widows and widowers welcome
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Hello! I am looking for some support and motivation in getting back on track with eating healthy and exercising daily. I was doing great and near my goal weight when my dear husband died unexpectedly on my 31st birthday (April 7th, 2012). I continued to lose weight initially because I wasn't eating, but starting in June I started gaining. I think I pretty much gained everything I lost last year. It really makes me upset. I am definitely an emotional eater.. and I tend to drink as a coping mechanism too. I have two young children ages 4 and 18 months. I returned to work full time last month. It has been a good thing for me, but I'm still lacking motivation. I can't seem to force myself to make better choices.0
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Hello everyone
Last February my husband and I were given custody of his 14 year old grandson. On our way back to Fl from AL (where court was) he died. Although my husband had a lot of health issues, I never expected to be raising a teenager at this stage of life especially since I never had children.
I am 61 and have always been heavy. I need to lose about 70lbs. I am visually impaired so I don't drive. I am also a breast cancer survivor of 7 years. I try to stay positive but somedays I just don't feel like doing anything. We were together for 25 years and did everything together.
Ok...enough for now. Thanks for listening.
Kathy0 -
Lois, I feel so badly for you. I'm sure you can do this....raise the grandson and lose the weight. You survived cancer. You can survive this too. It won't always be a bed of roses, but you can do it. Even though I don't know you, I just feel it in my soul.
adkarg, I also feel badly for you. I can't imagine having to raise 2 small ones by myself, but there are others on here who have that same circumstance, so I'm sure they will be wonderful support for you. I had the same issue with weight after my husband died. I couldn't eat and lost a lot, but about a year later started gaining and got to the heaviest I've ever been before I got serious about losing again. I am now close to my goal weight. If I can do it, I'm sure you can too.
You both have my deepest sympathies! I also congratulate both of you for taking the first step to becoming healthier. I suggest you find an exercise that fits with your schedule that you enjoy, or at least don't hate, start slow, and log your calories. You'll be surprised at how fast the pounds will come off. The exercise will also help you emotionally....at least it did me. Good luck and come back to this site often to update us on how you are doing....physically and emotionally. We care.0 -
Hello All:
In January of 2011 my husband was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer. He died several weeks later on March 5. I have two sons, (17 and one who will become a teenager on Monday). It's been a difficult adjustment for us, but my older son has taken it the hardest. We were on auto-pilot for awhile, then it seemed things fell apart. Additionally, three months ago my mother died. And the day after that, we put down our dog. So, my family has been through a lot over the last couple of years. Being an emotional eater, I gained a lot weight through all of this. Just a few weeks ago, the boys and I joined the Y and I started using MFP again. I am just started to feel I can get a handle on making some permanent lifestyle changes. However, I am also fearful that they won't stick, like every other time I've tried. I strongly feel the need to improve my health as I am gettng older and want to be around and fit for my sons. I am looking to get and give support , so please feel free to add me.
- All the Best0 -
Wow ToobieFit, Your family really has been through a lot in the last couple of years. You have my deepest sympathies. My husband passed away in 2006, 3 months after we found out he had brain cancer. It was the toughest thing I have ever been through and the toughest I expect I ever will go through. I didn't have any children of my own, but my husband had 2 who were grown when we got married. They have children, so I have 5 step-grand kids...all who live in FL with me in TN. Anyway, my point was, that I don't know what it is like to try to raise children on your own, esp teenage boys. I hope you have a good support system around you. Also, I know some of the people on this site can help with suggestions....others in your situation.
I am an emotional eater too, so expected to gain weight after John died, but did the opposite. I didn't eat hardly anything for months. Nothing tasted good. So, I lost a lot of weight, but started putting it back on quickly after about a year. I got to my highest weight ever and decided enough was enough. I knew from past experiences that counting calories was the only way I could lose, so I started consistently using MFP. With tracking calories and exercising....I've started running and play tennis, I have lost 24 pounds since the end of Dec 2011. I'm sure you can do this. You want to for all the right reasons. Just stick with it, even when the scale doesn't move. It will eventually. Those scales can be MEAN. :devil:
I have sent you a friend request. I'll do my best to support you any way I can. Good luck and have a great day!0 -
Hi all.
I seem to have missed a couple of new people joining our group. I'm sorry. I've been slacking horribly.
Enough about me.
Kathy - raising a grandson right after your husband dies? You're my hero. You can do it. Listen to Quilter. She's the best motivator in the group!
