widows and widowers welcome
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pkthv1
Posts: 20 Member
My name is Pattie. I am a 58 year old widow from Michigan. I lost my husband, my best friend 11 years ago. I have struggled with my weight since and began this weight loss journey with my daughter (who does not live with me) in January. So far I have lost 14 pounds and she has lost 16.
I love MFP. It has helped me immensly! I noticed that there was not a Widows and Widowers group on here... so I thought I would start one... Hope to meet new friends here!
I love MFP. It has helped me immensly! I noticed that there was not a Widows and Widowers group on here... so I thought I would start one... Hope to meet new friends here!
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Hi,
I am new to MFP also. I am 52 years old. I too have struggled with my weight since my husband died 5 1/2 years ago. At first I couldn't eat anything and lost down to 135. Then, when I felt like eating, I didn't want to cook, so I ate a lot of high calorie convenience foods. I gained some weight back, but kept it under control with exercise until last year. It was a horribly cold winter here in TN and it seems like it went straight into an intensely hot summer, so I didn't exercise as much as I needed to. When I reached 165, I decided I had to do something! I am now down to 154 and pleased with my progress. I've lost 6 pounds since I really started using this site in Jan. The key for me seems to be exercise and eating healthier. I bought a treadmill last fall, so I now have no excuse to not get in the running/walking. I look forward to meeting others on this site and supporting each other in all of our struggles.0 -
I just realized we both lost our husbands when we were 47. How weird is that?0
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Patti,
I don't know how to do it, but as the administrator of this group, you can add a picture for the group instead of the generic crowd. How about a butterfly or something like that. They represent change, which is what we have been through and are currently trying to do...in a positive way. I found a website that has free pictures you could probably copy and paste. It's butterflypictures.net. Just a thought.0 -
Don't know how to do that ... but my daughter will be over soon and I will have her show me. That is a great idea! Thanks.0
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How much weight are you trying to lose? You have done amazing so far. I'm sure it helps that you're daughter is also losing with you. Looking forward to be able to support each other.0
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not quite sure yet, but probably about 60 total... Too awesome a number to think of... I am trying to think in 10 pound increments... makes it easier to wrap my head around! LOL. How much more do you need to lose?0
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I know what you mean and you are smart to think in smaller increments. I still want to lose 13 pounds. I'm thinking in 5 pound increments. lol You are doing great so far.0
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It really doesn't matter if it is 60 or 13... when you are struggling with all the feelings you are having now, it is a daunting task. Keep up the good work. Do you have a good support system?0
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I do have a good support system. Fortunately, my parents are both still alive, in fairly good health, and live only half a mile away. I also have some amazing friends and church family. My husband had brain cancer, so right after he died I was also able to rely on the Hospice Chaplain. She was a God send for sure. I couldn't have made it without her. I have 2 step-children who were grown before John and I got together, but we are still close. I'm so thankful for that. They have, together, 4.8 children.....the daughter is due to deliver another grand daughter the end of May. The grand children range in age from 21 to 3, soon to be 0. lol They all live in FL, so I only get to see them a couple of times a year.
As far as weight loss goes, mom and dad understand and don't "push" food on me. I also have a friend I can exercise with sometimes and other friends that let me pick where we go out to eat so I can pick low calorie foods, if I want to. I am actually amazed as to how fast the weight is coming off this year. Usually it is a slow go, so I am expecting a plateau any day now. I think it must be the consistent, more intense, exercise.
What is your biggest problem area? Mine is cooking. I just couldn't cook right after John died, except for breakfast. It was so hard to cook for just one. So, I tended to eat a lot of peanut butter and snack on high calorie and salty foods, when I felt like eating. So, I'm trying to cook more and eat less of those convenient foods.0 -
Hi ladies ... I'm glad I found a nice, small group. I'm a 57 year old widow. I just lost my husband last October, so this is still prettty new to me. His death was sudden and quite a shock to me. I'm trying to cope and move forward, and one of the things I can do to is improve my health.
I recently learned that I have very early stage kidney disease. It's early enough to manage with diet, but I'm still not sure how to do that. I take a class next Monday to figure out my limitations. I do know it's supposed to be low protein and that's already hard for me. I love protein!
I need to lose about 65-70 pounds. I've lost about 20 since my husband passed away ... about 15 from the first couple of months of stress. Left to my own devices, I'm slowing down now. I'd love some encouragement and support from other widows.
