loss. I am coming to realize that is a significant factor for when a person is ready to lose or not. It was even a big factor for me for many years. Not to say that is the primary factor for your wife but it might be in the mix.
My wife likes to win. When we play games I have very often cheated in her favor because I get enjoyment just playing and she gets frustrated if I win too much. Even if the game is a dice game and it is mostly chance that decides the outcome she doesn't like to play if she is not winning part of the time. Unfortunately there is not much I can do about weight loss. If it were up to me I would do all the struggling and she would have an easy time of it. It might not help that I do not complain a lot so some of the harder parts of my weight loss I have kept to myself making my road seem easier than it has been.
This part of it has sucked for me for about 8 months now. I am glad that I am at a weight now that when I am cleared for heavy lifting I can feel comfortable engaging the recomp plan I have been considering for a few months now. I will enter a period of maintenance and work on converting fat to muscle instead of losing it directly. This means my scale trend will be zero (or thereabouts) for 4 months, then I will reenter a deficit for 2 months, then another round of recomp for another 4. This will delay my arrival to a goal weight by 8 months. I get to practice maintenance and place my priority on fitness only for awhile. It doesn't hurt that this will hopefully give her a chance to make a lot more progress. I am making this choice for me though.
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It doesn’t do much good to whine....it is what it is....back to 303 two days in a row after a low of 301 Sunday morning....sometime I don’t think I will ever see a 2 as that first number!....I am anxious to begin the next phase of my weight loss journey.....I wanted to see 299 first but maybe I will start it anyway!4
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Sometimes we just want it so bad, we get all stressed out over the concept. What if gravity changed today and tomorrow you weighed 213lbs. How would you decide whether or not you were healthy?2
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If my scales turned to 213, you would see me turning cartwheels down the street!...for any reason!
.....I know the scales will go down sooner than later but I have been working on some long term goals and I wanted to start the next part of this journey after I hit 299.... whine whine whine0 -
conniewilkins56 wrote: »If my scales turned to 213, you would see me turning cartwheels down the street!...for any reason!
.....I know the scales will go down sooner than later but I have been working on some long term goals and I wanted to start the next part of this journey after I hit 299.... whine whine whine
Whine away. I can't think of a better reason to whine than a teaser milestone.1 -
I know the feeling @conniewilkins56. My 299 was very slow in coming with a lot of bouncing around near it before it happened. Then I lost it a couple times afterward!2
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Thanks!...I will hold you to that!0
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It's been at least 3 weeks since I weighed in. I left it that long because I'd hit a plateau and I wanted to focus on logging, weighing food and exercise. Over that time I've been totally pedantic with everything. Meticulous. I've not gone over calories on one single day. I've weighed and measured everything that's gone in my mouth. I've exercised most days and eaten back some exercise calories but not all.
And today I weigh 200g more than I did three weeks ago. I'm totally over this.2 -
maiomaio71 wrote: »It's been at least 3 weeks since I weighed in. I left it that long because I'd hit a plateau and I wanted to focus on logging, weighing food and exercise. Over that time I've been totally pedantic with everything. Meticulous. I've not gone over calories on one single day. I've weighed and measured everything that's gone in my mouth. I've exercised most days and eaten back some exercise calories but not all.
And today I weigh 200g more than I did three weeks ago. I'm totally over this.
I hear you loud and clear!...I am so over playing with 303, 301,302,303 and back to 302 for awhile now...I haven’t started much exercise because I wanted to do the first 50 without it but I guess I will begin...I have also counted and measured everything like I always do...I can’t eat much lighter than I am....good luck!
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Don’t give up! We’ve got this! I have been experiencing the same “scale drama” for the past 3-4 weeks....but, I know that I have been super dedicated! I also know that I am losing...I am fitting in clothes that I have not fit in years. Unfortunately, I ignored the recommendation for taking measurements so I don’t have any hard data but I PROMISE you that things are working and I just know the scale is going to catch up! If we believe in the process and remember that 4+2-3=3.....no matter how you do the math......it’s the same with CICO.....if we are diligently logging and being consistent it will work!
I ordered a tape measure yesterday and will be using that to keep me motivated when the scale is not kind. I also believe progress photos will help....but, I’m not there yet.....still afraid of the camera....smh.
Although, I don’t post as often as I should I have been motivated so much by maiomaio71 and conniewilkin that I had to pause and respond to both of your posts...PLEASE DON’T BE DISCOURAGED, WE CAN DO THIS!🙌🏾2 -
Questions: Are you healthier today than when you started your journey? Why are you healthier, what’s your plan? What will happen if you just stop doing what you are doing? Why do you think you have excess weight? Why do you want to lose the excess weight? What will be different when you lose all the excess weight? What will be the same?
Sometimes answering questions like this can help remind ourselves this is not a “Have To” situation. This is a “Get To” situation. We get to be healthier today through our actions.2 -
@maiomaio71 I agree with @Satisfiedwithbetter. There's more to the equation than just your weight. If you've just increased the amount of exercise you do dramatically, you're likely to see a weight uptick due to water retention. It happened to me just a few weeks ago.
