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  • DMZ_1
    DMZ_1 Posts: 2,889 Member
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    I'm usually pretty clear about what I want and don't get in too deep with situations with misaligned goals.

    I think both sexes need to do a better job of clearly communicating what they want, leave the guesswork out of it. If both sides want FWB, that works. If both sides want a relationship, that also works. A shared vision of whatever leads to a better relational arrangement. I know it would not work for me for example to be a participant in an open relationship. I really do think that I could also improve my communication skills.

    Moving is a tough thing. I've moved around a fair amount and it is so hard to maintain just regular friendships, let alone relational arrangements that have the sexual component.
  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,370 Member
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    Just keep in mind that it is hard to put genies back in the bottle and now that you have done something it will be easier again.
    Don`t get me wrong,I don`t care what you guys do as far as it goes,it obviously is not my place to say what is right or wrong,I just think that you need to examine actions and the consequences they hold for you.
    It seems by what you write here that all these relationship like things are giving you an emotional charge of a schoolyard crush and you are kind of wanting that to go on despite the possibility (maybe probability) it is fruitless.

    Can you bring yourself to tell him how you now feel at the risk he will view these things as inappropriate and ending them or right now is the happy feeling greater then the desire to know his true intents?
  • La_Amazona
    La_Amazona Posts: 4,855 Member
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    Just keep in mind that it is hard to put genies back in the bottle and now that you have done something it will be easier again.
    Don`t get me wrong,I don`t care what you guys do as far as it goes,it obviously is not my place to say what is right or wrong,I just think that you need to examine actions and the consequences they hold for you.
    It seems by what you write here that all these relationship like things are giving you an emotional charge of a schoolyard crush and you are kind of wanting that to go on despite the possibility (maybe probability) it is fruitless.

    Can you bring yourself to tell him how you now feel at the risk he will view these things as inappropriate and ending them or right now is the happy feeling greater then the desire to know his true intents?

    Honestly? I think what we have works for both of us. Right now for me, it's okay because I feel confused. I thought I had it all planned out and I don't. Being around him, the behaviors we engage in are making me feel different emotions and I'm trying to figure it out myself. Maybe that's why I've been hesitant to let him know about my feelings because I'm unsure of them myself. I know he has had several relationships that started off as friendships. It seems (from what he has said) that he prefers it that way.

    Several weeks ago, what I did (before Thursday night happened) was reflect on what was appropriate and what wasn't between him and I and I stuck to it for a bit. Then Thursday happened and broke most boundaries. I did have fun though. Again, I let us break the boundaries because 1) I like him 2) He's my friend 3) I'm confused about 1 and 2. :)

    The sex line will NOT be crossed whatsoever. No matter what... unless our friendship turned into more. So as long as I'm not having sex with him, I feel okay.

    If an awesome guy came along, I'd go for it. If gym crush is single and he asks me out, you betcha I'm going. I'm not closed to anybody else. I obviously have no problems crushing on someone else while being in this situation.

    I don't want to get hurt in the end. Now that he's moving, that pain that I'll feel (from him physically not being here), took over the original pain I thought I was going to have (heartbreak) so now it feels "safe" in a way. He's moving away. The end.

    We did talk about him moving back here during the winter and he even said he'd leave most of his big furnishings in a storage unit here. He told me I could visit him, take a week off from work or whatever. So we'll see each other but I have a feeling it'll never be like this once he's leaves.

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