La_Amazonaaaaaaa!
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I understand what Carl's saying, and tbh i agree with him. These games you're playing with each other are all about flirting and being sexual, without actually having sex. You just dont do that with a platonic friend of the opposite sex. My best friend is male and I've never invited him to touch my boob as I just dont fancy him that way!!
Anyway as YOU have stated, you've told him the boundaries. He wont cross the line again UNLESS you want him to! But I assure you, if you DO want to, he wont be saying no!! :flowerforyou:
Actually he has turned me down. This is soooo embarrassing to admit but I got trashed one night about 1 1/2 months ago, completely Snookie trashed. My mom was going through a cancer scare. She had just told me about it and only me. If you know me, you know my family is everything to me. I seriously cannot imagine my life w/o my parents.
So I drank my sorrows away and I ended up at his place that night. He didn't know at that point that I was drunk so we went out and had a great time. He bought me a couple more drinks while out dancing and he drove us home.
Snookie moment, I was on him telling him to have sex with me blah blah. I remember some stuff here and there but not the whole night (which is scary). He said no and that I was drunk.
The story is more embarrassing but he DID reject me. Granted, I was sloppy wasted and he said I was even crying during the night telling him about my mom so yeah, not so sexy.
I was humiliated after that for getting so trashed, for asking him to have sex with me and him telling me no, for using alcohol to deal with my problems, etc. I hid from him for about a week but he knows that was WAY out of character for me.
And when this happened and he didn't take advantage of me was when I knew he was awesome. I even thanked him for that. But again I was completely mortified and humiliated that he rejected me.
He did not reject you,he did what a good and honorable man should do.
That is not rejection,that is respect.0 -
I understand what Carl's saying, and tbh i agree with him. These games you're playing with each other are all about flirting and being sexual, without actually having sex. You just dont do that with a platonic friend of the opposite sex. My best friend is male and I've never invited him to touch my boob as I just dont fancy him that way!!
Anyway as YOU have stated, you've told him the boundaries. He wont cross the line again UNLESS you want him to! But I assure you, if you DO want to, he wont be saying no!! :flowerforyou:
See I don't think we flirt (well up until 3 days ago). But I do need to look at our times together as an outsider. I guess because I see what happens but more what does NOT happen (sex or any sexual type of stuff), I know what is there, what isn't.
I think we need to stop drinking. That'd probably solve things.
The boob thing! I was drunk and happy. I don't know WHY I told him to but he hesitated (I remember now lol). I think I said something like "oh please you've touched before". It doesn't even make sense. I guess I was just being "flirty" and being drunk, that's what came out?? (need to stick to my boundaries) Then we returned to swimming like nothing. He made jokes about himself being naked and it being so COLD. Actually I think that's what brought up my boobs. He was talking about his junk being cold and I said soemthing about well look at my boobs.. blah blah.0 -
I understand what Carl's saying, and tbh i agree with him. These games you're playing with each other are all about flirting and being sexual, without actually having sex. You just dont do that with a platonic friend of the opposite sex. My best friend is male and I've never invited him to touch my boob as I just dont fancy him that way!!
Anyway as YOU have stated, you've told him the boundaries. He wont cross the line again UNLESS you want him to! But I assure you, if you DO want to, he wont be saying no!! :flowerforyou:
Actually he has turned me down. This is soooo embarrassing to admit but I got trashed one night about 1 1/2 months ago, completely Snookie trashed. My mom was going through a cancer scare. She had just told me about it and only me. If you know me, you know my family is everything to me. I seriously cannot imagine my life w/o my parents.
So I drank my sorrows away and I ended up at his place that night. He didn't know at that point that I was drunk so we went out and had a great time. He bought me a couple more drinks while out dancing and he drove us home.
Snookie moment, I was on him telling him to have sex with me blah blah. I remember some stuff here and there but not the whole night (which is scary). He said no and that I was drunk.
The story is more embarrassing but he DID reject me. Granted, I was sloppy wasted and he said I was even crying during the night telling him about my mom so yeah, not so sexy.
I was humiliated after that for getting so trashed, for asking him to have sex with me and him telling me no, for using alcohol to deal with my problems, etc. I hid from him for about a week but he knows that was WAY out of character for me.
And when this happened and he didn't take advantage of me was when I knew he was awesome. I even thanked him for that. But again I was completely mortified and humiliated that he rejected me.
