widows and widowers welcome
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Sorry it has taken me so long to get back with you all. Thank you so much for the support and the well wishes have to the loss of my husband .it has been quite crazy and I haven't had a chance to log on lately .I just got my notice that I have to leave my house by august 1. I'm losing it due to the loss of my husbands income.Between trying to pack up my house with my 16 year old running to doctor appointments and councelor appointments for kids in myself along with trying to find a house for us to live in it has been crazy . I haven't quite been doing very well with watching what I eat or exercise. everything else has just piled on more stress which causes need to eat or grab fast food since we are always running somewhere . I will do better to try to read this post its amazing how everyone is doing since the lost their spouse I just can't seem to function most days . know they say it gets easier with time I don't think it's easier it's just different . and in my book different isn't always better . I am so sorry for everyone because it hurts I know not to something you get over overnight thank you again for the warm welcome0
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gtmcuzz....I don't have any words to say that will help so I am going to just say a prayer. I will add you and you family to my prayer journal. I pray to give you the strength that you need and that you will fine a place to live. God's blessings and peace to you and your family.0
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Hi all. First off ... gmtcuzz ... don't apologize because your life is a mess right now and you can't log on and keep us updated. I know exactly how that feels. Just come to us when you can and keep us in the loop because we're all fighting the same battle.
I've been crazy busy lately too and haven't been tracking my food or exercising enough. It's getting depressing on more levels than just the widowhood level. I need to find some balance in my life and taking control of my health is a good place to focus.
That's one thing we can all control — what we put into our bodies.
When I take the time to shop, clean, chop, prepare and properly store my food, it's not so hard to eat right most of the time. But lately I haven't had that time. Or if the time comes, I'm too exhausted to put much energy into food preparation.
I'm just hoping for one day. Just one day to come along where I don't have to do anything for anyone else. I can take care of myself.
Let's all try for that. One day. Pamper ourselves. Get some extra sleep. Eat healthy food and don't stuff a bunch of easy fast-food into our faces. Take a bath. Read a book. Plan a picnic. Anything.
Let's just try to find one day.
There's a 3-day weekend coming up and I'm going to use one of those days to focus on myself. I'm not gonna get on the computer or constantly check my phone. Just me and my dog.
I can't wait!!!!
Happy Monday y'all. Be heatlhy.
Julie0 -
gtmcuzz, I can't imagine what you are going through with losing your home on top of everything else. I too will say a prayer for your strength and wisdom in this situation.
It's been a while since anyone has posted. I hope you are all doing well. I think my husband has been gone the longest, almost 6 years, so I don't have many "bad" days anymore, even though I miss him everyday. I say this as a word of encouragement, that it does get better as you work through all the feelings and come to peace with them.
Eating well was the hardest thing for me. He had older children when we got married, so we didn't have any together. That meant I was by myself after he died and I just couldn't bring myself to actually cook for one. I'd try, but just couldn't. I'm getting better at that now, but still don't cook as much as I would like to. I eat a lot of Lean Cuisine meals, but they have a lot of sodium. I guess it's still better than junk food.
I have run in 2 races since I last posted, I think. A 4 miler for Relay For Life. I came in third female in my age division...in just under 44 minutes. This past Saturday I ran a 5K for a local schools booster club. That was a tough course. All hills. I walked a lot of that, but managed to complete it in a little over 35 minutes. There were only 2 women in my age group, so I got second place in that one. I think the key to winning is racing in small races.
As I said before, hope you are all doing well and hope to hear from you soon.0 -
Wow, we haven't been posting much lately.
So ... I'll chip in. I'm doing okay. I'm not tracking my food very well. I tend to do the morning and lunch and then stop. I haven't gained any weight, but I haven't lost any either.
I'll improve. I'm motivated now. It's summer and I don't wanna be slow. I have a lot to do and want to feel good for it. I wish my knees didn't hurt so bad all the time. But I'm working on that. I'm going easy on them and only walking every other day.
Quilteryoyo ... all those races! Wow. I'm not a runner so I don't know how that feels. But I'm happy for you. You're pretty dedicated and that's great. I don't think my knees could handle all that running.