Toobefit - Wow. A lot for your family to go through. I don't know if I'd still be standing after all of that. But ... we are, aren't we? Try to stop by often for support. It's a good system if you use it.
Adkard - you've had a horrible year also. I can't imagine being such a young widow and having small children to take care of. Be careful with your emotional drinking. I leaned that direction right after my husband died last October and it could have gone horribly wrong. I still eat emotionally, and when I'm bored ... but a lot of us do that.
My story is simple. I've been fighting weight gain ever since I stepped into my 30s. Now I'm in my 50s, my husband died last year and it's also affecting my health in all the usual ways (sore knees, fatigue, etc). So I have many reasons to drop the weight and exercise. I lack motivation also and that's why I've come back here to get some perspective.
All of us can help each other here. Remain consistent and log the calories and exercise.
It couldn't hurt!!!
Julie0 -
Julie, I'm glad you came back. I tend to forget to check this site sometimes, so sorry when I do. Are you exercising? I know you quit your :devil: trainer. Hope you have found a way to motivate yourself to keep going and doing what needs to be done.
I see you have lost 30 pounds. That's GREAT! Keep up the good work!
I was on vacation and went to a conference, so I didn't get much exercise for 2 weeks. I was afraid I'd be out of shape again, but, to my surprise, I am able to run almost the same pace as I did 3 weeks ago. I'm glad I didn't keep putting off getting back into it like I started to. The hardest step was the one getting me out of the door.
Hope you all have a great rest of the week! :flowerforyou:0 -
Hello everyone,
Been away for awhile. I lost my internet, so all I could get was on my phone. The phone version doesn't have access to the community page (or I couldn't figure it out), so I couldn't keep up, at least when I was at home. Not the best answer for not logging my food, , but I will get back on track. I have been so busy and overwhelmed at work that I just couldn't think. I have had several key employee changes, moved my work location across town to save on rent, changed several pieces of equipment and all of the changes that go along with that and to be honest, I just couldn't think about anything other than that. I have been burning the midnight oil with working early, late and weekends.
So why now? Well I got my internet fixed at home, I finished the move of my business, (although not unpacked, just moved) and I think if I don't force myself to slow down and start thinking about me, I'm going to explode. It's funny, every step of the way with moving my business I found something else of my husbands. We have had several small businesses during our whole married life and now it's mine to make or break. There was memory after memory that I found in boxes, files, drawers and cupboards. With the busyness directly in my face, I also had to unfold every memory of my marriage and decide to move it, store it or throw it away. It was harder (emotionally) than I thought it would be. I'm heading down today to sort through more boxes, so more stuff will come up. some good, some horrible . . .
Haven't weighted myself for about a month. I think I will mustard that courage this week.
I haven't read all of the posts I've missed, but I will make a point now and catch up . This site is very supportive and I'm sorry I've been gone.
Susan0 -
Susan,
You have a very good reason for having not been on lately. I'm sure that once you get everything re-situated that you will be back on this site regularly.
I'm sure that finding all of those items from your marriage was very emotionally draining. It sounds like you are handling it very well. I have faith that you WILL get back on track soon.
Hope everyone is doing well. I had a fever on Thursday evening and now can't talk today, but feel much better. I think it is just something that is going around. And, I think being in good shape has helped it to not take too big of a toll on me.
Have a great evening. Let us know how you are doing. :flowerforyou:0 -
Hi All
I just wanted to check in and see how folks are doing. I usually use MFP on my phone, so I haven't kept up with the posts (but will read them). I did the Alzheimer's walk last weekend in memory of my mother. The week leading up to it was rough as I thought of my mom a lot, which also gets me thinking about my husband, my dad ( who passed in 2000), and even the dog.
I have been keeping up with tracking my food and exercising, which to me is a miracle. In the past when I've gotten in a funk, the diet and exercise went out the window. I am still dealing with the grief and teenagers and an unsatisfying job and a home that almost could be on an episode of Hoarders, but this time I seem able to feel the feelings without going too far off the rails. I had a binge the other day, but it was with healthier food and of a shorter duration than usual. I also went to a favorite burger joint recently and just had a burger with lettuce and tomato, no fries and shake as usual. The next time I ate out, I had my usual meal, but without guilt because I knew it was an exception and didn't make me ditch my whole program.
I'm starting to feel that I can do this and will get down to my goal weight this time. In addition to MFP, I use Nexercise and am taking a diabetes prevention course at the Y which help keep me on track.
