widows and widowers welcome
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Hello Ladies,
I have been offline for a few days. A couple of my girlfriends/co-workers and I went to Cancun. We flew out Thursday morning and came back last night. We did an all-inclusive stay and only ventured off the resort for part of a day to visit a flea market. We spent lots of time at the pool, at the beach, reading and relaxing. I have never been anywhere like this. It made me very sad that I was able to go since my husband is no longer with us. So Bittersweet! This was a very theraputic time for me. No schedule, no kids, no worries....
Now back to the real world! I will weigh in tomorrow morning and see where I sit. Half afraid that I will be back to square one. I will be back on track starting tomorrow.
Hope you all are doing well!0 -
Beckster,
So glad you were able to have a vacation. I understand about being sad...so was I the first time I went somewhere without my husband. But, you went and sounds like you had a great time. Good for you!!!!
I'm pretty sure you were unable to eat enough extra calories to gain back 7 pounds. So, even if the scales show that, a lot is probably water weight and will come back off easily. So, don't be discouraged. And don't feel guilty. You needed that time for yourself. Like you said, you can get back on track. Good luck and let us know how you really did on vacation. You may be surprised. What if you lost?!
Hope everyone is having a great week.0 -
Thank you quilteryoyo! Way better than I thought. My scale showed me up 2 lbs. My jeans feel tight around my calves so I am thinking there is some water weight there. That was one thing I had started to notice before I left for vacation was that my jeans were fitting better on my legs.0
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That's not bad, beckster. You'll get rid of those 2 pounds in no time! :happy:0
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Hi ladies,
I've been away from this site for a couple of days — but they were very good days. My brother in law is talking now and we couldn't be happier. So Brandi (his wife, my BFF) came over Saturday and we celebrated. We had champagne and made a pot of shrimp etouffee and then had some cupcakes.
Also lots of laughs and stuff. So Sunday I got right back on the diet horse and started being good again. Not expecting the scale to go the right direction for a few days but that's okay.
It's beautiful in California; I got my garden planted on Sunday and life is looking a lot cheerier for me and the people I love the most.
Beckster ... you're doing great. And water weight is a real and (pardon the pun) fluid thing. It comes and goes. I stopped worrying about water as long as it eventually moves along ... and it will! That's when I know to walk away from the salt and drink plenty of plain water. And a trip to Cancun??? You rock. I haven't been able to take a trip yet. So I'm just nesting. Making my home as relaxing and 'girly' as I want. There's a lot of therapy in that.
Ladies ... have a great Wednesday. Get outside. Breathe some fresh air and take a walk. I did two miles this morning and it's made my whole morning better.
Hugs and wishes for a good day.
Julie0 -
JulieGo, Very glad to hear the great news about your brother-in-law. :bigsmile: You two deserved to celebrate that! Gardening is a great way to get outside and enjoy yourself and get a little exercise too. It's not time to plant much stuff here in E. TN yet...may still have a frost or two. The temperature and weather here changes drastically in a day, or even in hours, this time of year. We always say if you don't like it, just stick around a little while.
I just got back from a 3.1 mile run/walk...in 39:33 minutes. Sweaty, but feel good.
Hope you are all doing well.0 -
Quilteryoyo — you're inspiring to me to increase my walking distance. I'm going to work toward a 3-mile goal. Which means I have to get up a little earlier in the morning and that goes against everything I believe in :laugh: but I'll give it a shot.
The one thing that keeps my walks from being the best workout that they can be is that I have my dog with me. And the walks are for her as much as for me. Since my husband died, I feel really bad leaving her alone all day. He was retired and was home with her (we had another dog as well who I had to find a new home for a couple of months after Bill died — she had horrible separation anxiety and literally started tearing up my house!). But Mali (my beloved Old English Sheepdog and owner of my heart) means the world to me so the morning walks are my gift to her. Except there are many stops and starts since she has to smell every blade of grass and foreign object along the way.
It's okay though ... I wouldn't have it any other way. So, I've also begun to do some strength training after we get back from the walks. I'm usually pretty much warmed up after 2 miles, so I alternate doing upper- and lower-body exercises. Since I've been pretty sedentary for quite a while, I figure anything I do is better than nothing.