I'll stick to walking and some weight training for now.
Y'all have a good day.0 -
We haven't posted much. I'm hoping everyone is doing okay. I know there are lots of things that have to get done and sometimes being on the computer is just not a priority. I had someone tell me soon after my husband died, "Now you don't have anything to do." I didn't say what I thought. :laugh: But, all the work still has to get done and now there is only one of you to do it. Instead of less, there is twice as much and everything seems to take twice as long.
I am now within half a pound of my original goal weight, but have decided to try to lose 5 - 10 more pounds. Running has really helped in that arena.
JulieGo, Great job on continuing to walk. You're smart for listening to your body. Now that you are more motivated for the summer, I'm sure you'll start tracking all of your food. If you sit down in the morning to do it, you can always go back to yesterday and put in what you had after lunch. At least that will give you an idea of how many calories you are consuming. It doesn't matter if you are over your goal. The point is to know what you are putting into your body. You must not be eating badly, since you haven't gained any. Chalk this up as a lesson that lets you know what you can eat to maintain your weight. Now, just cut back a little and see the pounds drop off. You can do this!!!0 -
Hi Everyone,
I wanted to say HI since I haven't post anything lately . Things have been crazy with Corey graduating, getting through Father's Day, and then our anniversary a few days later. I cant seem to get motivated to get back on track. It seem like I keep falling in the same hole with my eating. I hate going to the store when I do go and think ok I'm going to buy healthy stuff then the produce is crappy. I have to get back exercising. I do go line dancing, which is fun, but I need a lot more then line dancing.0 -
Hi Everyone,
I wanted to say HI since I haven't post anything lately . Things have been crazy with Corey graduating, getting through Father's Day, and then our anniversary a few days later. I cant seem to get motivated to get back on track. It seem like I keep falling in the same hole with my eating. I hate going to the store when I do go and think ok I'm going to buy healthy stuff then the produce is crappy. I have to get back exercising. I do go line dancing, which is fun, but I need a lot more then line dancing.
It's no wonder you have had a hard time staying on track with all of those things happening close together. Don't be too hard on yourself. That's to be expected, I think. Just remember, when you fall, it's only failure if you don't get back up again. Start tomorrow as a new day and don't look too far ahead. Get up in the morning and say, "Today, I will log my calories and stay as close to my goal as I can. Today, I will take a walk (or some other exercise)." Because, today is the only day you have any control over. Don't let yesterday ruin your tomorrow. (Sorry if that is too cliche'.)
Also, when you go to the grocery store to buy healthy foods and the produce is crappy, don't give up. Buy some skinless, chicken breast or other lean meat and some frozen vegetables. You may not be able to have a salad, but you can still have some healthy options.
Hope I helped a little. Hang in there. Keep trying and don't give up. We're here for you! :flowerforyou:0 -
Hello. My name is Susan. I'm 47 years old. I became a widow on New Years Day 2009 when my husband of 24 years passed away from cancer. I have 5 children ranging in age from 17 to 32, (I married into 3 kids, thus the age difference). I am a small business owner of a company that my husband and I started in 1988 so between that and a teenage daughter at home (all my other kids are up and out) that keeps me busy. My weight has been a struggle pretty much my whole adult life. I was a skinny cheerleader, then I got married, pregnant and got fat. I have never done the diet roller coaster. I was skinny, got fat and that's where I have stayed. Being alone has scared me into doing something. I should have thought about it before, but I always had my husband so I didn't think my health was such a big deal. There was 2 of us or so I thought. Recently (last year) I have thought about, 'what if something happens to me?' 'what would my kids do?', thus the reason I felt scared into doing something. Funny how when you are alone, the strength of 2 is missing. So my daughter-in-law suggested this website (which I actually have been looking for something like this for quite a while) and started a fitness challenge with about 20 other people. I like the format of this website and the quiet of my evenings does support my involvement, so here I go......any suggestions for ongoing results?0
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Welcome Susan. I'm so sorry to hear about your husband. All of us in this group have similar circumstances, so we can help and understand the unique problems we encounter. My husband passed away in 2006 or cancer also. That is such a horrible disease! I know how you feel about there only being one of you now. I don't have children to be here for...but do have older step-children and grand children. I too was afraid of being sick and alone and not having anyone to care for me. That was my motivation to get healthy...well, and I also wanted to get off the anti-depressants I was on...which I was able to do. The exercise was the key to that, I believe.