Its obvious to me that this guy is a gentleman and respects you. No way would he take advantage of you in that state and God love him for 'rejecting' you. BUT tbh, most men would turn a woman down in that situation? Or most 'decent' men would anyhow.? (Correct me if I'm wrong gents? Its not exactly flattering to have a drunken, emotional, tear stained woman give it up, is it??)
So, basically, I don't think you can gauge his feelings for you from that incident. :bigsmile:0 -
And since you all pretty much know everything about me I'll admit something.
After we had our lets be friends talk early on, I did bring up being a FWB with him. I offered it. :blushing: Granted, I didn't know that I was going to have feelings for him in the future. I knew I liked him and that sex was great so I figured, why not.
We talked about it extensively and he said if it were 5 years ago, he'd be all for it. He asked me if I had ever had one.. I said no. He said FWB situations don't end well most of the time and that he didn't think it was a good idea.
So he turned me down. I was embarrassed but I was honest with him.
Today, I'm SO SO SO glad he turned the offer down. He's the only guy I have ever brought this up to and now that I've learned more about myself, I know I'm not cut out for it.
So he rejected my bod.0 -
Does that mean I'll get to touch your... :sick: And swim... :sick: Oh nevermind. :blushing:
Good to know we're all on the same page haha.
I think I know how you feel! I tell you what, I'm exactly like that... :laugh:See, we're not very mature. I mean we're responsible and such but both him and I are immature. Plus, we get drunk together. I'm just saying, a lot of our time is 'fun and crazy'. We dare each other to do stuff in public, have our own inside jokes, etc.
[...]
We both agreed that one night just happened and it was fun.
[...]
today I feel like I just hung out with my best friend and had a blast.
It's so confusing to many people though... :happy:
I KNOW you're like that. I get that vibe from you. We're a rare breed.0 -
you just made me crack up!
and the :sick: smilie is the "sick" smilie.. you're putting the "sick" smilie talking about touching my boob. just so you know.0 -
And since you all pretty much know everything about me I'll admit something.
After we had our lets be friends talk early on, I did bring up being a FWB with him. I offered it. :blushing: Granted, I didn't know that I was going to have feelings for him in the future. I knew I liked him and that sex was great so I figured, why not.
We talked about it extensively and he said if it were 5 years ago, he'd be all for it. He asked me if I had ever had one.. I said no. He said FWB situations don't end well most of the time and that he didn't think it was a good idea.
So he turned me down. I was embarrassed but I was honest with him.
Today, I'm SO SO SO glad he turned the offer down. He's the only guy I have ever brought this up to and now that I've learned more about myself, I know I'm not cut out for it.
So he rejected my bod.
Jeez, I'm beginning to think this guy is gay!!! :laugh:
But seriously, perhaps he just doesnt want things to end bad with you. Not every guy wants a FWB. It can just be he just doesnt need any complications in his life at all at the moment? Hence the friend zone. And the maturity. And I think he's a lovely guy and would definitely be a friend of mine too. You know, it takes someone very special to be a friend!! :flowerforyou:0 -
maybe i shouldn't have shared the boob thing? TMI?0
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And since you all pretty much know everything about me I'll admit something.
After we had our lets be friends talk early on, I did bring up being a FWB with him. I offered it. :blushing: Granted, I didn't know that I was going to have feelings for him in the future. I knew I liked him and that sex was great so I figured, why not.
We talked about it extensively and he said if it were 5 years ago, he'd be all for it. He asked me if I had ever had one.. I said no. He said FWB situations don't end well most of the time and that he didn't think it was a good idea.
So he turned me down. I was embarrassed but I was honest with him.
Today, I'm SO SO SO glad he turned the offer down. He's the only guy I have ever brought this up to and now that I've learned more about myself, I know I'm not cut out for it.
So he rejected my bod.
Jeez, I'm beginning to think this guy is gay!!! :laugh:
But seriously, perhaps he just doesnt want things to end bad with you. Not every guy wants a FWB. It can just be he just doesnt need any complications in his life at all at the moment? Hence the friend zone. And the maturity. And I think he's a lovely guy and would definitely be a friend of mine too. You know, it takes someone very special to be a friend!! :flowerforyou:
I think he's a cool person. He's very independent. He moved here w/o knowing anybody because he loved Austin. He also took a 3 month road trip across the country by himself last year. He's very adventurous and seems to have a good head on his shoulders. He likes to have fun and act immature but is responsible.
