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  • bmeadows380
    bmeadows380 Posts: 3,098 Member
    NovusDies wrote: »
    @bmeadows380

    Banking enough calories over 6 days to eat one day at maintenance each week has given me an additional benefit. I won't say that going into and out of a higher calorie day is always effortless but it is usually that way.

    It also helps that this is exactly what I want for now and the rest of my life. On special occasions or sometimes just for fun I want to be able to cut loose and eat a lot of food. I do not experience guilt because this has been my plan from the very beginning. One of my earliest sayings was that I did not want to be sitting in the corner at Thanksgiving eating celery sticks. If almost every other day in November is "controlled" there is no reason I have to do it either.

    One of the reasons I never wanted to consider weight loss surgery was because it potentially meant I would be permanently forced to eat fist sized amounts of food for FOREVER. While I will be the first to admit I have not been in good control of myself and if it were as simple as crime and punishment perhaps I should have to eat that way for the rest of my life. However, that is a harsh way of viewing things. I have to be willing to extend myself some grace.

    I completely relate to this; I also didn't want weight loss surgery because I'm not keen on making a permanent change to my body that isn't natural; what would the long term affects for 20 or 30 years from now? And there's no guarantees with it anyway - you can stretch your stomach back out and eat more, though I wonder what that does to the stomach long term since I would think it would be thinner. I certainly don't want to be in my brother and sister-in-laws position. They both had roux-n-y and will now be permanently malnourished and must take supplements the rest of their lives. Not to mention that my brother is now having a horrible time with kidney stones because he can't stay hydrated enough. I just didn't want to even consider that route, especially as there are no guarantees. Now, 3 years out, my brother admits that all the promises the clinic made for a support team isn't there; he has no support and is on his own to maintain it. He and his wife both have regained around 60 lbs each. Granted, they aren't anywhere near where they started, either, but I felt like if I was going to lose the weight and have any hope of keeping it off, I needed to learn a new lifestyle, and just didn't see myself doing that through surgery.



    My guilt complex is annoying, but it doesn't stop me from doing some things; I just live with that annoying nagging in the back of my mind lol And when it comes to holidays or reunions, I'm definitely not sitting in the corner with celery sticks :) But I do try to be mindful of the amount, and try lighten up the recipes I'm making. I'm learning that I have to find ways to compromise with my guilt complex. So I haven't gotten to the point yet where I can just not count a day and not think about it, but at the same time, I can make a deal with myself to loosen the reigns :) I suppose its all part of the process; you're much further down the trail than I am, and likely don't have the same sort of baggage to carry along on that path as I do - we all have our own hang ups, I suppose. But I'm working on it and hope to reach the point where I can move into and out of maintenance effortlessly one day!
  • [quote="conniewilkins56;c-44932461.at least I know the reasons I binge....only no answers how to prevent it from happening.[/quote]

    When you feel it starting to happen, say it aloud. "I want to binge." Then just ask yourself why. You may not get a straightforward answer the first time, but if you keep doing it, you will get an answer back. Then you can work from there. I give you a sample dialogue I used on myself last time it came up.

    I want brownies (Said with the tone of a whining child, which always comes with my binges.)
    Why?
    Because Girlfriend made me go to the store after her stupid stuff when I didn't want to go and I was tired!
    Brownies won't fix that. Tired means you should go to bed.
    But....
    If you make brownies, you'll be up another two hours, and you don't want to stay up two more hours.
    Well, no...
    They'll make you feel sick.
    True...
    They never taste as good as you think they will.
    That's true too....
    And you've done such a good job with staying under your calories that if you throw that away over this, you'll feel really ashamed and guilty.
    Yeah. If I'm going to break the diet, I'm going to do it for some really stupendous food. Not this. Let's just have our usual crackers and cheese and go to bed.

    And that was that. But I have a lot of practice arguing my way back out of a binge.

    I also recommend that you journal when you want to binge, and write down what happened and what you were feeling. Over time, you may see a pattern emerge, and you'll figure out your triggers.


  • conniewilkins56
    conniewilkins56 Posts: 3,346 Member
    Thanks...those are great ideas...last time I binged was on a half pan of frozen brownies!...I “ paid” for it for days afterwards....

    I like the dialogue idea...where did you learn these tricks?
  • NovusDies
    NovusDies Posts: 8,940 Member
    The last time I had a milkshake it made me sick, because it was so much more sugar than I'm used to eating. I'm not saying I will never have one again, but I don't like being sick on sugar, so that day may be far gone.

    If something is going to get me it would be a drastic change in fat intake. Mine is typically on the lowish side and in the past when I have had a big day it would involve no additional "sweet" items because they are not what I want typically.

    Lately all my macros are higher because my calories are much higher so I have more of a tolerance for all of it I suppose.
  • I am autistic, and I learned to do it when I have what I term a "feelingsball" which might be anger or fear or frustration or sadness or resentment or hurt and I don't know which it is, or if it has several of these, what is what. So I learned to just pause and interrogate the feeling and more or less be a good parent to myself and respond with caring and firmness.