I might go all out and actually join a gym if I start toning up, losing more weight, and can't get what I need at home.
Anybody in this group a member of a gym? I haven't done it for a long time and I always lose interest.0 -
JulieGo, Glad I can be an inspiration. :happy: I agree that anything you do is much better than nothing. And, you must be doing something right....look at all that weight you have lost already. Thirty pounds is amazing! I don't have a dog, but understand how much of a companion they can be. I'm glad you have Mali to keep you company on your walks.
I don't belong to a gym. I did when I was in the AF, but found that I just didn't go enough to justify the cost. And, now, I live in a rural area and would have to drive 30 minutes to get to one. So, I have opted to not join. I am thinking about getting a set of exercise bands and using them. I had to use one for rehab back in 1994, when I broke my elbow. I remember how great it made my arms looks, but I quit doing them for some reason. I think now that I'm on a path to better health overall, I just might be able to keep it up this time. You might find that you are more dedicated to the gym this time too. Maybe you could do a trial membership and see.
Hope everyone has a good weekend.0 -
It's been nearly a week since anyone else has been on here. I hope you are all ok and staying on track with your diet and exercise. I have subbed a couple of days this week and have 2 days scheduled for next week. This close to the end of school, that is not the easiest job in the world. The kids are just ready to be done with it and it is hard to keep them on task. But, for the most part, they are a great group of kids.
I have been able to keep up my running, even though I had to run when it was 86 degrees yesterday. That was tough, but I stashed some water at the 1/2 way point and took a couple minute break to hydrate. I was able to do 3.7 miles in 45 minutes...with 10 minutes of that being warm-up and cool-down walk. I thought that wasn't bad at all.
I still haven't started to strength train. I just can't seem to get as motivated to do that, even though I know that I need to.
Hope you all are having a great week.0 -
Hi Ladies,
I am just having a yucky day. Kinda feeling sorry for myself. Started some therapy on my elbow this week. They figure I have tennitis (sp) or golfer's elbow. I haven't golfed for several years so not exactly sure why but hopefully with some ultrasound and therapy I can get it straigtened out. My anniversary was on the 1st. I did ok that day but then we had a thunderstorm come through last night. Pretty much the first one since my husband has been gone. I love them and he was always nervous. I just really miss having someone to snuggle on a rainy stormy night.
A while back I had been struggling with life and had decided to give my 3 cats to the humane society. I am really liking my house without a liter box but I really miss the cats too. Part of me thinks maybe I should have kept one of them. I am sure they are all in good homes and it wasn't that my home was bad, I just wasn't doing very good with house cleaning and liter boxes and just more than I could handle. I fell so stupid for missing the cats. Somedays I feel like I miss them more than my husband. Maybe because I know I couldn't bring my husband back and the fact that I could have kept the cats.....maybe just a guilty thing.
I just want to be happy again and right now I am not happy.... I am so sorry that I am venting on here, but I am hoping that you all will at least have a little understanding of my stupid pity party.0 -
beckster, It is perfectly okay to vent and having bad days, unfortunately, is expected and normal. You may have gotten along okay on your anniversary, but I'm sure all of the things you mentioned have been on your mind. When the pile gets "high" enough, it has to fall, so to speak.
You are probably right about the reason you miss the cats so much...it was your choice to give them away. You didn't have a choice with your husband. So, that is not stupid at all. It is understandable.
I know it doesn't feel like it now, but things will get better and you will be happy again. It will always be different, but happiness is possible. Just let yourself feel what you feel and grieve like you need to. As my hospice chaplain told me, "You have to trust the process (of grief)." Feel free to vent anytime you like. Hope you are having a better day today. :flowerforyou:0 -
Hi everyone. Sorry I haven't logged on for awhile.