Reading the posts here have inspired me. I would like to do more volunteer work and expand my support system. I am pretty much a loner and need to make an effort to reach out more. I'm hoping with more weight loss I'll have more energy to spend time with the kids, volunteer and get my apartment together (anyone familiar with the FLYLady?).
All the Best,
Toobie
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Hi everyone
I am so excited. I joined a weight loss challenge and won!! I lost the most percentage of weight of the group. I am 57 so I feel that was an accomplishment since there was others much younger than me. I lost 13.3 percent,19.2 pounds, and 13 inches in 11 weeks since I joined the challenge a week late.
I am also vertically challenged at 5'1" and so it really showed. Being vertically challenged it shows alot if you gain or lose.
I gained 3 pounds on my vacation, but I still exercised while away. I am back on track this week and have lost a pound so far.
Since you cannot control life, this is one aspect I can control. Maybe that is why I have been able to keep on track. I don't know.
Good luck to everyone.
Dinah0 -
Congratulations Dinah!!! Winning a challenge at any age is exciting. More so when you're 57 and vertically challenged!!!
You're very inspiring and I think I'll take a page from your book and challenge myself.
I've been away from this site for too long and have let myself get back into some bad old habits so I desperately need some structure.
Thanks for your post. I think I needed that today
How's everyone else doing? Quilter .. you just keep amazing me. Toobie ... I'm thinking of adding an app to my phone also. I just got a smartphone a couple months ago (I know ... I'm finally in the 21st century!). So I might as well use it for good and not evil (like starting for hours at facebook!)
Susan ... good for you for making all those changes. And it's very important to slow down and take care of yourself. That's what I'm doing now.
Much love to you all and good luck to all of us. Let's get through all these holidays unscathed!!
Julie0 -
Sounds like everyone is doing great! Sorry I haven't posted on here lately. It's been really busy, esp. this past week, and I was sick the week before that. I worked 3.5 days this week and one of the other days was spent with my mom and dad, driving around upper East TN looking at the fall foliage. We were about a week too late to see the peak colors, but it was still beautiful. We also made a detour to surprise my niece and nephew at LMU. Fortunately, when we got there, they were not in class. So, we had a really fun day. The other day was spent getting ready for and having a fundraiser at the local Pizza Inn for Relay For Life (American Cancer Society). We did good...made over $700. I still managed to get in exercise everyday, either running or playing tennis. I don't think that will happen next week as they are calling for snow and temps in the 30's. Yikes! I'm not ready for that!
Toobe: So glad you did the Alzheimer's walk in memory of your mom. I'm sure that did bring up all sorts of emotions, but it sounds like you handled it very well. I'm so glad that you now feel that you can get to your goal weight. I think the mental side is extremely important. If you see it as too big of a challenge, you'll give up quicker. Now that you know you can do it, I don't see you giving up ever. You can do this. And, yes, I have heard of FLYLady. Some people really love her site. I checked it out, but decided to not join. It may be just the thing you need. Let me know how it works for you and I may change my mind.
Dinah: Great job on that weight loss challenge. You're changes were amazing in all the categories, and in just 11 weeks. That's amazing! You're dong great.
Julie: You're ahead of me. I still don't have a smart phone. I started to get one the other day, but instead got a jetpack so I can use my Kindle Fire to access the internet where ever I may find myself. It was a little cheaper and will let me do anything I want/need to do.
Well, better go. I need to get ready to go for my run before the rain starts today. Hope everyone has a great day and upcoming week! 0 -
Happy Monday everyone!
The weekend was good and bad as far as my diet and exercise go.
I'm learning that the more I stay off my feet the better my knees and ankles feel. I'm having SO much trouble with my joints! Know what helps joint pain? LOSING WEIGHT!
Yikes! A conundrum.
Anyway ... I'm determined. I'm going to be easy on myself and at the same time eat whole foods and start doing some yoga after work. I have a DVD of Beginning Yoga and also Yoga for Inflexible People. That's me. Stiff as a board.
Something's gotta work.
Quilter ... you're so good at running and staying active. I love your commitment to good health. I'm going to try to emulate you. Except without the running part!!! :laugh:
So everyone, have a good week. Be kind to yourselves.
Julie0 -
Hello: I am new to this site. I have gained 35 lbs from comfort foods since loosing my husband. Looking for support out there?0
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pstevens, Feel free to add me as a friend.0
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hi, im 29 and i lost my husband last month. I miss him every second of every day. We have a 4 year old together. I lost him suddenly. I am hoping that by losing weight, it will give me some happiness0
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hi, im 29 and i lost my husband last month. I miss him every second of every day. We have a 4 year old together. I lost him suddenly. I am hoping that by losing weight, it will give me some happiness
You have my deepest sympathies! Of course you miss him every second of every day! That will get better....you will still miss him, but it won't be quite as painful as it is now.