How do I get my tracker thing at the bottom of my posts?0 -
JulieGo,
I'm so sorry to hear about your husband and your kidney disease. If you're like me, the fact that your husband isn't around makes the illness that much harder to handle. It sounds like you are doing well and trying to take back control of your life.
The fact that you aren't losing weight as fast as you were at the beginning is understandable. Just hang in there. Once you see what you can eat, then you can work on a plan to accomplish your goals. I applaud you for getting started!
As for getting the ticker at the bottom, I forgot how I did it and had to go back and try various things until I found it. On the message boards page, which should be the one you are on now, click on settings and then click to put it at the bottom of your posts.
I'm looking forward to getting to know you better sharing in your journey.0 -
Thank you for the warm welcome! And thanks for the information about my tracker. I realized that in looking back at my history, that I actually first logged on to MFP in 2008!!! The pounds lost are actually four years' work! Gads.
I'm very motivated now though. And this is the first time I've actually been motivated because of my health. It used to be to look better. Now I know it's very important for me to be healthy.
I don't have any children, but I have nieces and nephews in my life who I love very much. My oldest nephew is about to become a father and I'd sure hate to miss any of that.
So, forward I go.
Since I'm also dealing with my new widowhood, I'm trying to make positive changes in my life now that the grief is easing up a little bit. I'm making small changes to my house, sprucing up the yard a bit (I'm in California and we've a mild winter) and keeping my family near to my heart.
My father is living with Alzheimer's, but still in a good place. He's forgetful, but has very good support from his wife. I have two brothers within 40 minutes of me, and good friends who are here for me.
But, the more support, the better. So I'm glad I found this little group.
Thanks for having me!
Now ... I have to go log some food!!
Happy Friday.0 -
I had logged into MFP almost a year ago too, but didn't really use it until Jan. Don't beat yourself up for losing 24 pounds in 4 years. At least you lost and didn't gain that amount. Since you are more motivated now, I'm sure the weight will come off. You just have to find a plan that works for you that you can stick to.
Are you exercising any? I didn't say this earlier, but I actually started running in 2009 because I was depressed after my husband's death and the doctor had finally talked me into taking anti-depressants. I didn't want to be on them the rest of my life, so I started exercising and that did the trick. Six months later I got off of the pills and have been doing good since. Exercise can really be good for you in more ways than one...and you don't have to run. Just find something that you like to do.
I'm glad that you have a good support system and agree that you can never have too much. You are a relatively new widow, so I'm sure it is still really hard for you. It sounds like you are doing well, though. Making the small changes and doing the things that have to be done. I can't speak for Patti, but as for me, I'm here to support you not only in your weight loss journey, but also in your grief journey. So, feel free to post whatever you feel like posting. Sometimes it is easier to open up to someone who has been through similar circumstances and can understand better than someone who hasn't.
On another note, what part of CA are you in? I was in the AF and lived in Redlands for 3 years. I liked the area except for the smog.0 -
I'm in Woodbridge, CA, which is right next to Lodi, which is about 40 miles south of Sacramento. I love the area and we don't have smog. It's agricultural and very beautiful.
I am exercising moderately. In January I sprained my knee and the healing process is rather slow. (Nope, I'm not having a good year!) But I walk when I can. I'm contemplating joining a gym and finding out what strength training I can do and still protect my knees. I don't want to mess them up.
Good news though! I had my blood work done yesterday and my doctor emailed me and informed me that my kidney function is back to normal. This is unusual and very, very good news. Now I know how to take care of myself and eat right so it stays good. And, eating the way I have been ... I feel better. So I'm very motivated by this positive news.
I'm looking forward to better days!0 -
JulieGo, Sorry it has taken me so long to get back to you. It has been a busy few days. Great news about your kidney function! It's amazing what eating right can do for your body, and I know that is hard to do as a new widow, so kudos to you!
Joining a gym is probably a good idea. They can help you find exercises which you can do and not injure yourself, or at least they should be able to. Have you asked your doctor what he would suggest?