Beckster - I feel your pain. I'm having some troubling times also. Yesterday would have been my 27th wedding anniversary and it's my first one without Bill. I was doing fine, but I'm trying to get a loan modification on my mortgage and I finally got a human on the phone and had a very frustrating day. On my anniversary ... I had to go through all of the "death" paperwork and try to find documents to RESEND to Bank of America because in the 5 MONTHS they have been working (not really) on my application, all of the paperwork I sent them "expired." I was so sad. Look through insurance bills, death certificate, all the stuff ... just very sad.
Anyway ... I got past it and sent them a very snarky letter and now I'm probably not going to get the loan modification after all. But I feel okay about that and kind of relieved to stop dealing with them. I swear ... if I'd stopped making my mortgage payments, maybe I could have gotten their attention.
Sorry. Had to vent.
My weight is stuck. Has been for a few weeks. Maybe that's why I'm not motivated to log on very often. I plan to change that and re-motivate myself. I'm not re-gaining weight. But I'm not losing. I count that as a win.
So I got up early and walked Mali for a couple of miles and did some crunches and a wee bit of light yoga and I'm back on track.
Thanks for listening my friends. Have a great weekend.
Julie0 -
Good Day to You All!
Just checking in before a hectic work week starts. Just feeling at loose ends and thought this was the place to go... rather than the refrigerator. I thought I had my dog "farmed out" to a new family... but I am going to pick her up today. She came into our lives when my husband became ill. We had just put down the sweet family pet who was old and sick. Then Sally came into our lives. She's a Border Collie and a sweetie. She was a good companion when my husband was ill. She stayed near him and gave him love and provided a distraction for us both. But now, my "new normal" means leaving her locked up all day while I'm at work. She is needy and shows it by digging in the yard and just general nervousness. Any little noise sets her to pacing and whining and doing some grab and rip damage to my bedspread, etc. She needs to be where she can have the attention she deserves. I thought I had found a place but they have to return her because of an illness in their family. So, off I go this afternoon to retrieve her. I will keep trying to find her a better place, but in the meantime... she will be back. This kind of means I'm living in her home rather than her living in mine. I feel I'm moving backwards instead of forward. When I get her back this afternoon, I'll bathe her and play with her and enjoy her sweetness. Tomorrow morning, I'll have to kennel her. Tomorrow night... she will be neurotic and require time and attention that I really have in short supply. Sorry you have to listen to my "rant." But I thought I had dealt with a problem in a good way... and am back to square one. (I will not take her to a shelter... she's too good a dog to throw away, or end up where she might be abused. She needs an understanding, patient, owner, who can be home with her.) I will get her picture on the Border Collie Rescue Web Site soon. I am using another dog rescue site in the meantime and they assure me that in TIME, they will find her a home. signed, Impatient about my Impatience0 -
Heyjude — I feel your pain about your dog. I sent you a message.
I hope we all had productive weekends. I did and feel great today. I'm motivated now to get off my butt and start tracking my food and pumping up the exercise. Maybe it's the weather or something, but I'm feeling very strong.
Have great week everybody.0 -
Heyjudev, Hope you have gotten your dog situation worked out. I can tell that you love her a lot and just want to find her a good home.
Juliego, Glad you were feeling better and hope you were able to stay motivated this week.
I have had a very busy and sometimes stressful week and only gotten to run 1 time and managed to play tennis one night. I do plan to run again today. My eating has not been where it should be, so I have gained a little this week. I am choosing to look at that as an opportunity to lose the same two pounds again. I've already lost nearly one of them. I know a lot of it was water, but still.....
I didn't tell you all my great news. At least I think it is great. I had some extra time when I was in town last Saturday and decided to try on clothes, just to see what size would fit now. I fit into a size 8!!! :happy: I don't even remember the last time I wasn't in the double digits. Being a size 8 was one of my goals and I still have 5 pounds I'd like to lose. So, maybe a size 6 is doable. Wouldn't that be something?! Anyway, I was excited and wanted to share my success.
Hope you all are doing well.0 -
Hi Pattie! mY name is Jeannie and I'm new to the MFP. I lost my husband a year and half ago to cancer. He was 39 years old and my BFF. Now I'm raising 2 teenage boys on my own and I have always struggled with my weight. I know I need to start caring for myself because I am all my boys have now. I always put me last because I did everything for my husband and boys. I'm hoping this site and groups will help me learn who the real me is.