I found exercise to be a great stress reliever and mood improver. That was my original reason for starting to run....to be able to get off of the anti-depressants I was on. And, it worked.
You can do this....lose weight and make it through today. Right now, you just have to take it one day at a time and try to not look too far into the future. I know that is hard to do, but for now, making through today is the most important thing. Try to find some "me" time for relaxation and exercise.
We're here for you. Feel free to add me as a friend, if you'd like.0 -
I just joined MFP and this group, so hello all. I lost my husband of nine years on the 20th of Dec. He was 35 and I am 32. We have a 10 year old son and a 7 year old daughter plus custody of my 3 year old nephew. He had been diagnosed with Leukemia for 2 days before he passed away. I have joined a gym so that I can get healthy and be around for a long time to come for my kids. Please feel free to add me as a friend, I need all the help and support I can get!0
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I just joined MFP and this group, so hello all. I lost my husband of nine years on the 20th of Dec. He was 35 and I am 32. We have a 10 year old son and a 7 year old daughter plus custody of my 3 year old nephew. He had been diagnosed with Leukemia for 2 days before he passed away. I have joined a gym so that I can get healthy and be around for a long time to come for my kids. Please feel free to add me as a friend, I need all the help and support I can get!
WOW. You do have a full plate. I am so sorry for your loss. :brokenheart:
Good for you for wanting to get healthy for your children. The exercise will also help you get through some of those rough days that are sure to come. I will send you a friend request.0 -
I just joined MFP and this group, so hello all. I lost my husband of nine years on the 20th of Dec. He was 35 and I am 32. We have a 10 year old son and a 7 year old daughter plus custody of my 3 year old nephew. He had been diagnosed with Leukemia for 2 days before he passed away. I have joined a gym so that I can get healthy and be around for a long time to come for my kids. Please feel free to add me as a friend, I need all the help and support I can get!
I sent you a friend request, WERE IN THE SAME BOAT!! Were both young mothers, young widows and we both lost our husbands in Dec 2012. I am here ANYTIME u need someone to talk to.0 -
To introduce myself, my husband died 24 years ago when I was 22yrs old. We had been married just under 2 years and he died as a police officer in a line of duty accident. I have struggled with my weight all of my life, but after he died I lost total control. Ever since then, my weight has been up and down depending on how I was coping. This year, I finally realized I have a hangup that is related to my grief that will not let me get beyond a certain weight. I was doing a weight loss program when he died and my weigh-in was the night before he died. I had met my first goal of 30lbs lost. That diet ended the next day when he died and over the next year I gained 50 pounds, which I have lost and gained many times over the years since. This year I realized that every time I diet, I lose the weight all the way down to the weight from that night... then I sabotage myself and cannot get any further... so back on all the weight goes. I pray that will the support of friends that understand grief I will finally get past that point and finally get healthy. I have a few other widow friends on here already whose husbands died about the same time, also as police officers. We are trying to do this together. Thank you for letting me a part of this group.0
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Shastory, I am so sorry for your loss. It doesn't matter how long it has been, it can still affect us in so many ways. I think, now that you have realized what you are doing, you can get past it. If your husband was supportive of you, which I am assuming he was, you know that he would want you to lose the weight for your health and happiness. Next time you reach that point maybe write him a letter to tell him how you feel and again when you go below that point. I think you'll feel his love and be able to do this.
Good luck and feel free to add me as a friend if you would like.0 -
Hi! I'm 52 years old. Lost my wife Kelly to breast cancer in January of 2015. We had a fantastic life together for 9 years, but started putting weight on. Then for the two years that I took care of her before passing, I really put the weight on. I'm down almost 40 lbs now with I'd say another 20 to go. Logging has really helped and just recently, I started actually weighing my portion and boy was that a wake up. Anyway, glad you're all here. tommy0
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Hey Tommy. Sorry about your wife. Cancer is a horrible disease. I agree that when I started weighing my portions, it was an eye opener. As you can see, this group hasn't been active in a while. I would love to see it start back up again. Maybe our posts will do it.0
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I lost my husband January 2, 2017. Put on weight while I was his caregiver for 6 years, then after he passed I buried myself in food. Now I need to get back on track.0
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