You're part of CA is much better than LA. You're close enough to San Francisco that you can go over anytime you feel like it. That must be nice. I was there once and really enjoyed it. Except it was in Aug and I was expecting warm weather. We went to Fisherman's Wharf and about froze to death. We all had to go into a shop and buy a sweatshirt. Bet they get lots of business from people like me. lol
I have hit a spot in my weight loss, where I gained some back for no apparent reason. Maybe it was water weight, I don't know. I have lost a little of it back, but still not back to the lowest I've been this year. I'm trying to not be discouraged by a pound or 2 up, as long as it doesn't stay there for long. I guess I need to start doing different exercises to shock my body. Fortunately, it is getting warmer, so I will be without even trying...mowing the lawn and gardening. Plus, I will start tennis again in a couple of weeks. All of that should help. I hope.
Glad you are doing better. Keep up the good work.0 -
I know you probably don't like hearing this, because everyone's weight loss is a struggle ... but I wish I only had 20 pounds to lose!!! If I would have started paying attention to my weight when I was 20 pounds overweight, I probably would not have gotten to be over 85 pounds overweight!!! But, live and learn.
Yes it's nice being close to San Francisco. I lived there for a couple years in my wild youth. I also lived at Newport Beach and Laguna Beach. I'm a true California girl. But now that I'm older, I like the slower pace of the town I'm in. And I guess I'm a flat-lander at heart. I like not having to drive up and down hills!
The gym I'm considering joining is part of a medical rehab center. I like it because it's not full of young hardbodies. It's just a gym - no frills. They have good people there who can help me get in shape. And it's a pretty modest price. I'm having to be really careful with money since my husband died. I lost his source of income and have had to readjust. Everything hits at once, huh?
Right now it's raining and I haven't even been walking in the morning. Between that and the time change ... no motivation. But I'm not beating myself up. I'm done doing that. I pushed myself really hard to achieve things after Bill died and realized (probably when I went down and sprained my knee!) that I was being really hard on myself. Trying to do a whole lot of stuff really fast, just to get it done. I'm past that and being much kinder to myself.
This is a journey that nobody can prepare us for and it's nice to be able to connect with other widows who have gone through this also.
Have a lovely second half of Hump Day.
Julie0 -
I know the amount of weight I want to lose is smaller than some, but it is, as you said, still a struggle. And, if I don't keep control of it, I could very well become 80 pounds overweight. I think the fact that I was in the AF for 15 years and HAD to keep it under control has helped me with that.
It sounds like the gym you are considering would be a great one for you. I have been in those you talk about, where it seems like the only reason the people are there is to show off their bodies, or admire themselves in the mirrors as they walk by. lol
I too lost my husbands income, and while I can live on what I make, it was an adjustment and scary at times to have so much less coming in when the bills aren't cut in half. I had to sit down several times and review what we had in the bank, how much I was making, and what I spent each month before I relaxed a little. Still have to be somewhat frugal and hate it when I make a decision to spend money that doesn't turn out right....like the last time I had the driveway sealed. I felt the charge was more than I expected and the work wasn't up to pare. I kicked myself for that one for months. But, I am taking it as a lesson learned and going from there.
I'm glad you have decided to be kinder to yourself. There are so many things that have to be done right afterwards, and you really don't feel like doing any of them. Then, when all that initial stuff is done, you have to find a new routine that you can be comfortable with. It sounds like you are doing great and doing what is right for you. I know it is hard. Hang in there. It does get better.
I spent this afternoon and evening on a Relay For Life fundraiser. (In case you don't know, this raises money for the American Cancer Society.) John died of cancer and this is a way I have found to make something positive come out of the tragedy of his death. Hopefully, I can help raise the money that will one day put an end to this horrible disease. My way of fighting back.
Hope you have a great rest of the week and are able to get in a little exercise.0 -
Thanks for the encouragement. Since there is no rule book about how to cope with widowhood, I'm learning as I go. I did get a book called "Widow to Widow" which is a really well-written and empathetic resource written by a widow who completely validates all of the strange feelings that come along with this. Basically that everyone grieves differently and there is no right or wrong way. And it's not a linear process ... it happens in fits and starts. I think that's why I decided to slow down. I don't have to prove anything to anybody and nobody expects me to.
