Online Dating
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@Anthony, thanks for the support.
Maybe it's the age range you're looking at? I don't know since I don't look at women's profiles, but wow, I'm surprised that most are not looking for a relationship. I guess that's why someone emailed me last night asking what I'm looking for since I am wearing a wedding ring in some of my photos. Well, I'm not (I've been divorced for 10 years) - I just like jewelry and sometimes wear a ring on my left hand. Not a diamond though. So now that's one more thing I had to address in my profile lol.
@Kate, you're the only one that can make that decision. When I make a date to meet someone, I usually dial it back and don't go on the dating site at all until after the date. I feel it's respectful, and then I can tell the guy I'm meeting that yes, I was emailing with others, but have no plans to meet anyone else.
@Adios, I guess I'm different in that I don't feel ashamed that I'm on dating sites. Why should you be? I think it's better than sitting in bars waiting for someone to meet. When I saw my friend's ex-husband on Match, I emailed him right away. I figured it would be better than hoping he didn't see me. I just wished him luck and told him to be careful, etc.0 -
@Jill, the thing is, I think it's disrespectful of them to ask me if I'm seeing anyone else. It's a dating site, the whole purpose of it is to have multiple options. I don't ask them if they're talking to other people; I just assume they are. I guess I was mostly asking why guys act like it's such a big deal that I might be talking to more than one guy. One date is not nearly enough for me to decide that this is someone I'm actually interested in.0
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OMG let me say YAY that i found this group on here! And this thread fabulous. I have been thinking for some time about dating sites , but I had some really bad experiences years ago. Reading everyone's post though made me feel so not alone on the experiences. I recently tried Match because I figured why not let me see what's out there. i am definitely disappointed. I am never matched with anyone close to me or to my criteria. The other thing is I don't want to spend all day on these sites when i could be in the gym or doing something else that I truly enjoy. I have thought of POF didn't hear of OKCupid.0
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I was on POF but the guys seem to only want to have a night of sheet fun. Nothing like answering an email and the next response is if you want to go to bed. No dinner no talking just jump into bed. I guess I will try again when I have taken more weight off. I am overweight and I am honest about it but my self-esteem isn't so low that I will allow a jerk to make me feel worthless of a relationship.0
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So, is it bad to talk to more than one person at the same time from one of those sites? I actually had a couple of guys cancel on me before we even met up because they asked if I was talking to anyone else. I'm a horrible liar, so I generally never even try. The first guy told me "I'm not interested in joining a fan club; have a nice life". The second guy asked how long he should let me continue to see other guys before he put his foot down and told me no more (ok, he didn't cancel on me; I cancelled on him -- wayy too controlling for someone I hadn't even met).
So, all that to say, is it wrong to see more than one person at a time when it's still in the "casual" phase?
OMG. That is so true. I'll only be IM'ing someone and talking about going for coffee and they get all bent out of shape if you might do the same with someone else. At the same time they are saying they don't want anything serious. So, um, if we aren't seeing other people doesn't that make us a couple or exclusive? You can't have it both ways. If I'm not your girlfriend, then I can see other people. I'm not a serial dater. Usually if I did the first meet and greet and I really liked him, then I wouldn't necessarily look hard for another guy but putting all your eggs in one basket right off the bat makes no sense. Usually it ends up just being a string of one time meetings where there isn't interest to meet again but I'm not going to promise not to meet or talk to anyone else especially before I even met the guy requesting it.0 -
So, is it bad to talk to more than one person at the same time from one of those sites? I actually had a couple of guys cancel on me before we even met up because they asked if I was talking to anyone else. I'm a horrible liar, so I generally never even try. The first guy told me "I'm not interested in joining a fan club; have a nice life". The second guy asked how long he should let me continue to see other guys before he put his foot down and told me no more (ok, he didn't cancel on me; I cancelled on him -- wayy too controlling for someone I hadn't even met).
So, all that to say, is it wrong to see more than one person at a time when it's still in the "casual" phase?
OMG. That is so true. I'll only be IM'ing someone and talking about going for coffee and they get all bent out of shape if you might do the same with someone else. At the same time they are saying they don't want anything serious. So, um, if we aren't seeing other people doesn't that make us a couple or exclusive? You can't have it both ways. If I'm not your girlfriend, then I can see other people. I'm not a serial dater. Usually if I did the first meet and greet and I really liked him, then I wouldn't necessarily look hard for another guy but putting all your eggs in one basket right off the bat makes no sense. Usually it ends up just being a string of one time meetings where there isn't interest to meet again but I'm not going to promise not to meet or talk to anyone else especially before I even met the guy requesting it.
I say keep things like this close to your chest if you're genuinely looking for the one. Its a question more aimed at players or serial daters. I'm sure if the guy ends up being the one you would drop all other contacts anyhow, so just answer in the affirmative
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My experience keeps getting more weird every week.
I went out with a guy I really liked. After the fourth date, a couple friend of mine asked me to dinner for a Friday night. So I asked the guy I'd been seeing. Apparently it freaked him out because he ended us seeing each other further (this was the via text guy, nice).