He is a special friend!
When we first starting talking, one of our phone conversations lasted 8 hours on the phone. He was driving here and I kept him "company". When we were hanging up, he said "I can't believe we've talked that long. Do you ever talk that long to someone? I've used up more minutes during this conversation on my phone than last month all together."
I think he knows we have a connection. I think he knew that early on and so did I. Whether it's a friend connection or whatever but we do connect and seem to like each other's company.0 -
But... He looks like he fell unconscious for reason: too much anticipation! I couldn't take it anymore :sick:you just made me crack up!
and the :sick: smilie is the "sick" smilie.. you're putting the "sick" smilie talking about touching my boob. just so you know.0 -
The logical part of my brain says you should back off, you are only asking for heart ache. On the other hand you only live once. I rather regret something I did, rather than regretting something I didn't do. With that being said if you really do want him more as a friend I think you should go for it at least let it be known. No games!0
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I was rereading some of my posts and wanted to clarify...
The fwb thing, one post says I told him I don't do that and then another post said I brought up an offer to him.
I told him before we had sex that I didn't do FWB. To have sex with someone, there's got to be a connection with someone. It's more than just sex to me. Which he said he understood. Yet, I had sex with him early on but during our "talk" I told him that I had felt a connection with him and although the sex just happened, I didn't regret it. He knew I hadn't been with anybody else since the ex so it was a big deal.
I also didn't want him to think that's what we were.... this was all during our talk.
On the drive home from our talk, I thought about how perfect this could be for a FWB since he only wanted to be friends. So I brought it up. I told him I hadn't done the FWB thing before but that it seemed simple.
So I contradicted myself before him. Not sure if that matters but I do regret bringing up the subject. If he would have agreed, I would have been a mess over it so glad it didn't go that route but I just hate that I contradicted myself.0 -
Because I'm a dork and can't sleep...
Is this not the perfect song???
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZ8wVKPUN_g
Motorcycle Drive By
Summer time and the wind is blowing outside
In lower Chelsea and I don't know
What I'm doing in this city
The sun is always in my eyes
It crashes through the windows
And I'm sleeping on the couch
When I came to visit you
That's when I knew
That I could never have you
I knew that before you did
Still I'm the one who's stupid
And there's this burning
Like there's always been
I've never been so alone
And I've never been so alive
Visions of you on a motorcycle drive by
The cigarette ash flies in your eyes
And you don't mind, you smile.
And say the world, it doesn't fit with you
I don't believe you, you're so serene
Careening through the universe
Your axis on a tilt, you're guiltless and free
I hope you take a piece of me with you
And there's things I would like to do
That you don't believe in
I would like to build something
But you'll never see it happen
And there's this burning
Like there's always been
I've never been so alone
And I've, I've never been so alive
And there's this burning, aaa-oh
There is this burning, yeah yeah yeah
Where's the soul I want to know
New York City is evil
The surface is everything
But I could never do that
Someone would see through that
And this is our last time
We'll be friends again
I'll get over you, you'll wonder who I am
And there's this burning
Just like there's always been
I've never been so alone, alone
And I, and I, I've never been so alive
So alive
I go home to the coast
It starts to rain I paddle out on the water, alone
Taste the salt and taste the pain
I'm not thinking of you again
Summer dies and swells rise
The sun goes down in my eyes
See this rolling wave
Darkly coming to take me home
And I've never been so alone
And I've never been so alive0 -
I was rereading some of my posts and wanted to clarify...
The fwb thing, one post says I told him I don't do that and then another post said I brought up an offer to him.
I told him before we had sex that I didn't do FWB. To have sex with someone, there's got to be a connection with someone. It's more than just sex to me. Which he said he understood. Yet, I had sex with him early on but during our "talk" I told him that I had felt a connection with him and although the sex just happened, I didn't regret it. He knew I hadn't been with anybody else since the ex so it was a big deal.
I also didn't want him to think that's what we were.... this was all during our talk.
On the drive home from our talk, I thought about how perfect this could be for a FWB since he only wanted to be friends. So I brought it up. I told him I hadn't done the FWB thing before but that it seemed simple.
So I contradicted myself before him. Not sure if that matters but I do regret bringing up the subject. If he would have agreed, I would have been a mess over it so glad it didn't go that route but I just hate that I contradicted myself.
