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Esmay. I'm 23 and from New York. All my life has revolved around mental health issues.. everything about me is just wrong.. My eating disorder got the better part of me right after I had to take a medical leave from college for depression. I attempted suicide and became bitter and angry at the world and myself that I was still alive. I promised my bf at the time that I would stop cutting myself so my attention shifted towards trying to keep that empty-hallow feeling inside me and simply not eating helped with that. I started loosing noticeable amounts of weight and I couldn't stop...
That was three years ago. I've been in and out of depths of this disorder since then and now I'm at a point where idk what I want. I want to be healthier and be able to be happy with my body, but idk how to get there. I'm newly vegan--two and a half months in--and I was a vegetarian for over three years, previously. I do a lot of cooking, actually I friggin' love being in the kitchen. And as of late, I've been trying to allow my love for cooking help me appreciate the food I'm eating, enough to let that be that and not extremely hate myself for it afterwards. I'm trying to be better, but it's hard when I feel totally helpless against the thoughts that run around in my head.. they never stop; they are never not there.
I guess I was doing okay the past few months. But this cycle is endless and here I am, back at square 1.
I am ambivalent. Stuck. And everything always ends up in a mess.. just looking for places where I can feel less alone in all this..0 -
22 years old and depressed for the last 10. Started restricting when i was about 14. Got to my lowest weight freshman year of college and then began to obsess about food because I didn't want to gain weight. Have gained 40 lbs since my lw which is still in a healthy range but I am disgusted and tired of trying to be "normal" and comfortable with food. I am severely triggered by my close friends dieting and my roommate recently lost 30 pounds and I am upset because I can't win unless I lose more weight than her. I get jealous when I can see that she is so happy to be thinner and become very upset.0
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I'm Carissa. I'm 21. I started starving myself at age 14 when I had reached 167 pounds. I'd eat 250 calories a day and lost about 30 pounds in a month in a half. I began slowly gaining weight back after I couldn't manage on just the 250 calories anymore, so I resorted to puking up almost anything I ate (handful of pretzels, can of soup). I kept gaining and going through horrible cycles. I'd be puking one week, starving the next, and then eating relatively normal the next week. About four years later, I ended up in a psychiatric unit for stabilization and an intervention because I had attempted suicide. I was eventually diagnosed with an EDNOS along with depression, anxiety, BPD and OCD. It took about 3 more years of therapy and experimenting with medications to get to the place I am currently at. This is the first time I've lost weight the healthy way. I have had a few days where I have puked but they are so few that I don't think I need to worry about it. I think I'm okay. Sometimes when I lose another pound I get really scared of gaining that weight back or I feel this urge to start restricting so I can lose more quickly. I get too caught up in the numbers and how amazing I feel when I lose another pound. That's another issue I've been concerned about. I spend upwards of 3 hours a day measuring every part of my body and calculating things online. I still weight myself too many times a day. It's ridiculous and a huge waste of my time but I have to do it. I guess it's better than hurting myself though?
I'm looking for some friends on here who can understand the specific struggles we (who have suffered with eating disorders) go through while trying to healthily lose weight. I have a lot of good days but it'd be nice to have someone to talk to who understands the urge to restrict or purge during those bad days . Thanks for reading
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Hi everyone,
I'm Ev, 25 year old student from the Netherlandst.
At the age of 14 I was diagnosed with ED-NOS, bulimic subtype. Officially 'cured' for a while already now, but now i'm trying to lose weight I'm struggling with unhealthy habits around food again (undereating, over excercising, stuff like that).
I feel like people who never dealt with eating disorders don't really understand what that's about, so I'm hoping to find some support here when I have a hard time
Feel free to add or message me ^^0 -
Hi, I'm Cheryl from the West Midlands and I'm 23 years old. I've had issues with my eating since October 2012 because I was in a psychiatric hospital for suicide attempts and the patients in there were really dangerous so I never came out my room which meant I didn't go down for breakfast, lunch or dinner and the nurses never even noticed so by the time I came out, I stopped being hungry and so I didn't eat properly. I started living of a tin of soup a day but then I went down to half a tin, then stopped eating soup and drank a bottle of milkshake but then I stopped drinking bottles and went down to miniature childrens milkshake, the ones they put into lunchboxes but I'm struggling to drink those now. I don't eat a single piece of food and haven't touched food since June 2013, I've been on a liquid diet for a year. I've lost 4 and a half stone in a year and I'm still losing weight. I guess the main benefit of an eating disorder is the weight loss, however, you have the physical illnesses like dizzyness, lightheadiness, weakness, rapid heartbeats and the mental health side effects are overwhelming. I just cannot stop thinking about weight loss, I don't think I go an hour without worrying about putting on weight. I feel anxious every time I drink, even if it's just flavoured water.