Fast forward a couple weeks. I was going to have a first date with someone tomorrow, but he has now cancelled. Why? Because I told him I'm not on Match to search for a husband and don't know if I want to get married again. He's looking for a relationship that will lead to marriage.
So Man A isn't interested in me because I wanted him to meet some friends. And Man B isn't interested because I didn't seem like I'd be committed enough. Wow. Sooooooooooooo confusing.
A guy put the phone down on me after he said "you are very bubbly"!!!!! Now even I was shocked at that one.....lol I guess different people are looking for different things but when you find the 'one' its when you both click because you are looking for same thing Keep on looking, those guys werent right for you......... :flowerforyou: 0 -
My current dilemma on Match is that, just like on OkCupid, I have seen two guys I know in real life, and I have no idea how to handle it. It's like the elephant in the room. The one guy is a blast from the past, so it's not neccesarily a big deal, but the other guy is an acquaintance who I see on a semi-regular basis. I would actually like to date him, but now I can't decide if it's too weird - should I approach it online, or in real life? I don't really know him well enough to talk about this in person, yet I know him too well to just throw him a "wink" on a website.
I thought online dating was going to be easier than "traditional" dating - ha!
I would send him a wink...lol I think that would be a fun way to break the ice. If he's interested he'll repsond. If not, he'll either ignore you or make a joke out of it. In which case you could say you were just saying hello and meant nothing by it.....saves losing face :blushing:0 -
The dating sites are a mixed bag, for sure. Especially the free ones...
Too often, the good quality women get run off pretty quickly. The creepers blow it for the good guys. POF is the worst...0 -
kind of off topic of online dating, but has anyone here ever gone to a speed dating function. We are having one here next month, I think the first one held here, and I was considering going. It's even being run out of a local gym, where they are going to have couple's games with dinner after. It costs $75 (dinner included at the Keg). Wondering if anyone has tried this or had success.0
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Well it only took a week and a half but I deleted my POF account. First some creepy guy who I wouldnt date IRL finds me and I had to block him. Then I had some guy accuse me of being a pimp. That not including the one who wanted me to go on a cruise with him. I think I might try OKCupid but I had never heard of that one before. Oh I did get the want to go to bed message to lol0
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I actually tried it once before. I emailed this guy back and forth and even exchanged numbers and talked for a few weeks.
After that I started to I guess just get scared. He seemed like a nice guy, but some things just seemed odd to me after looking at his facebook page. Then I was just nervous to meet him in person. So I just stopped talking to him. Sometimes I wonder did I miss out on a nice guy because I was just scared.
But I think if you can get over the being scared part its a good way to meet someone 0 -
Vox, no, I haven't tried speed dating.
Jen, you did the right thing if those weird emails bug you too much. I just ignore and delete. Most of the time they don't even send a second email.
Nicole, I have learned that you shouldn't wait that long to meet someone. I was moving very slowly like you, and then realized that really, we were just wasting each other's time when we didn't know if there would be interest in person. So now I usually meet up with someone for a drink or lunch within a few days of emailing.0 -
Oh i have been on many many many many dates (yes I have been counting) and still had no joy. Not that I am overly fussy but just that no one seems to spark my interest. i kinda like my life and I think that someone would need to be really special for me to think of changing it. I have trued numerous sites and have came across a whole load of twats but also some really nice genuine people.
I live in hope
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I'm looking for some advice from you ladies. What kind of messages do you respond to on these dating sites?
I've been off and on of POF for a while, sent probably a dozen messages to different girls and got 0 responses.
I just found out about okcupid and signed up last weekend. I made sure I put in a bunch of information and answered a bunch of questions and uploaded a few pictures. I sent at least 1 message to a different girl every day this week. Again 0 responses. I can tell they've looked at my profile, so I assume they're just not interested.
I usually pick something out of their profile and either comment or ask a question on it in the message. I might just start messaging random things just to see if I can get SOME response. I'm starting to think most girls in my area like the creepers that ya'll are complaining about on here.0 -
Sol, I WAS going to say that if someone just writes "Hi" or "how are you" I don't really respond. But it sounds like you are actually giving some thought to what you're writing, which is good.
For my personal experience, I never know what to say. I always look through everyone's profile that emails me. If I don't think we'd be a good match, for whatever reason, I feel kind of bad. Especially if the guy took the time to write a "real" email. It's really hard to know what to say back to someone because let's face it, rejection hurts. I will usually just write and say "thank you for the email, but I don't think we'd be a good match".
So let me ask you this----if someone isn't interested, what could she say that would let you know she's not interested but wouldn't hurt your feelings?
That said----one reason I like Match best is because there are auto responses you can choose to send. Then you don't feel stupid for not answering, but you don't have to come up with answer.0 -
I will usually just write and say "thank you for the email, but I don't think we'd be a good match".