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Welcome Jeannie, I'm so sorry about your loss. There is way too much cancer out there taking our loved ones before their time. I don't know if you read my story or not, but my husband died of brain cancer in 2006. I'm sure raising 2 teenage boys by yourself is tough. I hope you have a good support system near you.
Kudos on wanting to be healthier, for yourself and for the boys. You do have to learn how to love and take care of yourself too. I hope we can help you discover how to do this. Getting on MFP is a great first step toward a healthier you. You just have to take it one step at a time and not worry about it when you go backwards a step or two. Look forward and start again. Eventually, you'll find that you have taken many more steps forward than you have backward.
Good luck and keep us informed of your progress and struggles.0 -
Hi all,
Welcome Jeannie. I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my husband a little over 7 months ago and my pain is still pretty new. This group helps.
And Quilter? Size 8? I'm not sure what that means!!! Single digits?
I just moved from a size 18 into a size 16 so ... there's that! I'm not dropping any weight right now, but I'm walking 4 days a week and doing my crunches and leg kicks and weight work on those days. So I feel amazing. At least I'm not gaining.
I'm going through a very busy time at work right now so I'm lucky if I eat a healthy meal at all. Worked about 11 hours yesterday but still came home and grilled a chicken breast, made a quick salad and heated up some quinoa. So, a healthy meal (and a glass of good red wine ... I deserved it!)
I'll touch base again when I can stay longer. Just wanted to say hello and now I have to get back to work.0 -
Welcome Jeannie, I am very sorry for your loss. Our stories are very similar. I lost my husband (he was 40) last September. I have two boys (10 & 5). Please feel free to add me as a friend and/or message me anytime.
All other Ladies - hope you all are doing well. It has been crazy getting to the end of the school year with all the extra fun things at school. I have been a little depressed lately and need to make myself get back to my journal. Of course that makes me actually deal with life by writing it down so if I avoid it, it isn't really happening, right????0 -
Thanks everyone for the great welcome. I'm so sorry for everyone loss. I'm still trying to figure this all out. Bill only fought for four months before he passed and lost 100 lbs. It took them 3 weeks to figure out where it originated from. All they could tell us he had some type of stage 4 cancer.
My boys were 13 & 16 when Bill passed. I'm trying to get Corey ready for prom on Friday & graduation. He made the comment he wished my brother-in-law could be back to help him get ready for prom. I didn't know what to say.
My youngest Travis is struggling in school this year and he always had good grades.
As for me, after a 1 1/2 I started sleeping in my bed. I slept in Bill's recliner. I started line dancing and actually met some widows. They are great people!.
Beckster . . . my heart aches for your boys. Don't let that depression get you. Focus on getting through the day or even a minute and you will do it.
JulieGo . . . I would love to see an 8 again! I know what you mean about eating a healthy meal. My boys are like mom can we have something good tonight. Meaning healthy. I need to start planning my meal out or something. This is crazy.
Quilteryoyo . . . I'm sorry. I didn't get to read all the post. I'm sorry about your husband. Cancer just SUCKS.0 -
Sorry it has taken me so long to get back with you all. Thank you so much for the support and the well wishes have to the loss of my husband .it has been quite crazy and I haven't had a chance to log on lately .I just got my notice that I have to leave my house by august 1. I'm losing it due to the loss of my husbands income.Between trying to pack up my house with my 16 year old running to doctor appointments and councelor appointments for kids in myself along with trying to find a house for us to live in it has been crazy . I haven't quite been doing very well with watching what I eat or exercise. everything else has just piled on more stress which causes need to eat or grab fast food since we are always running somewhere . I will do better to try to read this post its amazing how everyone is doing since the lost their spouse I just can't seem to function most days . know they say it gets easier with time I don't think it's easier it's just different . and in my book different isn't always better . I am so sorry for everyone because it hurts I know not to something you get over overnight thank you again for the warm welcome0
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gtmcuzz....I don't have any words to say that will help so I am going to just say a prayer. I will add you and you family to my prayer journal. I pray to give you the strength that you need and that you will fine a place to live. God's blessings and peace to you and your family.0
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Hi all. First off ... gmtcuzz ... don't apologize because your life is a mess right now and you can't log on and keep us updated. I know exactly how that feels. Just come to us when you can and keep us in the loop because we're all fighting the same battle.