As to your question about ongoing results...the only answer that I know is to be consistent. Log your food everyday, even if you go over your calorie goal. You can at least see where you went wrong and do better tomorrow. Also, find an exercise you enjoy and do it. I started running 3 days a week and that has made all the difference in the world for me. I also play tennis, which I love. Walking is a good place to start, especially if you haven't been doing anything lately.
Good luck. Keep us informed of how you are doing. It seems that the people on this group are not real active on the site, but I think that is because they have so much going on in their lives and some are newly widowed, so you know how that is. I try to check in every day or so. We'll support each other.0 -
Hello everyone,
I have spent some time reading over the past post of the group and although the details are different our situations are very much the same. When one lady (can't remember which one, sorry) talked about being sick and not having a husband to help bring soup and sympathy and another one saying she has been sleeping in her husband chair and yet another one talking about the issue of her house mortgage and doing all that important paperwork alone brought me so many memories and familiarity. I to have many issues being a small business owner (alone) in today's economy, a single parent now, and finding something to do with my time. It's funny how I used to fight for alone time and now I just can't stand it. Everyone says I should 'take up a hobby', well that's all good and fine, but the thought of doing something else along, is horribly scary.
I'm excited about the support of this site as I have been looking for something like this for a while but didn't want to do the 'weight watchers' meeting or joining a gym. Not really ready for that. It's like picking up your house before the housekeepers come, I feel I have to lose some weight before I can face others in a meeting or a gym ... lol
I went to a local lake yesterday, alone of course. I didn't do any walking around the paths, but I got out of the car and looked around. I had to process the surrounding and get an idea of what to do next time. I know that seems weird, but it is definitely a journey and the fact I got out of the car was a huge step for me. Sometimes I feel like hiding ..... I'm excited to go back and take a walk in my new shoes. I think you can walk around the lake (kind of a large pond) and it's between 1 to 2 miles. Wouldn't that be something?
Until next time,
Susan0 -
Susan,
I totally understand how that actually get out of the car is a victory for you....and how you would want to survey the landscape before you actually take that walk. Things ARE different when we are alone.
You'll be able to walk around that lake in no time. Just take it one step at a time. We all know what it is like starting new things when you are by yourself, to some extent. One thing I have learned from talking to others is that no two people grieve alike because no two people are alike and their relationships were different. So, we just do what we can and, as my Chaplain told me, trust the process (of grief).
Keep up the good work.0 -
The heat wave is stifling, but I guess I should count my blessing for the dry heat of the desert. The east coast is melting! My office at work is upstairs and no matter how good the AC is on the upstairs office just seems hotter. I have taken to leaving work early, which is kind of nice. Looking forward to vacation at the end of the month. Going to the OR coast to do a little crabbin' for some dungies! Meeting my father-in-law for a week. Looking forward to it very much! My father-in-law so reminds me of my husband. When my husband was alive my relationship with my in laws was a bit tense at times, but now (since his wife passed away also, although he has remarried), he is my family. I will always take care for him as he takes care of me. My father-in-law lost his wife of 54 years and all 3 of his children, his strength amazes me.
My joints have been hurting with all the jumping around. Does that get better, or once the damage is done there is no going back? My husband wanted to put in a swimming pool and I didn't want him to spend the money. I wish I would have supported him now as the exercise in the pool would be great. Not ready for a public setting. Does anyone know anything about those current pools? That could fit in my garage.
Until next time,
Susan0 -
Susan,
I'm so glad that you have a good relationship with your father-in-law. I have a great relationship with my step children and grand children and am very thankful for that. I hear that doesn't happen very often....esp since they were grown when we got married.