I say enjoy the time you have with him. tangie82 said it best.0 -
Eventually it will die, I'm sure. I don't see us being best friends like this forever. If one of us were to start dating someone, we couldn't do the things we do or spend as much time together as we do now.
I'm confused!!
Flirty friendships with guy friends you are attracted to are fine, they are just fun. This isn't the same. You love this guy and you are developing physical and emotional intimacy with him, even if you don't have sex. Your head tells you it's OK because you have decided he is a friend, your heart is happy and you allow yourself to get closer to him. I really hope it's just that he's a gent, that he really is interested in you in the same way, but really I don't think that's likely unless he's a shy guy. Gay crossed my mind too. But most likely is that he's interested but not fully emotionally available to you for some reason.
La_Amazona, I know sooo many women who have these impossible intense heartbreak relationships with essentially unavailable guys right after a break up. The timing is no conicidence. This is a classic head/heart split - hence the confusion. I have no doubt that you'll see it through to the end, but I hope you begin to understand what it's really all about before you get in too deep, or feel rejected again.
Hope I'm wrong btw
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Aww maaaan.
Man I can't wait until my divorce is final and I can go on single shenanigans without worrying about my stalky ex creeping my MFP threads. x_x
That's awful cupcake
((hugs)) 0 -
Ok girlie as a female with mostly male friends I'm gonna share a few tricks and secrets with you. My guys and I are very touchy we hug, we grab each other butts, poke each other but its very much sibling like. Don't take this the wrong way but do you have any gay male friends if you do treat him the way you treat them ........... You know my gay guys can get away with almost anything because I know I hold no sexual interest to them. Also I have spent whole days hanging with some of my guys slept in the same bed and cuddled and there was nothing sexual to it. It really depends on you and the guy.... Good luck :flowerforyou:0
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He's definately not gay. I honestly feel that he knows what he wants, won't settle and apparently, I'm not it. Bottom line. It sucks but hey, I've decided that about guys that I've dated.
BUT then our friendship dynamic we have going can seem to fall into a gray area.
He's my 1st guy friend since forever. This is all new territory. The whole brother/ sister thing rings a bell. I do think we're like siblings in a way and we play in that way. It's just we started off dating and having sex then reversed which might have caused me to get confused. Maybe my stronger feelings will fall into the right place as we're going. My heart just needs to catch up to my mind. Like I said, I'll think of him as only a friend at times then get the ache wishing we were more. The other night I felt "omg, I'm in love with him" then today I feel "I have the best guy friend ever". :indifferent:
I try to imagine the moment he tells me he's dating someone. I will most likely feel jealous but because I know he won't be spending time with me anymore. Jealous that he now will tell someone else his dreams/ goals/ secrets.
Before I got married I had a best guy friend. It was fabulous. I didn't have feelings for him but I'd get confused sometimes. I was physically attracted to him. We had met and exchanged numbers to go out on a date year before but it just never happened.. then saw each other a year later and started talking again. Somehow our attraction fizzled and we settled into me becoming his best gal friend and he my best guy friend. We'd be flirty, talk about sex (share stories), people thought we were dating or always commented on how we should but it just never went that way.
Jenbit, as far as gay guy friends... YES, I have them and they have gotten away with touching my boobs, kissing me on the cheek, dancing on me, etc etc. No threat so it's fine. Hmmm.0 -
What is your feeling right now about permanently ending those things that are outside the boundaries of a regular friendship...cuddling,sleeping together,being naked in each others presence?
Are you willing to do that in the event he clearly has no romantic attraction to you?0 -
Yeah.. now the sleeping over thing, I don't see it as a problem because we've always done it. It was usually me at his place and he on his side of the bed and I on my side. This time we wanted to hang out at my place and go to the bar by my apt. The cuddling happened one morning (the morning after my Snookie drunken night) and I have no idea how it happened. Sometimes if we're out and it's cold outside, I'll grab his arm to warm up or something. I don't consider that flirty though. But normally we don't cuddle.
The nakedness is new. Besides the night we had sex, we don't get naked in front of one another. If we change, we go to a seperate room. It was just a 1 time thing that seemed "appropriate" for the activity- skinny dipping. It most likely will not happen again.
I could do the no naked thing and no cuddling. That's fine. The sleeping over would be inconvenient because of several reasons.0