    I have a rule that I can have anything I want, I just don't keep it in the house. (Except for the medicinal fudge, and that won't let anyone binge on it.) So if I want brownies, or cookies, or muffins, I can have them, but I have to make them. Very often I don't want them bad enough to make them. (grin) It also helps that when I want them, I want the version I make, which is infinitely better than the store-bought, so I already know store-bought won't do.
  • conniewilkins56
    conniewilkins56 Posts: 3,346 Member
    I am autistic, and I learned to do it when I have what I term a "feelingsball" which might be anger or fear or frustration or sadness or resentment or hurt and I don't know which it is, or if it has several of these, what is what. So I learned to just pause and interrogate the feeling and more or less be a good parent to myself and respond with caring and firmness.

    I have a rule that I can have anything I want, I just don't keep it in the house. (Except for the medicinal fudge, and that won't let anyone binge on it.) So if I want brownies, or cookies, or muffins, I can have them, but I have to make them. Very often I don't want them bad enough to make them. (grin) It also helps that when I want them, I want the version I make, which is infinitely better than the store-bought, so I already know store-bought won't do.

    I should have said, a tiny portion of my latest binge was a half pan of frozen brownies....I ate tons of other stuff,too...if I could stop before I REALLY dig in, that would be great!.

    ..sometimes I know I binge when I am bored or frustrated....I have a bit of OCD and I like to be in control of everything around me...if something or someone upsets my apple cart it make me crazy!....only child,spoiled brat syndrome!
  • Re the boredom: Make sure you have several things available for you to do, and things that adapt to varying levels of energy and environmental issues; it's not much fun to take a brisk walk in the cold rain, after all! I'm used to this because I have chronic pain, and so I have things I can do when I feel good, things I can do when I need to not spend too much energy, and things I can do when I'm in pain and need to distract myself. If you need to make a physical, written list of things you can do, then do that.

    I would also check how you're eating your calories, because there may genuinely be a need for a hundred calories or so to get you through to the next meal, and a snack will keep everything from going to blazes. More than that, with time I've got even the deepest part of my psyche okay with being just a little hungry, because we will eat, and it will satisfy, and it will be okay. No need to go nuts and Eat The World. So getting hungry isn't by itself a trigger now. That said, I have had to make eating on time a priority. I don't cope well when overly hungry, and it is very triggering to not get to eat on time. It's okay if you have to plan your life with one eye on when you need to eat, because it obviously isn't working to just let it go. (grin) I usually keep some form of 100 calorie snack in my purse, because that may be the difference between my being able to cope with serenity, or, well, not coping and heading for a full autistic meltdown. It'd be nice if my adulthood didn't rely on that, but, well, it does. So I deal with it accordingly.

    Dealing with frustration is a learned set of skills. You may have to teach yourself how to pull away and walk away and not let the frustration levels mount up too high. Again, have other things to do, and be willing to dialogue with yourself and say, "Yes, I'm frustrated. It's okay to be frustrated, this is a frustrating situation. I'm going to go do something else and come back to it later, and then I'll have a new perspective on it."

    If you would like to friend me and talk about this more privately, feel free.

  • NovusDies
    NovusDies Posts: 8,940 Member
    Before all this CV19 business I was considering getting my drivers license updated with a new picture. That was put on hold because it was completely non essential.

    At some point between Friday and Saturday I lost it so now I have to get a new one.

    Funny how things work out.
  • AlexandraFindsHerself1971
    AlexandraFindsHerself1971 Posts: 3,052 Member
    I'm in that situation with my social security card. I was putting off going and getting the name changed from FirstName MaidenSurname MarriedSurname after the divorce, because I want to add on a new first name legally, and I thought I might do it all in one go. And then CV19, and at this rate I'll go in and add a new first name and a new married name. Sheesh.
  • NovusDies
    NovusDies Posts: 8,940 Member
    I went more than 20 years in between having a physical copy of my SS card. I didn't need it. One day last year I was renewing my passport so I decided to run by the SS office first. I was there at opening and only waited about 40 minutes which is speedy by their standards.

    I assume the moment I get my new license my old one will show up. The last place I remember seeing it was in the garage on Friday when I sprayed it with lysol in the decon zone. I picked up a can of spray oil by mistake and lubricated it first.
  • conniewilkins56
    conniewilkins56 Posts: 3,346 Member
    When we moved back to Florida from Las Vegas, the laws for renewing your drivers licenses had changed...I had to get a copy of my “ starter marriage” divorce papers from 46 yrs ago to prove my name had changed!...who keeps divorce papers for 46 years?
  • AlexandraFindsHerself1971
    AlexandraFindsHerself1971 Posts: 3,052 Member
    When we moved back to Florida from Las Vegas, the laws for renewing your drivers licenses had changed...I had to get a copy of my “ starter marriage” divorce papers from 46 yrs ago to prove my name had changed!...who keeps divorce papers for 46 years?