I've been crazy busy lately too and haven't been tracking my food or exercising enough. It's getting depressing on more levels than just the widowhood level. I need to find some balance in my life and taking control of my health is a good place to focus.
That's one thing we can all control — what we put into our bodies.
When I take the time to shop, clean, chop, prepare and properly store my food, it's not so hard to eat right most of the time. But lately I haven't had that time. Or if the time comes, I'm too exhausted to put much energy into food preparation.
I'm just hoping for one day. Just one day to come along where I don't have to do anything for anyone else. I can take care of myself.
Let's all try for that. One day. Pamper ourselves. Get some extra sleep. Eat healthy food and don't stuff a bunch of easy fast-food into our faces. Take a bath. Read a book. Plan a picnic. Anything.
Let's just try to find one day.
There's a 3-day weekend coming up and I'm going to use one of those days to focus on myself. I'm not gonna get on the computer or constantly check my phone. Just me and my dog.
I can't wait!!!!
Happy Monday y'all. Be heatlhy.
Julie0 -
gtmcuzz, I can't imagine what you are going through with losing your home on top of everything else. I too will say a prayer for your strength and wisdom in this situation.
It's been a while since anyone has posted. I hope you are all doing well. I think my husband has been gone the longest, almost 6 years, so I don't have many "bad" days anymore, even though I miss him everyday. I say this as a word of encouragement, that it does get better as you work through all the feelings and come to peace with them.
Eating well was the hardest thing for me. He had older children when we got married, so we didn't have any together. That meant I was by myself after he died and I just couldn't bring myself to actually cook for one. I'd try, but just couldn't. I'm getting better at that now, but still don't cook as much as I would like to. I eat a lot of Lean Cuisine meals, but they have a lot of sodium. I guess it's still better than junk food.
I have run in 2 races since I last posted, I think. A 4 miler for Relay For Life. I came in third female in my age division...in just under 44 minutes. This past Saturday I ran a 5K for a local schools booster club. That was a tough course. All hills. I walked a lot of that, but managed to complete it in a little over 35 minutes. There were only 2 women in my age group, so I got second place in that one. I think the key to winning is racing in small races.
As I said before, hope you are all doing well and hope to hear from you soon.0 -
Wow, we haven't been posting much lately.
So ... I'll chip in. I'm doing okay. I'm not tracking my food very well. I tend to do the morning and lunch and then stop. I haven't gained any weight, but I haven't lost any either.
I'll improve. I'm motivated now. It's summer and I don't wanna be slow. I have a lot to do and want to feel good for it. I wish my knees didn't hurt so bad all the time. But I'm working on that. I'm going easy on them and only walking every other day.
Quilteryoyo ... all those races! Wow. I'm not a runner so I don't know how that feels. But I'm happy for you. You're pretty dedicated and that's great. I don't think my knees could handle all that running.
I'll stick to walking and some weight training for now.
Y'all have a good day.0 -
We haven't posted much. I'm hoping everyone is doing okay. I know there are lots of things that have to get done and sometimes being on the computer is just not a priority. I had someone tell me soon after my husband died, "Now you don't have anything to do." I didn't say what I thought. :laugh: But, all the work still has to get done and now there is only one of you to do it. Instead of less, there is twice as much and everything seems to take twice as long.
I am now within half a pound of my original goal weight, but have decided to try to lose 5 - 10 more pounds. Running has really helped in that arena.