Your weight fluctuates a lot from day to day. Did you eat a particularly big meal yesterday? Or overall more sodium/carbs than you normally do? Those would also cause water retention that would cause the scale readout to be higher. You may have weighed 2 lbs less yesterday, but you wouldn't know it since you haven't been weighing.
Lastly, if eating back your exercise calories isn't working for you, try not doing it. Exercise calories burned might be (or are most likely) overestimated, so you might be doing yourself more harm than good there.
Try not to get too frustrated and soldier on. You've haven't failed.2 -
maiomaio71 wrote: »It's been at least 3 weeks since I weighed in. I left it that long because I'd hit a plateau and I wanted to focus on logging, weighing food and exercise. Over that time I've been totally pedantic with everything. Meticulous. I've not gone over calories on one single day. I've weighed and measured everything that's gone in my mouth. I've exercised most days and eaten back some exercise calories but not all.
And today I weigh 200g more than I did three weeks ago. I'm totally over this.
Have you changed the batteries in your scale recently? Does your scale have a calibration function?2 -
Best idea I have heard today!
I am checking my scale battery in the morning!...I knew it wasn’t my fault it isn’t moving down!...it’s the batterys’ fault!...yay!0 -
No scale calibration but they're fairly new (about 3 months) and the batteries are new. I don't often eat back 100% of my exercise calories. Sometimes I eat some of them, sometimes not. Depends on my hunger levels. My exercise has changed a bit... less walking, more squash when my knee allows it, and some tennis. Nothing really that significant. Totally flummoxed. I'm going to keep going don't get me wrong. I'm just frustrated and annoyed.3
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maiomaio71 wrote: »No scale calibration but they're fairly new (about 3 months) and the batteries are new. I don't often eat back 100% of my exercise calories. Sometimes I eat some of them, sometimes not. Depends on my hunger levels. My exercise has changed a bit... less walking, more squash when my knee allows it, and some tennis. Nothing really that significant. Totally flummoxed. I'm going to keep going don't get me wrong. I'm just frustrated and annoyed.
You are a better person than I!! I can't even get on the scale because of this very reason. I've weighed myself once in three months and that was only because my clothes were noticably baggy and I knew I had lost a bit.
You're awesome, the scale will catch up!0 -
maiomaio71 wrote: »No scale calibration but they're fairly new (about 3 months) and the batteries are new. I don't often eat back 100% of my exercise calories. Sometimes I eat some of them, sometimes not. Depends on my hunger levels. My exercise has changed a bit... less walking, more squash when my knee allows it, and some tennis. Nothing really that significant. Totally flummoxed. I'm going to keep going don't get me wrong. I'm just frustrated and annoyed.
While it is unlikely going to be the scale then it might be worth stepping on the scale then stepping on it again carrying something that you know weighs enough to get past rounding to the next higher weight (or higher). As I recall your weight has been hovering for close to 2 months, right? That is the majority of time you have owned it.
The chances of this being the issue is slim but you should always make sure the device you think is broken is plugged in. In other words, you should always rule out every possibility while diagnosing a problem.
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@maiomaio71 That’s rough... I’m experiencing the same thing, the scale doesn’t seem to move for a long time even with continued high activity. I don’t eat back my calories either. Ugh!!!
I also do that same thing @NovusDies recommended (I use a full shampoo bottle). It makes it increase as expected. It’s usually about the same when I weigh again, but changes a couple tenths, which makes it a little less frustrating. I think I need a new scale
haha. 1 -
I hear all of you!...if I don’t hit my first goal of 50 lbs this week, my scales are going into the garbage!....I am so sick of this back and forth with one or two lbs.....grrrrrr2
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Ok now I have to find something else to complain about !.....I hit my 5010
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Well done @conniewilkins56!1
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And if you’re anything like the rest of us, you may find it a few more times before you find your next low, and that ok! Constant and never ending improvement doesn’t mean ups and down.2
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I wish I could see myself as I am and not the shape of the person I perceive in my mind.4
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Sometimes I feel bipolar in regards to my self perception. I go from feeling like a huge cant move around fat *kitten*, to thinking I am in high school and can run a sub 7 minute mile still. I have a hard time with actual reality, I am way better than I was, but still no where near I want to be, and my brain has a hard time processing that. Trying to keep the momentum moving forward, or down, on the evil little devil scale. That's my little whine/rant for today lol.2
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I'm about to go to bed and I'm really hungry. Like stomach grumbling and rumbling hungry. So weird. I'm wondering if I logged something and forgot to eat it (done that many times) but going through my diary I remember eating everything on there. Oh well. Big glass of water and a good sleep will do the trick! Need to look closely tomorrow and see where I can do better. I've been hungry since about lunch time. Anyone else get like this occasionally?1