    Anyone who's had to deal with bureaucracy. When I was married to my first husband I had a portfolio in which I kept copies of our birth certificates and marriage license, as well as the property tax paperwork and the last three month's utility bills and bank statements, plus the bills for his medications. Because we received food stamps, and every three months you had to trot all that stuff down to the office and prove that nothing has changed, we still are who we are, we still live at this address, we're still married, we're still homeowners, he's still paying $120 copay on his medications every month, and yes, the gas bill has gone down because it's no longer winter. It was absolutely ridiculous.

  • joannatherese
    joannatherese Posts: 2 Member
    I am 2 weeks into MFP and have lost 9 lbs, trying to focus on the day to day. One thing I want to do is to really enjoy my food, not just obsess about calories. Also there was an article posted about not getting hung up abut the scale monster, thanks for whoever posted that. Hope everyone is well and shout out to my Gulf Coast peeps, I'm hunkered down too! Stay dry!
  • NovusDies
    NovusDies Posts: 8,940 Member
    I am 2 weeks into MFP and have lost 9 lbs, trying to focus on the day to day. One thing I want to do is to really enjoy my food, not just obsess about calories. Also there was an article posted about not getting hung up abut the scale monster, thanks for whoever posted that. Hope everyone is well and shout out to my Gulf Coast peeps, I'm hunkered down too! Stay dry!


    Hi @joannatherese,

    Welcome.

    9 pounds is a lot in 2 weeks. Even though some of it is likely water weight I still think it can be a helpful relief to get that first weight shift.

    I do not think we should obsess about any of it but you will probably go through some phases that seem like it. Some of it is just an educational/awareness adjustment. It is kind of like learning another language. For a while an egg was less an egg and more 60-80 calories to me. That has died down over time. The same thing happened when I was doing NEAT improvement. I was hyper aware of reasons to get up and move to increase burn more than straightening a room or making an extra trip to some part of the house.
  • AlexandraFindsHerself1971
    AlexandraFindsHerself1971 Posts: 3,052 Member
    What helped me not get hung up on the scale was weighing every day. If I weigh every morning than any one weight means less to me than if I weigh once a week. This is how my brain works.

    Right now I'm up a pound and I know without a doubt it's water weight due to stress. We close on the new house on Friday and begin moving and painting, with the final big furniture move on Monday the 6th. I expect that the following couple weeks I will lose at least five pounds I've been holding onto, just because the move will be over at last.
  • Ccricfo
    Ccricfo Posts: 156 Member
    My body tape was delivered yesterday, so first thing this morning I decided to take some measurements. Keeping in mind that I am at 269 lbs and 5'11'' tall, these were my measurements

    Waist: 54.5 inches
    Chest: 46.5 inches
    Neck: 17 inches

    I was shocked by my waist amount but it explains why even my 48 " pants don't work anymore.

    Do any of you have feedback about whether these amounts are way out of line for my weight?

    Thanks in advance---

    Chris
  • speyerj
    speyerj Posts: 1,369 Member
    @Ccricfo - people come in all shapes and sizes. Some people are apple shaped, I'm a pear myself. As you lose weight, you'll find you will lose it faster is some areas than others and it may not come off your waist as quickly as you would like, but it will come off. You will be glad that you took your measurements now so you can measure progress that isn't on the scale.

    Waist to Height ratio has been touted as a better indicator of fitness than BMI, so you might find this link at least interesting as another tool to measure your progress:
    https://health-calc.com/body-composition/waist-to-height-ratio
  • Ccricfo
    Ccricfo Posts: 156 Member
    Thanks, that is useful. My % is 72% which is awful. I wonder if I can increase my height rather than worrying about my waist.
  • NovusDies
    NovusDies Posts: 8,940 Member
    Ccricfo wrote: »
    Thanks, that is useful. My % is 72% which is awful. I wonder if I can increase my height rather than worrying about my waist.

    A very long time ago there was a thread in the main discussion boards about how tall you would need to be in order to be at a "healthy" weight. At that time I had only lost about 40 or 50 pounds so in order for me to get in the range I would have had to be almost 9 feet tall. I was not appreciative of that thread.
  • bmeadows380
    bmeadows380 Posts: 3,098 Member
    Here's the problem with me using height to waist ratio because I have a huge empty muffin top hanging above my belly button. My waist at my belly button is 41.5 inches, but if I go 1" over my belly button like the instructions tell me on that website, I hit that muffin top which is 45.5 inches. But I also know that 45.5 inches isn't realistic because its a lot of empty skin!

    So going by the muffin top, I'm 0.68, but if you go by my waist measurement, I'm 0.62, which is only 2 inches into the "take action" section of that dial.

    There was another thread on here that asked what weight a woman hit size 22W, and I found it interesting because there was a huge variety of weights and heights where a person was into a size 22W. I passed through 22's when I was between 290 and 300 but I'm 5-8" and am pear shaped to potato shaped, so I have wide hips, an ample seat, but also wide shoulders.

    At least I'm balanced......