That said ... I absolutely know what Relay for Life is because last year I was on our team here at work. I work for a newspaper in Lodi and we're about 90 employees. We had a garage sale, two bake sales, and a breakfast bar ... and that was just in-house fundraising. We also did some restaurant sponsored fundraisers and of course, at the event itself, we put everything we had into our booth. My personal contribution was gift baskets that we raffled off at work and at the event. I got gift cards from restaurants, spas, coffee shops, the movie theater and lots of stuff and made beautiful baskets that people just had to have. (I even bought tickets for a couple of them, I do really good work!) And our team raised quite a bit of money. The day of the event last year (beginning of June) it was pouring rain and freezing cold!!! In California!! But we had a good time and hung in there. There was a lot of dedication and energy.
This year I didn't physically join the team because of my husband's death. I didn't want to commit to something I wasn't sure that I could finish. But I'm helping them with some things. In fact tomorrow, were hosting a Breakfast Bar here at the office. We're all bringing yummy breakfast food and people can eat as much as they want for a donation of $5.
And I wonder why I can't lose weight?
So I whole-heartedly support the American Cancer Society. Much as been done to help prevent and treat cancer, but there's a lot more to do and I hope we see more great strides in our lifetimes. Good luck this year!
Back to work. Have a good Thursday.0 -
I did a lot of reading also. I'll find a couple of the books I really liked and give you the names of them, if I don't forget. Sometimes I think my brain takes a vacation. lol
So glad to hear that your Relay For Life team does so much. Your baskets sound wonderful. Our county is having a hamburger/hotdog dinner and auction the end of April. They get a 55" TV donated as a door prize, so that encourages people to go. At this, as many teams as want contribute 6 items to be auctioned and we split the money for the dinner between the teams. Not our team, but some of the others do baskets that sound similar to your's, but I just bet your's are better.
My team is a group of people from my church. There are 16 - 20 of us and we have been raising $15,000 every year I have been a member. We cook meals at church for the Wednesday night group once a month, cook for other functions, have Pizza Inn fundraisers - one coming up on Tuesday, make cakes and decorate them to sale at Easter, and anything else we can think of. Our overnight Relay is June 15 this year. We always have a really good time. This year, I am the ceremonies chair. I've been working on that some, but really have to get myself in gear because the information for our programs have to be in by April 9. Yikes. Not long. I hope I do a good job and everyone enjoys the ceremonies.
What is your connection with cancer....your reason you Relay? Everyone has one.
I think it's great that we have that connection also. Take care and don't eat too much breakfast tomorrow. Pick and choose the lower calorie alternatives and you'll be fine. Have a great rest of the day!0 -
Your team sounds really productive! I didn't read this post until after I hit the breakfast bar! I was going to stick to fruit, but there was this pan of ... stuff ... that is a Paula Dean recipe for French Toast Casserole. I HAD to have some. I went easy on it though.
I don't have a real strong connection to cancer like you do. My mother's parents both died of cancer, but I didn't have a relationship with them since they lived in a different state. I have a few friends who have battled breast cancer. But I still feel strongly about the cause. I've seen what cancer can do and think we shouldn't rest until it's less of a threat.
Also, I enjoy volunteering. Since I moved to the Lodi area 13 years ago, I've been involved in one committee or board most of that time. My husband and I didn't have children and volunteering is a good way to spend time and meet new people. I've made some good friends on committees. One of my favorite causes is the local senior facility. The director is a friend of mine and she works really hard to run the place and provide meals, services and activities for the seniors in the area. My husband and I were both appalled by the way seniors are treated in this country so it was my little contribution to the cause. The center holds events each year that I help out with. Again, mostly I do the gift baskets for raffle and silent auctions. I have a friend who does it with me and people have told us that our gifts are by far the most beautiful they've seen. We always clean up! I went to a fundraiser a couple of weeks ago and their silent auction items were pretty unimaginative and sad.
Another of my local causes is the Salvation Army. I sat on the board as secretary for many years until it started taking up so much time away from my job and home life. Now I help when I can on certain events. I'm still in the loop. They've done really good things for the community and I believe strongly in their message. They're accountable for every penny that gets donated and run the operation like ... um ... the army! I almost always donate time and money locally. I know there's a lot of need globally, but I tend to concentrate on my community. Relay for Life is probably the only national charity that I donate to.
Gads! Enough about me! I'm not sure if you mentioned where you live so I'll ask: Where do you live? Your photo looks sunny and lovely.
I have to work now. I'm actually getting paid for this! Have a good Friday.0