I have no idea about the pool. Have you gone to the doctor to discuss losing weight and exercise. He/she may be able to help you get started without hurting your joints. Make sure you aren't doing too much, too fast. Three years ago, or so, I decided I was going to start running and I way overdid it too soon. I had such severe shin splints that I couldn't walk up steps for weeks. I had to lay off the exercise until they got better and then start again, but much, much slower......less distance and pace. Slow and steady does win the race sometimes.0 -
Hello Group! Wow it has been a long time since I have checked into our message board. I wish there was a way to get a message when someone posts here.
Hope everyone is doing well. My boys have been very busy in baseball this spring and summer. We have been running for 2-3 games a week. I have also gotten a few things done around my house. My kitchen flooring was installed. My living room ceiling (plaster) was sheetrocked and painted. I have not painted the walls in the living room. Now just to go buy some furniture that will fit in there and bring my house back to a little more normal feeling. Living in construction choas is not fun!!!
If any of you on here, are not on my friend list yet, please feel free to add me as a friend.
I found a very positve Online Personal Training. A friend of mine actually is able to use this personal training in person, but he has a website for online. I am almost through my first week. My body has been screaming at me while I do the workouts but I feel so much better when I finish them. I almost skipped my workout this morning thinking "I will do it tonight". I did get myself up and get it done and am very thankful now that I don't have to try to still do it tonight.
I will do my best to start checking our message board more often. Take care.0 -
beckster, Sounds like things are going well for you. I'm glad to hear that. I know it must be hard to get your workouts in with home construction and running around to games with the boys. Good for you for getting up and doing it early. I find I have to do that too now, or I'll talk myself out of it, for whatever reason.
Keep up the good work and keep in touch.0 -
btw beckser, I agree with you about the message. But, what I do is go to "community" and click on "my topics." It will list all the topics you have commented on and show who commented last, so you can see if someone has said something that you haven't seen.0
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Thanks for the tip. That will make it quicker to find.0
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I worked in the yard today. My husband spent so much time and money making this house and yard so beautiful. It is showing it's age and wear, make me so sad. I live on 10 acres, close to an acre is landscaped. The animals are getting in the fencing and eating and digging stuff up. A large part of the lawn is not doing so great. The first summer after his death, I hired a yard maint company, but giving the size of the yard, it got real expensive. Then year 2 I bought a riding lawn mover and between my daughter and son I have done OK keeping it up, but this year it's not working real good. There is real evidence of rabbit's and they are really doing horrible things to the grass and shrubs. I hauled some rocks to fill in some holes that were dug to get in, but I'm sure they will find others.
I wish I could sell this house and get a condo on a lake or something. My plan is after my daughter graduates HS, we are out of this house. I have 1 more year, then it's all about housing prices and can I get out of this one?
Well now that I've had a good cry, . . . . . I'm going to search out a lawn company and maybe get some piece meal help instead of doing a season contract that is expensive.
It does shock me after 3.5 years it still hurts so much. Rather it be in the quiet of the night, the calmness of the morning or the hard work of the day, it is so very raw missing my husband!
Until next time,
Susan0 -
Hi all and Welcome Susan.
I've been BAD about posting and I have no excuses. My biggest problem with staying up to date is that when I eat well ... I post my food intake and exercise. When I don't ... I don't.
That said, I'm going to try to be better. Last week I joined a gym(!) The first time in many, many years. And it made me realize how out-of-shape I really am! Walking my dog isn't nearly the same as getting on an elliptical machine.
I got a trainer the first visit and I don't remember his name, but we'll just call him ... Satan. And Satan had me do 10 minutes of EVERY cardio machine. To figure out which ones I liked. It's definitely not the elliptical machine.
But, I guess that's the one I need the most now. The treadmill, exercise bikes, and rowing thing are fine, but that elliptical kills me. Makes my knees hurt and I feel like a food when I can barely huff and puff out 10 minutes and other people are on there for half an hour and don't break a sweat!
But - that's why I joined. We'll see where this takes me.
Anyway, I'm sorry I've been away. I'm going to drop by more often and get to know everyone again. Like you Susan, I have had some home maintenance issues lately and ended up spending over $1,100 in one weekend for stuff to be fixed. Made me cranky.
But I'd be crankier if my A/C was still broken, and it's not ... so there's that.
Have a lovely week ladies. I'll check back soon!0