I used to be a little over 13 stone but now I am nearly 8 and a half stone. I couldn't believe it when I last went on the scales and saw I lost that much weight. Somehow, it hasn't built up my confidence because I still see myself as a really fat person. I'm currently receiving DBT and visiting an eating disorder clinic next Thursday so I hope they can help and I can start my road of recovery. It's going to be extremely difficult. My doctor has prescribed me Fortisip nutritional shakes but I cannot touch them, I am so afraid of them I haven't even tried one. I guess I should, especially now I've been working out more.
Has anyone else been put on nutritional shakes and do they put on weight? I really need some support.0 -
I'm a student studying film. My disorder started in February, I'm trying to stop this thing before it gets to strong, of course I believe it can never be to strong to handle. I still allow myself to eat "unhealthy" foods, my only problem is constantly checking calories and some days eating very little calories but still a bit of food. I have the same feelings though, not wanting to eat but still feeling hungry, not physically allowing myself to eat some foods. I want to be able to support whoever I can, and to conquer this thing that is over powering our minds. Feel free to talk to me anytime I can be the most serious person or I can just talk to have a fun conversation :P0
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Hey all!
I am Kelly. I have struggled with my weight my whole life and particularly with my relationship with food. In my closet I have sizes ranging from XS to XXL all of which have fit me in the past two years. I have starved myself to near hospitalization, I have abused exercise, laxatives and purged, I have eaten well over 20,000 calories in one sitting. I need help. The resounding message is I need help. I know that most of the posts on these types of boards go well, unnoticed.
I would like some support, a voice of reason and someone to talk to. Someone who may understand my struggles.0 -
Hello I am Jenny 47 y.o. Australian. I have had bouts of bulimia all of my life on and off, mostly related to sugar. I have little enjoyment of food and have over many years developed very unhealthy habits including restriction of different types of foods, bingeing and purging. I am now at an age where I have to really consider chronic disease as a result of my lifestyle so I am trying to really get on top of this. I quit drinking four years ago and it is partly coming off alcohol that has caused eating issues to resurface.
I found online support very effective in quitting alcohol so am hoping to get similar support here.0 -
Hello! Call me Kairu. I'm 20, from australia.
I've been unknowingly been struggling with ED's for most of my life.
I'm also getting treated for BD-NOS / Other mental illnesses.
Selective Eating Disorder Is the worst one that I only came to realize in the past few years.
It makes it hard for me to eat in general - I find it so HARD to eat over 500 Calories a day, Not healthy I know but I can't help it ;~;
Its weird because I was told it was picky eating and it can be out grown but for me, its become worse and worse.
I always avoid foods with certain tastes, textures and smells (even temperatures) etc. I used to suffer Bulimia, thankfully I was able to recover from that.
I want to be able to eat properly, normally.
I will keep working on it, so I can become healthy ; u ;0 -
Hello,
I am Lauren. It's a little overwhelming for me to scroll through so many introductions, realizing that so many young women endure similar struggles, struggles that I have been dealing with (on and off again, in one form or another) for about 15 years. I don't wish this for anyone, especially young girls who should be embracing their lives and celebrating their bodies in positive ways. Anyway, I am approaching my 32nd birthday and am hoping to finally free myself from this destructive cycle. I find that exercise, meditation and a busy schedule and social life help me to cope in healthier ways. I have to admit that I originally joined myfitnesspal as a way to further my disordered weight loss agenda... But now I am hoping it can be a tool for healthy living... A fine line sometimes!
Peace,
llaura8880 -
Hi My name is Dawn and I am 47 years old..I have been through some tough times in my life..Domestic Violence and had to overcome health problems and emotional abuse..not sure if I can say I am strong or weak but with help I was able to overcome being with a abusive man and through my health issues I still see the glass half full...
Now this eating thing....I never really had a problem with weight....I did have a child young and gain a lot of weight and kinda starved to get back to my weight but when I got back to it I pretty much ate normal...
Recently I had some hurts with my family and this when it started....I got check for everything health reason why I am doing it but I guess its not that..I guess looking online its like a drug to me..A not caring.Not sure yet cause like I said its all new and I can't seem to find any support groups in my area to help me so I am hoping I can get some help here...The last week I ate so much I look pregnant...I thought maybe its cause I am 5;8 and trying to stay 125 maybe I am not eating enough but when you eat a bowl of oatmeal and then a whole box of cereal and then toast with a lot of butter within 45 minutes I have a problem..That's one day and after I am so sick I can't breath..I have tried to throw up a couple times but really couldn't..I was thinking of getting the medicine that makes you throw up but I know that will only make me worse..I am waiting for the doctor to call to put me on medicine maybe to stop it and try to maybe log or blog or get some tips here how you over came it.What did everyone do to fight this?