So let me ask you this----if someone isn't interested, what could she say that would let you know she's not interested but wouldn't hurt your feelings?
I think your reply is fine. Actually not responding at all is acceptable too (which by the way is still rejection), we understand. Sure, part of me thinks it would be nice to know why you didn't think we'd be a good match (could be something I don't feel strongly about anyway), but I wouldn't suggest actually doing that. I could see that leading to a profile change/lie to try and change your mind.
I just find it frustrating when I read these horror stories about guys' messages and I have to assume it's working for at least some of them.0 -
I have sent messages to people and gotten no response. And I've gotten tons of messages and not replied. Honestly I think it's kinder not to send a response if you're not interested. I think that's a good assumption. I don't need to hear it specifically. I have sent a couple emails at times where I feel really bad, but I doubt it made them feel better, it was just the right thing to do.0
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Sol, I can't imagine any woman responding to those icky emails. Well, at least not one that YOU would probably want to meet.
PS, I know what you mean. If I am not interested solely because I don't think someone is good looking, I feel shallow.
I have also sent plenty of emails and "winks" that haven't gotten any reply. We all have been on both sides of it.
So this is interesting. I have been emailing with someone for about two weeks now, just one a day or so. I didn't think we were going to meet because usually it happens sooner, and frankly I was okay with that because he lives kind of far from me (almost an hour, which for me is really too far for a L/T relationship. It's a lot of darn driving!). Well today he asked if I would have lunch with him next week sometime. I said yes and we are trying to figure out a day, but wouldn't you know, someone I winked at the other night emailed me and wants to get to know each other. AND another guy I had looked at but didn't contact because I thought he was too good-looking emailed me.
It always seems to go this way. Nothing for a long time, and then suddenly several people interested. This is the part I don't know how to handle. I am NOT a serial dater and don't have any interest in dating multiple people. I feel weird though, knowing I have a lunch date, emailing others.
How do you guys handle that? I feel like I shouldn't really be pursuing anything else until I know if the current guy is going to work out. My friends IRL disagree and think I should be emailing as many as possible. Honestly though, how does one keep track of all of it?!0 -
Mine was that the relationship fell into relying on electronic communication more than actual interaction.. email and texts are not a reliable means of communication.. trust me.. don't ask me to explain.. but it's just not.
^^ this. I had some online boyfriends but unfortunately nothing worked & the reason: distance. Although race isn't an issue for me but I prefer someone who share the same culture as me. However I don't think it would be possible for me since I live in a distant country with a different set of people & culture.0 -
How do you guys handle that? I feel like I shouldn't really be pursuing anything else until I know if the current guy is going to work out. My friends IRL disagree and think I should be emailing as many as possible. Honestly though, how does one keep track of all of it?!
Haha, I'm the same way. I'm not a serial dater and I feel funny seeing more than one guy for dates even though the dates are casual and no commitments have been made.0 -
Does any one else have an issue with the amount of lead time it takes in developing relationships that begin online? I have found that my lead times can go anywhere from a few days to 4-5 weeks. By lead time, I am referring to the amount of time it takes from the first communication to the first 1-on-1 in person get together.0
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After six months of this, I have changed my mind. I used to take at least a week from first contact to meeting in person. It usually was email, then text, then phone, then meeting.
I realized fairly quickly that there's really no point in dragging it out and you're better off meeting faster. If you don't feel a physical attraction when you meet, it makes it worse that you like the person after a week or two of emailing/talking.
And that goes both ways; I've been on both sides of that, where either I didn't "feel it" or he didn't. It was then a big waste or both of our time.0 -
After six months of this, I have changed my mind. I used to take at least a week from first contact to meeting in person. It usually was email, then text, then phone, then meeting.
I realized fairly quickly that there's really no point in dragging it out and you're better off meeting faster. If you don't feel a physical attraction when you meet, it makes it worse that you like the person after a week or two of emailing/talking.
And that goes both ways; I've been on both sides of that, where either I didn't "feel it" or he didn't. It was then a big waste or both of our time.
This seems so, so smart!0 -
Thanks Lisa.
It's kind of hard to admit, but it's true. It sucks to text and talk a lot, and then meet and there's zero chemistry. I'm not looking for more friends lol.0 -
How do you guys handle that? I feel like I shouldn't really be pursuing anything else until I know if the current guy is going to work out. My friends IRL disagree and think I should be emailing as many as possible. Honestly though, how does one keep track of all of it?!
This is funny.
When I was active on the online sites I was talking to several guys at a time. I dated 2 guys 1 week. That was as serial dating as I got though. I couldn't handle more.
It was difficult to remember everything. I got them all confused sometimes!! :blushing: Even with crush boy now, I forgot some of the stuff we've talked about or have gotten it confused with someone else. That was a part that was super overwhelming.
I think if I ever did online dating I'd take it 1 guy at a time.. none of the 2-3 guys at a time. Since I'm quick about 1st contact and meeting up, it shouldn't be a problem. It helps me to keep focused and attentive to the guy of the moment.0
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