JulieGo, Great job on continuing to walk. You're smart for listening to your body. Now that you are more motivated for the summer, I'm sure you'll start tracking all of your food. If you sit down in the morning to do it, you can always go back to yesterday and put in what you had after lunch. At least that will give you an idea of how many calories you are consuming. It doesn't matter if you are over your goal. The point is to know what you are putting into your body. You must not be eating badly, since you haven't gained any. Chalk this up as a lesson that lets you know what you can eat to maintain your weight. Now, just cut back a little and see the pounds drop off. You can do this!!!0 -
Hi Everyone,
I wanted to say HI since I haven't post anything lately . Things have been crazy with Corey graduating, getting through Father's Day, and then our anniversary a few days later. I cant seem to get motivated to get back on track. It seem like I keep falling in the same hole with my eating. I hate going to the store when I do go and think ok I'm going to buy healthy stuff then the produce is crappy. I have to get back exercising. I do go line dancing, which is fun, but I need a lot more then line dancing.0 -
Hi Everyone,
I wanted to say HI since I haven't post anything lately . Things have been crazy with Corey graduating, getting through Father's Day, and then our anniversary a few days later. I cant seem to get motivated to get back on track. It seem like I keep falling in the same hole with my eating. I hate going to the store when I do go and think ok I'm going to buy healthy stuff then the produce is crappy. I have to get back exercising. I do go line dancing, which is fun, but I need a lot more then line dancing.
It's no wonder you have had a hard time staying on track with all of those things happening close together. Don't be too hard on yourself. That's to be expected, I think. Just remember, when you fall, it's only failure if you don't get back up again. Start tomorrow as a new day and don't look too far ahead. Get up in the morning and say, "Today, I will log my calories and stay as close to my goal as I can. Today, I will take a walk (or some other exercise)." Because, today is the only day you have any control over. Don't let yesterday ruin your tomorrow. (Sorry if that is too cliche'.)
Also, when you go to the grocery store to buy healthy foods and the produce is crappy, don't give up. Buy some skinless, chicken breast or other lean meat and some frozen vegetables. You may not be able to have a salad, but you can still have some healthy options.
Hope I helped a little. Hang in there. Keep trying and don't give up. We're here for you! :flowerforyou:0 -
Hello. My name is Susan. I'm 47 years old. I became a widow on New Years Day 2009 when my husband of 24 years passed away from cancer. I have 5 children ranging in age from 17 to 32, (I married into 3 kids, thus the age difference). I am a small business owner of a company that my husband and I started in 1988 so between that and a teenage daughter at home (all my other kids are up and out) that keeps me busy. My weight has been a struggle pretty much my whole adult life. I was a skinny cheerleader, then I got married, pregnant and got fat. I have never done the diet roller coaster. I was skinny, got fat and that's where I have stayed. Being alone has scared me into doing something. I should have thought about it before, but I always had my husband so I didn't think my health was such a big deal. There was 2 of us or so I thought. Recently (last year) I have thought about, 'what if something happens to me?' 'what would my kids do?', thus the reason I felt scared into doing something. Funny how when you are alone, the strength of 2 is missing. So my daughter-in-law suggested this website (which I actually have been looking for something like this for quite a while) and started a fitness challenge with about 20 other people. I like the format of this website and the quiet of my evenings does support my involvement, so here I go......any suggestions for ongoing results?0
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Welcome Susan. I'm so sorry to hear about your husband. All of us in this group have similar circumstances, so we can help and understand the unique problems we encounter. My husband passed away in 2006 or cancer also. That is such a horrible disease! I know how you feel about there only being one of you now. I don't have children to be here for...but do have older step-children and grand children. I too was afraid of being sick and alone and not having anyone to care for me. That was my motivation to get healthy...well, and I also wanted to get off the anti-depressants I was on...which I was able to do. The exercise was the key to that, I believe.
As to your question about ongoing results...the only answer that I know is to be consistent. Log your food everyday, even if you go over your calorie goal. You can at least see where you went wrong and do better tomorrow. Also, find an exercise you enjoy and do it. I started running 3 days a week and that has made all the difference in the world for me. I also play tennis, which I love. Walking is a good place to start, especially if you haven't been doing anything lately.
Good luck. Keep us informed of how you are doing. It seems that the people on this group are not real active on the site, but I think that is because they have so much going on in their lives and some are newly widowed, so you know how that is. I try to check in every day or so. We'll support each other.0
This discussion has been closed.