Nice to meet everyone by the way..Not having a good day today..I just binge waiting for the doctor to call which he still hasn't...
I thought of getting rid of all the food in the house too wonder if that would help..I don't do the crazy exercising when I binge cause I can't move nor do I throw up cause it don't work nor eat a bunch of laxatives but I need to stop this cycle and find out why I am doing it..Thanks again..0 -
Hi! I'm Ottilia from Sweden. I've never really been eating normaly in my life but it has been a problem since I was around 12, mostly Anorexia. I'm not really recovering but I'm not at my worst either. But I want to be happy, so I know I should start recovering again soon.0
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hi beautiful ladies. my name is Jill. Currently I'm diagnosed with anorexia but I am weight restored and on an intuitive eating meal plan. I began as EDNOS and in restrict/ binge/ self harm cycles, then over the past couple of years I went to compulsive exercise and restricting and diet pills. then after that I could get away with some exercise and orthorexic tendencies, and in my most recent relapse I was restricting and purging. So I'm a bit of a basket case. But I am trying. I have been in recovery for 2 years and this time in treatment I finally found some bliss. I would love to help support others, but I have to put myself first. Please only friend if you are sticking to your meal plan (mostly of course) or have a closed diary (:0
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Hi, I'm Courtney. I'm 19, studying Journalism & Mass Communications in Washington, DC. I've been struggling with an undiagnosed mixture of bulimia and anorexia (which I guess classifies as EDNOS?) for about four years, now.
I just came clean to my parents about it all, and am going home on Tuesday morning to see the doctor and get the recovery process started. I welcome and appreciate any and all forms of support I can get.
If any of you want to talk, please don't hesitate to reach out to me! I'm going to be as open as I can, and I encourage any of you who feel comfortable to do the same.
Stay healthy and strong, lovelies
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My name is Lex and I'm new. I'm a college student studying English, creative writing, and linguistics. I've been struggling with an undiagnosed eating disorder (which I self diagnosed as EDNOS, but it is what it is no matter the label so I don't care too much) for a number of years.
I always had body image issues when I was younger (self image really since it was more than just my body- incredibly low self esteem), but it got much worse when I went away to college and was fully in control of everything I ate. Now I'm working really hard to feel better about myself and eat healthier and desperately try to recover (again). My eating disorder has always accompanied my depression, anxiety, and self harm, so I'm trying to do better in those as well.0 -
So, um, hi. I'm Benji. That's the name I prefer to go by, anyway. (I'm transgender, not completely 'out', though. Hence why some pictures don't suggest that I identify as male. But I do) Please never call me anything but. In fact, I rarely give out my birth name online as I feel uncomfortable being called it. I'm 23, I'll be 24 in just a few weeks. My mind feels as though it is in arrested development, however. It feels like I just stopped aging when I developed the restrictive eating disorder. For many years, I struggled with emotional eating and binge eating. The restrictive eating disorder seemed to come so fast, that it even caught me by surprise. I have EDNOS/OSFED. Atypical anorexia. I thought I had been doing well in recovery, but as of late I've been struggling to meet a net goal of at least 1,200. I manage to by drinking my calories, but it's a constant battle. I am in a better place than I was at the height of it all. During my worst days, I would eat 0-800 calories a day. I am trying as hard as I can to fight tooth and nail so that I don't end up back there again.
I wasn't sure about joining the group, but I think it might be beneficial to me. I'm struggling right now, due to life's stressor's. Isolation, depression, anxiety, dysphoria. They all are working together to send me one trigger after another. Hi everyone..0 -
Hi, I'm Winnie. I've been primarily put in the EDNOS category. It's been primarily BED with off and on bouts of bulimia. I've been mostly stable for the last 4 years with a few lapses with binging, but as I've become unhappier, I feel myself backsliding and losing control more and more. For the first time in 5 years, I've been binging and purging again. Hesistant to say it's a full blown issue yet, but just can't deal.
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Hi. I'm Jennifer. I'm 42. I live in the West Indies. I'm currently working to overcome and I've been doing it for a little over 3 months. Is this group still active?0
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Hello! My name is Robyn and I've struggled with anorexia and bulimia for about 7 years. Sigh. I'm working on getting back in shape without going overboard!0
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My name is Loni and I am 30. I became anorexic 12 years ago and eventually bulimic also. I struggle daily with disordered eating. I am also in recovery from drug addiction and alcohol. I live in northern Florida and work as a pharmacy technician. I hope to get into college soon to start working on my degree to become a pharmacist.0
